Anyone can advise what should i do? Especially guyz.

"What are the range of prices you are looking at, coz with the price quotes, I can ask around for you more practically."

It's not about costs totally. It's about results. She may have just enough money to hire a PI that meets her budget, and the surveiliance done but yields no results. Or there are results but too much for her to bear or don't know what to do with the evidence.

Infidelity isn't the fastest route to divorce. What's more, it doesn't give you an upper hand on child custody, division of joint assets or alimony.
 


'JJ, talk to a lawyer first to understand your rights and the most cost-effective way to apply for a divorce if divorce is what you have decided. A PI won't be able to advise you on that.
When resources are scarce, plan well and use wisely.'

if u wan to know your women rights don't have to go to a lawyer or PI. From the internet, all this info are available.

if u wan to get a PI, get someone who know how the legal system in singapore is processed.

Don't waste your money at the lawyer if u have not decide on whether u wan a divorce or not.

My personal experience was previously like u, when i went to the lawyer although they say no charge for the 1st consultation but in the end trick me to go for a 2nd consultation which i have to pay. In the end, instead of using the facts to divorce my husband, they wanted me to lie to the court to backdate the separation date.

I didn't agree and went to a PI. They give me some advice and also told me my rights from the women charter. They then contact the investigation and got the evidence i wanted.

With the evidence, i know what i want to do. My mind was make up, I then look for a lawyer an pass them the report and photographs of my husband having affair.

If u want more advice pls PM me.
 
"if u wan to know your women rights don't have to go to a lawyer or PI. From the internet, all this info are available."

Don't smoke lah. If everything you need to know about divorce and women's rights can be found on the Internet, you think lawyers can still flourish?

Next time you are sick don't go to a doctor. Find out what ailment you kena on the Internet and if you are lucky, you may find treatment there.
 
Doll: it is not about costs but results but I don't think they are that exclusive from each other, as what you get at times is what you pay. Doesn't experience and senior lawyers comes with a certain price? I have a friend who pay almost S$7-8K for the professional fees of an experience laywer who got her the custody of the child, the ownership of the HDB flat and a good alimony for her child. I have another case who got through her divorce case with the Legal aid and it got her the custody of her 2 children but with limited alimony.

JJ: If you are limited in the budget, you might want to approach legal aid but you mus understand what you want if you are divorced from your husband. And I guess like what Margaret had suggested, you are able to find out what are some of your rights from the Women's Charter and getting equipped with some basic legal knowledge.
 
Littlewoman, I was referring to PI service specifically. As for fees to lawyer, if the divorce terms could be reached amicably you don't need to spend extra money for a premium lawyer. You only need to pay a premium price if you have the money or if you launch a legal battle.
 
Miscommication..
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True.. but then again, JJ has to look through the terms and conditions carefully to safeguard her and her child's interest. We never know when will the husband might want to rebuke on what he has given up during the divorce.
 
Of course, the legal system has to be as fair as possible to both plaintiff and respondent. The judge has to hear both parties, and at any point even years down the road if one party contests to an earlier judgement, he or she can but must have very good reasons to.

On divorces, there are no pepetrators or victims. Unless you are a victim of domestic violence, then I supposed the spouse will face criminal charges.
 
Doll: Normal persons (term as lay persons) will not be able to understand thoroughly the terms and conditions as stated in a contract, that's why i say JJ mus know what to ask her lawyer and of course ensure that she understand thoroughly what is she going through.. Also, not all clauses are beneficial, and thus, she mus realli clarify any of them with her representing lawyer.
 
hi all,

thanks for all the advices. Im still thinking hard if i want proceed to get divorce now. im trying to gather more infomation first on divorcing issues, what to look out for, etc... i thought of having engage a PI becoz i want to know is there any third party involved. if there is, then i will proceed with divorcing, not solely becoz it will help me gain the custody of my children, or whatever. if there really isnt any third party involve, then i will give us another chance to salvage our marriage. If there is no infidelity, then i think this family deserve another chance to be happy again. i dun want all of us regret with the decision we made and the children suffer.

Duno if anyone thinks im stupid anot, to keep hanging on when he keep hurting me, without caring for my feelings. I myself think im stupid too, but its just too hard to explain and i want to try till my very best to save the marriage. If it still doesnt work out, at least i know i already tried my best.
 
Hmm.. you aren't being stupid.. I can understand how you feel. Hmm.. is there a way that you can ask your husband face to face? I mean with his current behaviour, it seems to me that if he is having an affair, he might jus admit it as well?
 
yes.. i told him to tell me the truth if he really he really having an affair. i can take it. coz since we already talk about divorce before so there's really nothing to hide already.
But he keep saying dont have and no one else involved. but... hmm.... can believe him? then i will wonder who is it that sms him in the middle of the night.
 
