"Guo Da Li (过大礼)" ??

[cath]

Hi Cheers,
when you say ..
2 abalone, mushrooms, scallop, fatt choy (need not return) - it is actually, 2cans of abalone, 2 packet of black mushroom, fatt choy..but for scallop, do they have in packet form too?

Another thing is:

Are these stuffs to be placed at new house?
1 baby bath tub
1 face basin
1 potty
2 pairs of chopsticks
2 bowls
2 spoons
2 bedlamps
2 bedroom slippers/clogs
2 towels
2 toothbrush & toothpaste
1 sewing box
1 RULER

Place in in-laws house:
1 teaset

Then when u say 2 longan, 2 red dates, 2 lotus seed to be placed in the tea set.. do you mean those dry ones, put in the teaset and use them to boil the tea on actual day?

1 fan to be used when leaving frm parent's home to groom's place (to ward off evil) >>meaning those hand fan? So when leaving from parent's home, we need to fan ourself till..... we reach the bridal's car?

Sorry ah...a bit blur.. hope to have yr enlightened soon. Thanks.

 

[minx]

Hi Cheers,

Finally found someone who is the one "clan" as me.. ke ke ke

The tea set I saw are all very cute as they are smaller than the actual one we always see and with very modern look but of course with the long feng, yuan yang kind of prints ..

 

[cheers]

hi cath,

the dried foodstuff (abalone (canned), mushroom (pkts), etc) scallop get the medical hall to pack into small packet. my mum is not getting these frm MIL coz she feels it's optional.

if u'll be staying at groom's house, the stuff will be given to the matchmaker/representative to be brought to ur inlaw's house (ur room).
if you have ur own lovenest, then get ur mum to "show-off" to the matchmaker the things she had got for you...then later in the day, bring it to ur own new house.

yes. 2 of each dried stuff, not pkt (longan, red date, lotus seed) to be placed inside the teaset for the rep. to bring to ur inlaws. on actual day ur MIL have to onself top-up somemore logans/lotus seeds/red dates to make the tea lah!!

hand fan means those paper/fabric type. just need to hold in ur hand..if u're hot..can open up and fan!! REMEMBER DO NOT LET ANYBODY ELSE HOLD THE FAN FOR YOU!!

 

[happy]

Hi All,

Any one can pls help me on hokkien bride & teochew groom?

Thks

 

[cath]

Hi Cheers,
thanks for the clarification.. am clearer now

one more thing which you've jus added, what do u mean by the rep. to bring to ur inlaws? I tot when GDL, the inlaws will come to my place?

 

[cookiecorgi]

WOW... so glad to find so many hakka kakis on this thread... Cheers, your info is really very useful... thanks so much for sharing!!

Cath, you also khek? heehee...

 

[cath]

Hi cookiecorgi,
u also ah? hahhaaa.... good good.. my parents are both hakka and kek. =P

yeah, cheers' info is so useful, i printed out and am going to show my mum. cos she's at a loss of what to do and ask! kekekee...

 

[lovelydolphin]

Cheers

Can my own brother help me to hold the fan,when I'm doing the tea ceremony?
if not,how can I take the fan & serve the tea @ the same time,pls advise. Tks!

 

[cheers]

hi cath,

for GDL, the groom side will get a rep/matchmaker (usually an aunty) to bring the gifts to the bride's place. in-laws not suppose to meet! i was told by the shifu that the couple musn't be at home too (he told me to go shopping/movies..hahah)

hi cookiecorgi,
u're most welcome.

hi lovelydolphin,

hold the fan in ur hand as u leave ur parents' place...u may open and fan it if u're warm or can use it to complement ur gown..
i'll be appointing someone to hold a bag that will put all the make-up, accessories for teadress, etc..and will allocate a compartment in the bag to keep the fan.

 

[amerline]

hi ladies

need some assistance, i am a teochew bride and my FH is hokkien, wat things do i have to prepare/buy for GDL? my mum tell me to simplify things but i think some basics are still necessary, pls advise!

