Being single

S

sgsingle

New Member
hi everyone. it is very nice to see many people willing to share their views and advice on the various issues raised.

Most of my frens are happily married ( as they dont grumble or complain much). Sometimes, I would wonder how come I have not met "the one" .Sometimes will look back at the past.. "if only..." I know one should move on and look forward instead..It is just that it is very difficult at times.....time flies...now I am in my early 30s liao. on and off, I will join those activities by SDU. however it is very sian to make small talk and repeat same q&a during speed dating. Those who participated in such events before, might agree with me. I am aware that age is a disadvantage as most guys would prefer younger gals..
sad.gif


I should try to expand my social circle and know more people. I am not the outgoing type,will only chat alot if can "click" with the person. Could you share with me , if you know any avenues to know more people? thanks
happy.gif
 


u can try online dating n sites like facebook, friendster etc

have had some friends successful cases that met their partner in these avenue...
 
how about lunch actually?

I thought its concept quite good, can have different lunch partner everyday. Enough time to chat over lunch, unlike speed dating so rushed

if don't click also never mind, don't have to meet again lor
 
Hi sgsingle, I know what you mean. Personally i felt sometimes the more we try, the more disappointing it may get.

So i still believe in pursuing things you like to do and making yourself a more confident and attractive person, then this probably will attract guys more.

So you may join some activities which you like to do and this may be a way to know people.

And on the part about your married friends. Sometimes people may look happy but we never know whats their real problem. Honestly, most married couples have their fair share of problems. We probably only see one side of the story.
 
i think if ur aim of expanding social circle like joining those dating activities is to find someone to settle down, i m quite sure most of the time u fail!!..u should stop giving urself pressure as in oh i m in my ealry 30s liao, most of my frens are happily married (they din complain doesnt mean they happy also), y i still single etc..bet in the next 5 to 10 yrs u will still be asking the same qn..diff is u in early 40s by then..so go to meet more frens, enjoy ur single life n be happy..
 
Eh sgsingle

How would you conclude they are happily married?

Well.....to me school is actually the best place so far. I dun like the idea of finding a partner in workplace coz if things turns sour....you know the consequences. "don't ever shit where you eat"....i always remembers that.

Prolly joining activity groups will help.....but i know it could be hard too.
For me i will fall dead over ladies who're IT geek and so far nil hits for me but still i gotten married......before.

Its ironic to try so hard to find a partner when the one could already be by your side......just that you try very hard to judge the person if he's suitable for you. Just open up and mingle with all walks of life.....and your door will be opened to your eventual SO. =)
 
I agree it is always good to know more frens (regardless whether guy or gal --> frens mah).
Of course u tend to keep in touch with those u can "click" with and have plenty to chat with.

well.. I tend to spend my time hanging out with few gd frens.. surfing the net and lazing at home hee.. I should "push" myself to join activities and know more frens.. Not easy to make small talk though. must overcome this problem..
 
Well....always hanging out with good friends is common but social life don't evolve around the good friends only coz they have their other side of friends too....so will you.

To click or not its partly up to your choice too. No 2 person is the same.

Especially when you're in love....everything thing other person does will click no matter how different things can be don't you agree?
 
Hi i share the same sentiments with you. Being single at early 30s, I face the same problem too. Have attended few speed dating events and I am getting tired. Always have to repeat introducing myself at these events and worst of all, some faces were familiar because all these singles go whenever there are events. One of my friend who share the same feelings with me has also given up on these events. She has decided to let fate decide for her. So you see, not only you have this problem.
 
i agree that when u are in love, a couple will have lots to talk about and want to spend as much time as possible together and in some cases neglect frens ( espec in the initial stage)
it really takes 2 hands to clap especially when both parties expectations can be different. eg 1 party likes freedom and dont like to sms daily , however the other party would like to have constant attention.
i guess if u really care for someone, u will auto wonder if he has eaten.. stressed or not... reached home or not...
however some guys might not like such attention.
I am happy for those who have found their SO
happy.gif
 
Hmm.....just curious sgsingle, what sort of expectation you "ticked" when going for speed dating? 5Cs? =X

Being together its not about how compatible both are. Its how both join hands to make up each other differences.
happy.gif
 
aelic- I not sure how does PM works .

lost_in_direction: u tried speed dating b4?
it is tiring to keep repeating where u work.. wat u doing etc.. let's say u talk to 8 people in 1 session, u wont remember much after the session ends.

i agree that it takes both hands to clap, give and take
happy.gif
 
Hi sgsingle,

You don't have to hang out with your good friends all the time.
Sometimes, interested guys may find it difficult to approach you if you are surrounded by friends.

When I was single, I was always surprised and amazed that guys would just approached and introduced themselves to me whenever I attend activities alone.

So give it a try.
A confident woman is an attractive woman.
 
Sgsingle, what is SO? Always saw this but still cannot make up what it means.

