errrm... am wondering if we have bought towel for the male side sibling, do we still give angpow to them? should it be angpow+towel? face towel or bath towel?? both?? to married and unmarried sibilings?? ?? sorry so many questions.
I think GUO DA LI is very subjective to ur dialect. Some need some dun need.
I can tell u what i get for my GUO DA LI but it may not apply to u.
My Mum got all these for me.
1 tea set
1 face basin
1 basin bath for baby
2 tooth pastes
1 red cloth to wrap the potty
2 battery operated lamps
2 pyjamas (for bride and groom)
2 sets of bowls, spoons, chopsticks
1 wallet (for groom)
1 trousers (for groom)
2 sets of bedroom slippers.
2 sets of face and bath towel.
From Guy side
10 cans of pig trouter (did i spell correctly??)
8 bottles of F&N orange soft drink.
10 boxes of cakes
2 bottles of wine
Ang Bao for grandparent each
Ang bao for uncle each (my mum brothers)
Ang Bao for my brother ( to buy new clothes)
Ang Bao for my mum (Pi Jin)
2 sets of "Long Feng" candles
1 set of "Si Dian Jin" - Jewellery set from guy side.
wow! thanks a lot for the details Pausini! so envy that your mom took the trouble to prepare everything for you. I have to do most myself and am worried that my in-laws may find something missing on that day
sorry do I still need prepare angpow if we have got the towels?? are angbaos for siblings meant for towels AND shoes AND clothes ???
I'm a newbie & i'm reali amazed with all the info i can get while preparing for my wedding. I reali do hope u can help me out here. Both my hubby & i are Hokkiens. Anybody knows what we have to give each other for the Guo Da Li? Thks!
Just to share, what we are planning (hokkien marry hokkien but my mum is Cantonese so abit slant towards Cantonese...).
End of day, easier to ASK parents what they want, they also nearly as blur as us (or more blur since we have the benefit of this web site), they will talk-talk among relatives, some loud-mouthed ones will insist MUST have certain items or else too "easy".
(following pausini's format) My Mum going to get all these for me.
1. 1 tea set (can be any style- significance is that it's the teapot heirloom *rolls eyes*, she pass to HB, HB pass to me, I'm supposed to pass to either my future Daughter or issit DIL, I'm abit confused liao)
2. 2 battery operated lamps (I will probably choose something non-traditional)
3. 1 pyjamas (for bride- supposed to, like pausini, have a set for Groom but I explained that's completely redundant since HB don't wear "pyjamas"!)
4. 1 wallet (for groom- we choose first, mum will reimburse)
5. 1 trousers (for groom- same as wallet case. NOTE: must be LOOONGGG pants.)
6. 1 belt (for groom- same as wallet case.)
Guo Da Li, from Guy side (even nos. avoiding "4")
1. 12 oranges (mum will return 6 oranges)
2. 2 boxes of cakes (flipping expensive cos we want to get from the hotel we are holding venue- more matching... but meant for personal consumption heh)
3. 2 cans of abalone (mum's personal preference lah)
4. Ang Bao for my sibling (to buy new clothes- I think pyjamas again, don't know the fascination with PJs)
5. Ang Bao for my mum (Pin Jin)
6. Jewellery for me (should be dragon-phoenix bangle).
Wedding Day Tea ceremony
1. Tea set for ceremony (can be existing, borrowed, doesn't matter)
2. Mum will give HB angbow and gold (diamond optional) ring (can be gold belt buckle or cuff-links or even ear-diggers ahaha, but we chose ring... even though HB wearing it abit look like Casino gambler).
3. Mum will give me angbow- I think the gold jewellery she wants to "pre-gift" for me to display on my wedding bed to show MIL and MIL's relatives... this part abit confusing too. I think what I'd do is have everything in a box, mum hand me the box and on-the-spot wear some jewellery on me (cos I wear kua- the sleeves supposedly does not cover wrists precisely for brides to wear the jewellery during tea ceremony).
Yah, Cantonese have a thing for suckling pigs, HB not sending us any cos all the pigs will be served during dinner itself.
My FH and I just had a talk with my parents last week and we also talk on Guo Da Li.
