Divorce advise needed (kids, HDB)

[A1915]

Hi I am female 38 years old. I am thinking to get a divorce . I am married for 11 years and together for 18 years. This is really tiring. I would prefer everything to end amicably. We have a 5 Rm hdb flat that left 40k but can be easily paid off from both our CPF. We have a daughter too. I need advise and direction for the following. I have given him so many years and last year i have ask for Divorce but he beg me to stay.. so i willing to give this relationship another shot for the sake of my girl and the 18 years together. But as expected things dont last long.. he revert back. He is not a bad man but not easy to live with.
at the moment I am not working and looking for a new job. meanwhile i will like some advise on the following.

1) I do plan that my girl would be better off staying with him and i would like to visit her every weekend. therefore i would prefer if he take over the hdb. our hdb is over 5 years. does he need to make payment fully on the house if divorce? as his cpf may not be sufficient to cover and is it base on current market rate or our buying rate as the price has gone up . Am I right to say that My share will be transfer back to my CPF? I will need to get another place so the money is important to me to enable that my girl can come over once in a while and i have a roof.

2) Since I am over 35years old, are there any possibliities for me to get a new HDB place under my own name? which I heard that may not be possible immediately.

3) I do think our divorce may spread up to 3 or 4 years .. and i heard a recent law that we need to go through counselling?

4) do advise me what other cost i may need to look in
- legal fees -$2 to 3k ?
- accomodation for 3 or 4 years
- any admin charges from HDB

5) can someone recommend me a free counsellor for me and my girl? I would like her to receive professional help and like some info first.

6) There is only one ground for divorce: Irretrievable breakdown of marriage. I must prove that the marriage has broken down and cannot be tollerated any more.The cause of this breakdown is of minor importance - money problems, personality differences. How to prove on this ? SMS can be used?

 

[life_is]

Why do you want a divorce? Children suffer as a result of divorce. In the first place, if you can't live with your husband, you shouldn't have gotten married.

 

[traciee]

Just being curious but why do you think your girl is better off staying with him when u also mentioned that he's not easy to live with?

This is like the first thread i see with someone suggesting the kid dont stay with herself.

 

[verysadguy]

1.) Normally, the judge would give the custody to the mum unless you specifically do not want the child. Your ex-hubby would need to make the payment and yes, your share would be transferred back to your CPF but before that, HDB would need to do some calculation based on the price that both of you have bought the flat in the past and how much he would be paying in the future. He would be paying YOUR share after the ownership is transferred to one party

2.) You can get a 2 room BTO but you would need to wait 3 years for the new flat to be ready. Otherwise, you can get a resale flat which is more costly.

3.) It would not take 3 to 4 years unless it is a contested divorce. For uncontested divorce, 6 month is enough.

4.) legal fee for uncontested divorce is about 3k to 4k. For contested divorce, it can range from 10K to 50K. Accommodation after your divorce. Are you going to stay in your own house or parents/friends/relatives house or rental house? Yes, there are admin charges for the transfer of flat to sole ownership.

5.) You can go to the nearest family care centre. They should have counselors.

6.) It is difficult to prove irretrievable breakdown of marriage. The lawyer would need to craft out the reasons and the judge would have to see if it is really irretrievable breakdown of marriage.

 

[Georgian]

A1915 looks like you have made up your mind to leave everything behind and seek your new chapter of your life...
Despite what you wrote, 'he is not a bad person but difficult to live with...' I have sure you have your reasons, and for these reasons, you think it is better for you to move on.
He begged and you gave him a last chance, but things revert back to his 'old ways,' Just wonder if you have gone for family counseling to seek professional help?
If may be clear to you what are his bad old ways, but believe me he MAY not realized it or does not know how to manage or control his bad old ways...
If you have not gone for family counseling, perhaps you want to consider to help him to help himself..

BTW, the grass on the other side may NOT be as green as you think or hope for...

 

[evelynzoo]

Hi TS, you may want to check out this link for the free hotline consultations for yourself and your daughter. http://www.ncss.gov.sg/documents/LIST OF HELPLINES 200513.pdf

hope things will be better for you soon.