JJ: He has smses in the middle of the night? Isit a regular thing? Perhaps you might want to ask him on that? I am not implying that this could definately means anything but that is also the rather common way of communications for 3rd parties as well.
 
more like he's hving some kind of existential crisis... and conducting affairs outside marriage can be part of the exploration activity for a person who's grappling with issues of his very existence...
 
there's a point in life where some ppl lose interest living the lives they r living... when what previously thought to be true and held dear by them are now seemingly "false" and "ill-concevied"... life comes to a standstill as they start questioning the purpose of their existence... some people sulk through long periods of inactivity. some think it has something to do between themselves and God. some attempt to fight it hyperactively, seek fun and indulge in wild escapades... they either come back "stronger n better" or go spiraling down into the pit...
 
Hmm.. is there a vast difference between existential crisis and depression? Hmm.. in general, how long the person might recovers and/or to find back the meaning of life etc?
 
"if there really isnt any third party involve, then i will give us another chance to salvage our marriage. If there is no infidelity, then i think this family deserve another chance to be happy again. i dun want all of us regret with the decision we made and the children suffer."

You alone can't clap.
 
"Hmm.. is there a vast difference between existential crisis and depression? Hmm.. in general, how long the person might recovers and/or to find back the meaning of life etc?"

i'm no expert of this so i can't ans ur qtn on how long a person recovers from this (or not)... what i do know is that existential crisis and depression are 2 different conditions. but it is possible for ppl in existential crises to experience bouts of depression, might not be as suicidal as clinically depressed folks, but some r equally self-destructive... and i think jj's man is very much there already...

anyway, the film "American Beauty" has some interesting takes on this condition... and u might want to watch (or re-watch) it to hv a better grasp of what existential crisis is abt...

here r some clips taken from the film, check these out:

a disillusioned middle-aged salaryman (Kevin Spacey) kena hit by the thunderbolt in the form of his teenage daughter's cheerleader gf...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wnvim2E7dfA

back home lying on bed wif his wife by his side, fantasising abt the gal again... (Spacey: "It's the weirdest thing. I feel like I've been in a coma for about twenty years, and I'm just now waking up... SPECTACULAR!")
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=okaWTEnU4j0

opening scene:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XI3JEU8Falw
 
Hi littlewoman, heard that you are working in a law firm?

Maybe my frd can engage your law firm for advise? It's a long story... divorce case. My this frd keep ignore the wife's lawyer letters and divorce petitions. Worst still, the court has issue a warrant of arrest against him. I ask him to check with the warrant enforcement unit. The police said the warrant has been executed.

From your expert view, do you think his case still can fight or not? He does not have much $$$ left, maybe 1.5K to 2K now.
 
Hi sgbabydoll, margret is not wrong totally. The Women's Charter can be found in The Subordinate Courts of Singapore website as provided. But for laymen like us, we usually look for lawyers to help us in such matters.

http://app.subcourts.gov.sg/family/page.aspx?pageid=6466



============================================
"if u wan to know your women rights don't have to go to a lawyer or PI. From the internet, all this info are available."

Don't smoke lah. If everything you need to know about divorce and women's rights can be found on the Internet, you think lawyers can still flourish?

Next time you are sick don't go to a doctor. Find out what ailment you kena on the Internet and if you are lucky, you may find treatment there.
 
"Hi sgbabydoll, margret is not wrong totally. The Women's Charter can be found in The Subordinate Courts of Singapore website as provided. But for laymen like us, we usually look for lawyers to help us in such matters."

Let me "test" you and Margaret, what is considered an unreasonable behaviour? What is considered a reasonable amount for alimony? Is the car considered a matrimonial asset?

Internet got tell you?

The law is broad based and generic. How it can be applied in your situation specifically, can you really do without a lawyer?
 
Rofthelper: Yes, I am working in a law firm, but there are different depts who handles different laws in my firm. Personally, I am not in the dept that handles general litigation and neither do I have any experiences in handling a divorce case, thus can't really ans your qn.. However, if your friend is keen, I may PM you my office no for you to check with one of my lawyers?
 
sgbabydoll, I do not know the answer, even it is found in the the website, I probably don't understand the terms also. I only know that unreasonable behaviour is too general to be included as grounds of divorce. Maybe you can enlighten me. Thanks.

Thats why I say I will look for lawyer's help if I have any of this issues.
 
JJ: have you thought of following him by yourself or to get a fren's help? It shouldn't be suggested, but if you are in so much doubt yet need to hold back on cash shouldn't that b the cheapest way?
 
actually if dont want to go thru separation, want immediate divorce, can be done based on my case? or i still have to go thru separation before go thru divorce.
 
"Immediate" divorce is possible either by infidelity or unreasonable behaviour. But I think it's probably faster and easier to cite the latter as the spouse is more likely to willingly accept responsibility of having behaved unreasonably than committing adultery.
 
