i'm rom-ed for 3 yrs & found out my husband is having a affair & that other woman bored a child for him. after i found out, i wanted to file for annulment but the lawyer i spoke to said if i were to anul, my flat will b surrundered to hdb. in that case, i can say that i'm ~{HK2FA=J'~}. if i were to file for divorce, my husband has promised to give all the profits (appx. 100+K as currently my flat is being rented out @ 2K/mth) to me but i have to wait for another 2.5yrs. what will u guys do if ur me? wld u rather b a divorcee for $$$ or anul for the sake of Single?
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Advise needed
- Thread starter _blur_
- Start date
angel,
yes i cn & on the ground of non consummation. my hb is not rich & dun earn much so even if we were to divorce i cnt seek alimony. but if i were to divorce we can sell our flat in the open market & profits mayb appx 100K. so i duno which is the beta choice. anyway i will nt b hapi with either of the choices. Sigh.
yes i cn & on the ground of non consummation. my hb is not rich & dun earn much so even if we were to divorce i cnt seek alimony. but if i were to divorce we can sell our flat in the open market & profits mayb appx 100K. so i duno which is the beta choice. anyway i will nt b hapi with either of the choices. Sigh.
regretful_leo
New Member
will u be a single or divorcee in this case
make sure he puts it down in paper and go for the money.
if u can be deliberating over 100k, then the money should be able to make an impact to yur life. BUT pls hor... if u make this sacrifice for money, then spend wisely... dun end up splurging on LVs and Chanel. or worse - on a guy.
go for the money... most pple only save 100k in 7-10yrs. using 2yrs to get it back is a no brainer...
being a divorcee is ok. seriously u dun lose anything, in fact it helps u to filter out all those guys who have a narrow mind and a problem with it. it's my personal opinion that being a divorcee has much more advantage than being a single as far as the world is concerned.
if u can be deliberating over 100k, then the money should be able to make an impact to yur life. BUT pls hor... if u make this sacrifice for money, then spend wisely... dun end up splurging on LVs and Chanel. or worse - on a guy.
go for the money... most pple only save 100k in 7-10yrs. using 2yrs to get it back is a no brainer...
being a divorcee is ok. seriously u dun lose anything, in fact it helps u to filter out all those guys who have a narrow mind and a problem with it. it's my personal opinion that being a divorcee has much more advantage than being a single as far as the world is concerned.
dinitegrity
Active Member
Agree with powder.
To me $100k is not a small amount (i dono if it is to u).
In an open society like today, I believe there are many divorcee and ppl will not look at you with different eyes.
Powder is right by saying it helps to filter those narrow minded guys.
Take e $ and go. At least you have something to fall back on.
I am sorry to hear bout ur news and hope you stand up soon...
TC...
To me $100k is not a small amount (i dono if it is to u).
In an open society like today, I believe there are many divorcee and ppl will not look at you with different eyes.
Powder is right by saying it helps to filter those narrow minded guys.
Take e $ and go. At least you have something to fall back on.
I am sorry to hear bout ur news and hope you stand up soon...
TC...
ya fair enough of cos i'm a guy, so money comes first on some aspects/sacrifices. if i'm averaging 3k a month on salary, i WOULD marry to buy hdb and make money off it. i dun need to think twice, just need to find a lady fren i can trust to follow the plan with me.
in terms of status, as a bachelor i dun date single girls... only attached, divorcees, separatees or widowed... it might sound quirky but from my personal experience - the understanding level, the expectations level are all more realistic and in-tuned with reality.
last thing i'd wanted when i was dating was an uptight virgin full of ideals and principles that are untried, untested, unpolished and based heavily on society and peer-pressure. bottomline - they have not found their true selves yet, so to me it made Poor life-partner and will be susceptible to differences thru'out marriage.
perhaps i'm pragmatic, i had much disdain for the usual expectations and the likelihood of me spending face-money as a guy.
since u're already in the marriage tat's gonna turn out empty, might as well make something good out of it.
why i added more on being a divorcee n my personal view is becos i think too many pple think with their Fears and end up poorer for it. in the decade preceding 2007, i've seen many couples ending up poorer or in heavy debts after divorce due to the property losses. u're in a much better position so take advantage of that.
i'm sorry your marriage isn't working out, but wish that with the money and the newfound freedom, u get back a Good life... got a long way to go still...
in terms of status, as a bachelor i dun date single girls... only attached, divorcees, separatees or widowed... it might sound quirky but from my personal experience - the understanding level, the expectations level are all more realistic and in-tuned with reality.
last thing i'd wanted when i was dating was an uptight virgin full of ideals and principles that are untried, untested, unpolished and based heavily on society and peer-pressure. bottomline - they have not found their true selves yet, so to me it made Poor life-partner and will be susceptible to differences thru'out marriage.