 

[kylie]

Does Hokkien bride receive "si-dian-jing" from the Teochew groom or only if she is Teochew?

Must the Si-dian-jing be in GOLD??
Can it be in white gold/diamonds?

 

[sep03]

Hi Kylie,

Me oso Hokkien & me hubby Teochew.

I am choosing my own SI DIAN JING & my in-law will pay.

Me dun really fancy GOLD so I got them in White Gold & Diamonds.

All depends on your in-laws, i think.

 

[lovelydolphin]

Hi Cheers

Tks for our advise.

Hv a great weekend,yeah!

 

[cheers]

hi happy, amerline lee, kylie, sep03:

si dian jing is a teochew tradition. whereby a teochew groom's family will give their daughter-in-law at GDL.
opting for white gold instead of yellow gold, it's best that you check with ur MIL. some MILs insists sdj must be in yellow gold, and also whether it's within their budget, etc

hi lovelydolphin,

hope you just had a great weekend...now it's back to work

 

[flowee]

cheers

flo had settled with my gdl items...
will buy them when the 8th mth commences...

 

[sep03]

hi cheers,

already got all my sdj in place.

for sdj, is pendant & necklace considered as one or two items?

 

[cheers]

hi flowee,

yeah..settle ur things and u can move on to do ur fittings, PS, dinner guest list, etc.

hi sep03,

pendant/necklace is considered ONE ITEM..

cheers!

 

[boots]

I think for Teochew custom, SDJ consists of the following:

Pendant
Necklace
Bangle or Bracelet
Earrings

The above is the actual SDJ. Actual Teochew customs don't count ring as SDJ. Amd some of u r rite, supposedly only Teochew brides can demand for SDJ. So if your family follows Teochew custom strictly, btw, Teochew has the most complicated wedding customs of all dialects, then the above applies.

 

[happy]

Thaen is there anything that the bride need to return to the teochew groom? And what are the things that the hokkien bride need to buy themselves ?

thks

 

[flowee]

cheers

my weddin is in sep...
ps over since jun...
can r&r till 8th mth commences n its full speed ahead by then...

 

[boots]

Hi happy, ehm, I think it's better not to follow too closely the Teochew customs otherwise u're gonna tear your hair haha...I can assure u..so far for my case, I'm only giving my Hokkien husband according to what his family requires us to:

a pair of lamps
bedsheets
10 sets of bath & face towels
brand new tea set for tea ceremony on his side
Ang bao/pair of earrings for MIL
Ang bao for husband to buy pants
Ang bao for husband to buy land
Dried mandarin (Ji2 Bin3)
Red Dates
Winter Melon Candies (Dong1 Gua1 Tang2)
Dried Longans
Two bottles of orange cordial
Two cans of pig trotters

I think my case my MIL already give me a very watered down version already coz she also the kind not very familiar with customs. I think it's best to ask your hubby's side what they want and try to accomodate to them instead. Anyway I reckon u shld be getting SDJ anyway since ur husband is a Teochew!

 

[tigerlily]

Hi,

my mom also gave the following ang baos
- for 'birthdays' so that the son in law will remember all their birthdays
- for 'education' for the children
- for 'property' (i think it's the same one that boots gave to buy land)

 

[sep03]

Hi Cheers

Thanks! He he... Already bought all lah so a bit too late to ask...

Hi flowee

When's your big day? Where's your dinner? Which bridal did you employ?

 

[poohs]

Hi

Any one can advise where can i buy basket for
Guo Da Li? The cake shop only left 1 for me. I need to have 2 baskets.

Not so expensive one hor !

Thanxs.

 

[bread]

Hi Poohs,

Try Chinatown.... Juz above Chinatown market...

 

[cheers]

hi poohs,

go to arab street! they have lotsa baskets for you to choose..