Dont need to set criteria - just meet anyone who comes into your life. If you set criteria and no one seem to meet, you ended up disappointed.
 
yes, it take both hand to clap, but why dont you extend ur hand longer to the other side?
make things easier for both. Execute that extra mile.
 
I think chemistry plays a more impt role than the criteria. Once there's chemistry at the 1st date, there'll be likely 2nd date and more. Haha I'm going to wed a guy who's not quite my type/criteria. Sometimes I tease him that my eyes "Dah Stamps".

I find dating interesting. There's the fun of guessing and exploring someone, and I earn a new friend! Through the conversations, I also get to learn new things about hobbies, industries etc which I don't know previously.
 
thanks all for sharing your advice.
happy.gif


albee: u must be quite attractive/ approachable when u were single.of course, it does not mean your not pretty now la. now with 2 kids, I am sure your days are very enriching and busy.

sunflower- SO = Significant other, a term i often see in forums.
happy.gif

no particular criteria la.. most impt is both parties gotto feel comfortable and conversation will flow.. i guess i have been letting nature takes its course. once in few mths, go for activities..I am not the proactive type who is focussed on knowing guys only. during some activities, it is nice to know some ladies frens too.

rafflesjay:points noted
happy.gif


enjoy your sunday!
 
Sgsingle,
Be patient, Gems take time to find.
happy.gif
I have 2 guy friends who only found their Mrs Right after 3 years of joining SDU. They are very active members, going for activities almost every week.
 
yes. i agree with green. be patient and wait till u find the right 1. being with no one is better then being with the wrong one. from my personal experience.
 
Hey sgsingle,

Nope.....nv tried speed dating before so quite curious to know.....might consider going for one soon enough when my lingering divorce settled.....heh.

Like albee mentioned.....its definitely hard for interested guys to "prey" on you when you're so protected within bunch of friends.

Most guy friends i know only dares to approach girls they're interested when their "target" are alone....fear of rejection, especially in front of other people causes the interested party to hesitate.
happy.gif


SO aka significant othes does not only means spouse. Girlfriend included as long as its your significant partner. Its a term originated from the west i believe....i used to see this term in books.
 
"i guess if u really care for someone, u will auto wonder if he has eaten.. stressed or not... reached home or not...
however some guys might not like such attention."

this does not only apply to guys lah. it depends on how you express your concern. it's nice to show TLC but if you end up asking the same questions every night or after every meal it becomes very tiring and mundane doesn't it? we're all adults who ought to know how to take care of ourselves. instead of revolving your life around your other half and end up mothering him/her, live your own life fruitfully so you can come together and share your experiences and dreams with each other to enrich and grow together.
 
hmm... some questions are fine depending on who u're talking to lah... some guys may be ok with these questions initially but it becomes like how mum always asks us, then a more mature guy isn't gonna really appreciate it. it's important to know that there's a fine line between Concern & Mothering...

of cos most pple will say they ask out of concern, but having eaten for like 30yrs without problem, i think the frequency of tat question based on Time and a person's Habit isn't too tough to figure out... so if the asking is too frequent, it gets abit tiring.

i guess end of the day it really depends on the Asker... some have motives and it's not hard to see thru it. One thing i've always hated as a guy are Hints... extremely Low-Level Hints... it's a Real turnoff! worse if it comes with a tantrum to match...
 
yeah agree agree.... can get abit tiring if such questions are a tad too frequent..
proud.gif


Anyway Sgsingle, i think imptly, is to be yourself as much as possible whilst meeting new friends... which will come with less expectations. Enjoy!
 
Hi there! Another early 30s single woman reporting here! :D

Well, for me I have never joined any SDUs before as I am really shy and I din't have the courage to join alone also. Same like you sgsingle, I really talk alot to people I can 'click' with. And I think that's only natural for everyone?

I did shoot myself a lot of questions on why am I still single when I have no probelms having guys wooing me in my younger days. And suddenly, all the guys are gone! I also did a check list on my attitude, my temper and my perceprtion of men. Well, having that said and checked, I still don't meet any guys! Friends told me I come across as arrogant. Oh well, I cant change my look can I? Or should I go for extreme makeover? Hehe...

I have been single for about 4yrs and past bfs didnt last long. On hindsight, I didn;t regret any of it as they were not the man that I really want to marry. I didn't want to marry for the sake of marrying even until now. I tell myself that I have to come to terms with it if I am destined to be alone. I guess that is an easier way for me to live life too. I go to gym, I do my shopping alone or with my family on weekends, go facial or the library etc. If I have a companion it will be good but if I don't have, I don't want to feel sorry for myself as I really don't feel there is anything wrong with me even if I am not perfect. I hang out with a few friends who are single in their 40s and they yearn for a b or hubby too. But if really can't meet, what can they do but to still live life as it is? Of course at times I would really love to have someone to hold and share my woes as well, but what can I do? Grab any man and make do with it? No, I don;t think I will short-change myself like that, not that I am a super model lah... Haha... Anyways, ladies, take heart! When the time is right, someone will appear somewhere somehow. It may sound cliche but hey, thats the way love happens don't they? Cheers..