Below are the prelimary conclusion of what my parents said:-
1) Mei Gui Lu(Rose Syrup in glass bottle packaging) tie together with ribbon - my papa says he wans one
2) Orange Juice (in glass bottle) tie together with ribbon - this one my mama wans one
3) 12 or 20 oranges - my mama wans one
4) "Cover-All" Ang Pao - my papa said just bao one Ang Pao to "cover" all other items so that no need to worry wat has been missing...
Easy hor... hehehhehe... Will update again once the final list come out...
v.usefully info... till now i still dont know what my mom need to prepare... as for my PIL side
during Guo Da Li, the will give us
1) 2 bottles of wine... in return, we will give them back 2 bottles of orange soft drinks
2) 8/12 oranges... cant rmb how much to return
3) Pin Jin... my mom will return some
4) Cakes... my mom only take 2 boxes... in fact, we will receive an angbo for the cakes voucher as well... we need abt 40 cakes vouchers, each cost $10, therefore, in addition, my hubby need to give my mom $400 angbo for tat
5) Jewellery for me... my mom need "4 pcs gold", eventhough we r not Teochew... she follow those Hong Konger's style
6) 2 face towels for PIL
Beside, all the above, i really hv no idea for wat my mom need to give to them... and as for the pyjameas... we both dont wear pyjameas, we usually wear T-shirt and shorts... so i will only get a pair of same design T-shirt rather than pyjameas...
My parent just met up with my hubby's parent about the guo da li thing. Who should be the one to come out with the money for ang pao and dowry? Coz my hubby said that he should be the one providing all these and not his parent. So am I suppose to help him with these? I find it very funny. I pay for my own dowry. haha! Can someone advise please? thanks!
in d old days(spore) n even modern china, parents pay for everything incurred by a wedding(i checked w ALL my PRC colleagues)! in spore however, couples tend to pick up the bill for themselves (but they also get to make decisions).
although we usually split the wedding costs (not necessarily 50/50) but when it comes to 'ping jing' for the brides' parents n d GDL gifts, the groom or his parents has to pay 100%.
unfortunately, economy is really bad n not all grooms has a strong cash flow. so this is where the future wife demonstrates her good virtue of sticking up to her hb tru gd times n bad n 'silently' help out lor....
i do know of some girls here who pays for so much more than the GDL stuff....it is entirely up to u to judge whether yr hb is worth yr trust + support
'paying' for oneself does sound ridiculous but being his pillar of strength in times of need does not
im pretty confused by this whole "money" / dowry thing too. feel like being sold or something. the thing is, FH & I are paying for the whole thing. on top of our home. Now my mum is asking for "tables"at the dinner. While i will definitely give my parents ang bao (for upbringing, respect etc), i can't help feel resentful that the ang baos fr the wedding dinner will go back to the parents. i feel i need $$ more than my parents. yet i hear of people here that got enough $$ fr the dinner to recoup their wedding expenses. does this mean their parents dont take the angbao? aku blur liao. my hubs dont even know all these "rules" exist - his mum also bochap. how do i please all parties??
dowry to thr bride's parents (besides all d other GDL stuff) can consist of the following:
a)ping jing - cash only (some parents only take a couple of dollars, as token, while some asks for thousands)
b)ping jing - tables (some take 3 or 5, some 20 to 30) n this means the parents get to invite whoever they want for said no of tables, then pocket all the ang pows from those guests
c) ping jing - cash & tables! same rules as above apply
if yr parents r well to do n u r strap for cash, u may consider talking it out w them nicely...go for the token ping jing instead all whole nine yards....if they're d v want face type (GDL might have relatives around), give them $20k n hint earlier that they r to refund 99.9% of it
however, if its the other way round, n yr defination of not enuf $ means no new prada/gucci/tiffany for the next 2 years, then just give them wat they want la...
PIL's/ HB's expense
I guess my case opposite. My mum thinks the GDL a big fuss and doesn't want any actually but PIL think must have abit of tradition (their relatives say, "how can so simple?!"). So in the end, my mum put down what items she likes ie. the 2 cans abalone haha. The fruits are cheap anyway, the pinjin I don't know what value and the dragon-phoenix bangle my PIL insist to give. The 2 boxes cakes my idea (*drool*). Suckling pigs my HB providing each table at mum's request, but then my MIL also liked the idea- so HB not coming to my house with any pig haha. My mum didn't want table angbaos right from the start (she will invite many tables at our expense, with all angbaos coming to us). My HB recently said he WANTS to give her 8 tables
Maybe my mum reverse-psychoed him ahahaha! Nothing else liao.
