Singaporebrides | Relationships

March 2024

14 Things the Mother of the Groom Should Never Do

If you’re the mother of the groom, you have an important role to play–and some key things you absolutely should not do!

As families come together to plan this special day, everyone has their own ideas and expectations. The mother of the groom plays a crucial role in this process, offering support and assistance. The wedding of a son is a milestone event for any mother, filled with emotions, excitement, and the joy of welcoming a new member into the family. While traditions vary, the role of the mother of the groom is universally seen as one of support, grace, and unity. However, navigating the dos and don’ts can sometimes be tricky. To ensure the lead-up to the big day is as smooth as possible, here are some key things the mother of the groom should avoid doing.

1. Do Not Overstep Boundaries in Wedding Planning

It’s important to remember that the wedding is a celebration of the couple’s love and future together. Offering help and advice is wonderful, but always wait for the couple to ask for your input. Taking control or making decisions without their approval can lead to tension and feelings of being overlooked. Respect their vision and remind yourself that your role is supportive, not directive.

2. Avoid Comparing the Wedding to Others

Whether it’s your own wedding, another family member’s, or a friend’s, avoid making comparisons. Each wedding is unique, and the couple has their own ideas about what makes their day special. Comparisons can diminish their choices and create pressure to meet someone else’s standards. Celebrate their decisions and the new memories being created.

3. Don’t Compete with the Mother of the Bride

The bride will want to share a few special moments with just her own mother as she prepares to become a wife. If you hear that they’re going dress shopping or cake tasting, don’t assume that you’re invited too. Wait for an explicit invitation to come along, in case the bride wants some one-on-one time with her mom before she gets married.

Pei Xuan and Thing Zhou’s Romantic Modern Wedding at Entire French Dining by Manoj Photography

4. Refrain from Criticising Financial Decisions

Weddings can be expensive, and how the couple chooses to allocate their budget is a personal decision. While it’s reasonable to discuss financial contributions and concerns directly with your son or in a pre-arranged family meeting, questioning the value of the bride’s priorities can come across as undermining. Criticising their financial choices or suggesting that your contribution gives you a say in decision-making can create unnecessary conflict. Instead, if you’re contributing financially, set clear expectations from the start about what that contribution entails.

5. Don’t Insist on an Extended Family Guest List

While it’s natural to want your side of the family well-represented, pushing for more invites than the couple is comfortable with can lead to stress and budget constraints. Respect their guest list decisions, understanding that they’re balancing many factors, including venue size and budget.

6. Avoid Speaking Negatively About the Bride or Her Family

Weddings are a time for families to come together. Speaking negatively about the bride or her family can cause divisions and hurt feelings. Focus on building a positive relationship with the bride and her family, setting a foundation for future interactions.

Amanda and Keegan’s Intimate Oriental Themed Wedding at Candlenut by Ohey Studios

7. Don’t Insist on Family Traditions

“We would have done it this way in our family.” Insisting or implying that the bride should conform to the groom’s family ways can feel dismissive of her background and wishes. Weddings are deeply personal events that reflect the tastes, cultures, and values of the couple getting married. Embrace the diversity and uniqueness of their choices, even if they differ from your family’s traditions.

8. Don’t Presume You Know the Groom Better than the Bride Does

If you see something you think your son wouldn’t like, don’t say so too quickly. Comments like “My son would never choose something like that.” Or, “Really? Daniel agreed to this?” will never come across positively to the bride. Inserting presumed preferences can cause discord between the couple. It’s important to allow them to navigate their tastes and decisions together. If you have genuine concerns, discuss them with your son privately in a non-confrontational way.

9. Don’t Be a Stickler for Wedding Tradition

Weddings today often blend tradition with personalisation. While traditions are meaningful, the couple might choose to modify or skip some to better suit their beliefs and personalities. Don’t express horror or cite dishonour to your family name when they opt out of the many formal cultural rites you had for your own wedding. Encourage creativity and respect their choices to make their day truly theirs.

10. Don’t Neglect Liaison Duties

The couple will count on you (and the father of the groom) to be the liaison for the groom’s side of the family. One of the best ways to help out the couple is to be the gracious host on their behalf, sending out invitations, collecting RSVPs and any dietary restrictions, and being the central hub of communication and information for your side of the guests.

Fatima and James’s Romantic Garden Wedding at Botanic Gardens Bandstand and COMO Dempsey by Lydia K Photography

11. Don’t Outshine the Bride

Yes, it’s a special occasion for you too, but never choose an outfit that competes with the bride’s. Don’t wear any shade of white, or wear an evening gown more glamorous or more covered in sequins than hers. It’s the bride’s once-in-a-lifetime celebration, so the spotlight should fall squarely on her.

12. Don’t Be Hands Off

While you shouldn’t take control of the wedding planning, you definitely should offer to help the wedding couple in tactful ways. Offer to take on tasks like calling up guests who have yet to RSVP, especially those on the groom’s side of the family, or time-consuming activities such as wrapping the wedding favours. Your involvement shows your interest in and excitement about the wedding without being overbearing.

13. Don’t Change Anything Without the Couple’s Permission

Couples spend countless hours preparing for their wedding day, and the careful thought they put into planning every single detail should be respected. You might think adding a favourite aunt to the speeches line-up, or inviting a few more friends isn’t a big deal, but you shouldn’t make any changes to their plans without first getting their approval.

14. Avoid Negative Comments on the Wedding Day

You might not agree with everything the couple has chosen for the wedding day, but keep it to yourself! It’s their special occasion and a celebration of their story, and couples these days strive to inject personality and creativity into their weddings. The wedding day is certainly not the time to express any negative opinions about things that can’t be changed; it’s a day for only enthusiasm and happy comments!

Credits: Celine and Samuel’s Joyous Wedding at Sofitel Singapore Sentosa Resort & Spa by The Perfect Statement

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14 Things the Mother of the Groom Should Never Do