Wife cheated on me...

[foolishguy]

Hi all,

Me and my wife have been married for almost 5 years, she have cheated on me for almost 1 year...I've only found out 1 month back.

I am totally devastated, guess I really need to write my thoughts out to feel better...

All these years, I have never probe into her private life, when she wanted to go clubbing/ girls night out . I have always given her green light to hang out with her friends...but few months back, I noticed that she've kept me hidden from her facebook, less and less sex and generally started to change..I am not proud of this, but one night I saw her ipad and manage to log into her fb messenger account...inside are all of her dirty sex talks with her bf, she have even met the guy's parents before...I am totally heartbroken..the woman that I swore to take care of forever has given me a pain that I have never felt before...I cried like a kid on that night.

I am now staying alone in the new 5rm bto that we have bought, I paid almost 60k for everything including reno and furniture, I even took a loan of 24k and still paying on my own...she did not contribute a single cent...

When i confronted her, she said we have problems all along, she dont want to stay with in-laws, I never gave her allowance, she wanted a chanel boy that cost almost 6k this year, I told her I cannot afford it...I am crushed..I have never felt any lower in my life than before....is this what marriage is about? Life is a joke....

 

[Pandora8]

Hi all,

Me and my wife have been married for almost 5 years, she have cheated on me for almost 1 year...I've only found out 1 month back.

I am totally devastated, guess I really need to write my thoughts out to feel better...

All these years, I have never probe into her private life, when she wanted to go clubbing/ girls night out . I have always given her green light to hang out with her friends...but few months back, I noticed that she've kept me hidden from her facebook, less and less sex and generally started to change..I am not proud of this, but one night I saw her ipad and manage to log into her fb messenger account...inside are all of her dirty sex talks with her bf, she have even met the guy's parents before...I am totally heartbroken..the woman that I swore to take care of forever has given me a pain that I have never felt before...I cried like a kid on that night.

I am now staying alone in the new 5rm bto that we have bought, I paid almost 60k for everything including reno and furniture, I even took a loan of 24k and still paying on my own...she did not contribute a single cent...

When i confronted her, she said we have problems all along, she dont want to stay with in-laws, I never gave her allowance, she wanted a chanel boy that cost almost 6k this year, I told her I cannot afford it...I am crushed..I have never felt any lower in my life than before....is this what marriage is about? Life is a joke....

Hey man. . I'm sorry to hear it. How old are you guys? I guess there's not much point salvaging isn't it.

 

[pipitbj]

bro, I am sorry to hear about this. And that the house is new, you cannot sell in within five years. So if you to get divorced, your house will be taken back and sold at market. Money wise, bad days. In Singapore, couples are often tied down because of the HDB house even when relationship breaks down.

On your case, I think your wife is a goner. so either hang on because of house or divorce to lose everything. u may begin to find gf too.

 

[foolishguy]

Hey man. . I'm sorry to hear it. How old are you guys? I guess there's not much point salvaging isn't it.

Im 32 and my wife is 25...yah, no point salvaging.... she doesnt show remorse and went out with her bf after I confronted her..

 

[foolishguy]

bro, I am sorry to hear about this. And that the house is new, you cannot sell in within five years. So if you to get divorced, your house will be taken back and sold at market. Money wise, bad days. In Singapore, couples are often tied down because of the HDB house even when relationship breaks down.

On your case, I think your wife is a goner. so either hang on because of house or divorce to lose everything. u may begin to find gf too.

Thats the thing, have to wait 4 more years before MOP reach... so i think we have to seperate for 4 yrs...

Btw, anybody knows if MOP is reached... can i buy over her share? Or does she have an option of not transferring to me after divorce?

Appreciate any replies, this failed marriage is draining me finacially and emotionally...lucky thing is no kids yet... although I really wanted kids... guess it's not the right person...

 

[pipitbj]

I think u cannot buy over her share, but perhaps u may have your parents to buy over the share. As a single, you cannot own a HDB bigger than 3BR. Better to consult official advice.

if I am you, I would consider finding the bf out. it pays to mess with wives.

 

[foolishguy]

I think u cannot buy over her share, but perhaps u may have your parents to buy over the share. As a single, you cannot own a HDB bigger than 3BR. Better to consult official advice.

if I am you, I would consider finding the bf out. it pays to mess with wives.

