In Laws, In Laws.... Different Perspective? Or just simply Bias?

PatChan

Member
Just getting somewhere to vent this out...Since I cant talk to my hubby abt it... =(
Why can't in-laws accept the fact that after their children got married they are actually having one more Child at home and not another stranger?
Why cant they accept the fact that their family just grew bigger and not having a stranger in?
My MIL used to be so particular that I dont change the way how I address her after my ROM (before my AD that she make me postpone). While preparing AD keep complaining this and that, After AD she herself address my FIL as uncle to me.
Worst still, I have never felt a single moment that I was treated like a family to her, no matter what I do. For almost anything I'm always the one at fault, when my hubby and I brought lunch to work from home, my hubby left the containers and carrier in office, days later, she keep nagging on the missing container and carrier and insist that I'm the one who lost it, keep saying that it's the one that I used, and keep nagging at me for days, till I got so fed up and inisist my hubby to search for it again in office, just as I thought he locked it in his own cabinet and well forgotten about it, when we got home and she ask where was that found, (can tell she's waiting for me to say its me) I told her that it was my hubby who kept it in his own cabinet, she kept quiet with the disappointed face and just walk off. When her son fall ill for days to a week, she would sound as though I did not take good care of him. When I fall ill recently, she laughed at me saying I'm so weak! I'm freaking pissed off and wanted so much to talk back to her. To her, I'm just another outsider who stay in with them and simply have to give in to what ever they ask for.
She would even insist that I have to leave my car for their usage an hour before I leave for work when I not even informed beforehand, if I dont she would call and scream at me over the phone while I'm at work.
She will always come up with ad hoc expectation to be someone's driver that will crash my plans.
Sometimes I really so pissed that it really drag me going back there.

There are so many more other incidents that I seriously think that compared to the others, they are already considered very "good life" with their parents in law.
 


PatChan

Member
Having your own place is a definite plus, and minimize on the conflicts and differences.

In the meantime, if you are not or waiting to have your own place, try to have a change in the mindset, and view it from a positive angle, even though it is definitely not easy, and may sound unreasonable.

When we change our mindset, and view things from a different perspective, it can help in minimizing the conflicts and anger.
As time goes by, you could possibly get used to it, and will not feel so frustrated.

Change what you can change, not change what you want to change and cannot change it.

Be at peace with yourself, and do what you can to change the situation or things that you are in control of


Thank you!

We had bought our own place, just that we still have to wait for another 6 months at least for the completion. For the moment now, I have to just bite the bullet and hang on till then...
 

life_is

Active Member
Be thankful you don't have in laws out to separate you from your own parents and siblings.Be thankful that you don't have in laws who keep brainwashing your spouse to abuse you.

Be thankful that your spouse defends you from in laws instead of being on their side (even when wrong) to outnumber and manipulate you.

Be thankful that you don't have in laws who take your spouse and children away from you and still feel self righteous.

If in laws don't behave appropriately, they deserve to be on their own, to age on their own, and to not have family bliss. Period.
 

PatChan

Member
I start to wonder if i can really last that long till my New Home is ready... I almost hitting my limit already...
Just a week ago, my cousin hold a baby shower party which was in my plan to join...
When we notify her on our plan for the weekend, she says that we ar not suppose to join the party as we just had our wedding held last month (19th) she say there will be a clash on both ends...
2 days ago, her daughter (my sis-in-law) gave birth...
Yesterday, she ask if we are joining them to visit at the hospital, my husband told her that we are not going coz pandang, dont want to clash them or ourselve...
She came scolding me... She said that I wanted to go to my cousin's baby shower and why I cant visit her daughter (when i did not go for the party after what she says) I responded to her nicely saying that back then when we planned to go, we dont event know that after our wedding we still can attend. Which we did not go eventually after what she said.
She became so pissed on my reponse and scolded me saying I'm a weird person, that everything on her side all cannot, on my end everything also can.
She even threathen that We cannot visit my younger sister when she gave birth b'coz pandang! (for godness sake! my sis is due only in May!!!)
I was like WTF! whats F***ing wrong with you!
Whatever you like, you say can do, what ever you dont you start saying it's pandang!
After I finally persuaded my hubby to go by himself and was on my way sending him over, he called his father to confirm on the location... guess what! She took over the phone, told him no need to come already, because they are leaving and her daughter is coming back home tomorrow.

