never_the_same
New Member
Hey koikoi, procrastinator, thanks for the support and encouragement... I really appreciate!
Getting ex bf back
- Thread starter jojo24
- Start date
never_the_same,
Just something. Don't believe in "Easier said than done"..
This is one of the most self-fulfilling phrases. Now you are saying this phrase and you are BELIEVING in it.. and that is why it is SO DIFFICULT.
Use the NIKE phrase: "JUST DO IT"
Believe you can and you will do it.
Just something. Don't believe in "Easier said than done"..
This is one of the most self-fulfilling phrases. Now you are saying this phrase and you are BELIEVING in it.. and that is why it is SO DIFFICULT.
Use the NIKE phrase: "JUST DO IT"
Believe you can and you will do it.
never_the_same
New Member
Thanks koikoi, I will.
SM - I read your post over and over again. It must have been tough on you. You have a big heart indeed, to forgive, and most importantly to forget. Not many people are able to the same as you. I guess most breakups are ugly as it's human nature to be bitter about the hurt that others left in them. We tend to remember the bad, but not the good. What you said strikes a chord in me. I learn something impt today: to be thankful of the wonderful memories but at the same time let go and look forward to a brighter tomorrow.
Thank you, I feel slightly better.
SM - I read your post over and over again. It must have been tough on you. You have a big heart indeed, to forgive, and most importantly to forget. Not many people are able to the same as you. I guess most breakups are ugly as it's human nature to be bitter about the hurt that others left in them. We tend to remember the bad, but not the good. What you said strikes a chord in me. I learn something impt today: to be thankful of the wonderful memories but at the same time let go and look forward to a brighter tomorrow.
Thank you, I feel slightly better.
never_the_same,
Griefing about the lost of our love is normal but don't let that dominate your life.
When my wife left me.. trust me.. it was many more times harder that you can ever imagined.
Imagine have to deal with 3 kids alone. My little girl was only 2 years then and every night she would wail and scream.. when I carry her to comfort her and my wife was not with me, you can imagine the pain.
Not to mention that I have to see my wife through her break-off with her lover - not once, not twice but three times - so many heartaches. And her lover would call me, saying my wife was crazy.. committing suicide etc etc.. And yes, she did ended up in hospital.. and I had to go and fetch her home. Cannot even ask her what happened so as not to upset her.
All these while I never let my personal life affect my work. After work, yes, it was utterly depressing.. but I fill my life with activities, pick up new hobbies, make new friends.. and basically adopt a positive mental attitude. I don't allow myself to dwell too much on the negatives - yes, I can understand 2-3 months but we should move on.
You have 1 year of memories.. I had 17 years.. and I have three children.. you think I had it easy? But I am always positive and I always look forward. YOu too can recover from it. Just believe in it
Griefing about the lost of our love is normal but don't let that dominate your life.
When my wife left me.. trust me.. it was many more times harder that you can ever imagined.
Imagine have to deal with 3 kids alone. My little girl was only 2 years then and every night she would wail and scream.. when I carry her to comfort her and my wife was not with me, you can imagine the pain.
Not to mention that I have to see my wife through her break-off with her lover - not once, not twice but three times - so many heartaches. And her lover would call me, saying my wife was crazy.. committing suicide etc etc.. And yes, she did ended up in hospital.. and I had to go and fetch her home. Cannot even ask her what happened so as not to upset her.
All these while I never let my personal life affect my work. After work, yes, it was utterly depressing.. but I fill my life with activities, pick up new hobbies, make new friends.. and basically adopt a positive mental attitude. I don't allow myself to dwell too much on the negatives - yes, I can understand 2-3 months but we should move on.
You have 1 year of memories.. I had 17 years.. and I have three children.. you think I had it easy? But I am always positive and I always look forward. YOu too can recover from it. Just believe in it
Actually I like to help people recover.. I made quite a number of friends.. some online ones that we only communicate through email/MSN.. others we became friends and we meet for dinner/movie.. etc etc
Then friends would introduce friends.. Nowadays, I don't have enough time!