I have all the details of the guy... he's a navy regular.. he is so shameless to post even his payslip to my wife and promising to give her 1k per month... they have talk about planning their own family (how many kids...etc)...

When I found out, i was blinded with rage... but I stop to think about my parents and figure it was just not worth it.... they will have their karma soon... I can accept my wife breaking up with me, just be clear cut and don't do it behind my back....but that's life, I can only count myself lucky that I found out eariler before we have kids...

 

[pipitbj]

I would at least bash him once.

He already gotten his karma, you forgot he helped carried the human burden away from you liao? hope he enjoy the good times while his money lasts

 

[kentlim26]

don't bash that bf . all you need now is to accept She is Gone astray and will never returned. Your new life will be coming! always keep all the evidence about your wife has done damages to your heart. just incase if your future gf arrive will certainly wants to know why you ditch ex-wife. infact you should be congrats to your wife has found someone is her future again. wish her good luck. well i tell you a woman tends to cheats hubby will continue to be endless, so you can her generic is badly clear.

 

[miloice]

Hi all,

Me and my wife have been married for almost 5 years, she have cheated on me for almost 1 year...I've only found out 1 month back.

I am totally devastated, guess I really need to write my thoughts out to feel better...

All these years, I have never probe into her private life, when she wanted to go clubbing/ girls night out . I have always given her green light to hang out with her friends...but few months back, I noticed that she've kept me hidden from her facebook, less and less sex and generally started to change..I am not proud of this, but one night I saw her ipad and manage to log into her fb messenger account...inside are all of her dirty sex talks with her bf, she have even met the guy's parents before...I am totally heartbroken..the woman that I swore to take care of forever has given me a pain that I have never felt before...I cried like a kid on that night.

I am now staying alone in the new 5rm bto that we have bought, I paid almost 60k for everything including reno and furniture, I even took a loan of 24k and still paying on my own...she did not contribute a single cent...

When i confronted her, she said we have problems all along, she dont want to stay with in-laws, I never gave her allowance, she wanted a chanel boy that cost almost 6k this year, I told her I cannot afford it...I am crushed..I have never felt any lower in my life than before....is this what marriage is about? Life is a joke....

Face it, you chose the wrong woman. Her expectations, allowance, bags etc. She prefers to be degraded to a kept woman and you are not in a marriage to keep a mistress. Expectations disparity. Nothing wrong for the bf to show her his pay check, that's aligning expectations. Birds of the feather flock together.

 

[Hopefulbride2016]

U probably need to have evidence of her cheating on you when apply for divorce as she may want u to pay her matrimony. You can accuse her of abandonment and ask for immediate divorce if necessary. If i were u i will confront her and let out your anger and frustrations on her for disappointing you. At least you may feel better than just leave quietly. All the best..i hope you find a better girl

 

[Pandora8]

Chase her out of the house. Ask her to stay with her bf. Go back being a single again. Is not that bad. Haha

 

[margret]

get the evidence, use it to file divorce and also send a letter to Singapore Navy, say he is breaking up your marriage, let Navy deal with him. He lose his job even better.

 

[foolishguy]

Now wife wants to reconcile with me and apologize to me... saying that she was lost at that time and had no emotional assurance from me....

Saying she's wrong and wants to start all over again, by splitting all the household bills and start by slping in different rooms to see if things will improve or not..

I am very torn inbetween wanting to start a new life or accepting her back... I always had this thinking that I can overcome any difficulty in marriage but this seems too great for me to forgive her...My mind keep imagining the other guy doing her... it's driving me crazy... my heart still love her... but my mind says no...

What should I do? Very confused now....

 

[Infernolord]

I really feel you bro...
How she assure you that she is not with that bf? If that guy will to come back to her?
I suggest you two go for some marriage counseling .

 

[foolishguy]

I really feel you bro...
How she assure you that she is not with that bf? If that guy will to come back to her?
I suggest you two go for some marriage counseling .

She say she had already broke off contact with that guy.... she say she will let me handle all her social media account and I can check anytime.....
I don't know... does she deserve another chance? She promise to make things right this time...