I can foresee my days getting worse after this new member comes back home!
 

spenguin

New Member
How about move out and rent a room somewhere, whilst waiting for your flat?

Honestly, in-laws are the cause of so many disagreements. If I were you, I would move out ASAP.
 

Hanjin

New Member
If your mum-in-law is causing so much stress in your marriage, rent a place somewhere until your flat is ready. The money saved from staying with your mum-in-law is not worth the stress and it may even strain your relationship with your spouse. When you are newly weds, you have to adjust to each other's living habits, which is already stressful enough. You don't want your in-laws to complicate this equation, especially if you have a choice.
 

PatChan

Member
It's not as easy as just renting a place. first of all, she wont allow that to happen, ans will definately nagged all the way if we choose to rent a place.
and hubby is having issues at work that might faces retrenchment due to their cutting down of employees... haiz...
undergoing so much pain and stress now that i have no idea how to move on... T_T....
 

sAly

New Member
when i read your topic, i dunno if i want to laugh or cry (maybe i'm just so stressed out that i'm going mad), because it is so similar to mine..
my mil is also very against us being together, to the point that she is hoping for us to get a divorce..
from rom to now going to ad, not a minute's peace..

i agree with hanjin and cimorene that you n hubby should move out, if it's not possible to rent a place, then move to ur parents' place, better still, bring ur hubby along..

n when she is her crazy self, juz let her, be nice and cordial and let her scream her head off.. everybody around you will see what is happening.. if you retaliate, then it will reflect badly on you..
 

life_is

Active Member
Only your other half can do something about the in laws. If they don't do anything to defend the marriage, don't marry them or you will suffer a lot later. Suffering now and regret marrying that woman.

To say it in the most blunt way possible - in laws are old. They will die/fall ill sooner or later. The more evil deeds they do, the more they will suffer later on. Just sit back, enjoy life, and watch them reap what they sow.
 

PatChan

Member
when i read your topic, i dunno if i want to laugh or cry (maybe i'm just so stressed out that i'm going mad), because it is so similar to mine..
my mil is also very against us being together, to the point that she is hoping for us to get a divorce..
from rom to now going to ad, not a minute's peace..

i agree with hanjin and cimorene that you n hubby should move out, if it's not possible to rent a place, then move to ur parents' place, better still, bring ur hubby along..

n when she is her crazy self, juz let her, be nice and cordial and let her scream her head off.. everybody around you will see what is happening.. if you retaliate, then it will reflect badly on you..


Right now i dunno if i should be laughing or crying! LOLX.. there's an outsider (nanny) who moved in recently to take care of my SIL and the newborn, so my MIL attitude towards me are like "so freaking nice", she's a person whom her face meant more than anything! so whenever there's an outsider she will be damn nice.
 

PatChan

Member
Only your other half can do something about the in laws. If they don't do anything to defend the marriage, don't marry them or you will suffer a lot later. Suffering now and regret marrying that woman.

To say it in the most blunt way possible - in laws are old. They will die/fall ill sooner or later. The more evil deeds they do, the more they will suffer later on. Just sit back, enjoy life, and watch them reap what they sow.

I can only train myself on Tolerance Level...
 

sAly

New Member
lol.. enjoy the nanny time (?) and hope that it might become a habit?
but yea, when you know it's fake, it probably feels disgusting too..
 

idealone

Member
This type of problem, you are not the first and will never be the last.

If possible, buy a house and move out. Never see means less problems.

If not possible, blame the PAPies who made public housing so expensive till locals are unable to buy or will have to slave 30yrs for the house which is "rented" from govt as once the 99yrs is up, you will have to give back.

With these type of problems, who will want to bear kids? Baby bonus can solve all problems?

Now we are most expensive city to live in. Baby bonus can feed the kids how many months? After that?

Problems started when PAPies started to run Sinkgapore like a corporation. Nowadays, they are just firemen.... fighting fires as they comes along with knee jerk measures.

Not enough population? Import....

Too much foreign culture till problem starts? Ban alcohol.... Give clubhouse....

