Rhea fenrir
New Member
Dear all,
I am sure you all have ever heard of couple staying in a loveless marriage for the sake of their child/children.
That is what is happening to me now. My marriage can actually be certified dead already, but we stay together for the sake of our 3-year-old son.
after so many heartbreak and disappointment, I have lost all feeling to my husband. I also believe that my husband stays with me and pretends that everything is OK in our marriage just to make sure that our son has a complete family.
I have already asked for divorce numerous times since last year, especially after I found out about his infatuation with his colleague. I always assured him that we will have a very amicable divorce with zero drama. I will not ask for alimony, in fact he can keep all our marital assets, I will not ask for a cent of it. I will keep quiet about his betrayal and we will have joint custody of our son and I promise I will never make anything difficult for him to be with our son, as our son means everything to him. all in exchange for my freedom from this unhappy and torturous relationship.
Yet he won't give me my freedom. He said that he will never sign the divorce paper, and will make things difficult for me. He keeps telling me that our son will grow up to be a damaged person if we got divorced and it will all be my fault. he also always "threaten" me emotionally about our parents, especially my parents, saying how our divorce could possibly make them so heartbroken and make them pass away earlier than they should. it is like I will be killing my own parents.
because of these emotional blackmail, I relented and decided to just wait until the day my folks will peacefully pass away and our son grows up to be an independent man, then maybe I can finally have my life back. I know this could just be a wishful thinking, but hope like this is what makes me keep on living.
perhaps you all have ever heard this sentence " the opposite of love is not hate, it is apathy". that is what is happening to me now. last time I could get upset and emotional whenever he humiliated me by getting too "friendly" with other woman in front of me, keep on comparing me with other women and praising other women while belittling me. never allow me to pursue my own career or even having my me time. for him, I am nothing but a free maid and a free babysitter, with no break or holidays, unless I beg like crazy with so much tears.
Now I don't even feel sad or hatred anymore. I just live day by day, keep my distance from him, and try my best in doing my duties as a wife and as a mother, but without feelings. things that used to upset me in the past, now don't bother me anymore. if I can be crude, I am like a blown-up sex doll now. I am functioning physically very well, but emotionally, I am already dead. I feel nothing, hence I can't get happy or excited but positively I also can't get sad, upset or angry. I just take everything as it is, with very minimum reactions.
I am scared with myself right now. Is it normal to be emotionally void?
some of you might have parents who have cases like me. Staying in a dead marriage just for the sake of you and your siblings. May I have some insights or inputs on whether it damage you as a child or now as an adult? what are the consequences of such situation in your life now?
can anybody also suggest ways for me to regain my emotions back? I want to live my life to the fullest.
sorry if my message confuse you all. I have a very limited time to write this message, so I just write and ask whatever comes up in my mind.
I am open to any responses and suggestions, even harsh and critical ones. please enlighten me.
thank you in advance.
I am sure you all have ever heard of couple staying in a loveless marriage for the sake of their child/children.
That is what is happening to me now. My marriage can actually be certified dead already, but we stay together for the sake of our 3-year-old son.
after so many heartbreak and disappointment, I have lost all feeling to my husband. I also believe that my husband stays with me and pretends that everything is OK in our marriage just to make sure that our son has a complete family.
I have already asked for divorce numerous times since last year, especially after I found out about his infatuation with his colleague. I always assured him that we will have a very amicable divorce with zero drama. I will not ask for alimony, in fact he can keep all our marital assets, I will not ask for a cent of it. I will keep quiet about his betrayal and we will have joint custody of our son and I promise I will never make anything difficult for him to be with our son, as our son means everything to him. all in exchange for my freedom from this unhappy and torturous relationship.
Yet he won't give me my freedom. He said that he will never sign the divorce paper, and will make things difficult for me. He keeps telling me that our son will grow up to be a damaged person if we got divorced and it will all be my fault. he also always "threaten" me emotionally about our parents, especially my parents, saying how our divorce could possibly make them so heartbroken and make them pass away earlier than they should. it is like I will be killing my own parents.
because of these emotional blackmail, I relented and decided to just wait until the day my folks will peacefully pass away and our son grows up to be an independent man, then maybe I can finally have my life back. I know this could just be a wishful thinking, but hope like this is what makes me keep on living.
perhaps you all have ever heard this sentence " the opposite of love is not hate, it is apathy". that is what is happening to me now. last time I could get upset and emotional whenever he humiliated me by getting too "friendly" with other woman in front of me, keep on comparing me with other women and praising other women while belittling me. never allow me to pursue my own career or even having my me time. for him, I am nothing but a free maid and a free babysitter, with no break or holidays, unless I beg like crazy with so much tears.
Now I don't even feel sad or hatred anymore. I just live day by day, keep my distance from him, and try my best in doing my duties as a wife and as a mother, but without feelings. things that used to upset me in the past, now don't bother me anymore. if I can be crude, I am like a blown-up sex doll now. I am functioning physically very well, but emotionally, I am already dead. I feel nothing, hence I can't get happy or excited but positively I also can't get sad, upset or angry. I just take everything as it is, with very minimum reactions.
I am scared with myself right now. Is it normal to be emotionally void?
some of you might have parents who have cases like me. Staying in a dead marriage just for the sake of you and your siblings. May I have some insights or inputs on whether it damage you as a child or now as an adult? what are the consequences of such situation in your life now?
can anybody also suggest ways for me to regain my emotions back? I want to live my life to the fullest.
sorry if my message confuse you all. I have a very limited time to write this message, so I just write and ask whatever comes up in my mind.
I am open to any responses and suggestions, even harsh and critical ones. please enlighten me.
thank you in advance.