Costs of Marriage - how do u spilt?

P

princesshappy

New Member
Just wanna get some feedback, how do you guy spilt up the wedding expenses with ur HTB or WTB?

I hv a friend , who has the mentality, that the guy shld foot ALL wedding expenses.
 


lucky that we're not in the west, where traditionally it's the bride's family that bore all the wedding expenses. she should be lucky that her husband is not expecting the same of her ..

first wedding expenses, then will come monthly allowance, then expenses for the children .. where does her contribution comes in? a marriage is not about one person but TWO .. she can't go on expecting to always take and not to give leh ..
 
yeap~ agree with cuclainne~

for me..for the wedding expenses..my & HTB agree to split half-half right at the beginning~ as our monthly income amount is about the same..

i believe tat marriage is about 2ppl..both must work on it together to maintain and make it last...like e old saying~its takes 2 hands to clap

=)
 
Haha sure no problem. Register for marriage less than $50. Then two tables of stir fry at kopitiam for immediate family members under $500 dollars. Photography and video DIY. All the male can cover.

If not, she better make it clear to her BF/HTB that is her mentality and get them prepared or find someone who is able to do all that.

For us, Joint account. Both contributes equal amount monthly for few years. Then we deduct the common expenses from the account apart from those stuffs which traditionally should be come from either sides. Like the pin jing, si dian jing, and whatsoever stuffs.
 
For me, I wouldn't marry someone that is not willing to see beyond your and my money. That's no marriage. Pretend to be in union. But its all in name only.

Of cos, it will take 2 to tango. Both parties mustn't have the mentality of taking advantage of our partners.
 
yup. agree... for me, what i think is. once we get married, everything will be shared, not just the good and sweet times, but also the bills, expenses and etc. so even if my hubby pays for all the wedding expenses, it would just mean that he has less money for "us". and to me, what used to be seperate entities, will become joint account once the couple is married. i believe, what is "mine" now, will become "ours" when married. of cos, this does not mean that ladies shld not have their own money la. i also feel that men shld have their own personal savings. when married, there shld still be individuality. i also won't want my hubby to start the marriage in deficit or very low savings.

for me, we also spilt all expenses half half, except for the 4 dian jin paid by his mum, and the pin jin, which he himself has to pay. for how much each party has to pay, sometimes it would also depend on their earnings. let's say hubby earns $4k per mth, wife earns $2k per mth. logically speaking, based on their earning power, of cos the guy would prob be paying more cos the girl is not earning alot to begin with. if the girl is earning the same or even more than the guy, to me, it is really not fair for the guy to pay for all.

marriage, shld be sharing the whole life ahead thru thick and thin. but before they even get married, aldy the guy is at the shorter end of the stick. i think once they get married, it will be even tougher for him.

that being said, the gf is his. if he cannot convince her to pay for her share and she is not willing to compromise. and they are still getting married and he is paying for all. i can only say, he asked for it... all the best for the future....
 
cheerful...

Actually for such instance, it's still the same as in all other issues that we deal with in real life...You need to have reached a compromise in the early stages (be it the HTB that foots ALL the expenses or split) by assessing the situation....

If the HTB is financially well off enough to foot everything then fair enough, good luck of the WTB for having a rich husband...

But if the HTB is not that well off, then your fren's idea might put a heavy strain (both financially and emotionally) on the relationship even before marriage...and like what some of them have said earlier...Ask her to count herself lucky that we are not in the old times when the woman side have to pay a dowry...So I don't really understand where your fren is coming from in terms of getting her HTB to pay for ALL expenses...the normal assumption would have to be a fair split rite?

Like I say...different situations for different couples...You still need to assess and make a judgement...

PS : All HTB better don't be like a certain Denon Lee here...Getting your parents to pay for everything (wedding, engagement ring, house, reno...even Ang Baos for brothers) means that financially, you're not ready for marriage and have NO SHAME...
 
Well, I think it is better to advise ladies not to marry men who only know how to pass the buck to their parents and yet shameless enough to feel proud about it.
 
i'm one of those guys who believe in paying for everything, BUT i must say that the Difference lies in... i dun want to marry a girl who wants me to pay for everything... hope u get my drift.

i would date girls to wanna pay for the dinner from time to time, marry a grl who would wanna pay for the bridal package or at least contribute. End of the day i dun really mind paying for everything. of cos if at any one point i know that i'm being 'Expected to pay for everything', then the whole thing is off.

so end of the day it's the mentality... i would never marry your fren EVEN if i can pay for everything from wedding to housing to car. i would still pick someone who doesn't harbour any plans for MY Money...and tat's something i feel is very impt for guys to learn.

pls note that when i say i pay, i mean i pay ie My Own Earned Money... no handouts/donations from parents.
 