 

[newproject]

More likely the guy dumped her.

If you want consider patching back make sure you know you have the upper hand now.

make her grovel. If she truly want your forgiveness she should show by actions and words.

don't be soft. She's a cheater and don't deserve any trust unless she proved otherwise in the time to come.

Be a man and make sure you control everything and she must be meek and submissive to you .

 

[meiji5]

I too feel that she most likely got dumped by her bf and she is returning to you because everything is there for her, the house and a husband whom may take her back.

Being in control over her social media accounts does not mean that she would not cheat again via other means. As well as constantly checking on her degrades your character and you lose self-trust and self-confidence because you are always wondering in the back of your mind "is she?" or "is she not?". It really is a mental torture.

The only option now is to go for marriage counselling, then from this you can determine if the marriage can be salvaged.

 

[pandame]

If u are looking for divorce there is no need to wait for separation if u have proof of adultery, it's straight divorce on grounds of adultery. Also with this proof u don't have to pay her any Alimony.

 

[kentlim26]

Like what all said. No trust is no love. is very hard to carry on the future in love. each will live on its own of living. as time goes on to cool down will help you forget divorce but you wont forget the Wife true character. One day you will have such questions Is my wife easily been cheated by other man. Only when dump by man, she remember hubby come to rescue?

 

[sherlyn1620]

I'd suggest you re-visit the reasons that made you decide she was the one back then. What was it about her that made you feel you can spend the rest of your life with her etc.

Values and goals in life are very important factors too. There's an age gap, but the good news is, you're a 32 year old guy, your biological clock can still hang on a couple more years.
I'm not sure if I can say all 25 year olds are mature enough these days.

From what I read, if she is a material girl, then forget it. If there's really something in this marriage that you both can still work together to mend, then yeah, maybe marriage counselling can help.

I'm a woman by the way, and I don't know much details but frankly, I won't take her back if I'm a guy.

 

[fifimon]

I was thinking probably to get 1 of your guy friends (someone you really trust and whom she doesn't know at all) to help you test her out to see if she has really changed and no longer plays with fire.

 

[meiji5]

fifimon, that sounds like a terrible idea. To set up a trap with such intentions. That basically means you want to lure her into a situation whereby the guy is flirting with her just to prove that she would do it again.

 

[foolishguy]

Thanks all for the replies, really appreciate it.

As a man, all I wanted was a happy family, to have kids and to strive towards a better life..

I guess I was blinded by love, all this while... most of the money is provided by me... after our HDB was selected, I saved like crazy every month and pouring all my bonuses into our joint account. Wife would sometimes just throw in measly $100 when she feels like it.

Even until now, she says sorry but still put some of the blame on me...I mean we are all not perfect but we must communicate and not just run to someone else's arm just because he can sweet talk and promise alot of things...(actually 99% is just him wanting sex)...tired to talk to her anymore, she just don't have the concept of a marriage life (what she says and do are 2 different things)...If it was a ONS, I might be able to forgive but she has already been cheating on me for so long (more than half a year), don't think she loves me anymore also... just using me as a harbour (provide for the house etc..) while waiting for a chance to ditch me..

Meanwhile, I have to hold on for 4 more years for the flat MOP to finish... by the time then let fate decide for me bah... hope I can find a good girl by then..

 

[SadSmurfettes]

Oh wow. This is very shocking to read but such is life, eh? One spouse cheats & the other has to shoulder the entire drama.
So she mentioned the both of you had problems "all along"? How long is that?

I can understand that she is reluctant to live with her in-laws as it IS actually really inconvenient for the both of you, not just her.
Not to mention if she has to reside with them for too many years - that, in itself would most definitely cause a rift between the both of you.
Similar scenario, you wouldn't appreciate living with HER family if possible, would you?

So....you don't give her an allowance? But why not? Is she working as well?
Don't mind this, but it is a husband's responsibility, regardless whether she holds a job, to provide allowance for his spouse.
Even if you were to offer to give her a small amount, i'm sure she'd appreciate it instead of not getting a dime.

Though i cannot understand her needs of a Chanel bag...?
I don't see the importance of it though i'm female myself.
Could it be a special request from her because it's a special occasion ; say your anniversary, her birthday or something?

