Advice/Information needed.

[pouringrain]

Hi,

I have a situation regarding housing that require some information.

I had bought a HDB-DBSS flat 3 years ago with my parents, with me as the main owner, my mother as co-owner and father as essential occupant. I agreed to be apply using my name in order to save my parents from paying the HDB levy. I was single at that time.

The flat has just TOP in July this year and I have since got a girlfriend and planning to get married.

However, it had come to my knowledge that I cannot purchase a HDB flat with her under the fiancé/fiancée scheme. I had told my gf and she seemed very determined not to stay with my parents. Reason being, she wanted us to have our own house to build our own family. She told me if we could not have our own flat we would have to part. She told me she will not be happy at all even if she sacrifices and stays with my parents after marriage.

Therefore, we went around to enquire and found out that we have a few options in order to have our own flat.

1) Purchase a condominium.
2) Transfer my name out of the DBSS so I am free to purchase a flat.
For Option (1), I would need to fulfill MOP of 5 years in the current DBSS flat.
For Option (2), I’m not sure about the procedures for this therefore would need to know if anyone here knows about the procedures.

For both options, as my parents are both above 55, their CPF has been frozen. I’m not sure if they can still use their CPF to pay for the DBSS flat if the flat has been transferred to their names.

I foresee some problems but not sure what they are such as issues like how my parents are going to finance the flat once I’m out. Can they use their CPF to pay?

There’s also the issue with my gf where she thinks I’m trying to force her to stay with my parents and that she thinks I’m not trying hard enough. I’m afraid my parents will have additional burden at their age and that I’m unable to convince my gf to stay with my parents. She is very strong in her thinking.

Its quite stressful whenever I think of this problem as it leads to blame from gf for not thinking clearly years before and that it seems I have to choose between the 2 (parents or partner)...

I have taken leave and will talk to a HDB official next week to seek advise.

Meanwhile I saw that there is a forum here that I can post to seek different opinions.

Thank you.

 

[miloice]

Are you sure you are ready to marry a woman that doesn't even trust you. Think harder. The sex must be damn good for you to be so desperately blind to marry her.

 

[lapcheong]

I will never marry someone who refuses to stay with my parents. Likewise, I'm willing to stay with my spouse's parents.

If she cant even love someone who gave u life, how much can she love u?You may wish to think twice before u marry the wrong one.
You only have your parents this life time. Dun regret!

If I were u, I will dump her and never look back!

 

[tomasulu]

What's wrong with her not wanting to stay with the in laws? It's brilliant that she's making it known and in no uncertain terms. Love or not, we should all be similarly clear-minded about marriage and the kind of person we want to spend our lives with.

 

[tomasulu]

It's retarded to imply that loving your parents means living with them.

 

[infojunkie]

"it leads to blame from gf for not thinking clearly years before and that it seems I have to choose between the 2 (parents or partner)"

a nice accommodating gal is a safer bet if u're thinkin of gettin a successful marriage.

cos it won't end after u solve this problem... she is too strong for u.

and how long do u know her? the most 3 yrs?

well that's abt a tenth of the time ur parents spent on bringing u up to be of marriageable age.

 

[60secs]

I feel sad for your parents. They must be worrying sick every night thinking when the day come where the girl will succeed in getting the guy to dump his parents.

ps: just curious, is the girl a local?

 

[powder]

dude,

it's actually quite simple if u take the emotions out for awhile n relook at it...

1. u committed into a contract to purchase Together with your parents, where u are a core partner that would facilitate the loan. this contract is made together with your parents, with full knowledge of the fiance/fiancee scheme u would have to forego.

2. u can choose to back out on the contract Yes, the implications are gonna affect your parents' finances n shelter. this choice is not an option for me Unless i can fully pay up for the flat, remove my name and pay the stamp fee.

3. purchasing a condo at this point is not a possibility, until u fulfil mininmum MOP. til then, u might have to put in 40% downpayment for a max loan of 60% if u wanna have your name included.

4. u can go around on the 2 options and not find a solution with a high chance.

5. there's an option 3... which is basically to rent. this would offer a short-term solution good for the next 3-4yrs whilst u work hard to sort out your finances.

6. Or at the 5th year, sell the DBSS flat, use the money to buy a 3-4rm HDB with just your parents' names (fully pay)- which would free your name there on.

so honestly, your solution is patience, time n understanding.

if your gfren can't accept it, then a split is likely, isn't it. and if she needs to split, it's unfortunate but a mature decision cos the dynamics dun work with her, nor can u fulfill what she wants.

 

[miloice]

it is not about willingness to stay with parents. Its very easy to condemn generally on anyone for not wanting to live with their parents. The concern here is that your gf doesn't even trust you and is strongly believing that you are trying to force her into the decision. She doesn't at all believe that you would care for her concerns and interests. This explains for her reactions and stand.

There are options suggested by others, do consider them, but before that, reconsider if she is the one for you in the first place.

 

[tomasulu]

perhaps your gf can buy a condo on her own? you can draw up a contract such that you pay for part of the housing loan as a loan to her. after your mop, she transfers half the property to you.

of course she must be able to secure sufficient loan without your income.

 

[lemonzil]

"2) Transfer my name out of the DBSS so I am free to purchase a flat.

For Option (2), I’m not sure about the procedures for this therefore would need to know if anyone here knows about the procedures."

Hi, I'm in an almost similiar situation as you are, just that mine is a resale HDB flat and my FH and I had opt for a BTO, completing in 3 yrs.
Not sure if this helps.