perhaps i'm pragmatic, i had much disdain for the usual expectations and the likelihood of me spending face-money as a guy.
since u're already in the marriage tat's gonna turn out empty, might as well make something good out of it.
why i added more on being a divorcee n my personal view is becos i think too many pple think with their Fears and end up poorer for it. in the decade preceding 2007, i've seen many couples ending up poorer or in heavy debts after divorce due to the property losses. u're in a much better position so take advantage of that.
i'm sorry your marriage isn't working out, but wish that with the money and the newfound freedom, u get back a Good life... got a long way to go still...
to me, 100K is really a BIG amt. i'm only earning 1.5K/mth n wld take me a VERY long time to save 100K. but letting go is really hard, i knw i sound pathetic. both our parents & even my close frens are still kept in the dark. i have to pretend noting has happen & act like noting happened.
powder,
any idea how to draft out agreement? i have no idea hw. TIA
powder,
any idea how to draft out agreement? i have no idea hw. TIA
clipperjunk
New Member
take the 2 years as national service with a very huge payout...but get it in writing through a lawyer and best with witness because if it is not properly done up, the law states that you split the money with him. bear in mind that hdb will issue the cheque in both your names, so be sure you immediately withdraw the moment the cheque clears. best wishes.....
blur,
u need a lawyer for that, dun go by word cos money is a huge factor in pple going back on their words. even if it's a split of profit, it's still ok but be sure your valuation of the flat is conservative. dun think it's 100k by comparing to the highest price, then knowing full well yours is like an older block, 3rd floor and u expect tat kind of profit.
do yuour homework and be sure u're right. when it comes to matters like these, always seek professional opinion. and pls dun listen to frens who know nuts abt wat they talking abt... not all of us have best frens who knows everything there is and can offer every advice needed.
u need a lawyer for that, dun go by word cos money is a huge factor in pple going back on their words. even if it's a split of profit, it's still ok but be sure your valuation of the flat is conservative. dun think it's 100k by comparing to the highest price, then knowing full well yours is like an older block, 3rd floor and u expect tat kind of profit.
do yuour homework and be sure u're right. when it comes to matters like these, always seek professional opinion. and pls dun listen to frens who know nuts abt wat they talking abt... not all of us have best frens who knows everything there is and can offer every advice needed.
blur,
if tts reali up to urself...
do u mind urself being a divorcee or nt...
but poweder is rite, u gotta pen it down in blacn n white in case he twist his words...
for me i mite b goin thru divorce cos im havin a super rough patch w my hubby...
so divorce/single doesnt matter to me...
HAHA~CRAPZ!
Powder,
r u single or married or divorce...?
if tts reali up to urself...
do u mind urself being a divorcee or nt...
but poweder is rite, u gotta pen it down in blacn n white in case he twist his words...
for me i mite b goin thru divorce cos im havin a super rough patch w my hubby...
so divorce/single doesnt matter to me...
HAHA~CRAPZ!
Powder,
r u single or married or divorce...?
sgbabydoll
Active Member
Mind being a divorcee?
Look, this is just a marital status, not a label; it doesn't say anything about you and it shouldn't concern anyone else. If there are no children from the marriage, you don't even have to be so specific with your marital status, for privacy's sake.
You don't need society's approval to live your life, do you?
Look, this is just a marital status, not a label; it doesn't say anything about you and it shouldn't concern anyone else. If there are no children from the marriage, you don't even have to be so specific with your marital status, for privacy's sake.
You don't need society's approval to live your life, do you?
yeah it's just a pretty insignificant status unless u Die Die must buy new subsidised hdb and u die die need a spouse u hasn't previously bought a new hdb.
else it's hardly a measure of anyone... definitely doesn't make one a failure or anything.
likewise, a guy driving a bm/merc doesn't make him rich... a person living in a landed property doesn't make him rich etc... a person with a degree doesn't guarantee u a financially-stable future...
so really gotta look beyond society's perception. from experience, society is mostly wrong and biased based on past history... as far back as 10-20yrs ago.
ps: once u can look beyond society's perception, u're likely to find yourself being a happier person.
else it's hardly a measure of anyone... definitely doesn't make one a failure or anything.
likewise, a guy driving a bm/merc doesn't make him rich... a person living in a landed property doesn't make him rich etc... a person with a degree doesn't guarantee u a financially-stable future...
so really gotta look beyond society's perception. from experience, society is mostly wrong and biased based on past history... as far back as 10-20yrs ago.
ps: once u can look beyond society's perception, u're likely to find yourself being a happier person.
sgbabydoll
Active Member
I have a gf who's divorced with two children, but because she took this marital status thing too hard, she lied that she's married in the application of her current job. Recently, she bumped into a colleague at a party organised for singles. Her colleague pretended not to see her. Her integrity at work is at stake now, so she realises.