 

[foolishguy]

Of course, who doesnt love a fairytale family with just me and my wife and our lovely kids enjoying our privacy?

The truth is my dad had a stroke and difficulty in daily movement and my mum is getting too old to work (she is over 60, not in good health and working 12 hours daily)....they need someone to look after them... I did ask my wife numerous time if she is ok... she said yes but she is actually holding it inside her heart.

About her family, I can tell you truthfully, I will take in HER family members if needed ANYTIME...to me, that is what a man should do...

About allowance, she is working full time as well... I am paying everything from the house reno, furniture, bills and even our daily meals outside... I don't see the need to give allowance if we don't have kids yet... I still buy her gifts/ overseas trip when she requested to my ability...

End of the day I understand that a man with my situation should not deserve to get married....I know women doesnt like to live with in-laws but this is the hard facts of life.... either throw my parents aside or stay with them until they pass away...I did tried my best though... Its not easy being sandwich between parents and wife...

 

[SadSmurfettes]

Don't get me wrong, i'm not saying you haven't done your responsibility as a husband.

Unfortunately, it is EVERY girl's dream to stay in her own place with her own family, excluding either party's family members.
So for her to feel oppressed living with your family, i can't say i really blame her.

I am terribly sorry to hear that.. i hope your parents get better soon..
If i may ask, do you have other siblings that are staying with your parents as well?
Which might have been one of the "many" uncomfortable situations your wife may have to put up with as well.

I understand she has a responsibility of taking care of your parents, just as much as she has over her own.
But one person can only do so much. Especially if you have kids.
Ask her what it is she can't cope with at home and work it out together.

Now see, the argument comes about over allowance is all about being appreciated.
As i've mentioned, it doesn't even have to be a certain amount nor a huge one.
I emphasize, it's all about being thoughtful. Even $10 would be better than nothing.
She'd appreciate it because it's the thought that counts. Not HOW MUCH you give.

You have my full respect for forking out almost everything in the household, something MOST men i know would grumble about now, which totally shocks and disgusts me.
The man of the household is expected to take up certain responsibilities, as the wife her own.

Don't put it that way, EVERYONE deserves happiness, married or not.
The problem you're facing is not even that big a deal, so chill!
Just have a good talk with her. It'll work out. You're a good man.

 

[yukiko_kim]

You won't be able to trust her anymore in future. Money can earn back. But if you suffer yourself for another four years it might harm your health and mentality. Sorry to hear your story, take care.
A person that gone thru similar situation with you before and choose to leave.

 

[fifimon]

fifimon, that sounds like a terrible idea. To set up a trap with such intentions. That basically means you want to lure her into a situation whereby the guy is flirting with her just to prove that she would do it again.

Oops.. Sorry for the lousy idea..

 

[Minkishly]

I'm sorry, but I think once a cheater, always a cheater. Even if she's unhappy staying with your family, she has no right to complain because she never makes any financial contribution. Most likely she got dumped by the guy and is now helpless. She wasn't remorseful at all when you first found out, so why the sudden change? At least if she had shown regret back then, it would show some sincerity, but instead, she flaunted her new boyfriend in your face. She is so materialistic, even complaining about a Chanel bag when she knows how much financial burden you have. Trust me, you'd be better off cutting your losses. This isn't someone that deserves to spend the rest of her life with you. You're a great guy and you deserve better.

 

[sherlyn1620]

Agree with Minkishly. If Wife is already working full time, why still need allowance from the hubs when hubs is already paying for almost everything? Everything she earns is already hers leh... Come on, if she's upset over an allowance, that just goes to show there're differences in values.

I'm working full time, my HTB is also working full time. He pays for most things, but whenever I want a big ticket item, be it a branded bag or a jewellery, I get it myself.

Depends on an individual, but I do find it an insult if I have to rely on a guy to fulfil my material desires.

 

[verysadguy]

Don't get me wrong, i'm not saying you haven't done your responsibility as a husband.

Unfortunately, it is EVERY girl's dream to stay in her own place with her own family, excluding either party's family members.
So for her to feel oppressed living with your family, i can't say i really blame her.