From what I know, HDB will advise you to omit your name from the flat ownership, your parents will have to finance the flat. Loan wise, either they are still eligible for HDB loan or they have to take up a loan from the bank.

If you have already started financing for your DBSS, they will have to pay you back whatever amount that you have paid + interest. You can obtain the exact amount from CPF website.

Best is to check with HDB officer but please do get their names/dept/contact as far as I know, sometimes the answers may vary.

But then again, as husband and wife, compromises is a must from both parties. Is it really worth it?

 

[mum_of_2_girls]

Hi Teck Hoong,

If you do mind being a hen-pecked "Yes" hubby then your marriage will be ok. If not, expect quarrels as there will be more issues when baby comes along.

 

[mum_of_2_girls]

Hi,

I mean Don't mind instead of Do.

From all the suggestions, I like renting best. You can rent a place near your parents. Your wife has her own place and you can always pop over to your parents to look after them.

Then after a few years, you have save enough money and the property price has dropped, you can buy a condo near your parents.

You will be a very rich man owning both a HDB flat and a condo and still have happy wife and parents.

Nice Scenerio, isn't it? Hope your wife will be agreeable to this.
Share with us the good news if it works.

 

[pouringrain]

Thank you all for the valuable comments. I think the distrust lies with different living habits that we have. Having a flat of our own to her is to be independent from parents and starting a new family. That's what our parents did. I have to agree that I would do this had I not purchased the current flat. However, I have since found out that I had to use my name to apply not for the levy (no levy is required for DBSS as I have found out) but for a longer mortgage loan since my parents would not have been granted the 25 years loan period as they were 50 at the time of application. I have been having this mis-perception.

The biggest headache for me would be "how my parents would be able to finance the flat without cpf" and this is a straight no based on my assessment of our situation.

I figured out what I can do is to remove my name and finance the flat with my parents ( subject to bank approval).

OR

Change my bad living habits and make my gf a happy woman and satisfied woman. No doubt some of you are right to be able to see that she is a really strong lady who is very determined on what she wants. I'll have to work at it....

Nevertheless, I would have to part with her as it is clear she cannot take some of my living habits such as threshold for cleanliness.

In the end, I only see a tough life if I were to end up with 2 flats and finance 2 flats. Me and my gf(wife in future) would not be able to have kids, travel and scrimp and save... And we could still end up being unhappy with each other.... These for all the unknown facts that are so real.

I'll work it out... Thank you all once again and I'll keep you all updated.

 

[60secs]

Many of my single friends are in the same situation, they are considered average to high income earners but they bought a flat together with their parents few yrs back.

Nowadays they do not even want to waste time looking for a sg girlfriend as they know that most sg girls wouldn't want to stay with parents after marriage.

Their hobbies are currently : visting vietnam / thailand / china looking for cheap thrills, and if the right one comes along, they might settle down. That's the sad reality of many single males in Singapore.

I wonder what sort of activities single SG women keep themselves occupied with.

 

[miloice]

If you are constantly having to please your woman, she isn't the one for you. You are growing her endless appetite and soon you will find yourself in a hat larger than your head could fit.

Situations are dynamic yet one's expectations and demands remains one direction. A partner is there to help her fulfill her expectations and wants. Is that your vision of a happy marriage. Its pretty obvious where it is heading.

 

[joannezz]

I myself is a very accomodating person and currently living with my PIL until my flat is done but seriously speaking, it is difficult to stay with PIL.. esp MIL...

As a guy, you can say it till it is a easy way, but not for a daughter-in-law.

My husband also bought the flat together with his parent.. because his parent are old and cannot afford the load, but thank god that they are able to sell off alreaady, so i've been staying with them for 2 years+ already, then we bought new flats side by side.. the parent will be living next to us..

Not living together won't cause much friction.. even how accomodating we are, there bound to have friction.. but staying side by side let us to be able to look after them.

I think you can try negotiating with your girlfriend again.. if she can't even tolerate staying for a couple of years then I guess it will be too much.

it happened to my brother in law.. her wife doesnt even want to stay near to his parent (thats why my hubby- younger bro and I got to take care of his parent), and she doesn't even want to stay in the house till the flat is ready, so they rented a flat somewhere..

Maybe you can suggest to your GF.. if she is as unreasonable as my sister-in-law.. I would advice you to give her up. because more problems will occur(happened in real life - my BIL).. he nearly can't even come home for dinner.. -.-

 

[miloice]

Note that no one is insisting that he should stay with parents after marriage. There is a need to consider the situation and look for feasible solutions. Difficulty living with MIL isn't something surprising. Not something so deep that men don't comprehen.

"As a guy, you can say it till it is a easy way, but not for a daughter-in-law."
It doesn't help with this kind of gender generalizing. It has to be planned, something that will need the partner to be realistic with her expectations to work on it together. There are lots of suggestions offered in this thread, we don't just insist on perfect solutions. You actually also pointed out renting out for your BIL case.

Personally, I too insisted to not stay with my mum as well because I understand how difficult it would be. There is very little my spouse needs to handle my mother. From day one, I made a point to prepare for the living apart. So, your assumption that guys just thinks it easy and will not understand... is an easy assumption to make as well.

 

[60secs]

Nice read ..

http://sg.entertainment.yahoo.com/blogs/singapore-showbiz/runaway-brides-singapore-janice-story-part-1-035439074.html