Then friends would introduce friends.. Nowadays, I don't have enough time!
laundry_woes
New Member
Yeap, good reminder tat u're not the only heartbroken victim in the world. Instead of dwelling on all the bad (which does absolutely nothing in ur healing), why not focus on the good? U've had happy times together & they're over now. Time to move on to build even happier ones.
laundry_woes
New Member
Nope. It's Sat. Be grateful I even crawled out of bed. Laundry later lah. I'm busy sulking now coz bo ice cream. Heheh. I'm becoming an addict liao.
Moving On in Life... is very much Me, Myself and I.
when my buddy died...
when dad died...
when i got horrible irreversible exam results...
when i met with an accident and couldn't walk due to intense pain...
when i was down to the last $28 in my bank with a huge debt to repay...
when my gfren left me becos she wanted to start a family and i was still too in debt to even envision married life...
Life is such. Life puts the joys in us, and puts the bitterness so tat we're not so immersed in sweetness that we become complacent. we all have a sweet-tooth for life, we want to have sweet things over and over... sometimes more than our fair share...
before each Low event, there were high events... and before each High event - there are low events... Your current situation is a Low... but put faith in Life that the ebb is the turn of the tide. these are life's lessons and these are inevitable. do not indulge in make-believe life and let it enter your subconscios... it will mess up your sense of expectations and well-being.
my buddy's death taught me abt death...
dad's death taught me absolute independence with nothing to fall back on... where shelter & food were basic survival.
bad exam results made me look beyond the known-choices and guided me to soar higher than if i had gone on to get an MBA/PHD.
my inability to at one time Walk woke me up to losing my 5 Senses at any point of time... i appreciate basic things more... things which most take for granted.
my debt spurred me to thye shortest path of making money, and once the debt was cleared - i kept the path and carried on making the money...
my gfren's departure allowed me to experience and define further the needs i have in a relationship other than just starting families and living simplistic a life. it gave me a chance to Choose the Right one and not settle for a good one... which looking back i'm glad i didn't marry her. i would have hated myself by now and be in a mid-life crisis cos i have to look towards working til retirement.
Thing is. we Have To look at the positives... i know ladies tend to reminisce and re-run the relationship in their heads, but why not do it concurrently? we dun have to be like the tv-dramas where Guys are unshaven for months thinking of some lost gfren, or girls have to Dun Eat and cry to sleep nitely.
nobody is watching.
it's just back to me and my life again. just like it's now u and your life.
shut off your pc. dress to your most pleasing, get out of the house... go orchard, go walk the esplanade, go catch a movie alone, go read a magazine at Starbucks, go walk in the crowds... SMELL, SEE, FEEL... it's Life. Life is happening all around u... Join It and Live Yours to the Best and to Your Happiest...
when my buddy died...
when dad died...
when i got horrible irreversible exam results...
when i met with an accident and couldn't walk due to intense pain...
when i was down to the last $28 in my bank with a huge debt to repay...
when my gfren left me becos she wanted to start a family and i was still too in debt to even envision married life...
Life is such. Life puts the joys in us, and puts the bitterness so tat we're not so immersed in sweetness that we become complacent. we all have a sweet-tooth for life, we want to have sweet things over and over... sometimes more than our fair share...
before each Low event, there were high events... and before each High event - there are low events... Your current situation is a Low... but put faith in Life that the ebb is the turn of the tide. these are life's lessons and these are inevitable. do not indulge in make-believe life and let it enter your subconscios... it will mess up your sense of expectations and well-being.
my buddy's death taught me abt death...
dad's death taught me absolute independence with nothing to fall back on... where shelter & food were basic survival.
bad exam results made me look beyond the known-choices and guided me to soar higher than if i had gone on to get an MBA/PHD.
my inability to at one time Walk woke me up to losing my 5 Senses at any point of time... i appreciate basic things more... things which most take for granted.
my debt spurred me to thye shortest path of making money, and once the debt was cleared - i kept the path and carried on making the money...
my gfren's departure allowed me to experience and define further the needs i have in a relationship other than just starting families and living simplistic a life. it gave me a chance to Choose the Right one and not settle for a good one... which looking back i'm glad i didn't marry her. i would have hated myself by now and be in a mid-life crisis cos i have to look towards working til retirement.