Yeah, admission needs to be backed by circumstantial evidence. I am not entirely sure but heard that in this situation, not only the spouse needs to confess but also the witness (third-party). Best that you check your options with a lawyer to have full understanding on what is the best way forward.
 
Sony, there are two ways to "pursue" on infidelity:
1. Like you have said, PI report/photo; and
2. Spouse+witness admission plus circumstantial evidence such as email, text messages, etc.

Whichever type of evidence, it has to be no older than six months for the court to accept.
 
JJ, I agree with Doll that it's easier to divorce for unreasonable behaviour. Anyway this is exactly what you can't stand (esp since you can't confirm if he has committed adultery).

That may also be what he has in mind, that you will quote unreasonable behaviour to divorce him.

In any divorce cases, you have to think thru the pros n cons on the reasons for seeking the divorce (like will you get more/lesser alimony for quoting unreasonable behaviour or will it be faster/cheaper to go by this mode, etc). Seek a lawyer's advice to find the best way out for you if you are really intent on leaving him cuz I dun think anyone of us here, experienced or not, unless is a lawyer specialising in family affairs, can give you that sort of advice.
 
Agree...
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JJ: you might want to seek some legal advices from those legal clinics that are held on a regular basis for the public? It is FOC and it might be helpful for you too.
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hi all,

Alot things happened recently so my decision is already made up. The more i stay with him, the more i will suffer. He only wants the money. The money from our house sale proceeds. Can i dont give him any money? Should i sell the house first before proceed with divorce? The house is currently im paying alone through my CPF.
 
hi there.. my sis had the same situation as yours.. the husband is acting cold and always out at nite to meet up wit so called friends.. so she went to the extend of checking on the husband movement and she engage a p.i... in the end she got all the truth as where and what he did when he was outside with his so called friends.. before she engage the p.i, she doesnt have a peaceful nite to sleep and its affecting her work but after engaging the p.i, she manage to come out wit the decision, that is to file a divorce and she even win the custody of her children as she has prove to the court that its her husband that is breaking up the marriage.. you might want to do the same as in engaging p.i to check on your husband's movement and hopefully he is not doing any hanky panky out there. its just for u to have a peace in your mind.. i do have the contact to the p.i my sis engage. the company is Glen Iris Investigation. u can consult the Ops Exec, Fendi at 82087511.. all the best to u..
 
Hi JJ,

how's things? Hopefully things work out for you.
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I think if the house is paid by you and you can proof that he didn't contribute anything to it, then you don't have to share the proceeds with him.

Anyway I don't like guys who don't take care of the family.
 
hi franz,

Already moved out of the house and filed for divorce. So now waiting for the lawyer's preparation. Through my cpf statement can already see that im paying for the house alone.
Really felt happier now that i moved out.

But now he keep begging me back and said he wont agree to divorce and will not sign the papers. Dont know if he dont agree or sign the papers, will it affect the divorce proceedings.
 
Hey JJ
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Well, i think if he don't agree to sign the paper, you might have to separate for 3 years before can divorce?

I'm not too sure about such proceeding tho, so I might be wrong.

So initially did he contributed CPF to the house? If so, then you will have to pay him back the CPF and the potential interest
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Unless he committed adultery. Maybe you should just let him know, dragging it out will just increase the lawyer fee and ultimately, the only one gaining is the lawyer.

BTW, I do go out pubbing too. Probably about once a month, the most is 2 times. Then most of the time will be back by 12am, or occassionally 2-3am ba. What your hubby did is really too much though.
 
I really hope for a divorce rather than separation. But if he really want to do this, then let it be. Just want it to end asap.

Yes he did contribute using his CPF and im okay returning him back his contribution and interest but not the house sale proceeds equally with him. It's unfair. But think most prob will have to split off the profits equally.

Once or twice is okay and if you know your limits. He dont come home and dont even pick up my calls or return my calls. Now finally im leaving, he keep asking me back. Well, i cant trust him and his words anymore. Just want to end this amicably soon. Hopefully he will agree to it.
 
Hmm, no lah, I don't think have to split the house evenly.

You should check with the lawyer. They should know better.

Well, the temptation outside is too great mah. If you never leave, he won't know how to appreciate you.

Most guys can't think properly when it comes to gals. It will be worst when it comes to gals and drinking.

Anyway, at least you have made up your mind, it really makes things much easier
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JJ,

An alternative - You don't have to sell the flat now if you get the care and control of the children. You can occupy the flat with your children, but you may have to service the loan on your own while your husband will continue to be a co-owner. For this arrangement, he does not need to service the loan anymore; when the flat is sold in future he will get back his CPF money plus accured interest back into his CPF account. But I am not too sure if he can ask to share in the profit from the sale of the flat. Check with your lawyer.
 


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