How do you explain to your kids that you are getting divorced with the husband?
- Thread starter HuiWen86
- Start date
newproject
Active Member
Sorry to hear. Must be hard during the holidays.
Care to share more on what happened?
Care to share more on what happened?
HuiWen86
Member
I already started a conversation with you.
I think it's fair to explain to your children that due to differences in commitment, you are both intending to go separate ways now. You can assure your children that they can still get to meet their dad (work out a schedule). If your children are old enough to understand, explain that your trust was breached and you have been betrayed, and thus, it is only fair that you both separate and you have the right to seek your own happiness too. But explain to your children that divorce is not to be taken lightly, but you have thought it through carefully already, and it is the last resort you are going to turn to.
Note: If people try to scare you into staying on in the marriage, don't. If you both decided divorce is the option for you two, do it. Don't stay on and let the resentment and bitterness build and fester over time. Your kids will be able to see the cracks in the marriage. So don't let people tell you 'stay on in the marriage' just for the sake of it. It is better for both parties to be separated and live their own lives happily, but share in the responsibility of the children of course. Create a healthier and happier environment by taking yourself and your kids out of that unhappy environment.
It must be a difficult time for you.
Note: If people try to scare you into staying on in the marriage, don't. If you both decided divorce is the option for you two, do it. Don't stay on and let the resentment and bitterness build and fester over time. Your kids will be able to see the cracks in the marriage. So don't let people tell you 'stay on in the marriage' just for the sake of it. It is better for both parties to be separated and live their own lives happily, but share in the responsibility of the children of course. Create a healthier and happier environment by taking yourself and your kids out of that unhappy environment.
It must be a difficult time for you.
Make him pay with the womens charter. Our best weapon for revenge
HuiWen86
Member
Is it quite cruel to use the WC?
Why is it cruel? The womens charter is here to protect us. Your husband must be another useless cmi local man.
When i got a new and proper bf, i divorced my ex husband quickly. But he only started to beg when i threaten him with the womens charter. You should see how much difference it makes.
Now i am getting married to my new french bf and finally life is Back to normal.
cjkc
New Member
Hi ,
My advice to you is try to go for mediation with your husband and then for children’s welfare there might be a way to have a room and with a proper child counsellor around just for guidance (only if needed) and explain it properly.
Mediation sessions are available in some family law firms. Let me know if you need more details on that.
I hope your child will be able to take it well, don’t stop working on your relationship with her .
I’m sure when she grows up she will perhaps understand it better .
Then again, divorce situations with young kids is never easy. Hope that it will be a less nasty one for you, ur husband and your kids .
Whatever the comments are here, I’m sure you do have the wisdom to know what’s the best. Go with your mother instinct and love to explain your best to ur kids .
My advice to you is try to go for mediation with your husband and then for children’s welfare there might be a way to have a room and with a proper child counsellor around just for guidance (only if needed) and explain it properly.
Mediation sessions are available in some family law firms. Let me know if you need more details on that.
I hope your child will be able to take it well, don’t stop working on your relationship with her .
I’m sure when she grows up she will perhaps understand it better .
Then again, divorce situations with young kids is never easy. Hope that it will be a less nasty one for you, ur husband and your kids .
Whatever the comments are here, I’m sure you do have the wisdom to know what’s the best. Go with your mother instinct and love to explain your best to ur kids .
HuiWen86
Member
Thanks...Just that he left the house just like that and left us stunned.
My younger daughter is still angry with me though just because her dad was no longer living at home.
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felirocious
New Member
I'm sorry to hear that. Bring in a neutral party which ur daughters trust and enjoy being with them. Spend time together to earn the trust and slowly explain the situation.
It will be a tougher fight for you as the kids will not understand and you will feel even more frustrated than usual as woes start building up. Stay strong and soon you will see the light ahead. Don't give up, your motherly love will help you to put up a beautiful fight. Love will allow us to be more tolerance, patient and kind to who we love.
Agreed with some of the others here. It is best to seek a family counselor/children's counselor. They are in a better position to explain it to your kids, they are trained to do so. The counselors can help kids cope with grief and loss, etc. Your kids will understand it in time to come. Give them time.
Please don't underestimate the importance of letting your kids see a counselor/therapist. If you don't, they may grow up with unresolved issues in their heart because they do not know how to handle and manage these confusing emotions themselves. Help them work with a counselor/therapist to do so. It will really help their mental and emotional well-being.