Belt, wallet, pants are items that are practical and with good meaning- my mum insist she must do her part to give my HB. Anyway, now GSS... Springfield pants offer leh- my HB on my instigation swept up 5 pairs, enough for these 2 or 3 yrs. My mum effectively just pay $40 for 1 pair pants, ok lah. Tea set depends on taste, can buy cheap or... Wedgewood hehe, either way can use for new home. Jewellery from my mum- I "koped" her old pieces which abit flashy she doesn't wear (and can always borrow from me, anyway end of day share bank safe). But she did buy me a pair of diamond earrings in our moment of weakness, very guilty about that. She insisted must buy HB a ring, so we chose a relatively cheap one (by her standards) and now she show my relatives she feel paiseh (???)... I explain on her behalf that my HB refuse to look like loanshark. Nothing else liao.
If the COUPLE is coming out with all the money, console- just take it as buy new year clothes and stuff for the home?
Good one, I'm hokkien and hubby's teochew. Anyone can help rene and i? my mum's getting all confused - some cantonese customs, some teochew - told her no need for si dian jin since i'm not the teochew one. right?
i'm hakka and husband is hokkien.. pls advise on the traditions that i've to follow, the things to ask for and to give.
on GDL, do we distribute cakes and invitation cards too? cards that are to be sent to friends by snail-mail can they be mailed b4 GDL? heard frm a fren that, the couple has to bring personal belongings, such as new clothes to the new home?
when is ur weddin???
mi also hakka ger marryin a hokkien boi...
parents hvnt meet up 2 discuss over the items...
perhaps i can update u by the end of the mth...
my parents dun require mi 2 go with them 2 distribute the cards n cakes 2 my relatives...
as 4 the cards 4 my colleagues n frenz, i will send out the invites abt 3wks b4 my weddin as my weddin is the mth of chinese 8th mth...
wont b able 2 send out invites durin the 7th mth...
I saw some of you mentioned that on actual day, the groom will bring oranges, roasted pork/roasted pork/raw pork leg/pork leg in can form, angbaos, etc. So for roasted pig, the brides side will take the middle portion and return the rest plus a pair of pants. But how about roasted pork/raw pork leg? Any of you have any idea whether to return or no need. And all these are suppose to bring along when picking up the bride on actual day right? pls give me some advice....CONFUSED! any difference for different dialet grp.
think it is better to ask your elders. the roasted piglet is for cantonese, and seems there is a certain way to cut piglet.
my hubby is cantonese, me hokkien. so my mum requested for 12 oranges and bak kuan(~500g) to be given when fetching the bride. this will depends on the different dialect group and most importantly what the bride's parents want.
thanks for ur reply..pls keep me updated soon as to what are the procedure and items to get for ur GDL. my MIL wants to meet up with my side to discuss the things we want. my dad's relatives/siblings all in KL lah.
just checked with my mum, will not be returning any portion of bak kua back to groom. i also very confused over what need to be done. i think when fetching the bride, the customary stuffs need to follow the bride's dialect group. hence i not getting any roasted piglet. initially, mum wanted fresh pork leg, but she feels that it is far too troublesome, so we use bak kua.
my hubby's family is in malaysia and this wedding customs are driving us up the wall.
i'm hakka and my hubby is hokkien. found out all these things and would like to share these info with all the hakka brides out there!!
these are the things i asked my mum to get for me, although my GDL is only in oct.
