Anyone sharing the same prob with me?

Well, hope there is no misunderstanding here as my case is an isolated one because my MIL is generally an extreme hot tempered woman who thinks & behave like a man. She is those type of rough woman. She bullied her own parents & younger sis since very young age. Somemore she was an AHLIAN too. Thus she got worse each day coz everyone gives in to her. Otherwise she will 'fight' it out with those who 'offended' her. But she is very fortunate that her family members are very patient with her including myself. Till now, i never raise my voice at her before. Whereas all these years, she always 'fell out' with everyone. Family members, relatives, business partners, workers, or practically anyone who knows her. She never change till now. Almost everyday can hear her raise her voice to her children. She is very fierce & unreasonable. She is a fiery woman who is not scared of anything. She is good with knives too. Even if people use law to deal with her, she will fight it out too. Btw, she is not that old. Only 52 or 53 yrs old.

Once, i even held her hands to console her when she was in the wrong. It warmed her heart.

To me, Generally most mums are generally quite ok & they are not so difficult people to live with...& i give my respect to all seniors. My counsellor said that i am too accommodating to allow inlaws to take advantage. Just that it was my fate that i have such inlaws. She could not believe that i can tolerate violence & unorderly inlaws for so long at my own matrimonial home. Surely no one should live with dangerous people in your own home? A home is supposed to be a safe, peaceful place, isnt it? This is what i want for myself & my baby boy to grow up in. I dont want him to follow suit to be a lazy, drug abusing, gf-hitter, steal $$ and other stuffs, ill-mannered adult just like my BIL in future? Or be extremely bad-tempered & violent like my MIL? Or sleep alot & be so lazy like my FIL?

For those who have not experienced terrible VIOLENCE at home, you are very very lucky already. Feel BLESSED ok? Anyway, usually only ASIANS have such inlaws problems because usually stay under 1 roof. Most westerners don't experience such & they still able to maintain good relations with their parents. Live in separate houses yet they value family kinship alot. They often visit their parents w or w/o children & keep in touch by phone. Even the parents do not try to dominate & continue to control their kids once they are out in the working society. We asians have alot to learn from GOOD western culture. Even baby knowledge & good discipline come from them. They have such good values since long time ago except modern times they gradually got too havoc & too 'open-minded' thus mind got corrupted already.
 


sori dun mind me saying... but i'm pretty surprised u know so much abt her past, and with testimonials from "Family members, relatives, business partners, workers, or practically anyone who knows her.".

i'm just one of those guys who always takes things with a pinch of salt, but of cos i dun doubt your personal account. just that most times - 'reputation' makes up the person before u really get to know them...

the violence is terrible, i can't imagine living under such conditions... definitely i would move out. it's a no brainer when one has to choose to live with violence.
 
powder...

You just need to understand that there are people out there who just complains and complains and complains...

But yet do nothing...
Are you even surprised anymore?
 
actually i'm surprised... i dun even get to hear from so many pple abt my own mum, and from young like whether my mum is an ah lian or ah huay or watever... so maybe i'm the weird one without such info???

everybody else get 1st hand knowledge abt their parents from young?
 
"Thus she got worse each day coz everyone gives in to her. Otherwise she will 'fight' it out with those who 'offended' her."

Actually, this isn't really a one off case. Many people do process this nasty trait. Here in singapore, its all too common with the "me first" self-centered auntie mentality. But, appreciate and learn to know a person beyond that one view only. Personally, I have a very difficult mother. But, I see beyond the nasty ill tempered woman that she was. I also see the loving mum that she was despite the violent childhood I had. Everyone is capable of both good and bad. No point digging one's negative and perceiving the worst of them. When we choose to see someone badly, everything they do will be perceived in a bad light. Not just for you but probably her too. If you realized that, then u would realized why is she so mean to everyone. Do you bring the best or the worst out of her? Even hard core criminals have a soft and good side.

Powder, I had alot of 1st hand information about my parents from relatives and also the folks themselves. My mum is always digging my dad's ugly stories. Likewise, my dad would pour out his frustrations he bottled up all these time in the marriage. I got to know my parents alot more after their divorce and beyond my dad's death. I would say its an eye opener. In a funeral, you would get to finally know a parent in ways u never had. Not just as a father but as brother, friend, colleague, boss or just another good samaritian helping a stranger.
 
>flowerygal

ur MIL seems more "scary" than mine n true enough that i should consider lucky already that i do not hv to experience with such terrible violence at hm.

now b4 i feel unhappy with my FMIL behavior, i would try to look at it in a positive way instead. n watever she had say to me which is not the true fact, i would just correct her nicely.
 