Thing is. we Have To look at the positives... i know ladies tend to reminisce and re-run the relationship in their heads, but why not do it concurrently? we dun have to be like the tv-dramas where Guys are unshaven for months thinking of some lost gfren, or girls have to Dun Eat and cry to sleep nitely.
nobody is watching.
it's just back to me and my life again. just like it's now u and your life.
shut off your pc. dress to your most pleasing, get out of the house... go orchard, go walk the esplanade, go catch a movie alone, go read a magazine at Starbucks, go walk in the crowds... SMELL, SEE, FEEL... it's Life. Life is happening all around u... Join It and Live Yours to the Best and to Your Happiest...
laundry_woes
New Member
sm, u very on leh. Drive from here all the way to Clementi? Eh, we buy in bulk leh. Wif Salsa & Skylar. Then got free delivery.
Powder, weekend Orchard very crowded leh. On leave on a weekday is best for me time.
Powder, weekend Orchard very crowded leh. On leave on a weekday is best for me time.
laundry_woes
New Member
Want! Coconut!! If u happen to go lah. Thks!
Hmm... I've always been phobic of crowds. Dunno who or where to focus on. Less crowded doesn't mean totally devoid of life mah.
Hmm... I've always been phobic of crowds. Dunno who or where to focus on. Less crowded doesn't mean totally devoid of life mah.
what's wrong with crowds as long as they are not in front of u In A Queue?
sometimes in a crowd, u go blank and your mind filters out the noise... u look around and observe pple... u FEEL LIFE. it's great.
weekdays have their Feel on Life, so does weekends... u walk amongst the crowds to appreciate the solitude when u're in a serene place... u stay in solitude to appreciate crowded places and the bustling of life... the mix is wonderful... balance is key.
of cos erm, do your laundry first? hehe
sometimes in a crowd, u go blank and your mind filters out the noise... u look around and observe pple... u FEEL LIFE. it's great.
weekdays have their Feel on Life, so does weekends... u walk amongst the crowds to appreciate the solitude when u're in a serene place... u stay in solitude to appreciate crowded places and the bustling of life... the mix is wonderful... balance is key.
of cos erm, do your laundry first? hehe
laundry_woes
New Member
I dun think I venture beyond mind going blank in a crowd. 
I like my space & solitude. Wif a couple of people for company to feel their lives in-depth. I can't handle quantity.
Oi, get over my laundry! I have a washing machine!! Shld really hv chosen my nick carefully. Geez.
I like my space & solitude. Wif a couple of people for company to feel their lives in-depth. I can't handle quantity. Oi, get over my laundry! I have a washing machine!! Shld really hv chosen my nick carefully. Geez.
never_the_same
New Member
SM: I'm sure as your kids grow up, they will appreciate and be proud of you as their dad for all that you have done.
Your strength, maturity and positivity motivates people in one way or another, now i'd like to believe I can do the same too.
Hey thanks for sharing your blog again - i'll check it out.
Your strength, maturity and positivity motivates people in one way or another, now i'd like to believe I can do the same too.
Hey thanks for sharing your blog again - i'll check it out.
laundry, driving is not on lah.. sg is so small.
this morning at 5am i got a call from a girl (someone I knew online and met twice). She was clubbing at saint james and she said her friends left her alone there.. and she got no money to go home. The only person she knows got a car is me.. and she called me..