 

[mochamel]

Hi

can anyone advise where can i get the cheapest for 12 fruit tarts @ </=$0.60 ?

my mum said its not ok for my FH to give round cakes to us during GDL? is this true?

Thanks

 

[autumni76]

Hi all,

I bought a electric operated lamps for my wedding eve to on the whole nite. i have a few urgent questions to ask.

1) Can i use it as my bedside lamp in future?
2) Will the lamp go bersek in the nite as its operates on electricity?
3) My GUo Da Li is over. Can i buy batt operated ones to replace the present lamps if needed?

Thank you.

 

[sgblingff]

Hi,
My hubby is hokkien and I am cantonese.
When hubby gave me GDL, should follow his dialect or my dialect?

What should my family give him and his family?
What should his family give me and my family?

 

[pausini]

Hi Mocha,
U mean not Ok to give round cake??? that is very funny? however there are some cake shop (the traditional) that selling cake in pieces with alot of diff flavour (i think is butter cream cake where we have it when we are very young) those are not round. U can consider that.

Sun_flower,
What kind of Electric lamp are u taking abt? Ur own, modern kind of lamp? Really up to u. U can paste a double happiness there.
The battery operated kind not very lasting. Yes u can also replace them, as long as before ur wedding.

 

[cubby]

hi everyone,

wld like to ask a qn, is the 'ping jing' given out of our FPIL pocket or fm my FH pocket?

thks!

 

[bibip]

hi sgbilingoff, for GDL stuff, it's normally what the bride's family ask for, so i guess should be following your dialect grp. chk wif your mum? but then again, your mum may be of diff dialect grp as you.. so she might ask for some other stuff loh... but at least you ask her 1st, so you can be mentally prepared...

helo cubby.. in the past, ping jing will come fm FPIL pocket.. but nowadays, young ppl very independant... everything fm the house to the wedding are paid by themselves... for my case, money comes fm hubby loh... did your FPIL offer to pay the ping jin for your hubby?

 

[cubby]

hi bibip,

thks for the information. actually my FMIL got sort of say that they will help to prepare all the guo da li things and ping jing to help lighten my FH load....but things had not been confirmed yet cos my wedding in june04...so just wan to know just in case we got to fork out ourselves, then got to allocate money in our budget also.

just to check w u, if my FH is a cantonese, does that mean i have to wear Kua? I'm a teochew. How long before my wedding is the Guo Da li?

 

[pausini]

Hi Cubby,
There is no hard and fast rule anymore. Unless ur FH's family insist that u have to wear it.

Come to think of it, where do we have that many chances to wear kua?? tea dress is very common, just like and DnD dress.

Kua is something special.
Dun u think so

 

[bibip]

helo cubby.. no prob..

but normally pingjin, your mum will only take a portion and return the rest to your hubby loh...

as for the kua, i agree wif pausini.. it's not a must you should wear kua, you can also wear a tea dress which BS will normally provide, or you can even wear your ROM dress, which my sis did... but i also feel that this is my only chance to wear the traditional bridal dress... so i will wear it even though both side parents did not insist loh... hehehe...

 

[cubby]

hi pausini &amp; bibip,

thks for advices! yah me also think its a rare chance to wear kua also...but the bridal shop i thinking of signing up dun provide free kua leh...they charge 300+ to rent...i think really too exp leh! how huh??...my FMIL got said it will be nice to wear also!

so how long in advance is the guo da li huh?

 

[bibip]

helo cubby... try to negotiate wif them to rent you the kua for free..if it's still tat kinda price.. you may wana try renting fm other bridal, dunno how much they charge, or rent fm House of Etiquette.. the rental charges start at $268 onwards..

my GDL is 2 weeks before AD... for my case, i got some "gao ren" to calculate a gd day for me loh.. hehehehe.... get your in laws or parents to look thru the tong shu for dates...

when is your wedding ah?

