Need advice - mutual divorce or continue

[Stunter]

I am a 36 yrs old with 2 sons 3yr+ and 1yr+, living in hdb for just more than 5yrs.
Recently found that my wife is always online watsapp and meeting up someone, have confronted her but of course not admitted.
She has been treating me cold and we often quarrel especially on $$. She has also commented that i did not upgrade myself and earn more. We also in debt on credit card for more than 50k.

I feel that she does not love me anymore, she can stay up to 2am, 4am and still watsapp someone and at home whenever she is free, she will always woth the phone rather than accompany both kids or on household.. Have talked to her regarding on mutual divorce, she has also agree...But we decide to go for consulting to see what can help...

I have some enquiry which i will hope to know
1. Should i sell my hdb flat 1st before filing for mutual divorce? Will we each take back the intial deposit of CPF and the rest of the selling price of CPF and cash be divided equally?
2. Can we each take care of 1 kid and need not to pay each other anything?
3. Should we be togather just for the kids without any love till they grow up?
4. How much is the fee for mutual agree divorce and how long does it take? Do we still need to go for court if we have agreed on how the kids to be taken care of?

 

[cinnamoroll26]

The credit card debt of $50K is under both your names?

I think regarding the selling of HDB, it depends on what type of scheme it is under. Your wife also has to agree to sell the flat. It is better to ask HDB.

http://www.hdb.gov.sg/fi10/fi10322p.nsf/w/SellFlatOverview?OpenDocument

 

[Stunter]

The 50k debt is from our indivdual credit card..at first is used my credit card for all type of bill..then used her credit card to pay....

 

[Georgian]

Hi there, you mentioned about counseling, has that help. Have both of you found the root cause of your relationship?
Is it money matter? or she has found someone else? She is distracted and dislike doing house chords?
In an ideal situation, children need both their parents. Have two heads working together to resolve your differences and the outstanding credit cards bill are way better than quieting the relationship.

Ending a relationship does not ends your financial difficulty, it may add to it. You will have to continue to support your children and probably her too.

 

[verysadguy]

I am a 36 yrs old with 2 sons 3yr+ and 1yr+, living in hdb for just more than 5yrs.
I have some enquiry which i will hope to know
1. Should i sell my hdb flat 1st before filing for mutual divorce? Will we each take back the intial deposit of CPF and the rest of the selling price of CPF and cash be divided equally?
2. Can we each take care of 1 kid and need not to pay each other anything?
3. Should we be togather just for the kids without any love till they grow up?
4. How much is the fee for mutual agree divorce and how long does it take? Do we still need to go for court if we have agreed on how the kids to be taken care of?

1. Yes. You can sell the hdb before filing for divorce but how the amount is divided would be between you and your wife and is not legally binding. This means that you do not have legal rights to sue should anyone of you disagree with the amount been paid. All the amount that you have paid by CPF for both you and your wife would be returned to each of you subsequently. The amount in cash would be divided with mutual consent between both of you.
2. If it is an uncontested divorce for which both of you have agreed, then there should not be any problems but do tell the lawyer what each of you want.
3. There are a lot of couples who stay together, not for love, but for the kids till they grew up.
4. Amount ranges from 1.5K to 4K and it would take about 6 months from consultation till decree nisi absolute. No need to go courts for uncontested divorce but make sure the reasons for divorce is correct. There are no such thing as divorce because of no love.

 

[Stunter]

Hi there, you mentioned about counseling, has that help. Have both of you found the root cause of your relationship?
Is it money matter? or she has found someone else? She is distracted and dislike doing house chords?
In an ideal situation, children need both their parents. Have two heads working together to resolve your differences and the outstanding credit cards bill are way better than quieting the relationship.

Ending a relationship does not ends your financial difficulty, it may add to it. You will have to continue to support your children and probably her too.

We have not gone for counseling yet. She told that i did not upgrade myself n try to earn more for the family n kids. Think she has been quite close to one frz recently, maybe cant find any love since we have 2kids...Really have no much time to be alone togather for quite sometime.. She does not really do household since pregrent with the 1st kid and does not always accompany the 2 kids and me...

If mutual divorce, can we each take the custody of a kids or the court will give the 2 kids for each of us...because my earning pay is less than her, i really cant manage to take care of both kids..I would like to but the money and time manage is difficult for me, so i think that each take 1 kid will be better but of cos will make sure the brother will see each other at least once a wk...

 

[Stunter]

1. Yes. You can sell the hdb before filing for divorce but how the amount is divided would be between you and your wife and is not legally binding. This means that you do not have legal rights to sue should anyone of you disagree with the amount been paid. All the amount that you have paid by CPF for both you and your wife would be returned to each of you subsequently. The amount in cash would be divided with mutual consent between both of you.
2. If it is an uncontested divorce for which both of you have agreed, then there should not be any problems but do tell the lawyer what each of you want.
3. There are a lot of couples who stay together, not for love, but for the kids till they grew up.
4. Amount ranges from 1.5K to 4K and it would take about 6 months from consultation till decree nisi absolute. No need to go courts for uncontested divorce but make sure the reasons for divorce is correct. There are no such thing as divorce because of no love.

