Getting ex bf back

[muzik_luver]

Hi never the same
Different people end a relationship for diffrent reasons...and it does not necessary mean that the one who initiates feels any less painful. Be it mutual or not, i guess at a certain point in time, one will just quit looking back and move on. I think coming to terms with the loss/pain is of paramount importance to recovery...when one comes to terms and accepts the reality, only then will there be closure...and only with closure will one be able to walk towards that path of recovery...slowly but surely.

As for me, the 1st 3 wks or so of greiving was bad...i found myself wrestling(yes, that would be the most appropriate word) with my own emotions day in, day out. I'm glad i'm putting it behind me now as i look forward to new objectives in life...and hopefully miss right will also walk into my life in the not too distant future.
And yes...i certainly hope I won't need that healing strategy ever again

Hi Doll
To me, when a person clings on to false hopes, i think he/she is actually in a state of denial...refusing to face the truth. When someone diverts his/her focus away from problems/issues, I think the person is actually trying to escape from facing the agony that comes with the reality. When dealing with a failed relationship, many of us make an effort to keep ourselves busy with work or other activities so that those negative emotions will be 'pushed' to the back of our minds instead of learning how to come to terms with it and finally letting go. When we try to 'run-away' from it all momentarilly, we are in fact prolonging the pain. We feel sad but yet at the same time we just refuse to get in touch with those raw emotions deep down inside, let alone nib the problem in the bud. And the truth is, no matter what...we're just gonna have to face the real agony someday. Take me for example...my last relationship ended 2yrs ago. Over the last 2yrs, i felt sad but yet refuse to really grieve over it...and at the same time, I was clinging on to that little bit of hope that we may be able to get back together someday. Keeping myself busy at work was easy. Apart from long working hours that comes with the industry that I'm in, even on days when I get to knock off at 7 and reach home by 8, i'll find things to occupy my time with til i'm dead beat before hitting the bed at 2am so that I won't have time to dwell on negative stuffs. It is only in recent months when i had a long break that i finally had to face the realities, greive and move on.

 

[sgbabydoll]

Muzik, it isn't my style to indulge myself totally in intense grief, not even when my dad passed away suddenly. I might lose my sanity totally. So those distractions were necessary for me.

 

[muzik_luver]

On the topic of dad, I'll be facing what you've faced in the distant future...although i really hope it'll be a lot later rather than sooner. Letting go of a gf whom you've love and loves you for just a couple of years is bad enough...I just don't know how to let go of someone who has loved me for my entire life time. Keep telling myself I'll be able to deal with it when we get there but I just know that I'm lying to myself....

 

[never_the_same]

Each of us have different ways of coping with breakups. For some, distractions help to get over the past, be it a new hobby or even finding someone new within few weeks after the breakup. Jumping into a new relationship may mask away the initial loneliness and perhaps one would not even need to grief over the loss of the previous relationship but whether it will last, only time will tell. I guess for some, they can only get over when there is someone new. For others, it may take longer because they are not ready for someone new.

 

[sgbabydoll]

It would be 1000 times more painful for my dad to fight to live...that was how I was able to let go of him and tell him to go in peace, for his own sake.

 

[miloice]

muzik, departure of our loved ones through death is a lot harder than any bgr breakups. At least, we know that they are alive and well somewhere else.

We just have to look at the positives of it all to find some comfort. Just as how Doll had explained. But when death hits so suddenly, unlike a long term disease, it just too sudden and senseless. Its very hard to swallow the reality of it all. Maybe the reason we all want to believe there is life after death.

 

[powder]

muzik,

i hope things will turn out well for u... i lost my dad when i was 20 and definitely unprepared... he was in so much pain with the chemo and all tat it's more heart-wrenchin than any relationship breakups... guess death is inevitable, just the timing tat sucks cos i wish i had his guidance during some parts of my life...

i wish u Quality of Time, Unrestrained Affection, and Strength from Within...

i'd give up all my materials to hug n kiss my dad just one more time...

 

[vios]

Noted and noted... been telling myself and wifey abt the importance and quality of time as life itself is so unpredictable.

 

[miloice]

Muzik, "Keep telling myself I'll be able to deal with it when we get there but I just know that I'm lying to myself...."

very true indeed. No one can truly be prepared for such things. Life is too unpredictable. It doesn't happen the way we always expected and wanted it. That's life.

 

[muzik_luver]

To Milo & Powder
Thanks for the comforting words, appreciate them.

 

[simpleman]

My burning motto: Carpe Diem.

Live you life as if today is your last day. Cherish all you have today so that there will be no regrets.

People come and go in our lives - we can't change this fact. Our loved ones will leave us someday and we too will leave this world.

 

[jojo24]

Hi, thanks all of you for your advise in the past.

The meeting does not turn out well . anyway i already give up.. i do think of the r/s still but i know it will be only memories.. sometime i do feel upset but not as much as last time.

I agree that times heals and keeping yourself occupied helps.. during this period i learn a new sport and keep myself occupied. And all this did help.

So never_the same , you can too. It really need time. My r/s was oso one yr plus.

 

[alanakelly]

If you think you both deserve each other, just do it. You are the only one who can sincerely know if the relationship is worth fighting for. Make a move immediately. It's human to make a fool out of yourself when falling in love, but if you keep on doing it again and again, that's another thing.

How To Get Your Ex Back

 

[mum_of_2_girls]

Hi sm,

Does your ex-wife come home to see her 3 children?

How do you handle the situation with her and the children?

Hope the children don't miss their mummy too much.
This is especially hard for young children.