PS: Ladies who want to hang out together having coffee, talking about anything under the sun can PM me! No harm getting to know more friends and share more stuff!
happy.gif
 
Hey Dawn,

Generally most singaporeans are too shy or can't deal with rejections. Generally caucasian are more open and i would approach a Caucasian anytime as they respond more friendly and welcoming.

When a guy approaches you.....what's your first reflex response? =)

Friends whom gave you the comment as for being arrogant.....maybe you could see your outward presentation? Prolly a smile would overwrite the impression. ^^

Its always great to have someone there to share your woes...or even lend a shoulder which to certain extend closes friend doesn't gives as much comfort.


Below is an article by sumiko tan....i found it very meaningful as i received it from friend in 2003 after getting ditched by my ex....lol.

"Love just happens. You can’t search for it."

http://partyofalifetime.wordpress.com/2006/02/21/the-sunday-by-sumiko-tan/
 
hey dawn, i totally agree with you! sounds like we can click.. hahaha..

sgsingle, I am trying to widen my circle of friends too and was thinking how i should do it. Maybe you can ask yourself, what do you enjoy doing most? Maybe pick up a new hobby? You may meet someone who share the same common interest as you.
 
Hi Dawn,

I agree with what you say

When the time is right, someone will appear somewhere somehow. It may sound cliche but hey, thats the way love happens don't they?

ya.. can hang out and talk anything under the sun!
 
lost in direction, the article is great.
i just keeps one staying positive.
and this is so true

"If it’s really love, he will marry you.

Bah you say? What a stupid notion in this day and age? A woman doesn’t need the man she loves to marry her? Besides, hasn’t the institution of marriage been devalued?

I used to believe all that too. But now, I regard marriage as the ultimate test. If you truly love someone, wouldn’t you want to belong to him and vice-versa?"
 
There is some truth in what a male colleague shared with me, that if you want to widen your social cycle, hang around with married people. They are the ones who are eager for you to find your other half, so they will keep a look out for suitable candidates and even set up dates for you.
 
nice to read the postings from all of u
happy.gif


well... I am not the sporty type... enjoy lazing at home.. makan.. listening to music.. reading .. too "introvert" liao..etc..think i should take up new hobby
happy.gif
let me think....

mmm so far none of my married frens introduce any new frens to me leh... maybe in the 1st
place,they dont have many guy frens ba. they will just ask me if i am seeing anyone.. if no, they will just say 1) i am sure your time will come.. 2) all the guy frens are already married liao (including the husband's)

dawn-> i agree with wat u said about not marrying anyone just because of marriage. Marriage is a lifetime committment,both parties must love each other & willing to compromise and make things work.
happy.gif
 
"i guess if u really care for someone, u will auto wonder if he has eaten.. stressed or not... reached home or not...
however some guys might not like such attention."

Too much 关心 is 担心, which does not give one a sweet feeling anymore.
 
sgsingle

actually it's not easy to introduce leh
my girlfriend always said she preferred introduction because she felt safer, like there's a referral, someone to 'guarantee' that guy is of good character

but how to guarantee? unless I know that guy super well (my brother or my hubby
lol.gif
), otherwise how to guarantee?

even if we know of some eligible single guys who are acquaintances & seems quite nice but....dare not introduce, because we didn't really know him well enough to be character referees. Don't want her to end up with the 'wrong' guy because of a false sense of security due to our introduction.

A lot of things can only be discovered during dating stage mah. I told her she has to sniff herself, no one can help in that aspect, whether he's a husband material
I guess the most important thing is to keep an open mind & cast the net wider
 
Doll: yeah.. Too much of anything is not good .. have to strike a balance.

SgSingle and all the singles out there: Smile more and get to know many ppls. Good to be single.. can concentrate 100% loving yrself and one less person to worry abt.. keke
 
Sometimes its easier to just let it happens rather than search i think. Meanwhile just fill your life with fulfilling activities and be rewarded eventually..
 

Green

Yeah, Doll's partner was lucky to be surrounded by so many roses from Chatters during the gathering. He was even more luckier to be able to find his beloved rose whom made him believe in love all over again.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

I
Experience with Solemniser Mrs Chua Swee Tin
Replies
0
Views
63
ICGB
I
R
Need help please
Replies
0
Views
267
Rin08
R
LINlovewithYEW
WTS Post Guo Da Li x Wedding Essentials
Replies
0
Views
138
LINlovewithYEW
LINlovewithYEW
P
Catholic Church wedding so many things
Replies
1
Views
405
Vicky22
V
Sophie19
Surprising my husband with a trip to the Singapore GP
Replies
0
Views
295
Sophie19
Sophie19

Back
Top