Please don't underestimate the importance of letting your kids see a counselor/therapist. If you don't, they may grow up with unresolved issues in their heart because they do not know how to handle and manage these confusing emotions themselves. Help them work with a counselor/therapist to do so. It will really help their mental and emotional well-being.
HuiWen86
Member
Hi,thanks...Have spoken to a lawyer and explained to my girls about why we are not together.
Also, it may help for you to tell your kids something along the lines of 'I understand your pain, confusion and disappointment and I share your disappointment too. But from now, we only have each other. Let's work together to build our future and happiness together'.
Show them you are with them through this. Don't let them feel they are alone.
Give them time, they are still young. When they're slightly older, you can explain this to them in this way I have just mentioned.
Show them you are with them through this. Don't let them feel they are alone.
Give them time, they are still young. When they're slightly older, you can explain this to them in this way I have just mentioned.
Oh and, help your kids to restore a sense of normalcy in life. Don't keep focusing on the loss. Help them to regain confidence (at the same time, you help yourself regain happiness and confidence too). For example, from time to time, bring your kids out like 'hey let's go see the CNY lights (now is getting closer to CNY liao..) together..' 'hey let's go get some ice-cream together, do you want some dessert? : )!' or 'let's go cycling at East Coast Park', and maybe ask your more trustworthy cousins/aunts (good if they can bring their young kids too if they have).
Help your kids get life back to normal, so all of you cannot just coop yourselves up at home. The sense of loss will be in the house for a long time and that is not healthy.
Help your kids get life back to normal, so all of you cannot just coop yourselves up at home. The sense of loss will be in the house for a long time and that is not healthy.
HuiWen86
Member
My ILs had disowned their son because he refused to get back with me.
They told my girls that they are better off with Mommy.Daddy had done something wrong so Grandpa and Grandma are very angry with him.
My ILs had made it clear to him that he is no longer their son until the day he leaves that woman.
Wow
Sometimes the woman's (the wife who is the victim)'s parents also don't even support their daughter and may even scare the woman into staying on in the doomed marriage.
So it is good to know your ILs are supportive with you through this and that they are not condoning his bad behaviour. (Y)
ok that's really good. I'm happy that your ILs are supportive of you and they do not support their son and what he is doing. I know that in many cases, usually ILs won't even want to get involved at all and sometimes they still support their own son who has done the wrong deeds.
Sometimes the woman's (the wife who is the victim)'s parents also don't even support their daughter and may even scare the woman into staying on in the doomed marriage.
So it is good to know your ILs are supportive with you through this and that they are not condoning his bad behaviour. (Y)
miloice
Well-Known Member
Hi, I suppose your gal is very close to her dad? I advise you not let your marriage interfere with your bond with your children. Ask for them to not take sides for they do not understand nor in the position to judge, let the parents settle their divorce. At the same time, you shouldn't try to influence them to take sides. They are growing and will naturally have a mind of their own. Just be open and truthful in your conversations with them. It is what it is, there will be differing opinions. When they experience their own relationships conflicts and challenges, they will learn.
HuiWen86
Member
I will not poison their minds against their father.I will emphasise on mutual respect for everyone around them.
Ask your lawyer about how the women's charter can help you take revengr. It can help you ruin his life and make sure he can never marry again without the alimony burdening him. Let him commit suicide one day over stress and you automatically take over his money and everything he owns. You have a right to protect yourself. These local men are all so cmi.
HuiWen86
Member
All I know is that when I watched with shock through the CCTV,MIL gave him a tight slap while FIL WAS furious,took a chopper and chased him out of the house.
I was in the same situation as your daughters. My dad cheated on my mom with a colleague which resulted in a divorce. I was only 9, my brothers were 8 and 5. To be honest, it won’t affect your daughters much. As when they grow older, they will learn to understand the truth. Whether you poison them a not, it will affect their view on their father when they are older. As when my brothers and I were in secondary school, we hated our father for the shit he done and felt sad for my mom.
From my experience, try not to let your daughter go out with your husband mistress. As when my bro and I were young, we didn’t understand, hence we hang out with my dad and his mistress. Until we were older, we felt so disgusted and sinful as after every meeting, we will be telling our mom about the fun stuffs we’ve done. We were so young then, we didn’t know it will hurt her. Thinking about it now. I wish my mom have prevented us from going out with our dad and his mistress.
HuiWen86
Member
Thanks.My life has been chaos for the last few months.