Hi trouble_gal,

great to think that way
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Hope you would lead a happier life
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she oso always told me how "hard life" she has n even ask me don't know y everyone including her family members, relatives, her in-laws n families n even her neighbours always argue with her n pick up on her etc la. but i just keep quiet even though i know its purely because of the way n tone she talk to ppl lo. she's just cant see eye to eye to the fact tat ppl r living a "better" life than her lo.
 
ya i oso feel tat she is too lonely in the sense tat nobody want to talk to her too much due to the way n tone she talk to ppl lo n oso tat she always doubt wat ppl say n always think tat watever she say is correct lo.

ya all i do is just keep quiet n listen then simply give her 1 word answer like "hmm, orh , ok etc" n sometime she would take the hint that i don't wanna talk so much n she would walk away liao.
 
Hmm, yeah, actually i was also surprised to know all these details about my MIL. Sometimes it is only when you have entered into the lion den or rather the lion & family entered into my house, then when people got to know about it, they show great concern for me. Because they feared for the worst as they already could not get along well with her, how can DIL & MIL get along well? Most facts were testamonial from people, some were noticed by myself & some were told by her. Few yrs ago, she told me that she was a smoker in the past. Then her sis & my hus told me started to stray since before 12yrs old. She mixed with bad company & she was also beer lady for many yrs till my hus was in pri sch. Then she got business opportunity to start food business with partners...the stories go on & on. How she hurted my FIL intentionally & hosp reported to police as it was not natural. Also she divorced FIL because she was crazy. She always anyhow accuse people of things that they had never done. Always suspicious of people. That is why she dont have any good friend to confide. She don't trust anyone.

Like what i had mentioned in other thread, her mentality is weird. Which was why several people including her bro asked my hus to bring her to see pychiatrist. But my hus was a timid one. Impossible. I have been with my hus for almost 10yrs, definitely know the family very well. Certain issues i was even more aware of whats happening among his family members & relatives than him. My hus don't even know that he was born out of wedlock until i told him. Coz one day, i happened to see the date that my PIL registered their marriage. Half a yr after he was born. Then i also checked with MIL sis then he realised so. My MIL's MIL which is my hus granny told me to beware of her. I was shocked. Then i found out that it is because my MIL very fierce towards her & when granny's hus passed away, she took control of the funeral $$ & even quarrelled with several relatives. Same thing happened to her own dad who passed away. She also quarrelled with relatives. 2 yrs ago she met up with long distance relatives together with her mum & she quarrelled with them too. Her own mum was so upset. On many occasions, she screamed & quarrelled with her flat tenants over the phone. That's her tone. If she is unhappy, she will scream & shout & quarrel with u even if you keep quiet. Everyone has a taste of her fiery. She told me that this is her character, i have to accept it.

Another incident was when i got my matrimonial home, i told my MIL that i may rent out to my cousin who is working nearby my place. Guess what? During a gathering, my cousin chatted with her & my MIL told her straight that she better don't come & stay with me. Then on a separate day, my MIL came to tell me that i better dont let my cousin come & stay with me because our place so newly renovated, don't let her ruin my place. I was disgusted. Then who knows, MIL came over with the whole family & turned it upside down & dirty, spoilt too much things? Haizz...

For those who do not know their parents' past so much, they are living life normal. Cheers for you.. be easily contented. Of course there are extraordinary people who are famous for what they do, their lives will be mentioned by people who know them. Good or bad...can be written into a book.

Sorry for my long complaints...Too much inside me. Just sharing here.. thanks.
 
when my FMIL aware that she's in the wrong, she oso die die wouldn't admit it n instead she would shout n argue with u as if u r in the wrong instead.

like there's once we r gg overseas, she told us when comin back to sg at DFS, if we don't want to buy wine n liquor, we can replace them by buyin all beer instead. We told her how can cos the rule already indicate v clearly tat 1 passport is allowed to buy 1 liquor, 1wine n 1beer only but she insist can n say she try b4 liao so ok we just listen.

n when we at DFS, we did ask the service staffs there n they say all along their items cannot be replace by another de. so when we r home, we told her abt it n tis time round she deny wat she had told us earlier on n even say loudly to us "when did i ever say so to u all huh, u all hear wrongly liao la etc" but the fact is both my FH n i hear v clearly tat she did say so ah but nw she twist her words n deny everything.

n when my FH told her she did say so wat but yet nw still deny sayin so n she immediately change the topic n in turn she shout n argue loudly to my FH sayin tat she's "Hao xing mei hao bao" la, she has "hard life" la etc. Really siao lo.

Tats y from tat day on, we r aware tat she like to deny wat she had say b4 n she always twist her words around hence we avoid talkin to her so much nw.
 
Hai, such women cannot think in their right mind so others have to suffer. Usually right medication may help to control if unmanageable.
 
Troubled_gal,
My house is only ready in 3 years too. My FH and I just rent a room outside now and visit our parents every week. If spending hundreds of dollars to rent a room can make us happy, why not? ;) In this world, there's no perfect situation and free meal.
 
"Can anyone advise me on wat should i do?"

somehow... from the way this thread has shifted.... TS doesn't seem to be listening to advise but more interested in complaining and sharing about how nasty MIL is.

