my_lullabye
Member
So many threads here have come from men and women whose other halves have had affairs. Me, I'm from the other side. Slammed, despised by many people here. I've had an affair, and I'd just like to share my side of the story.
I met my husband when I was 20...the circumstances were right - we were both single, we clicked from the start, we had common interests and our personalities meshed well.
Then somewhere during our 2nd year together, the emptiness began setting in. The hugs had stopped, the loving words had dwindled to a customary 'good night' and 'good morning' message each day. 'I love you's' were beginning to feel routine and meaningless. I have always been fully in touch with my emotional needs, and when I started noticing this, I began voicing out my concerns to him. I knew they were important, and I knew I had to pick up the spark once again. But each time I tried - reasoning with logic, arguing, persuading - he would promise to change, but revert back after a week or two. I know now too late, that is just the way he is.
He has always been calm, levelheaded and matured - husband material without a doubt. And so after 4 years of attempting, I gave up eventually. Expectedly, the quarrels lessened to a point where we seemed like the perfect couple, quarrel-free and at peace with each other. After all he had never been one who'd get jealous or possessive, nor point out any misgivings/disatisfactions in our relationship. It had been me all along, and I thought that maybe if I'd put aside my emotional expectations, it might have been better for the both of us.
But I knew deep inside, that it came with a price - with my emotions locked up, along went the love that I had for him - if it was even love in the first place.
During our 5th year together, my father passed away, leaving behind just mother and I. My mother has always been strict with high expectations of me, and when father passed on, I felt that being the only child, I had a duty to fulfil. I wanted her to have a grandchild, and I wanted to ease her mind. And so I followed the path that had been set for me - agree to my husband's marriage proposal, apply for a flat and settle down.
A year after our ROM, HE appeared. During a period that was dull and grey, and I was just moving along where life took me - and I think I was even subconsciously turning to romance novels and drama serials just to fill up that gap in my heart.
Like a burst of sunshine, he entered my life, and suddenly everything lit up. Even after knowing that it was impossible between the both of us, he continued to court me with a fierce determination and a warm smile on his face. Perhaps I was touched by his courage and sincerity, but I knew that I had been given a second chance, and I didn't want to miss it. I cried from the overwhelming guilt, the first time we had sex. And as we sat there in the dark, he smiled and kissed me on my left cheek, right cheek then my forehead. He said to me that this was a special kiss, just between loving couples. Then he pulled me into his arms and just held me there. It was then that I felt love, so pure and strong that I knew I was willing to risk everything I had, just to be with him. Throughout the months we spent together, I finally felt like I was truly needed by someone else, and my heart was so full of emotions that I thought it'd burst.
But maybe Karma caught up with me shortly after. Several months into our relationship, we began quarreling. Insecurity and suspicion ate at us, and things started to get ugly. He finally broke up with me last week and I never found out the real reason why, don't think I ever will. But the next day, I came to a decision, something I knew I had to do. So I sat my husband down and told him that I didn't love him any longer, told him everything that I had bottled inside of me, everything except for the affair that I'd committed, the one thing that I'd never be able to reveal to him...He was calm as always, and he said he'd known that my love had faded, adding that he wasn't going to hold me back if I really wanted to leave. Our future is unknown, but we've agreed to take things a step at a time, and weigh out our options.
I'm crying as I type this out, not from my husband's calm suggestion of a divorce or the possible loss of security and a stable life henceforth, but from the love and passion that I'd found, and lost again. I no longer have sight of the clear path that was once paved for me. But I'd finally experienced real, powerful love, and we'd tried, loved and clung on to each other so desperately for the 7 months that we had together. Although it ended too soon, although the pain I'm feeling now is so deep and intense, I have no further regrets.
I'm not asking for understanding or pity, or even forgiveness, but I just hope to tell everyone - husbands, wives, boyfriends and girlfriends, that no matter what, do not assume that your partner knows you love them, do not assume that there's no longer a need for as much affection or romance as before. And listen, really listen, to their pleas for help. Act on it, before it's too late, before they turn to look for love in another's arms.