I am terribly sorry to hear that.. i hope your parents get better soon..
If i may ask, do you have other siblings that are staying with your parents as well?
Which might have been one of the "many" uncomfortable situations your wife may have to put up with as well.

I understand she has a responsibility of taking care of your parents, just as much as she has over her own.
But one person can only do so much. Especially if you have kids.
Ask her what it is she can't cope with at home and work it out together.

Now see, the argument comes about over allowance is all about being appreciated.
As i've mentioned, it doesn't even have to be a certain amount nor a huge one.
I emphasize, it's all about being thoughtful. Even $10 would be better than nothing.
She'd appreciate it because it's the thought that counts. Not HOW MUCH you give.

You have my full respect for forking out almost everything in the household, something MOST men i know would grumble about now, which totally shocks and disgusts me.
The man of the household is expected to take up certain responsibilities, as the wife her own.

Don't put it that way, EVERYONE deserves happiness, married or not.
The problem you're facing is not even that big a deal, so chill!
Just have a good talk with her. It'll work out. You're a good man.

Hey, I don't really agree about the allowance part if she can earn her own keep. The fact is after you give $10 of allowance, she would want more after that.

For example, Initially, I gave my ex-wife $200 per month even though she is working and I am paying everything in the house. After that she wants $300. I am still ok if she looks after the house but no, she just save the money without contributing anything in the house.

After a few months, she becomes unhappy again and wants $400 per month. By the way, I don't earn much and I still have to give to my aging parents who are retired and who spend their lifetime caring for me. I still have to pay monthly mortgage, groceries, bills and cook for her everyday. She just sleep at home and wake up for food. If she don't like the food, she threw it on the ground and I have to clean up after her. If not, she would throw a tantrum and threw the phone at me. Then, I have to buy another new phone. I change the home phone 3 times per month.

Guess what? After a few months, she become unhappy and wants $1000 per month!!!

The fact is if wife wants allowance, contribute to the family and not just take and save it without contributing.

 

[verysadguy]

If u are looking for divorce there is no need to wait for separation if u have proof of adultery, it's straight divorce on grounds of adultery. Also with this proof u don't have to pay her any Alimony.

Not true. Guys still need to pay alimony even though it is girls fault. That's Women Charter for you.

 

[verysadguy]

You won't be able to trust her anymore in future. Money can earn back. But if you suffer yourself for another four years it might harm your health and mentality. Sorry to hear your story, take care.
A person that gone thru similar situation with you before and choose to leave.

This is very true. I can feel my blood pressure going up with my ex-wife. Really not good for health. No wonder men dies earlier than women.

 

[meiji5]

Not true. Guys still need to pay alimony even though it is girls fault. That's Women Charter for you.

Not every case is the girl's fault. And alimony depends on the situation, not all ex-wives will request for alimony because we know that we can rely on ourselves to make and earn our own keep.

 

[yukiko_kim]

This is very true. I can feel my blood pressure going up with my ex-wife. Really not good for health. No wonder men dies earlier than women.

Lol, wish you start your new life soon. 32 for men is good age! Go workout to get more positive energy and it's good for your health!

 

[foolishguy]

Hey, I don't really agree about the allowance part if she can earn her own keep. The fact is after you give $10 of allowance, she would want more after that.

For example, Initially, I gave my ex-wife $200 per month even though she is working and I am paying everything in the house. After that she wants $300. I am still ok if she looks after the house but no, she just save the money without contributing anything in the house.

After a few months, she becomes unhappy again and wants $400 per month. By the way, I don't earn much and I still have to give to my aging parents who are retired and who spend their lifetime caring for me. I still have to pay monthly mortgage, groceries, bills and cook for her everyday. She just sleep at home and wake up for food. If she don't like the food, she threw it on the ground and I have to clean up after her. If not, she would throw a tantrum and threw the phone at me. Then, I have to buy another new phone. I change the home phone 3 times per month.

Guess what? After a few months, she become unhappy and wants $1000 per month!!!

The fact is if wife wants allowance, contribute to the family and not just take and save it without contributing.

I feel you bro... which man doesn't wish he have lots of money to pamper his family amd his wife? But the sad truth for the majority of us... we are just normal working class. How to upkeep that kind of demands? (Holidays, gifts, car etc...) different story if husband can afford it but chooses not to give imo.