I suggest that u should get your ideas straight. Are you looking at ways to improve the situation. Continuing to focus on the negative isn't going to make things any better isn't it?

Do reflect about this.
 
>>MiLo On e RoCkS (miloice)

if u hv read my earlier posts, u would note tat yes i indeed am tryin to take up some of the advises given here like "yup now what im tryin is to be more patient n tolerance like most of u hv suggest.

now i even try to "zheng yi zhi yan, bi yi zhi yan" cos i don't want to put my FH in a difficult situation oso."

"now b4 i feel unhappy with my FMIL behavior, i would try to look at it in a positive way instead. n watever she had say to me which is not the true fact, i would just correct her nicely."

upon seein tat flowerygal situation sort of same as mine hence i just share with her my story too but overall for nw im tryin to heed some of the advise given here.
 
I'm just seeing how its started to shift towards condemning and dwelling in negative thoughts about your MIL. Which... I don't see how it can be healthy nor constructive towards your goal.

Just a feedback for you loh.
 
i can understan wat u mean. but frankly i jus sharin my story only but with no hard feelin lo.

nw i would try to see things in a positive way le =)
 
Well, i agree with most of them
1. either u shift out
or
2. endure...

But do consider on the point that she may make a fuss over everything if u shift out. Cos she did complain to ur FIL that ur FH listen to u...
she may think that u are trying to take her son away from her. lolz.

So like me~ guess u endure lo.
like i always do MYOB~ thats the best lo.
No choice cos she take more salt than u mah.
Seriously if u know my issue... u will ask my MIL go bang wall lo. Got chance i tell u what happen.
 
>Kimmy

yes i hv chose the 2nd choice like i hv mentioned in my earlier posts tat we r tryin to save up for our future hse nw hence do not hv the ability to move out n oso don't want to take the trouble of movin out nw n when our hse ready move out again.

another reason is oso like wat u hv say she may make a fuss over everythin if we move out lo so in order nt to make my FH in a difficult situation, i jus hv to learn to endure lo.

wouldn't mind listenin to ur story when u gt the chance to say.
 
Well, u know what my MIL told me when i told her that her son is having an affair?

She told me, its okay~since her husband (FIL) also have affairs outside. So whats the big deal.

She is saying this in a very "yaya" way lo... -_-"

When she saw me using branded bags...she told me off saying that i spend money on branded stuffs la...etc....duno how to save money. But i bought the items using my own money lo~

Then she use branded...i have to keep quiet and endure though i feel like telling her off also. lolx

Haiz~ alot more lo but nvm....will update again... but think back all these nonsenses very sianz lo~
 
Kimmiko,
U can still stay w ur hus despite him betrayed u alredi?

I agreed tat althog we did suggested options to our partners, they aint willing to oblige.
 
troubled_gal,
yeap everything is fine ba.
*keeping my fingers cross. thank God that things are improving somehow. It probably take them some time to get use to it....

flowerygal,
well despite of the evidence of issues. I kinda have doubts in what the gal say cos whatever she say sounds pretty contradicting. Well, what done cannot be undone. I have since talk to him and things are somehow improving. Well, ppl may say that he is trying to repent his mistakes or probably trying to gain back the trust. Whatever things said, shouldnt we give our spouses benefit of doubts. I agree at some point that it hurts and nearly killed me. But i believe that every relationship doesnt comes easy, same goes for friendship...

Standing on the other hand... if i am gonna shift out without thinking of the alternative ways of solving this issue. Things may get worst.
Dont you think we have to look at the outside of the box too... instead of focusing on the problem.

Different ppl have diff views abt things. Whether u agree with me anot u decide yourself.
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Kimmiko,
Its good that you give him a chance since he is very sincere in trying to mend his ways. Marriage is not easy but must give it a try right? Hope for the better ok?
Did he celebrate Vday with u in a special way this year to make it up to u?
 
Ya nothin counts more impt than havin tat faithfulness n trust in a r/s lo.

Sometime really hv to look on the bright side regardless of how bad is the issue but its always easier said than done lo. haiz
 
no la just that sometime come to think of i hv to "always" learn to endure n look on the bright side regardin my FMIL issue for the next 3yrs abit xian lo.

but wat most impt is not to make my FH in a difficult situation lo =)
 
well well well, she ask u do what do lo. don show face lo. but of cos if u think that what she do is wrong highlight to ur chin chai FH lolz
At least let him know ur views....
It really need time.
Mine worst lo, have to see my MIL face and all her relatives from Msia de face.
Haiz...
But PRAISE THE LORD that everything is improving~
Anything u can always PM me and i will be here to help u if i can.....
 
yes i do tel my FH abt his mum but glad n lucky that my FH also aware of his mum's pattern n he ask me don't bother abt her so much. Just do what we are supposed to do can liao.
 
Hi troubled_gal,

take things easy and don't focus too much on your in-laws lah....Focus on something else and life would be easier. I've learnt that through years of staying with my MIL.

Hope you'll be able to live a happier life thah what you had anticipated
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