Sorry...I can't resist taking a dig at that Denon...

Apologies to the TS...let's get back on to the topic on hand...

I'll deal with that retard in the other thread...

Cheers!
 
hi powder,
want to pay and can afford to pay are also 2 diff things. It would be manageable financially as a couple but not necessarily by the guy alone.

Frankly, if most guys can afford, I don't think there are much dispute or issues. The prob is when one partner selfish drain the resource of the other beyond his limits simply because of some 'expectation'.
 
Maybe I don't speak for all guys but as much as my close click of bludders, it turns a guy off knowing of such mentality.

The first thing that would come to our mind is, issit me or my asset? Then the next question will be, what if one day I lose all these assets? Geez I wouldn't see any future and rather not invite possible strains as such into our lives.
 
bro milo,

for me i've always believed in paying... and so financially i would have a sum ready before i even reach the point of marriage. of cos, i won't be 25yrts old with 150k in the bank, so i'll be married older like 31-32, but i'll make sure i have the money to pay for everything.

i can afford becos that savings is part/parcel of my plans in life. i dun decide i'll get married at 27 and start saving at 27. and if no money to pay for everything, that means i Can't Afford to get married.

i Want, therefore i can Afford. it did not pop out of nowhere... it's what preparation work u do from the day u decided u Want to get married. to me there's no excuse... if at 15 i know i'm gonna be married some day, by 30 i should have the money. it's not like i only realise that i need money to get married when i'm 28... i dun believe in lying to myself or giving myself excuses.

there's nothing in life that is unaffordable if u really want it. (exclude ridiculous luxury extravagance like a diamond-studded Merc CL Class AMG55 hor)
 
ya HBH, it's a turnoff...

i dislike girls who just aim to be a tai-tai, although it's in my foreseeable plans to give my wife the choice of being a middle-class tai-tai. until today, my wife has not asked a cent for me for any of her expenditures... and becos of that, i buy her most of the luxury stuff she feels heartpain to buy. It's not an entitlement, and remains a priviledge...
 
hi powder...

I do respect you personal principle on this.

But do not understand the point of insisting on doing so. Working as a team is supposingly to be able to bring us to further, why need to enforce on this additional financial burden. This could be delaying the marriage simply because of a personal principle. As long as the couple is ready for the marriage, they just work as a team on something within their budget and resources loh.
 
agree with powder. i can afford to pay for all expenses, does not mean i want to or i am willing to pay for all of expenses. and best part, the guy has aldy been paying for her every time they go out on dates. i believe, they shld be earning the same amt. but when he has been paying for her while going on dates, i believe he has much lesser savings then her. so, all the more i feel that she is asking too much.

and even if he earns alot, i still feel that as part of showing that the girl is willing to bring their relationship to the next level, sharing of some expenses in the wedding is necessary and would mean alot to the guy.

it is like, i may earn $5k a mth, i can afford to eat at restaurants every meal. but does not mean that i will want to eat at restaurants every meal.
 
bro different lor...

i see where u're coming from as well and it has worked well for most perhaps. just that - Yes, my Personal Principle... if i Dun have the money for the wedding and the house d/payment ie 150k. i won't even be in the frame of mind to get married. i would choose to breakup if given the pressure.

being ready means both mentally and financially.
 
I tend to feel on the whole is on being how ready, the perspective and how/when the couple wanna go ahead and do it.

One is the joint venture of capital while the other would prefer to be the one providing it ba. Just where your preference will be and in the end building the home with joint effort through various factors that each party is able to contribute lor.
 
yeap, it differs for every individual. I don't see the need to provide financially fully as the criteria to consider marriage at all.

And no, there shouldn't be a pressure apart from the 'folks' questioning. The progression to marriage must be comfortable for both partners.
 
no matter the thing is split or not split ..

i feel that at least the wedding band for the guy ring should be fork out by the wife .. or else to me it will seem like no meaning . . i buy a ring for myself and u expect me to wear it everyday ?
 
well.. i think also depends how much the partner earns..
for instance, IF my htb is a MD.. and i am a clerk.. of cos my htb will pay.. lolz

for my case, if i know that my hubby's savings gonna dry up, i will help him..
 
how to split wedding expenses also need to ask?