So I woke up. Drove to saint james to pick her up. Went to breakfast with her and sent her home.
Easily clocking 80km for the trip.
this morning at 5am i got a call from a girl (someone I knew online and met twice). She was clubbing at saint james and she said her friends left her alone there.. and she got no money to go home. The only person she knows got a car is me.. and she called me..
So I woke up. Drove to saint james to pick her up. Went to breakfast with her and sent her home.
Easily clocking 80km for the trip.
laundry_woes
New Member
Hao lian. Luckily I dun hv to wash the buses or mrt. My laundry is done by the washing machine. Brandt no less. Life is greater.
Now if only I can get the crowds off the buses & mrt.
Now if only I can get the crowds off the buses & mrt.
laundry_woes
New Member
Not the F1 one hor? Heheh. Ya, but no eating. Why?
may_be_divorced_soon
New Member
SM, what is your serial number? I sure give my precious 1 vote to you! lol...
laundry_woes
New Member
Oh, on non-race days ah? Limited access. They hv open houses every now & then though. U wanna go there for wat? Take pixs?
laundree ah, i've got the perfect solution! a french nudist colony is recruiting and i just thought of u... no clothes = no laundry! dogs allowed. welcome gift includes a spoon and a lifetime supply of ice-cream!
but seriously... Crowds are teachers too... u either see them as 'the crowd', or u see yourself as being 'part of the crowd'. which are u? when u see yourself as being part of the crowd, u realise tat u're not alone. u'll reflect less on your negatives and look to be out of the crowd on the positives... not sure if u get wat i mean.
mixture of both, solitude is good too, but not all the time.
but seriously... Crowds are teachers too... u either see them as 'the crowd', or u see yourself as being 'part of the crowd'. which are u? when u see yourself as being part of the crowd, u realise tat u're not alone. u'll reflect less on your negatives and look to be out of the crowd on the positives... not sure if u get wat i mean.
mixture of both, solitude is good too, but not all the time.
laundry_woes
New Member
Never knew nudist cld be an occupation.
Ok, clarification. I din mean solitude ALL the time. I juz prefer less people & not Orchard-Road-on-weekends standards.
Not sure if I got u. I guess I do not see myself as part of the crowd. Doesn't necessarily mean I'm more or less impt than others or anything. But in standing alone, I dun feel the pressure to blend wif the crowd.
Ok, clarification. I din mean solitude ALL the time. I juz prefer less people & not Orchard-Road-on-weekends standards.
Not sure if I got u. I guess I do not see myself as part of the crowd. Doesn't necessarily mean I'm more or less impt than others or anything. But in standing alone, I dun feel the pressure to blend wif the crowd.
it's not a job, it's just exclusive.. like the credit cards tat always tell u how exclusive they are but actually not. keke
i'm definitely part of the crowd... the crowd is like me and i am like them. i'd like to stand out of the crowd but i recognise myself to be part of the crowd in the first place... becos of that mindset, my negatives are seldom magnified and i move on easily.
i'm definitely part of the crowd... the crowd is like me and i am like them. i'd like to stand out of the crowd but i recognise myself to be part of the crowd in the first place... becos of that mindset, my negatives are seldom magnified and i move on easily.
laundry_woes
New Member
Guess it's tis independence streak in me to want to live by my own beliefs tat I dun wanna risk. I even shut out family sometimes. Can't be bothered to explain my decisions. Ya, ya. I know it's bad. I'm working on it.
laundry_woes
New Member
sooooo little people or sooooo little clothing? Har? Har?
laundry_woes
New Member
Muz pass my solitude exam then can come in. But no worries. My exam not pegged to Cambridge one.
Little clothing, not no clothing. Peekaboo is way more fun than serve-everything-on-a-platter.
Little clothing, not no clothing. Peekaboo is way more fun than serve-everything-on-a-platter.
miloice
Well-Known Member
"Believe me, i'm trying. I know I have to, and I have been trying everyday."
