A man in seek of help in a ugly divorce issue.

[downout]

Dear all,
I am just new in this and been trying online to seek answers i have questions for. and i seriously need help and advice from guys or gals. here is the life thing.

i and my wife been date for a year plus and we got married less than a year and we decided to get divorce coz of have u all experienced quarrelling over the simplest thing? telling me that im not giving enuf attention the dating feel.. i am 31 and she is 23 only. .from date to marriage only abt 2 years.

all the while i have given what i can give her be it maxing out the credit cards to bring her nice plc for dinner. do wahtever i wil always spend my money not letting her spend except once sudden i blew up my card and ask for her help from a bank loan of a few thousands only..even the loan amty i didnt had it full as she felt all the debts my card chalk out is not becoz of her..
she can be such selective that she oni wan to remember what she wan to say what is to her advantage she never realise that i did for all her all this..

now we finally had a ugly one. .put it this way we have a hse but no kids. now she moved out of the hse and ever since hse taken i have been topping up with slight cash every mth bills leaving me to pay and even the COV, e agent all this is pay by me in e 1st plc.. But now she telling me since she moved out of the hse she is half a owner and coz of my mum moving in to live she say and demanded we to pay a sum of money to her every mth take as she rent out her part coz she feel that if she rent out the whole flat she can get more than that.. we got the house less than a year.. !
now i cant take all the emotional stress as she can even say as and when she stil got share in the house come up as and wish when she move out and stil getting money from me n my mum despite not contributing her duties as a wife.. maybe she once while did help to fold clthes and wash clthes..but every wkend im the one guy myself doing all the cleaning up and now telling me tat hse is hers i dun mess up the plc..
i cant take it i even tel her le leave the hse peace for me til wwe finally divorce. then i wil decide to juz get back my cpf not vying with her for the house proceeds or anything in future..

i did not commit adultery which i know ppl in here may think.. but recently i saw her on the road holding hands with a guy..i dun have any feelings for her anymore..but what i can do.. i feel so stress that she can rant to her parents my parents acting all she is the mature one is me causing her all this stress blah blah.. now my parents oso feel i shld lose everything but nothing i feel i did wrong accept this divorce is cause by we cant live together facing each other anymore coz of the constant quarrels.. the hand raising and pushing i had enuf le..

as i read all is abt gals issue.. can some kind souls or anything who seen such case before..advise what is the step i can take without really giving to her in case she juz wan to take my life away with her greedy needs juz seeing herself as she is the oni victim..whereas i am nothing.. ???

 

[miloice]

"if she rent out the whole flat she can get more than that.. we got the house less than a year.. !

If you rent out the entire flat, u risk getting it repossess by HDB. You still don't know where u went wrong my friend? Your selection criteria is badly flawed and u were so blind to it all these while giving her chance to completely take advantage of you.

 

[mum_of_2_girls]

Hi downout,

What did she quarrel about that needs a divorce?

Simplest quarrel can lead to divorce?????

 

[downout]

Hi milo
Ya I know that she can take advantage of the whole situation coz I been asking ppl too I n my mum living in e hse I'm also a owner yet got to pay her stuff like rent..she began to get greedier from all this therefore I'm seeking advise what I can do le..maybe I dun wanna give in in e end I'm losing practically everything as I myself not young too le..

Albee,
Maybe it started as she was never like this not giving attitude for nothing happy talk to u not happy juz kinda treat me like I shldnt disturb her somehw I feel yes she n me has a bad temper but she never able to tok sense coz she feel I'm not in the shoe to scold her anyting maybe juz cozz she young but when her frenz tel her the same thing she can accept.. I duno then I began to grow and hated this n every small thing can becum a quarrel so best is at a time we didn't even really began speak much le n now got worse but the worse is going thru this stage in life guess really I regret getting myself in this marriage as it seem this marriage is actually for the hse oni not really the love so strong..

Guess woman sometimes are more cruel than man I feel when they dun get the man they will destroy the man .. Sighxzz

 

[miloice]

she is too childish and self centered to realize what an ass she is.

 

[jefferson_edison]

well how did u burst your credit card? buying what? into debt and need a helping hand?

trust is very important, if you know how to build trust back then try to, else you should go for divorce, but try not to regret over it. it's not simple and it's not fast. separation take 3 -4 years and cost tons of $$$. is it worth or not u should decide.

well not everyone's perfect. try not to blame each other and see if you are right or wrong or she's just picking at you.

some people divorce because the wife is giving him extra "STRESS" in life over simple thing and just simply cannot take it.

 

[kittenpie]

downout,

what attracted you to her in the first place?

you seem to be a giving guy, generous (to a fault) to those you love.

why did you commit such a judgment error?

 

[thommy]

You chose the wrong partner, just move on and close this chapter.

 

[wildcarde]

Dear Downout,

Your situation is reminisce of something similar of what I have been through. They say that "Love is Blind" - This implies that you truly need to find a good walking stick.

It would be best to treat this as a lesson and move on. It could really be a blessing in disguise as imagine, if you had children in the picture.