For myself, I prefer not to hide my marital status even though I do not have children. I didn't want to have to remember exactly who I have told I am single or divorced. Quite painful. Of course I don't go around announcing my marital status; I only tell when asked. These days a lot of people don't really bother. But there are some who can be really busybody and ask if it's due to third party haha
For myself, I prefer not to hide my marital status even though I do not have children. I didn't want to have to remember exactly who I have told I am single or divorced. Quite painful. Of course I don't go around announcing my marital status; I only tell when asked. These days a lot of people don't really bother. But there are some who can be really busybody and ask if it's due to third party haha
Dear all,
I juz called up a lawyer firm. Spoken to someone there regarding drafting out an agreement. The person says its pointless asking him to sign the agreement now as 2.5yrs down the road he can always change his mind but the court will take the agreement into consideration shld he change his mind. Sigh...... What shld i do???
I juz called up a lawyer firm. Spoken to someone there regarding drafting out an agreement. The person says its pointless asking him to sign the agreement now as 2.5yrs down the road he can always change his mind but the court will take the agreement into consideration shld he change his mind. Sigh...... What shld i do???
clipperjunk
New Member
i think the whole idea of an agreement is to tie the person to his promise whether he reneges or not...get a different lawyer...
sgbabydoll
Active Member
The lawyer that Blur rang up has given the right advice. DOS though not legal binding can be submitted to the Court for consideration should one party changes his/her mind or disputes on the terms of agreement during divorce proceedings.
To be fair to that lawyer, you can't expect to get all the relevant advices if you don't pay for his or her consultation time. He/she is not obligated to advise on the details over an enquiring phone call.
To be fair to that lawyer, you can't expect to get all the relevant advices if you don't pay for his or her consultation time. He/she is not obligated to advise on the details over an enquiring phone call.
sgbabydoll
Active Member
Blur, you know you can't annul the marriage without your husband's co-operation. Even if it's true that you two have not consummated, as long as he doesn't co-operate, you yourself won't be able to uphold the claim (unless you're a virgin and get a medical report that you're "untamed"?). You get the drift? So, what does that leave you with?
sgbabydoll
Active Member
Blur, the answer is, unfortunately, no. But you should still do your best to ensure that you get what he promises you. In this case, you should be the plaintiff and initiate all legal proceedings because that will put you in the driver's seat. Hopefully, he would not engage his own legal counsel to scrutinise the documents. You need not tell him that DOS is not legal binding, do you?
sgbabydoll
Active Member
Blur, why not? I will take the offer of $100K anytime. This $100K when put to good use will grow even bigger. Now, who cares about the status?
sgbabydoll
Active Member
Hey, even if he makan his words, you'll surely get 50% of the profit, which is $50K. Not bad too. But if you annul the marriage, you have to surrender the flat to HDB and suffer immediate loss.
sgbabydoll
Active Member
Frankly, the marriage is shortlived and with no children, it's unlikely that the Court will award you more than your default 50% IF your husband doesn't co-operate and willingly offer more to you. Look at the extra 50% as a bonus because it is never a compensation nor your entitlement. Be pragmatic, not greedy.
By the way, infidelity is no crime in Singapore. He won't be penalised by the law.
By the way, infidelity is no crime in Singapore. He won't be penalised by the law.
imho
why not draft a contractual agreement for the rental for the next few years to be into your pockets. i think that will do. at least the next few years of rental income is good revenue.
well. think of it. all the profit for you. that will be 100k. well in fact court is only willing to go by default 50%. however to "gain" more, you should try to receive the rental income. that should be around 20k.
why not draft a contractual agreement for the rental for the next few years to be into your pockets. i think that will do. at least the next few years of rental income is good revenue.
well. think of it. all the profit for you. that will be 100k. well in fact court is only willing to go by default 50%. however to "gain" more, you should try to receive the rental income. that should be around 20k.
To TS
Don't go for annul. File for separation and when time is up do a proper divorce.
When you have committed to ROM, please don't ever think you can choose a simple backdook way out just to have your status returned to as a 'single'.
Don't know what type of advices have been dished out by ppl here. All seem to think of wanting to be single again or about the money!
You better get a proper lawyer to do the proper way or you'll regret it. Cheers
Don't go for annul. File for separation and when time is up do a proper divorce.
When you have committed to ROM, please don't ever think you can choose a simple backdook way out just to have your status returned to as a 'single'.
Don't know what type of advices have been dished out by ppl here. All seem to think of wanting to be single again or about the money!
You better get a proper lawyer to do the proper way or you'll regret it. Cheers
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