So much so that we will not support them further.

How to get more support?

Pioneer package = (rally old folks to support them)
Extend PIC = (rally business community to support them)
Convert foreigners into citizens = (grateful to them so support them)
More to come.....

Change might not be a bad thing. The PAPies themselves were the oppositions before they took control of Sinkgapore. Those times, we have real civil service hero who really strive to make a change and the did it! Not like now, everything is for their pockets. When their KPIs are achieved, fat bonuses awaits.

Apologise to link till so far... more to link but i think I'm done for now. I'm sure there are more people who could link further...
 

uglydude

Member
I think only whiners will complain about PAP...the government has did a very good job running the country...if u are not earning enough...starting asking yourself why this is so instead of blaming the world....coz I sure have no problem with the housing price here or the standard of living in this country...
 

idealone

Member
Anyone else thinks this way? Only PAPies with their huge salaries will say such a thing.

i.e:
( We have good healthcare system for our citizens! Heart bypass only $8! ) KBW
( We take care of our less fortunate! There are no beggers and homeless! ) LKY
( Singapore has attained Swiss standard of living! Families can live comfortably with 4k! )LHL

Streets are safe? Food is cheap? Utilities are cheap? "Compared to other countries" they say

But pay is way lower than same trade in those countries. Cleaner earns 15k per year here. Nordic countries? 70k per year! Lets go with 50% tax, they still have 35k! Even for 70% tax, they still have 21k!

Our poor aunties and uncles are people's parents, not slaves.

BTW, I'm earning close to 10k, have a house, car, 2 kids and I FEEL for others.

I have no problem too and could live comfortably and why do I need to care? Why do I need to fight? For fun?

I have seen far too many friends struggling, problems that people stated in here that are attributed to the effect of PAPies decision.

Couples going into marriage and spend the next 10 - 15 years paying off their debts cos everything is so expensive.

If I'm "wrong" like "many others" condemn me to hell for spreading untruths and fighting a "wrong" cause.

Sorry TS, my bad.....
 

uglydude

Member
You are definitely one of those fighting for the wrong cause...coz each and every election opposition loses....if u are so right....the opposition would not have lost every single election...not forgetting the quality of crap candidates they field...there was a year which there was a guy wearing slippers asking for votes....what kind of crap candidates is that....And 10k a month is seriously nothing....go get a part time job to occupy ur time and stop whining here...
 

xellos

Member
i v free in hk, u can tell me one. my photos take on end apr; will share w you privately.
Dont think too much..... i dint know your MIL become worst and worst my god
 

PatChan

Member
LOL... apart from those I posted, something else worst happened after... which lead to my first cold war with her. Damn TL... lucky now got nanny at home who takes care of my SIL who had just gave birth. when there's a outsider she will be like "angel".... :eek::eek::eek:
 

life_is

Active Member
In laws can be a hell of a pain. Sometimes better to not have them in our lives. Keep the distance until they learn to behave like normal civilized adults.
 

pinkbunnie

New Member
I had my moments with my future in laws as well.

It's devastating, my only advice is to seek for your hubby understanding, don't rant to him, make him feel you.

If he feels you and he would be helping you to talk to his mom.


Idk why too I blame on bias and in laws lack of tact, and we, the Dil have to suffer so much. Such bad cycle.

Distance is a kind of beauty. I have just decided not to ever live with in laws. Period.
 
Old people have their old distinct antics..... There is no point in fighting or feeling frustrating over it. I made it a point not to see them too often, especially after a lousy day. Its just a way to approach the problem. Honestly, what for get all the nerves strung up. It may not just be the in-laws, but the spouse's relatives as well. Unfortunately, these guys and gals can be influential. What they say may carry weight. People being people.... its also likely that politics will arise during those "gatherings". Sigh.....

If they do not give more problems after moving out, its a great thing. But, if they are still dependent and indirectly/ directly drawing "payouts" from the newly wed couple, it can be worse.

If all the problems with the members of the spouse are so bad, just siam and siam and go out for a chill. Nothing much can be done about it.
 
Parents when they have no activities, they always look for problem at home in respond.

ask your PIL to do something in their life.....make them focus something else, except you.....
 

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