I looked back at my own parents...when my mum and dad got married. They were dirt poor..I still had memories of staying in a rental one room flat when I was still a kid. We did not have enough money to get by day to day but we still manged to pull thru somehow....

My parents were lowly educated but still they progressed from a rental 1rm to a 3rm and finally they owned their own 4rm flat. My mum sticked with my dad all the way... even when he had a stroke that rendered him disabled more than 10years back.

Nowadays, where to find a women when you have no money? I thought I was doing pretty good then it hit me... some people will always be looking for something better, always not satisfied...let them go bah.. it's not worth it...

Way too much heartache to deal with... especially for men. We were taught to be tough but never taught how....

 

[newproject]

If u are looking for divorce there is no need to wait for separation if u have proof of adultery, it's straight divorce on grounds of adultery. Also with this proof u don't have to pay her any Alimony.

Unfortunately the last sentence isn't true. Grounds for divorce seperate matter from granting of alimony.
It is possible the wife thinks so so pretend to recounile first then divorce on other grounds after a while.

 

[newproject]

Not every case is the girl's fault. And alimony depends on the situation, not all ex-wives will request for alimony because we know that we can rely on ourselves to make and earn our own keep.

The woman's charter is very one sided. Even if it's the woman's fault it is not taken into consideration for alimony matters.

Most woman even of they don't need alimony will ask for it as advised by lawyer even if it is a token sum, this is insurance so if later they need they can go back to court to ask for more. This isn't very fair.

I don't have the stats but I bet you many will ask for as much as possible even if they don't need it because divorce is very painful and they want to hurt the guy even if the divorce is mutual or even worse her fault.

 

[newproject]

Honestly I can't believe the attitude of some posters in this thread.

They start by saying the guy never do anything wrong but then the next few lines is all finding excuses for the girl.

Eg don't give allowance, why stay with parents etc maybe ask channel bag is for birthday.

Really sickening to see such obvious bias and entitlement. If gender reversed I doubt would be so kind to the cheater.

There are no excuses for cheating!

Woman now have the best of both worlds they are supposed to be independent equal to guys. If more guys in management means something wrong, must do something about it.

Yet they also expected to be pampered by guys, give allowance, pay most things.

And they have the protection of the women's charter that was drafted at the time most woman were not financially independent.

It's like woman today want to be treated as equal except when it's not in their benefit interest to do so.

You want to be like old days where guys were the main breadwinner and give allowance to wife? Are the wives willing to accept the role of submissive partners who follow husbands lead?

No right? You want to be equal partners?

 

[newproject]

Agree with Minkishly. If Wife is already working full time, why still need allowance from the hubs when hubs is already paying for almost everything? Everything she earns is already hers leh... Come on, if she's upset over an allowance, that just goes to show there're differences in values.

I'm working full time, my HTB is also working full time. He pays for most things, but whenever I want a big ticket item, be it a branded bag or a jewellery, I get it myself.

Depends on an individual, but I do find it an insult if I have to rely on a guy to fulfil my material desires.

You are working full time yet your HTB pays for "most things" except luxury goods.


Personally I find that insulting if I were working full time yet my WTB pays for "most things".

My point is not to insult woman but to invite woman on this thread to think.

If your hubby or HTB pays for most stuff or even a higher percentage do you appreciate him? Or do you take it for granted that it is expected because he earns a bit more.

Hopefully most of you won't be as bad as the lady in this thread to have affairs but I urge you to appreciate the man in your lives and not take him for granted.

 

[meiji5]

The woman's charter is very one sided. Even if it's the woman's fault it is not taken into consideration for alimony matters.

Most woman even of they don't need alimony will ask for it as advised by lawyer even if it is a token sum, this is insurance so if later they need they can go back to court to ask for more. This isn't very fair.

I don't have the stats but I bet you many will ask for as much as possible even if they don't need it because divorce is very painful and they want to hurt the guy even if the divorce is mutual or even worse her fault.

I understand what you're saying here. But please don't assume that all women will listen to the lawyer and decide to get alimony.
In the long run, it's not worth it to keep coming back to claim money when everyone should just move on with life.