I would personally suggest that, if you do to have family / friends that you can share with. It would be prudent to seek some help from Family Service Centers to help you through your issues.

You are still young and you need to understand that it is not the end of the world.

Take heart, be strong and comforted in the knowledge that for guys in general, we tend to be an appreciating asset as we grow older.

 

[downout]

thanks for all the advice from you all peeps appreciated but the whole thing is this is taking too much toll coz perhaps i began to read into her feeling such scary she can be that what she really wanted to make me out of. .even the house , the money everything and she even dare to tell me that oh she is feeling the most stress person in this whole divorce despite letting me saw her recent with a guy holding hands in town..

i can say my bad is i had this fiery temper therefore i trying to actually talk lesser sometimes to even avoid saying too much to maybe duno whichi word will piss her off.. vice versa she will also have reserve towards actually toking to each other despite staying in the same hse. .which realli makes it hard to face each other.

as for yes i been chalking up card juz to try give her whatever she wanted to get trying to let her have her way at most times.. but indeed until now then we been talking then i found that she never feel that all those in e past i spend with her tgt buying stuff for her all on my account which she keep say is my drinking my go out wif frenz when im with her almost daily at the earlier stage until the marriage make it unbearable this mths then i been going out..

ask u all ladies have u all ever did til such that exp. the whole house furniture is bought all by me except one tv that is given by her dad during our hse warming but then she can come and just get it away say the tv is hers de she deserve to take it away. have u all done so when u left the matrimonial house when seperating with ur husband or what.. ?

 

[miloice]

downout, everyone has a good and bad side. Its not shocking at how nasty a person can become especially when they feel that need to protect themselves. Often, victimizing themselves.

Both are adults here. Be sensible. Your problem is over committing. No one force you to marry her or spend beyond your ability. You screw up brother. Time to be firm and get the messy split done with. Its not for you to teach her any lesson. Let her learn her lessons in her life herself. Just move on and cut the losses.

 

[stanzza]

Hi,

1st You must be v strong and battle on to the end. Until you close this chapter successfully. You must hang on and fight for the future of your parents, yourself and your future family.

2nd Be very firm about your demands and what you would give. As you had mentioned. This is already an ugly divorce. It is war. You r screwed now. Make sure your parents, future family are not screwed together with you for years to come.

3rd You need the best lawyer you could find. Engage him/her. Tell him the cases and co-operate with him.

Unfortunately, life can be this way. Why do you have war with ppl whom you once love? I'm saying to you: Because you have to secure your own life as well as your parent's. So make sure you win big time.

Your soon to be divorced wife will not suffer any major losses with this walk out even if she gets nothing. She's trying to screw you, and your family.

Woman can resort to playing "the victim" when they are actually the jerks to earn compassion and support. Don't fall for the trick.

 

[stanzza]

Do not agree or do anything without discussing with your lawyer. Go find a lawyer now and discuss with him. You need one urgently.

 

[ryklucwen]

If you are extremely sure that you wanted a divorce, then please get a lawyer for a DOS (you can't divorce now, married less than 3 years).

In the DOS, you may indicate who to stay in and maintain the matrimonial flat. You may also indicate how to distribute the flat's sale proceeding upon sale in future.

This will at least 'safe-guard' situation for a while, until divorce came in force.

Meanwhile, you would want to keep all the receipts & bills for the flat. it will helps in future.

 

[texasholdem]

so she must be the one commiting adultery. think man. havent even divorce yet hold hand?

 

[miloice]

hi, just to highlight....OLD THREAD. TS is not responding.

 

[downout]

dear all,

Thx for all the concern and advise.
currently i had already did the DOS and awaiting for the 3 years up to divorce. but now is a worrying period coz the DOS was done up when im in a stress mode. therefore the only thing is during the divorce to speak to the judge again for my explanation on why i agree on the terms of the DOS.

has anyone tried before revoking the DOS that you all did tgt before, during the final divorce judgement it become different.?

plus does the judge actually see record in maybe during the whole divorce, i got too stress up fell into depression and with medication. does they look in this too. ?

 

[ryklucwen]

DOS is not legally binded, it only serves as a ground/documentation for divorce (however, by then, your wife will still need to sign a consent order that she is agreeable that both of you did indeed stay apart for these 3 years). However, the court will also take your DOS into considerations (as a 'reference').

If your divorce is uncontested, you will just have to indicate your new terms on your writ of divorce .

If your wife wants to contest, then you will also have provide a reason/ground to support your new terms. EG: You stated you wanted 50% of sales proceeding from matrimonial flat. But during divorce you decided you wanted 70% instead, so you have to provided a strong & valid reason for this.

Also if you want to prove that you had signed the DOS in an 'unsound' mind, then you will have to prove that during that period you are indeed having depression, and is on medication. Eg: providing a letter and medication prescription from your psychiatry.

You did not have any children from this marriage? If yes, then you will also have to bear in mind the 'consequences' of proving you had depression. Cause by then you will ALSO need to provide another letter from your psychiatry (during the divorce) that you had fully recovered and is capable of taking care of the children (if you are seeking the care & control).