Sometimes... u can be trying too hard. Instead of trying, just spend your time on other stuffs, like friends, hobbies, family and your career. Not just physically occupying your time but you putting your mind 100% on these. If you spend your time focusing on trying to get rid of the thoughts, then you will not be focus on what you are doing be it sports or anything and you will probably not achieve much.
Sports and working late and really hard in work helped me alot to recover not just from bgr but grieve over my dad too. It worked very well for me. u might want to give it a try. Also, go on a holiday with your parents. Spend quality time to really appreciate them.
Sometimes... u can be trying too hard. Instead of trying, just spend your time on other stuffs, like friends, hobbies, family and your career. Not just physically occupying your time but you putting your mind 100% on these. If you spend your time focusing on trying to get rid of the thoughts, then you will not be focus on what you are doing be it sports or anything and you will probably not achieve much.
Sports and working late and really hard in work helped me alot to recover not just from bgr but grieve over my dad too. It worked very well for me. u might want to give it a try. Also, go on a holiday with your parents. Spend quality time to really appreciate them.
muzik_luver
New Member
Hi never the same
It's sad to read what you've gone through but i guess all of us here have been through break-ups and certainly understand the anguish you're feeling right now.
Like yourself, during my last break-up, i was telling myself things like...don't know how to pick up the pieces & move on, easier said than done, etc. Back then, i had concern that the path to recovery may be like my 1st break-up whereby i took ard 5yrs (quite long imo) to really move on. But guess what, I've since gotten over this previous relationship & moved on...and all it took was 2 months of intense grieving...a lot faster than i'd expected.
From my experience, in order to recover/move on faster, you'll need to immense yourself in grief rather than trying to "run-away" from it all by burying yourself with work, etc. By running away from reality and not take time to grieve over the loss, recovery will be slow or even stagnate. If possible, take 2-3 months or so of no-pay leave and simply grieve...let those raw emotions overwhelm you freely. Once you've grieved enough, you'll be surprised how sudden recovery takes over.
All of us are the same...once bitten, twice shy. We all tend to fear getting hurt again. But do give love another chance when it apprears. Do yourself a favour by trying to get back on your feet asap so that when love appears again, you'll be ready.
To SM,
You're no simpleman...you're 1 extraordinary man! After reading your posts, really have to salute you for your strength and big heart.
Visited your blog....nice blog & the pics too!
It's sad to read what you've gone through but i guess all of us here have been through break-ups and certainly understand the anguish you're feeling right now.
Like yourself, during my last break-up, i was telling myself things like...don't know how to pick up the pieces & move on, easier said than done, etc. Back then, i had concern that the path to recovery may be like my 1st break-up whereby i took ard 5yrs (quite long imo) to really move on. But guess what, I've since gotten over this previous relationship & moved on...and all it took was 2 months of intense grieving...a lot faster than i'd expected.
From my experience, in order to recover/move on faster, you'll need to immense yourself in grief rather than trying to "run-away" from it all by burying yourself with work, etc. By running away from reality and not take time to grieve over the loss, recovery will be slow or even stagnate. If possible, take 2-3 months or so of no-pay leave and simply grieve...let those raw emotions overwhelm you freely. Once you've grieved enough, you'll be surprised how sudden recovery takes over.
All of us are the same...once bitten, twice shy. We all tend to fear getting hurt again. But do give love another chance when it apprears. Do yourself a favour by trying to get back on your feet asap so that when love appears again, you'll be ready.
To SM,
You're no simpleman...you're 1 extraordinary man! After reading your posts, really have to salute you for your strength and big heart.
Visited your blog....nice blog & the pics too!
don't think there is a fixed formula for recovering. Yes, griefing is part of the process.. but i should say that intense griefing shouldn't last longer than necessary.. 2-3 months is quite ok. After that the grief may be there but it shouldn't be too overwhelming.