How one should earn their keep in the future should not have anything to do with what happened in the past. It is a closed chapter; a closed lesson, not an open excuse to dig money. This is my perspective and I am not speaking for women in general, and yes, I am female if you need to know.

 

[newproject]

I understand what you're saying here. But please don't assume that all women will listen to the lawyer and decide to get alimony.

I don't have comprehensive statistics but of people I know who divorced it was given in all cases. Also look at all stories here by guys.

In the long run, it's not worth it to keep coming back to claim money when everyone should just move on with life.
How one should earn their keep in the future should not have anything to do with what happened in the past. It is a closed chapter; a closed lesson, not an open excuse to dig money. This is my perspective and I am not speaking for women in general, and yes, I am female if you need to know.

I know you are female and you think you know how you will act if you get divorced. But I submit until it happens you won't know. You look at the cases posted here.

What you say sounds good to yourself now and fits the nice story woman are independent etc but when you get divorced things are going to be different when emotions come to play

Friends will say stupid not to get.. You wasted your best years on the guy, blah blah or you angry want to hurt him blah

I'm not saying 100% will act that way but even conservatively I say most will.

 

[meiji5]

I don't have comprehensive statistics but of people I know who divorced it was given in all cases. Also look at all stories here by guys.




I know you are female and you think you know how you will act if you get divorced. But I submit until it happens you won't know. You look at the cases posted here.

What you say sounds good to yourself now and fits the nice story woman are independent etc but when you get divorced things are going to be different when emotions come to play

Friends will say stupid not to get.. You wasted your best years on the guy, blah blah or you angry want to hurt him blah

I'm not saying 100% will act that way but even conservatively I say most will.

I am open to your opinions, whether you've been through such a situation or not. Every person is different so if you say when the divorce happens and emotions run high, it's definitely a given. Not many people can have an amicable divorce.

I don't know why people need to listen to their friends when it's not their divorce. But sure, can see your pov there.

 

[sherlyn1620]

You are working full time yet your HTB pays for "most things" except luxury goods.


Personally I find that insulting if I were working full time yet my WTB pays for "most things".

My point is not to insult woman but to invite woman on this thread to think.

If your hubby or HTB pays for most stuff or even a higher percentage do you appreciate him? Or do you take it for granted that it is expected because he earns a bit more.

Hopefully most of you won't be as bad as the lady in this thread to have affairs but I urge you to appreciate the man in your lives and not take him for granted.

Thanks for assuming that my HTB pays for most things means I do not contribute in other aspects.

I'm Glad my HTB doesn't think like you.

There's no need to spell out what my HTB and myself share in terms of contribution.

It is unfair that you jump into conclusions and imply that I may not appreciate him.

Thanks for the reminder to me and "most of us". I'm sure there're women out there who appreciate the men in their lives.

Not to worry

 

[verysadguy]

I understand what you're saying here. But please don't assume that all women will listen to the lawyer and decide to get alimony.
In the long run, it's not worth it to keep coming back to claim money when everyone should just move on with life.

How one should earn their keep in the future should not have anything to do with what happened in the past. It is a closed chapter; a closed lesson, not an open excuse to dig money. This is my perspective and I am not speaking for women in general, and yes, I am female if you need to know.

Errrmm... I think you have to keep up with the laws. A few years ago, the Women Charter had been amended by Dr Vivian Balakrisnan such that the alimony can be deducted straight from the guy's salary. Thus, there is no need to keep going back to claim the alimony. It would be put straight into woman's bank account.

 

[meiji5]

Errrmm... I think you have to keep up with the laws. A few years ago, the Women Charter had been amended by Dr Vivian Balakrisnan such that the alimony can be deducted straight from the guy's salary. Thus, there is no need to keep going back to claim the alimony. It would be put straight into woman's bank account.

Thank you for updating me. I fully understand that it's deductible from the guy's salary. I was figuratively speaking that you have to keep following up on whether you get the money cos at any point of time the guy could become unemployed or become bankrupt.

 

[newproject]

Thanks for assuming that my HTB pays for most things means I do not contribute in other aspects.

Not the point. We talking about material goods. The point is you do not find it insulting a full time working person relies on another person for" most things "...

