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March 2025

How Newlyweds Can Stop Fighting about Housework

By Tansey Tang

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Can’t stop fighting over the housework? When newlyweds first live together, household chores can become a common point of conflict. Here’s how to divide the housework, before it divides you.

If you’ve heard that the number one thing couples fight about is money, you’re wrong–it’s housework! Marriage is an exciting new chapter, but for many newlyweds, one unexpected source of tension is household chores. The initial excitement of playing house can only cover the multitude of sock-dropping, dish-leaving, toilet non-flushing sins for so long.

Unspoken expectations around housework can lead to frustration, resentment, or even full-blown arguments. When the honeymoon phase is over, conflict about housework can start breeding resentment in the relationship. But don’t worry—this is a common challenge, and with some proactive strategies, couples can turn housework into an opportunity for teamwork..

Why Chores Cause Conflict Among Newlyweds

Different Standards of Cleanliness

One partner might be perfectly fine with dishes piling up in the sink, while the other feels anxious if the counter isn’t spotless. Or one partner may be used to changing the sheets once a week, while the other finds that excessive and wasteful. Differing expectations can create tension, especially when they’re not expressed.

Unequal Division of Labour

If one person feels they are doing most of the work while the other is slacking off, resentment can build. This is especially true if both partners have full-time jobs or different schedules, and the burden may fall even more unequally once children come into the picture.

Unclear Responsibilities

Many couples assume that their partner “just knows” what needs to be done. When tasks go uncompleted or even unnoticed, frustration arises.

Traditional Gender Roles vs. Modern Expectations

Some partners may have grown up in households where chores were divided based on traditional gender roles, while others expect a more balanced approach. Differences in upbringing can lead to misunderstandings.

Busy Schedules

Between juggling your social calendars, achieving career milestones, and hitting those fitness goals, household chores may fall way down your list of priorities. Sometimes one partner manages longer office hours than the other as well, leading to resentment if they’re also expected to shoulder an equal amount of chores.

How to Talk About Chores without Fighting

Find yourself about to explode after spotting yet another item of laundry on the floor, right next to the hamper? Before you lose it, try having an open and respectful conversation about household responsibilities. Sharing a home means sharing the responsibility of maintaining it. Here’s how to discuss your housework and chores without arguing.

1. Pick the Right Time

Bringing up chores in the middle of an argument is a recipe for disaster. Instead, schedule a time when you’re both relaxed and open to discussion—perhaps over coffee on a weekend morning.

2. Use “I” Statements, Not Blame

Instead of saying, “You never help around the house,” try something like, “I feel overwhelmed when I have to handle most of the housework by myself. Can we figure out a way to divide things more evenly?”

3. Acknowledge Effort

Before diving into what needs to change, recognise what your partner is already doing. A simple, “I really appreciate how you always take out the trash,” sets a positive tone for the conversation.

4. Be Honest About Your Needs

Each person has different priorities. If a spotless kitchen is important to you, but your partner doesn’t see the urgency, explain why it matters. Likewise, listen to which tasks they find important.

5. Focus on Solutions, Not Problems

Rather than rehashing past grievances, shift the focus to finding a system that works. Ask questions like: What chores do you not mind doing? How can we make things feel more fair? Would a chore chart or checklist help us stay on track?

6. Be Willing to Compromise

Maybe your partner hates doing dishes but is happy to handle laundry. It might be impossible to split the housework exactly 50-50. The goal is to find a balance that works for both of you.

7. Set Expectations and Follow Up

Once you agree on a plan, check in with each other after a couple of weeks to see how it’s working. Be flexible—life changes, and so will your household needs.

How to Avoid Conflict Over Housework


If you’re just moving into together, consider avoiding conflict over housework before it even starts with these practical, proactive ways.

1. Assign Household Chores

A simple but effective solution is to assign chores. This helps establish clear responsibilities and ensures that tasks are evenly distributed. First, list all household tasks, including everything from cooking and vacuuming to taking out the trash and paying bills. Divide tasks fairly – Consider each other’s work schedules and preferences. Some couples prefer to alternate chores weekly, while others split tasks based on what they enjoy or do best.

2. Have a Weekly Check-In

Especially in the beginning, set aside time once a week to discuss how things are going. This allows both of you to address any concerns before resentment builds. If one person feels overwhelmed, talk about adjusting the workload.

3. Use the “Fairness, Not 50/50” Rule

A perfectly even split isn’t always realistic. Instead of trying to split everything 50/50, aim for fairness. If one partner works longer hours, the other might take on more household duties—or perhaps they can contribute in different ways, like handling meal planning or running errands.

4. Play to Your Strengths

Does one of you love cooking while the other enjoys organising? Lean into your strengths. If one partner dislikes a particular chore, consider swapping tasks rather than forcing an even split.

5. Show Appreciation

A simple “thank you” can go a long way. Acknowledge each other’s efforts and avoid criticism over minor details—perfection isn’t the goal; teamwork is.

6. Make It Fun

Turn chores into something enjoyable by playing music, setting a timer for a “cleaning sprint,” or working together on bigger tasks. Small moments of fun can make chores feel less like work and you more like a team; try folding the laundry together while catching up on a series, or talking about your day while doing the dishes side by side.

7. Stay flexible

Life happens, and sometimes one partner may need to pick up extra work. Adjust as needed, but keep communication open.

8. Bring in Outside Help If Needed

If your schedules are too demanding, consider hiring a cleaner, even if it’s just once a month. Sometimes, investing in professional help can ease household stress and allow you both to focus on quality time together.

Household chores may seem like a small issue, but they can significantly impact a marriage if resentment about them is left unresolved. The key to avoiding conflict is communication, fairness, and teamwork. By setting clear expectations, dividing tasks fairly, and showing appreciation for each other’s efforts, newlyweds can turn housework from a source of tension into an opportunity to strengthen their partnership.

Remember, a happy marriage isn’t about keeping score—it’s about supporting each other and creating a home where both partners feel valued.

Feature image from Wanderlust Dream Co.

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