I mean, different couples are different..

If you friend's HB pay for all expenses .. does not mean you can expect your HB to pay for all.

It boils down to different couple to handle their finances.. for some, they share 50/50.. for some 70/30 for some 100% by the guy.. and for some 100% by the girl's family.

So, go discuss and find your compromise.
 
just wanna stress that it is a personal Responsibility and Principle for me to make sure finances are sound before i even consider marriage. it's not a matter of 50/50 or anything, she can be a millionaire for all i care, end of the day as a guy, if i envision marriage in the foreseeable future, i Must prepare for it Financially.

at the point of marriage if WTB wants to fork out for certain things, that's fine... or maybe she wants Abit more elaborate, then at least i can subsidise. 50/50 is Fine, what i'm Most concerned is the Mindset and Attitude.

marrying a person who doesn't expect u to bear 100% of the costs, is More vital than having the ability to bear 100% of the costs... the rest are a bonus and a reflection of the wise choice in one's life'partner.
 
yes... one should be financially sound before making a commitment. Its about wearing a fitting hat and not one that is oversized.
 
ya not everyone have parents with 750k to spare, and worse - willingly take the money and feel damn proud of it.
 
powder...

You forgot to add that that "everyone" find it "unbelievable" and "advice" his fren not to take loan for renovation...

Who needs a loan when you can leech it off your parents rite?
Silly fren of his...in believing that loan should be paid off in full....

Just reach out your hand, take and then laugh about it in a forum...simple...
 
ya tat one's a classic...

we definitely need a forummer who goes around and tells pple who are struggling, "why take a loan? i took from my parents!"

DUH??? kiam-gan, kiam-pa type of posts..
 
Yeah i agree with P and P on Denon's seemingly 'loose-on-the-mouth' comments. Not only i tot he was overly smug on his parental hand-outs, what he had written was very evident on his Reality of Problem-solving Skills - 'just get it from parents, get it from the govt' - sort of thinking.

Honestly if i'm his wife, i'll b damn worried for my life-long happiness and the future. So what if there's a 90%-paid EC? So what if there's ONLY like $200+ on loan mortgages every month?
Look at his maturity when he isn't even MENTALLY-RIGHT to get married in the first place... he's only capable of doing just the above-mentioned $200+, and the rest goes to his damn blardy car and nicotine. And, he's feeling great abt his life?

Dun know how his parents gonna feel, if they read his remarks.... it's like, i give you a better start-up on your marriage life and you deem it as your OWN achievement?

What the hell.... what the F**K is going inside Denon's head?

P/S: No jealousy...or No envy from me.... Denon, you seriously need a hard kick on your ass. No offense.
 
Apologies for my diverted post.... i simply can't hide my tots abt Denon, the self-proclaimed Achiever of his parents' contributions. Goodness... i just can't stop.

Now back to the main topic, i think there's no hard rules on that. But, i do believe the guy shld first be financially capable before advancing to marriage. By this, i mean by his own standards - could be a total wedding sum of $1k, $10k or $100k.
The woman of his choice is of course subjective -some guys will oblige to her "101 must have" guidebook and pay all stuffs; some prefer to have the simplest of simple; some will insist on some exact calculations like 50.01 / 49.99 etc...

Pretty much depends on the coupleship, and their Aligned thoughts and goals on Wedding and post-wedding life, right?

Actually hor, it is normal that SOME women think that they shld not be paying much or anything at all at the start of r/s, let alone wedding preps... hence, the guy shld ask himself if he wants such feminist's mentality in his marriage. If he agrees and suffers later, who to say he's stupid and dumb? It's his lesson... perhaps, a life lesson to wisen him up.
 
his wife already assure of 350k in monies if they ever divorce and sell the house... she's safe liao. that should solve any sadness...
 
Well, that is if she's alert and quick enough to cut her losses. Else, I believe he may have a tendency to hire another guy and catch them red-handed for adultery... might not be as much as 350k liao?

Of course, all expenses paid for by his nice parents. Oh, did i forget to include the PI fees and the lawyer's charges as well?

Shucks... im being mean. But at least, i'm REAL.
 
Hahaha ...

Apologies to the rest of the peeps here...
Seems that recently there's a spat of morons coming out to flame me....