There's no need to spell out what my HTB and myself share in terms of contribution.

Yes no need you already did. You a full time working person rely on your husband to be to provide for most things. Yet you feel proud of that because you don't go to the extent of some women for asking for luxury goods.. You deserve applause indeed compared to the woman mentioned here

It is unfair that you jump into conclusions and imply that I may not appreciate him.

Thanks for the reminder to me and "most of us". I'm sure there're women out there who appreciate the men in their lives.

Not to worry

Yes when the husband is providing the material needs I'm sure you "appreciate". The test will come when this changes...

Edit let me add I do not know if you appreciate your husband or not. But it frustrating looking at threads like this when nice man are the victim and woman rush in to defend the woman.

I'll also gotten msg from guys who are taken for a ride for girls who feel so entitled that a guy must pay for everything.

Then now I see this post of girl who proudly admits she is a full time working person and her husband pays most things and yet acts like she is so superior cos she doesn't exploit him for luxury goods!

Is really scary

 

[newproject]

I feel you bro... which man doesn't wish he have lots of money to pamper his family amd his wife? But the sad truth for the majority of us... we are just normal working class. How to upkeep that kind of demands? (Holidays, gifts, car etc...) different story if husband can afford it but chooses not to give imo.

That's why in SG you have to be earning quite a bit, at least enough to to pay for most of the woman's living expenses even though she might be working full time herself.

The median sg salary is now about 4k a month so you should earn around 8k, 10k to be safe.

Even then be careful you could be retrenched etc.

I looked back at my own parents...when my mum and dad got married. They were dirt poor..I still had memories of staying in a rental one room flat when I was still a kid. We did not have enough money to get by day to day but we still manged to pull thru somehow....

My parents were lowly educated but still they progressed from a rental 1rm to a 3rm and finally they owned their own 4rm flat. My mum sticked with my dad all the way... even when he had a stroke that rendered him disabled more than 10years back.

Nowadays, where to find a women when you have no money?

Nowadays girls who make you pay most things but don't exploit you too much and use their own salary to buy luxury goods is the best you can hope for bro.

Way too much heartache to deal with... especially for men. We were taught to be tough but never taught how....

Truth is society nowadays favours woman. Man espically many well educated man are taught to be losers and submit to woman thinkinf this will earn their loyalty lol.

There is an answer though...

 

[sherlyn1620]

Not the point. We talking about material goods. The point is you do not find it insulting a full time working person relies on another person for" most things "...



Yes no need you already did. You a full time working person rely on your husband to be to provide for most things. Yet you feel proud of that because you don't go to the extent of some women for asking for luxury goods.. You deserve applause indeed compared to the woman mentioned here



Yes when the husband is providing the material needs I'm sure you "appreciate". The test will come when this changes...

Edit let me add I do not know if you appreciate your husband or not. But it frustrating looking at threads like this when nice man are the victim and woman rush in to defend the woman.

I'll also gotten msg from guys who are taken for a ride for girls who feel so entitled that a guy must pay for everything.

Then now I see this post of girl who proudly admits she is a full time working person and her husband pays most things and yet acts like she is so superior cos she doesn't exploit him for luxury goods!

Is really scary

No idea why you feel so bitter & the need to insult me and women in a bid to vent your frustration.

My conscience is clear. Shall not bring myself to your level.

If you've followed this thread, I'm on the guy's side (not yours though). Not the woman's.

Pls do not assume that money is everything. Certain contributions are not measured by monetary terms. Unless you're a saying if i earn $1.5k a month and my HTB earns $15k, both still have to contribute equally. In that case, I really thank god I do not even know you.

I supported my HTB to bring him to where he is today and vice versa. We appreciate each other for that.

Really thank you for the insult and unkind reminder. There's really no need to bring yourself down to insult people to bring a point across, you know?

And no point feeling bitter. Just be glad your wtb appreciates you. Don't have to get all so worked up, newproject.

If you've been hearing horror stories about men being cheated by women, it's either you're immersing yourself too much into them or you know what, hang out with other people.

There're still lot of happy marriages out there. I certainly hope you believe so, otherwise, why tie the knot if you're feeling so bitter about things?