Singaporebrides | Relationships
September 2012
8 Ways To Fight Post-Wedding Blues
Most brides had dreamed of walking down the aisle since they were in princess-pink dresses. So it’s hardly surprising that you would feel just a lil’ empty after the fuss and fun of your Big Day. Well, fret not. SingaporeBrides has the cure to your post-wedding blues.
At the height of her wedding planning madness, Nicki* literally felt that her entire life was consumed by decisions – big or small – that would affect her Big Day.
“In the six months leading up to the wedding, it was all about what I would be wearing, whether the bridesmaids are getting along, if strawberry jam favours are better than orange marmalade ones,” says the 26-year-old recruitment executive. “In other words – I was living, breathing my wedding.”
Then finally, Nicki walked down the aisle. “I had a great wedding. It was simple, elegant and we didn’t break the champagne glasses when we toasted the guests,” she reminisces. “I was just really touched that my friends turned up, even those I hadn’t met for years.”
It was over. All the fuss and stress went away, and reality sunk in. “I was married and happy. I even moved into my new flat. But I couldn’t explain why I was feeling a little empty inside,” describes Nicki. “These feelings went on for about three months until normal life took over once more.”
What Nicki suffered from is actually not uncommon. In fact, more and more newly married women are reporting post-wedding blues (or post-nuptial depression), which describe feelings of sadness, disappointment and loneliness after the happiest day of their lives.
If you have recently said “I do”, there are ways to avoid – or fight – this dreadful syndrome. We list eight effective ways:
#1: Breathe in, breathe out
After all that pre-nuptial stress, it might feel strange that you no longer have to spend your evenings planning seating arrangements or calling your florist. But you should be glad that you finally have some quiet time to yourself. After all, this is when you can finally sit back and relax with the most important person of your life – your husband. Also, acknowledge that your wedding actually marks the beginning of your life together. So consciously take some time to embrace and enjoy this new marital status.
#2: Say thank-you to everyone
What many brides miss in the immediate aftermath of their weddings are actually the fun, attention and constant closeness to family and friends. That’s why it’s important to keep up with your loved ones and not let them fade away from your life. Start by sending out heartfelt thank-you notes or emails to your guests. Also connect with them on Facebook (you can even share your wedding snapshots!). And if you have just moved into a new home, why not invite the key players in your wedding (like your close family and bridal party) for an intimate housewarming session?
#3: Face up to new challenges
Transitioning into a new phase of your life can fill you with trepidation. That’s understandable. After all, you will have to switch your thinking from wedding cupcake designs to grittier stuff like splitting the household chores. Many brides even confess their dread and disappointment at their newly married lives on the SingaporeBrides forum. The thing is, we all live in the real world. Face up to new challenges as a couple, whether you are working together to settle the wedding debt or dealing with renovation workers.
#4: Try new things
Just because you have a diamond ring on your fourth finger doesn’t mean you should forget to be yourself. If you must always be doing something, why not pick up a new hobby? And here’s the good news: Now you have a husband to try something new with. If the both of you had difficulty exercising together because of a lack of time, it’s time to pick up a sport again. Or, do something fun with your gal pals, like taking up a weekly yoga class. And if you are missing the logistical highs and lows of wedding planning, devote your energy to a new project, such as joining a fund-raising effort for a charity cause.
#5: Date nights are a must
Now that you’re married, consider instituting some new rules to keep your feelings for each other fresh. One way to do this is to set a certain time of the week, such as Friday evenings, to consciously spend quality time together. So just for that few hours a week, the two of you should not talk about mortgage, renovation updates or whether or not to have kids. Instead, turn the attention to each other. This is the time to reaffirm your love so your marriage doesn’t become routine. And remember: date nights don’t have to cost an arm and a leg. A long walk in the park while holding hands or a hawker meal together will do the trick too.
#6: Fill up your schedule
If you can’t get over the “high” of your wedding, you don’t have to stay home all the time. Organise family get-togethers, plan a romantic getaway or even, host a dinner party for some close friends at your new home. It’s important to have something to look forward to, even as you return to the never-ending spiral of work, home and boredom. When you have regular social interactions with family and friends, you will feel happier and more optimistic. However, beware of overloading yourself with activities as you have only just emerged from wedding planning hell.
#7: Look forward
Now that you’ve accomplished one milestone of your life, it’s time for more. Start setting goals that are clear, specific and measurable. It can be as simple as sorting out all the books that the both of you have amassed to create a combined library. Or it can be saving up for a car. When you set goals, you will have a clear target to work towards to. And as you do so, you are less likely to wallow in feelings of despair.
#8: Talk it out
Don’t push all those difficult feelings aside. Instead, focus on your emotional needs. It has been found that women tend to cope better when they have a strong support network. So actively create one. Open up to your best pals and share what you’re going through with your spouse. Having honest conversations about what that’s troubling you can help you to work through those feelings. Or, discuss how you feel anonymously on the forum. Chances are, some other woman have already gone through her own version of post-wedding blues and have plenty of worthy advice to share. But if you feel that these feelings are getting too overwhelming for you to handle, or if you experience symptoms of depression like loss of sleep and a sense of hopelessness, consult a marital counsellor or psychologist.
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