Well...at least I find it interesting to discover that such species of leeches do exist in reality...Amazing world we live in eh?
 
After reading all of the above posts on why the reality about marraige in a womwn's mind is ALL about MONEY and in some cases ONLY money!

I'm not at all surprised that DIVORCE RATES are climbing and going up fast!
 
Kengleetan...

I suppose that in that narrow mind of yours...Divorce rates are all caused by women?

How about the role that men plays?

Kinda too sweeping a statement, don't you think?
 
for men's role, i guess they played a major part at it... they didn't understand why they married their extravagant gfs in the first place, and some ended up quitting?
 
Kengleetan's theory doesn't stand lah, so as many of his past posts on marriage and divorce. If rising divorce rate is caused by women who only care about money alone, why do men still want to get married in the first place? Don't make sense at all. I don't understand why would anyone bother to make such a simplistic comment.
 
this is a rather interesting thread (though it seems to be going off in the denon direction recently)...

Am actually going through a dilemma at the moment about bearing of costs. Thing is, bf proposed recently and wants to hold the wedding by end of this year. i've worked out the costs and shown it to him (yup, he was gonna cover it all initially) together with my offer to contribute in certain aspects as those are things that I'd like to have (though I do know that compared to what he has to fork out, that amt is just the tip of the iceberg). Now, a potential likelyhood of me having to contribute more has arised. The problem stems from the fact that (a) i've only started working 2+yrs ago, thus (b) i did not plan for marriage any time soon. So if it reaches the stage where costs have to spilt evenly, it's gonna be honestly beyond me.

Not sure of what I'm supposed to do since he isn't keen on pushing back the wedding date either. sigh...sorry for ranting on but this seems like a gd outlet to share...
 
Hi there Jo,

Seems there's only 2 ways to go about it.

1) Reduce your spendings. Things that can be compromised (e.g. MUST have banquet at only 5 star hotel), just go for a lower cost bracket.

2) Push back the date. At the end of the day, the wedding itself is but a 'show'. Seriously, is it worth all the stress and arguments to put up a lavish show at that timeline at the expense of the both of you arguing about money?

Just my 2 cents worth ;) Good luck!
 
Hi Pyro, believe me I've tried...frankly, I could do without a banquet but have a nice luncheon. However, it seems a banquet must be held at a hotel (HTB request). Must admit that on my part, since we have to spend that money, might as well look for a decent venue!

On the bright side though, there might be a chance that I can FINALLY convince the pushing back of date -- silverlining came this morn! yay!

Just realised we're the same age..are you a bride to be too?
happy.gif
 
Jo, you said that you have not thought about marriage yet and from your post, you sounded you are not ready. So, what is the hurry to get married by year-end?
 
Hey doll, my plan was to get married in 2-3yrs time (last yr inclusive) cos it was about 7mths into the relationship when he proposed. Though I kinda expected it, needed time to adjust to the idea and now it's more of worrying that the wedding can't be ready rather than i'm not ready (apart from if there's a need to up my contribution to the wedding).

Essentially no hurry and now with all the preparation needed (not to mention final cost) laid out, hopefully we can compromise for, at earliest, a mid-2010 wedding (there goes my hope for a year-end wedding)..
 
Hi Jo,

Yeap, I'm getting married end of this year. Actually my wedding has been kinda a 2 yrs in advance planning. Like you, budget is a concern and both my fiance n me have just started working. So what you are going through is not uncommon =) Just need to compromise and discuss with one another on needs and wants.
 
Congrats! 2yrs seem like a more sufficient time to get things ready. Will it be a Dec wedding by any chance?
happy.gif
 
Hi Jo, getting married is not about meeting a deadline...if you fail to plan, you plan to fail. You are doing the right thing to work out the rough costs right from the beginning because most people do not have unlimited budget on a wedding. Even if you have a budget, things may change along the way during the next one year of planning. If you are worried about not being able to come out with your share of the contribution, talk to your bf and set his expectations right.
 
If you WTB wants you to pay for everything, forget the whole marriage.
In the end you'll just be taken for granted.
Marriage is about acceptance, and meeting in the middle or somewhere in the middle.
If one side expects the other to meet him/her at his/her side, the marriage is bound to fail.
My 2 cts of opinion
 


Jo, if you can't discuss wedding finances and expectations openly with your bf, it does make one wonder how ready you two are for a lifetime commitment called marriage...
 
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