1 baby bath tub
1 face basin
2 pairs of chopsticks
2 bedroom slippers/clogs
2 toothbrush & toothpaste
1 sewing box (12 color threads, measurement tape, scissors. NO NEEDLES INSIDE!! BUY UR OWN NEEDLES AFTER THE WEDDING) (12 colors to represent colorful life "tuo zi tuo cai", black/white thread to represent "bai tuo tao lao")
1 RULER (supposedly to measure ur life together)
1 teaset for serving tea @ PIL's place, that has to be returned to the bride after use (2 longan, 2 red dates, 2 lotus seed to be placed in the tea set. on actual day jus ask MIL to put in somemore to make the drink, for the new couple to serve tea to the parents/elders/relatives)
1 fan to be used when leaving frm parent's home to groom's place (to ward off evil)
GDL stuff for hakka brides (usually 2 weeks b4 actual day)..
2 liquor (return 2 orange juice)
16/18 oranges (return 8/9 oranges)
wedding cakes/pastries (ask for how many you need and return 2 boxes)
pork leg cans (optional)
2 abalone, mushrooms, scallop, fatt choy (need not return)
jewellery (optional) (this issue is quite subjective..see whether ur MIL mentioned that she's giving you or not) (my MIL bought me a bracelet which we went to choose together and she'll give me on actual day when i serve her tea)
invitation cards for relatives (cards for friends and associates can be given 1 mth b4 actual day)
pin jing ($$ depending on how much you want) (for my case, my MIL giving me 10 tables so pin jing dun need to take so much, but at least enough to cover the things my mum got for me which costs her $200..which i've listed above.)
bride's father has to carry a red umbrella (normal one or even those free umbrella will do...need not buy those with lace) to shelter her to the car. AS THE BRIDE ENTERS THE CAR...PLEASE DO NOT TURN BACK TO LOOK AT THE MOTHER!! supposedly to mean that the bride has to look ahead to a good future.
switch on the bedlamps & house lights the night before the wedding...so that on the actual day dun have to go to the new home to switch them on. jus need to go to both parents' home and check-in hotel by 2pm to rest.
bridal car issue...(any dialect)
not suppose to use bride's father's/elder brother's car as the wedding car!! either use groom's side or borrow frm friend or rent.
(all along wanted to use my dad's car...happened that the hairdresser told my mum..and that's how we found out) (in ancient time, supposedly to mean that the bride's family is so poor that they can't afford to hire helpers that they've to carry the bridal sedan themselves)
nowadays, the roasted pig for the actual day can be replaced by 16/18 cans of pork leg and jus return 8/9 cans to ur inlaws. u may shop ard those shops at chinatown (near the one with the basement wet market)
u mentioned that "bride's father has to carry a red umbrella (normal one or even those free umbrella will do...need not buy those with lace) to shelter her to the car. ". What if my house is sheltered all the way to the car? u know nowadays got a lot of sheltered walkways. And must the umbrella be red?
Oh ya u mentioned ve to buy "1 teaset for serving tea @ PIL's place, that has to be returned to the bride after use", that's funny! Can't they use their own teaset? What's the significance?
Very interesting topic here. I am going to get married this Dec. Guo Da Li for me should be a breeze as both my parents and in-laws decided to use ang bao to cover for everything. But I personally wanted to have a traditional feel... and wanted to get all the things needed. ;p
Anyway, just to check out how much does a tea set cost? I juz came back from Malaysia and a shop is selling at RM20 plus. Do you think it is reasonable?
my house also has got a car porch... it's jus "yi si yi si" "shelter" the bride to the car. yes! the color of the umbrella must be red (auspicious color), if not pink also can. pls dun get black or even those dark colored ones.
offering ur in-laws tea and they accept our tea (means that they accept us as their DIL)..so during GDL, when bride's side give them the teaset, it signifies that the bride is "one step closer to being accepted" by the in-laws.
hi renee jesslyn,
in fact, i was the one who insisted on following all these traditions. even my parents and grandparents can't stand me!! since it's a once in a lifetime affair and it's meaningful...so why not??!!
RM20 for a teaset??!! it's not even S$10..although i dunno how much mine costs..but i think urs is worth buying.
if the bride is leaving frm the parents' place which is HDB/condo with void deck it's applicable. i think hakka2 was referring to private house. for mine i dunno whether will the car be driving in to the driveway or stop outside. coz i might/might not have the buffet table at the driveway.
only bought the things that my mum has to give me. anyway my mum called MIL this morning to let her know the items for GDL and actual day. btw, we're having pork leg cans instead of roast pig for actual day.