So living togather just for the kids and not for the love? I still love my wife but my wife quite determine to divorce..
I really do not know if i can do that living with her without any love and sex from her..

 

[verysadguy]

So living togather just for the kids and not for the love? I still love my wife but my wife quite determine to divorce..
I really do not know if i can do that living with her without any love and sex from her..

Well, there are a lot of couples who stay together because of kids as well.

 

[Stunter]

Finally I am not contesting the divorce.
But nw in progress in talking the term.
HDB to be divided equally 50/50. So after selling the flat, the deposit CPF and monthly CPF contribution will be credited to our own CPF, then after the sum will be divided 50/50?
What is property tax payment equally?
And she is asking for $1 maint fee for herself.

 

[verysadguy]

Finally I am not contesting the divorce.
But nw in progress in talking the term.
HDB to be divided equally 50/50. So after selling the flat, the deposit CPF and monthly CPF contribution will be credited to our own CPF, then after the sum will be divided 50/50?
What is property tax payment equally?
And she is asking for $1 maint fee for herself.

It depends on how do both of you divided the asset. If it is for selling of house, you can negotiate with your ex wife to return all the cpf and divided the cash equally but at the same time, your ex wife can also demand for half of your cpf after selling of house. You can try to bluff your way through if your ex wife is not that well versed in the law.

Let's say if both of you agree to split the selling price of the house after returning the cpf, the cpf amount with accrued interest would be returned to both of you after the transaction completed and the cash would be splitted up and return to both of you by hdb. All these are only possible if your selling price of the hdb is higher than the cpf plus accrued interest for both of you. You would get lower if it is not the case. There are stamp duty, agent fee to take note of as well.

Property tax are cheap. Don't think you would be interested in dividing it.

By demanding $1 from you, it means she can ask for more alimony from you in the future. The best is not to give the $1. You are tied for life with the $1 alimony. Good luck.

 

[Stunter]

It depends on how do both of you divided the asset. If it is for selling of house, you can negotiate with your ex wife to return all the cpf and divided the cash equally but at the same time, your ex wife can also demand for half of your cpf after selling of house. You can try to bluff your way through if your ex wife is not that well versed in the law.

Let's say if both of you agree to split the selling price of the house after returning the cpf, the cpf amount with accrued interest would be returned to both of you after the transaction completed and the cash would be splitted up and return to both of you by hdb. All these are only possible if your selling price of the hdb is higher than the cpf plus accrued interest for both of you. You would get lower if it is not the case. There are stamp duty, agent fee to take note of as well.

Property tax are cheap. Don't think you would be interested in dividing it.

By demanding $1 from you, it means she can ask for more alimony from you in the future. The best is not to give the $1. You are tied for life with the $1 alimony. Good luck.

Have tried to talk to her for the $1 but she insist on it..buy promised not to increase anyhow..dunno wat the reason behind it that she to do it...can she increase anyhow or jus when her stituation is bad,and also subject to court approval right?not say like want to increase to $300 anyhow...

 

[verysadguy]

Have tried to talk to her for the $1 but she insist on it..buy promised not to increase anyhow..dunno wat the reason behind it that she to do it...can she increase anyhow or jus when her stituation is bad,and also subject to court approval right?not say like want to increase to $300 anyhow...

She just want to tied you down. This simply means that when she resigns or lost her job, she can apply to court to ask for alimony from you. Yes, she can increase it anyhow and it is subject to courts approval which unfortunately, is biased towards the guy in Singapore. This means that the court would most likely approve the increase and deduct the money from your salary every month. Yes, you cannot run away, unlike last time time due to law amendment by Minister Vivian Balakrisnan (http://app.msf.gov.sg/Portals/0/Sum...10/measures_to_make_ex-spouses_pay_up_st3.pdf).

Good luck and hopefully, you understand why no one wants to get married in Singapore due to the biased law where it always assumed that

1. Marriage is always perfect and there would not be any divorce
2. Females should be rewarded if they divorce as the man is always in the wrong even if they have been abused by their wives

Tell this to all your friends and relatives. Bring this message across to the whole of Singapore...

 

[buddhabar]

She just want to tied you down. This simply means that when she resigns or lost her job, she can apply to court to ask for alimony from you. Yes, she can increase it anyhow and it is subject to courts approval which unfortunately, is biased towards the guy in Singapore. This means that the court would most likely approve the increase and deduct the money from your salary every month. Yes, you cannot run away, unlike last time time due to law amendment by Minister Vivian Balakrisnan (http://app.msf.gov.sg/Portals/0/Sum...10/measures_to_make_ex-spouses_pay_up_st3.pdf).

Good luck and hopefully, you understand why no one wants to get married in Singapore due to the biased law where it always assumed that

1. Marriage is always perfect and there would not be any divorce
2. Females should be rewarded if they divorce as the man is always in the wrong even if they have been abused by their wives

Tell this to all your friends and relatives. Bring this message across to the whole of Singapore...

lol! You must have swallowed a very bitter pill.
But honestly, I do heard of some women discussing
how to best fix their ex spouse . It's pretty sad tho.