 

[hong]

Hi Cubby,

I agree with bibip, try to negotiate with ur BS. Why they so $$ minded. cant even let u have the kua for the day.

I think i have mine ard 1 months before my wedding. Like bibip, look for a good date for that.

 

[kerenelu]

Hi,

Like to ask u ladies, for those who are buddhists and hokkien, do we girls go to the groom side to pray immediately after guo da li?

Thanks.

 

[flowee]

kk mei

my gdl was last sat...
in laws did the prayin dun required us 2 b there...
perhaps u can check with ur in laws as supposingli the bride n her parents will b out distributin the cards n cakes after the gdl...

 

[kerenelu]

Hi Flowee jie,

That's what my mum told me too. I remember that time during my sis in law's guo da li, my mum never ask them to come back to pray or whatsoever.

My guo da li is next sat

Everything settled, just waiting for the day to come.

 

[cubby]

hi bibip,

oic...maybe i will try to negotiate for tat....dun know they will lent me free anot! if really cant then wil go rent at other place cos 300+ really exp leh...

my wedding is jun04. so now searching for bridal etc...

hi hong,
thks 4 the info! cos my MIL said GDL can be a few mths before wedding but i find it too early...anyway will go get a good date!

 

[bibip]

helo kerenelu, my GDL is just one day before you... hehehhe

hi cubby, you still have 8 mths to search for bridal loh.. take your time and find a nice one okie? dun rush and regret later...

 

[kerenelu]

Hi Cubby,

Most of the time GDL is 2 weeks before actual day. But because i got no other better dates for GDL nearer to actual day, i have to settle with a date that is around 1 mth before my actual day. But good also lor, can send out invitation cards earlier and get other things prepared as actual day draws near

 

[cubby]

hi bibip,

yup...still got ard 8mths...actually wanted to give myself till end of yr but alot ppl advice me not to leave it 6mths cos not enough time for MTM gowns...tats y i'm searching now...anyway i give myself till end OCT to sign up! think shld be enough time

hi kerenelu,
oic...think 1 mths is good leh...sending out invitation at the same time save efforts too!

 

[kerenelu]

Hi Cubby!

When is ur wedding? Next year rite?

Hmmm, thought 6 mths is enough for MTM gown + ps too? Perhaps not too much room for delay, but think should be ok lor.

Dun push urself too hard lor. Try to get one bridal shop u really like and feel comfortable with. If u end up with some shop u dun like, it is more inconvenient for u in time to come. If u find one u really like and is responsible, even 3 mths is enough

 

[pausini]

Oh yes,
I nearly forgot something abt GDL. I dun know how many pple practise this.

traditionally, the guy side will host the wedding dinner (imgaine yes lah althot many couples pay their own dinner now). The guy side would need to give an invitation to the gal side and on the invitation card indicated to invitate the gal parents to the dinner.

It is an official invitation from the guys side.
Some may not practise this but i find this very meaningful and polite for the guy side to do it. It also mean that the guy side is very happy to have the gal as the DIL, more like an aknowledgement.

 

[kerenelu]

Hi pausini,

yah, i heard my mil talk about this. But then she ask my mum whether it is necessary during our food tasting last month. And my mum say no need, to make things simpler. So my mil won't be doing that lor. i think very few pple are doing that now.

 

[hong]

Hi kerenelu,

yah but we did do it. My MIL never told us and she giv emy mum an official invitation.
As we have another dinner in msia. my mum wld have to invite my PIL back to the msia dinner.. hahaha..

 

[cubby]

hi kerenelu,

i also think ard 6mths shld be sufficient loh...3mths before wedding will be PS..then 3 mths before PS will be design gown, fitting etc...

yup...i will source carefully and definitly take my time to choose...cos really dun wan to regret! hehe

hi pausini &amp; hong,
wah like this quite formal hor

never knew got this kind leh...will be quite nice to have this...but think based on PIL loh...dun know mine got practice tat anot....hehe