Walking on egg shells
New Member
Sob Story
I came to know of my wife's borderline personality disorder (BPD) last year, but things felt off the moment I registered the marriage with her. Besides BPD, I suspect that there are other comorbidities as she has a morbid fear of gaining weight. During the four years of marriage, I can't remember the last time I have a full week of peace when I'm with her. She doesn't really work (though she can if she wants to) and has no lack of time to explore avenues to inflict psychological pain on me whenever she perceived that I've crossed her line. Ever since she talked to several lawyers to find out about maintenance, she has been brandishing her 'rights' like a weapon held against my throat whenever I don't accede to her incessant demands to feel validated. I felt humiliated on countless occasions when she flared up in public and railed at me over the silliest things without regard for others or me. She would bawl like a victim when the real victims were the people around her. Over the last 2 years, she called the police on me at least 7 times to teach me lessons; when the police came, she would usually flash her amulet (in the form of a letter from her psychiatrist), play victim, and need not face consequences.
She has similar challenges relating to her own mother and father -- she has a PPO against her mum and vice versa; and is perpetually in shouting matches with her father. The police is also a frequent guest to her parents' household. She is adapt at manipulating others as she is extremely sensitive to human emotions, and frequently portrays herself as the victim to gain leverage. Such leverage is frequently used to gather 'evidence' which would then be used to compel her parents / me. If compulsion fails, good luck to the target of her wrath.
I've went on several counselling sessions with her. This lasted until a new counsellor took over and rubbed her the wrong way. So much for counselling.
The situation at home is becoming extremely unbearable due to COVID-19 and escalating issues between her and her parents. Or else why would I be typing this at 4am in the morning?
So What?
Anyone experienced similar situations and has something to say in the following areas?
a) If you managed to salvage such a relationship and achieved a positive outcome, how did you do it?
b) If you managed to terminate such a relationship, as the saying goes "hell hath no fury like a BPD spouse scorned", how do you minimise damage when the other party has sworn to make it their life purpose to delay/sabotage the proceedings? Would getting a lawyer with experience dealing with BPD cases help? Any advice and contacts to share?
I came to know of my wife's borderline personality disorder (BPD) last year, but things felt off the moment I registered the marriage with her. Besides BPD, I suspect that there are other comorbidities as she has a morbid fear of gaining weight. During the four years of marriage, I can't remember the last time I have a full week of peace when I'm with her. She doesn't really work (though she can if she wants to) and has no lack of time to explore avenues to inflict psychological pain on me whenever she perceived that I've crossed her line. Ever since she talked to several lawyers to find out about maintenance, she has been brandishing her 'rights' like a weapon held against my throat whenever I don't accede to her incessant demands to feel validated. I felt humiliated on countless occasions when she flared up in public and railed at me over the silliest things without regard for others or me. She would bawl like a victim when the real victims were the people around her. Over the last 2 years, she called the police on me at least 7 times to teach me lessons; when the police came, she would usually flash her amulet (in the form of a letter from her psychiatrist), play victim, and need not face consequences.
She has similar challenges relating to her own mother and father -- she has a PPO against her mum and vice versa; and is perpetually in shouting matches with her father. The police is also a frequent guest to her parents' household. She is adapt at manipulating others as she is extremely sensitive to human emotions, and frequently portrays herself as the victim to gain leverage. Such leverage is frequently used to gather 'evidence' which would then be used to compel her parents / me. If compulsion fails, good luck to the target of her wrath.
I've went on several counselling sessions with her. This lasted until a new counsellor took over and rubbed her the wrong way. So much for counselling.
The situation at home is becoming extremely unbearable due to COVID-19 and escalating issues between her and her parents. Or else why would I be typing this at 4am in the morning?
So What?
Anyone experienced similar situations and has something to say in the following areas?
a) If you managed to salvage such a relationship and achieved a positive outcome, how did you do it?
b) If you managed to terminate such a relationship, as the saying goes "hell hath no fury like a BPD spouse scorned", how do you minimise damage when the other party has sworn to make it their life purpose to delay/sabotage the proceedings? Would getting a lawyer with experience dealing with BPD cases help? Any advice and contacts to share?
