Singaporebrides | Relationships

September 2012

How To Date Your Wife

By Fu Jinming

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How do you rekindle the flames of your marriage, and show your wife you still love her? Simple. Just woo her all over again.

Here’s an old pub joke: When does a girlfriend stop being a girlfriend and start becoming a wife?

When you both agree to eat out – at your in-laws’.

Of course, things aren’t as funny when your marriage does become a dour, sour affair; a routine-oriented shadow of what it used to be: Spontaneous, passionate, and full of life. Instead, somewhere along the way, our relationship with the woman we once waited for with bated breath turned flat, predictable, and devoid of all the excitement and longings of courtship. For some, it takes 20 years for the boredom to set in. For others, just two.

And men, it’s all our fault.

To be sure, it’s always easy to justify our ineptitude in that department. We blame the practicalities of adult life. Long hours at work. The kids. The mortgage. Plus the classic overture, “She asked me not to waste money.” But the truth is a lot more deep-seeded. Somehow, we think that the hunt ends after we’ve gotten the girl of our dreams.

Perhaps it’s some psychological residue left over from our Neanderthal ancestors. We approach dating like a furniture assembly manual: Fall in love with a girl. Ask her out. Impress her. Marry her. Job done. We neglect the most important bit – how to make it all last. Because the secret to a long, happy marriage is a sustained interest in each other. And you’re hardly interesting when all you talk about with your wife are the kids, the groceries, and how incompetent that new guy from Finance is.

For better or worse, women still want their knights in shining armour. The guy who set her heart aflutter with his witty jokes and sensitive ways. The one she once spent hours talking on the phone with, exchanging flirty SMS texts, and chatting with till the wee hours of the morning. Somewhere inside you, that man still exists. You just have to find him and let her date him again.

The good news is, it’s not as hard as you think it is. You’ve done it all before (it’s how you got the girl, remember?). Now, just do it again. Except this time, it’s easier – the girl already loves you enough to have married you. Your mission, should you choose to accept, is to remind her why she said, “Yes”.

And to make her fall in love all over again.

Pick a day

It doesn’t need to be your wedding anniversary, or even her birthday. In fact, it shouldn’t be any special day at all, which is what would make this date extra special. You didn’t need an excuse to ask her out when she was your girlfriend. You sure don’t need one now.

If she asks, just say it’s been a while since you last spent time together as two. And that you miss doing that with her.

Pick a place

If you can manage to sift through that hazy memory of yours, go to where you had your first date. If the restaurant or establishment doesn’t exist anymore, find one that is similar. Then tell her that you remember you had your first date with her in a restaurant just like this one. She’ll appreciate the effort – after her heart melts at the memory.

If, for the life of you, you don’t remember anymore, go to a new place neither of you have tried before. And say: “Remember the restaurant we’ve always wanted to try, but didn’t?”

Surprise her

Take care of all the arrangements prior to the big date. Make reservations. Get a babysitter if you have kids. If you need to, call her boss to let her off early just for this evening.Then, call her to tell her you’re both going out tonight, that all arrangements have been made, and that you’re picking her up.

Or better yet, turn up unannounced with a bouquet of flowers. She’ll love the spontaneity.

Be a gentleman

Marriage is a poor excuse for forgetting your manners. Especially when nothing is more charming – or seductive – than an act of chivalry. So open that door for her. Pull up that chair. Pour her that glass of wine.

It may all seem like a big show (and she might be the first to tell you so), but do it anyway. It shows her the thoughtful, considerate man that you’ve always been; that you still care about her very much, and want to treat her right.

Give her your ears and your thanks

Listen to her. Really listen. Open your ears to her day, her problems, her gripes. Chances are, here is a woman who’s made sacrifices to be your wife, and a mother to your children. The least you could do is show an appreciation of what she’s had to go through.Then thank her, for the wonderful years you’ve spent together, and for putting up with your annoying habits. Apologise for the times you may have neglected her, or taken her for granted.

Most importantly, tell her that you love her. She probably knows that you do, but nothing beats hearing you say it.

Make her laugh

Laughter is really the best medicine. And you don’t necessarily have to be a comedian to light up her face like you used to. Simply look to the past, where you’ll find a reservoir of funny anecdotes to tap into.

Start by reminiscing about your courtship. Talk about the stuff you guys used to do together. The silly ways you used to get her attention. The disastrous dates you brought her on. The people who used to make the both of you laugh.The key here is to make her forget her worries, if only for just an evening. And make her feel relaxed, fun and happy in your company.

Don’t let it become a one-off

While it’s impractical to wine and dine her every day, it shouldn’t be as rare as your visit to the dentist. After all, it took a few dates before she became your girlfriend. And several more before she agreed to be your wife. No reason to stop now.

If you can, try to put aside a date once or twice a month for that special evening. You can plan this with her, so you don’t double-book yourselves. Or better yet, don’t tell her the exact date, and aim to surprise her every time. It may become routine after a while. But trust us, it’s one she’ll look forward to.

Try something new

You can also spice things up by going somewhere or doing something different each time. Been to a fancy restaurant on your last date? Bring her to a casual joint with a jukebox this time. Bored of catching a movie after dinner? How about a play, or a romantic walk by the sea?

All you need is some research and a little imagination. And when you see that smile on her face and that twinkle in her eye, you’d know it’s all worth it.

Credits: Featured image from Alison and David’s Magical and Intimate Wedding at Tirtha Uluwatu Bali by Gusmank Photography

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