I always believe our mental attitude is the most power antidote for recovery. When I woke up each day, I would tell myself to make the day a positive experience.. and if you keep trying to be positive.. you will recover much faster.
Letting go is always part of the recovery process. And it is important for us to let go - irregardless of how wonderful the beautiful the relationship was in the past.
I always believe our mental attitude is the most power antidote for recovery. When I woke up each day, I would tell myself to make the day a positive experience.. and if you keep trying to be positive.. you will recover much faster.
Letting go is always part of the recovery process. And it is important for us to let go - irregardless of how wonderful the beautiful the relationship was in the past.
never_the_same
New Member
Hi Milo, have tried what you suggested. I did bring my parents on a short trip a few months back, esp when you are aware that life is short, and you know you don't have that many years down the road with them. The least we can do is to cherish and treasure the time now, to keep them company while they are still around.
Besides that, yeah I know I need to go out more to socialise. I'm still working on it.
Hey Muzik luver, thanks for the advice. I guess a part of me has been 'running away' because I don't know how to deal with those feelings of anguish, hurt, and bitterness after the breakup, especially when it isn't a mutual parting. A part of me have not fully come to terms with it, which is why there are some days i'd feel the pain coming back to me.
When its time to stop loving someone, your heart will naturally tell you so. 5 years is indeed a long time to get over and move on. But it's not the time that matters (afterall each of us has different 'endurance' level) but what really matters is the lesson learnt out of the espiode. Glad to know you found your 'healing strategy' and I do hope you will never need to use it again.
Like what SM always said think of the positive! Suddenly I feel that I have just "grown up" recently.
This breakup has changed me- for the better definitely.
Besides that, yeah I know I need to go out more to socialise. I'm still working on it.
Hey Muzik luver, thanks for the advice. I guess a part of me has been 'running away' because I don't know how to deal with those feelings of anguish, hurt, and bitterness after the breakup, especially when it isn't a mutual parting. A part of me have not fully come to terms with it, which is why there are some days i'd feel the pain coming back to me.
When its time to stop loving someone, your heart will naturally tell you so. 5 years is indeed a long time to get over and move on. But it's not the time that matters (afterall each of us has different 'endurance' level) but what really matters is the lesson learnt out of the espiode. Glad to know you found your 'healing strategy' and I do hope you will never need to use it again.
Like what SM always said think of the positive! Suddenly I feel that I have just "grown up" recently.
This breakup has changed me- for the better definitely.
sgbabydoll
Active Member
Muzik: "From my experience, in order to recover/move on faster, you'll need to immense yourself in grief rather than trying to "run-away" from it all by burying yourself with work, etc."
I think burying yourself in work is diverting your focus from the relationship. Same with taking up a new hobby or starting a new exercise regime, etc. Running away, to me at least, would be more like hanging on to a hope that the guy/girl would come back to you.
I think burying yourself in work is diverting your focus from the relationship. Same with taking up a new hobby or starting a new exercise regime, etc. Running away, to me at least, would be more like hanging on to a hope that the guy/girl would come back to you.
miloice
Well-Known Member
agreed with Muzik lover that u cannot just suppress the emotions. Muz let it go else will become pressurize. But, I'm not one of those that prefer intense grieving. Grief at your own pace, some want it intense and fast while others prefer moderately. Whatever the recovery process, it is never suppressed. Either way, we must let the grieving take its course.
The only way for me not to need to grieve anymore is to be dead but the grieve is merely transferred to those I love. We continue to think of the past. When we finally recover, it will still give us sleepless nights and emotional periods. But, the intensity would be so manageable. For me, the very 1st step to recovery is to be able to talk about it.
The only way for me not to need to grieve anymore is to be dead but the grieve is merely transferred to those I love. We continue to think of the past. When we finally recover, it will still give us sleepless nights and emotional periods. But, the intensity would be so manageable. For me, the very 1st step to recovery is to be able to talk about it.