I know that I might never be able to love my husband again after all this All I can do is pray for him, that he will find love again, and if I am very lucky, so will I...
Thank you for reading my story.
I met my husband when I was 20...the circumstances were right - we were both single, we clicked from the start, we had common interests and our personalities meshed well.
Then somewhere during our 2nd year together, the emptiness began setting in. The hugs had stopped, the loving words had dwindled to a customary 'good night' and 'good morning' message each day. 'I love you's' were beginning to feel routine and meaningless. I have always been fully in touch with my emotional needs, and when I started noticing this, I began voicing out my concerns to him. I knew they were important, and I knew I had to pick up the spark once again. But each time I tried - reasoning with logic, arguing, persuading - he would promise to change, but revert back after a week or two. I know now too late, that is just the way he is.
He has always been calm, levelheaded and matured - husband material without a doubt. And so after 4 years of attempting, I gave up eventually. Expectedly, the quarrels lessened to a point where we seemed like the perfect couple, quarrel-free and at peace with each other. After all he had never been one who'd get jealous or possessive, nor point out any misgivings/disatisfactions in our relationship. It had been me all along, and I thought that maybe if I'd put aside my emotional expectations, it might have been better for the both of us.
But I knew deep inside, that it came with a price - with my emotions locked up, along went the love that I had for him - if it was even love in the first place.
During our 5th year together, my father passed away, leaving behind just mother and I. My mother has always been strict with high expectations of me, and when father passed on, I felt that being the only child, I had a duty to fulfil. I wanted her to have a grandchild, and I wanted to ease her mind. And so I followed the path that had been set for me - agree to my husband's marriage proposal, apply for a flat and settle down.
A year after our ROM, HE appeared. During a period that was dull and grey, and I was just moving along where life took me - and I think I was even subconsciously turning to romance novels and drama serials just to fill up that gap in my heart.
Like a burst of sunshine, he entered my life, and suddenly everything lit up. Even after knowing that it was impossible between the both of us, he continued to court me with a fierce determination and a warm smile on his face. Perhaps I was touched by his courage and sincerity, but I knew that I had been given a second chance, and I didn't want to miss it. I cried from the overwhelming guilt, the first time we had sex. And as we sat there in the dark, he smiled and kissed me on my left cheek, right cheek then my forehead. He said to me that this was a special kiss, just between loving couples. Then he pulled me into his arms and just held me there. It was then that I felt love, so pure and strong that I knew I was willing to risk everything I had, just to be with him. Throughout the months we spent together, I finally felt like I was truly needed by someone else, and my heart was so full of emotions that I thought it'd burst.
But maybe Karma caught up with me shortly after. Several months into our relationship, we began quarreling. Insecurity and suspicion ate at us, and things started to get ugly. He finally broke up with me last week and I never found out the real reason why, don't think I ever will. But the next day, I came to a decision, something I knew I had to do. So I sat my husband down and told him that I didn't love him any longer, told him everything that I had bottled inside of me, everything except for the affair that I'd committed, the one thing that I'd never be able to reveal to him...He was calm as always, and he said he'd known that my love had faded, adding that he wasn't going to hold me back if I really wanted to leave. Our future is unknown, but we've agreed to take things a step at a time, and weigh out our options.
I'm crying as I type this out, not from my husband's calm suggestion of a divorce or the possible loss of security and a stable life henceforth, but from the love and passion that I'd found, and lost again. I no longer have sight of the clear path that was once paved for me. But I'd finally experienced real, powerful love, and we'd tried, loved and clung on to each other so desperately for the 7 months that we had together. Although it ended too soon, although the pain I'm feeling now is so deep and intense, I have no further regrets.
I'm not asking for understanding or pity, or even forgiveness, but I just hope to tell everyone - husbands, wives, boyfriends and girlfriends, that no matter what, do not assume that your partner knows you love them, do not assume that there's no longer a need for as much affection or romance as before. And listen, really listen, to their pleas for help. Act on it, before it's too late, before they turn to look for love in another's arms.
I know that I might never be able to love my husband again after all this All I can do is pray for him, that he will find love again, and if I am very lucky, so will I...
Thank you for reading my story.
