My affair

You tell him, yes, he has to deal with it.

But not necessary it will lessen your burden. Now you KNOW that HE KNOWS. This is another burden in addition to the original burden.

To me, if you are not going to separate with HB, there is no point of telling him. It hurts him but I don't think it will benefit you at all. There are ways of dealing with the burden.. shifting it to someone may not be the best way. Our own burden left best to deal with it ourselves.
 


sm, that is very true too. I am aware that shifting the burden is not the best way...

I might tell him the truth...and then? Even though I will be labeled a 'cheater', at least I won't be labeled a 'liar'? Maybe my sentence might be lightened because I've told the truth? Well it doesn't seem to work that way to me...
 
Personally I would not advise to tell him - unless you really want to build a future with him. Since you have decided to go separate ways, this knowledge is useless to him.. it hurts him with no obvious benefit.. except possibly a reason why the marriage breaks down. Then again, there is really no need for reasons for marriage breakdown.

You have cheater. And that made you a "liar" be default because you did not come clean with him in the first instance. Telling him the truth now will not absolve you from being a liar. Really, it is not important - cheater or liar when the marriage is gone. You could be a sinner for all the world will care but it will not change much.

Time can make things beautiful again.
 
touch your heart. Are u being fair? do u really love him? If u do then it's better you tell the truth and let him decide whether he forgive u or not. Can he accept it?
 
Margret,

What is the relation of loving him and telling him the truth about the affair?

TS is not asking to be together with hb. There is no such thing as fair... Love is not fair in the first place.

What is the point of telling hb. Yes, I have affair.. That is being fair to him?
 
margret, honestly speaking I don't wish to debate or defend my stand any further. And no, like I've said earlier, I do not love him...But again, thank you for bringing up these points. I appreciate the input!
 
What's done cannot be undone. Focus on the road ahead. Anyway, good for you. You are not one of those that spend all the time rebuking anyone that give you feedback.
 
margret...maybe I didn't make it clear enough. I have told him I do not love him, and we are discussing divorce as of now. It's just a matter of how and when...
 
Milo, haha am trying my best now. Actually it's quite therapeutic to talk to people in the forum, otherwise I feel like it's just me against the world. Don't know if you know what I mean?

Actually I've always been the sort who would root for happy endings. I would jump to the end and if the main male lead didn't end up with the main female lead, I would refuse to watch/read on. And I'd always declare proudly that I would never be a divorce statistic. But now that it's happening to me, frankly speaking it feels so surreal and i'm terrified...The world is just so much bigger and more complicating than I'd imagined it to be...
 
Anyway, much thanks to everyone who's taken the time and effort to type their replies and given me their different povs and opinions. I appreciate all of that very much =)
 
Just move on with this secret, no point telling him since there is no hope of getting back together.

In my opinion... At least allow him to keep all the sweet memories between u and him.

Taking it away from him is a selfish act, if u just want to make urself feel better.
 
Hi my lullabye (actually there's a song titled Lullabye that’s kinda my fav song)

Anyways just joined the forum becoz my friend
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and was wondering around when I bump into your thread. I am so sorry if I will be sounding a bit odd here coming from the guy's perspective i think the guy you met didn't really loved you at all he was just playing your emotions, guys are very opportunistic and they will use that to their advantage. If he really loved you he will respect your marriage and will wait for you to be free. To the fact that your relationship never lasted long just to show his true feelings towards you, I am so sorry I hope I was wrong. If I would fall in love out of my marriage I would respect her and will wait for her, but that just me ïŠ

I would suggest you and your hubby to try to fix your marriage 1st before deciding to part ways. I think based on what you wrote both of you just fell out of love or had gotten cold, maybe you could re-start the fire again? I dont think you marry your husband for no reason. Try to re-think why did you marry him in the 1st place? But if you both really can’t fix things up then that’s the time both of you decide to part ways. Give your marriage another shot.

PS Every marriage are going to this stage I am married for 14 years now and I think there are few occasion that i felt I do not love my wife anymore. Then once we kinda separated for few months after she got jealous and we had a fight she stayed back with her mom and she bring our kids with her during that time we realized we still love each other and after like 3-4 months of separation we patch things up.... I don’t say you go fight and separate with him but sometimes you two just need some space to think things out
 
Well,

I don't see the need for her to know if that guy was playing her emotions back then at this point of time.

What u said will only make her feel more miserable

Unless u can accept yr hb's personality and to endure this for the rest of yr life or else its pointless going back to him.

Broke up with that man and divorce with your hb is not the end of the world, one day u will be able to find the one who is the combination of both's gd points
 
albert, issit really true men are opportunitist? I asked a men abt lullabye's situtation and they all say the same thing. Even you. but when i ask the gals, they all say they same thing that the 3rd party guy still feels something for me but he's conservative. oh mine! Can i juz email u?
 
@ Mel Ng

Haha all Men are oppurtunist! thats true if someone would offer themselve to men 99% chances men will grab it hahaha.

But ofcourse we have norms and beliefs so that's the thing that makes one man thinks before grabbing the free meal.
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(sorry for the terms I've used i hope I didn't offend any females in here) I just making it look that bad
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but seriously few men would be able to resist if such things happens to them
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tks
albert ([email protected])
 
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