Singaporebrides | Relationships
December 2011
Snagging Mr Right
Ask any bride why she married her man, and expect to hear answers like “He’s The One” or “He’s my Mr Right”. But how do you tell “The One” from the rest, and just how do you know he’s “Mr Right”?
Love is oftentimes a strange thing. Sometimes you meet the man of your dreams early in your life, and other times you need to sift through the lot just to find the right one. And when he proposes, you’re so sure you’ve found the Prince charming to your fairytale. But the initial excitement wears down and you start to second-guess your decision to marry him.
It’s no help when your mind runs you through a list of relatives and friends—even celebrities—who’ve called it quits even though the whole world thought they were right for each other. You start to count the reasons why you love the man and want to marry him while another part of you questions if this is wedding jitters or cold feet. If you’re looking for a formula to prove that the man waiting for you at the altar is the right one for you, you won’t find one here or anywhere else. The truth is, there is no foolproof way to know if the man you’re marrying is or will be the right one for you.
Marriage is a leap of faith; no one knows what the future holds for him or her. But that doesn’t mean you can’t do anything about it. What you can do is to ensure you take this leap of faith with a man who is worth taking a risk for.
Know what you want
For Mr Right to be, well, right, you must first know what you are looking for in a husband. How else can he be right if you don’t know what makes him right? But that’s easier said than done; how many of us actually know exactly what we want from our partners? The good news is, though, we are not exactly clueless; there is, at the very least, one aspect you wouldn’t compromise in a relationship – a man who loves you unconditionally or one who’d share household chores with you, for instance.
Know what you want by listing down qualities you absolutely want in a husband and qualities it’d be nice for him to have. The list works as such: it’s vital for your man to possess all of the qualities you’d absolutely want in a husband (keep the list no longer than five and you’ll be fine), and a few of those that would be nice to have. Remember: everyone has their shortcomings. You’re looking for a human being, not a godly paragon, so don’t set yourself up for the impossible by having a long list of qualities Mr Right has to have.
It’s equally important for you and your man to have similar philosophies governing life, and especially, finances. You’ll find it easier to work with someone who has similar interests and shared life goals and priorities, and attitudes towards money as you.
Not everything is about science
SingaporeBrides speaks to two of our readers about how they knew the man they were marrying was the right one for them, and learnt, that sometimes, it’s less scientific than you think it is.
Nazima and her fiancé knew each other 14 years ago but it wasn’t until recently that they embarked on a relationship. A decision to ride the MRT home after work together transformed the two friends into a pair of lovebirds 11 years later. “We were less than interested in each other,” Nazima lets on. “We did exchange photos and details, but we never did schedule any meet-up.”
They were even attending the same Polytechnic at the same time and yet, they never came across each other. “During those years, it was always random MSN exchanges. A ‘How are you?’ or ‘How’s life?’,” she continues. “ Then during the train ride home that fateful day, we shared stories, experiences, emotions and eventually, love.”
Nazima and her fiancé believe that if they’d gotten together 14 years ago, it would never have worked out. Sometimes, it’s about the right time and the right place too; Meiling, our second reader we spoke to, can attest to that.
“He makes me feel loved; he’s the only one I can share anything with and he always brings a smile to my face when I think of him,” is what Meiling would tell you if you asked her how she knew her fiancé, Andrew, was the one for her.
They started off as online friends and progressed to chatting via phonecalls and SMSes. With Andrew’s persistence, they finally met up one day when he insisted on escorting her home on the pretext that he was around the area. “Even though it was for less than half an hour, we had a great chat,” Meiling recalls. The truth was, he came all the way down from Jurong to pick her up at Outram just to send her home. “I was so touched by his gesture; he’d remember everything I liked and came by my place just to see me.”
Be honest about what you can accept and what you can compromise on
Have realistic expectations when it comes to determining if your man is Mr Right or not. If he is lacking in an aspect that you cannot compromise on, then don’t set yourself up for heartache by thinking he will change after marriage. They won’t. Fundamental qualities such as loyalty or being family-oriented are embedded in our character and not as easy to change as the habits we pick up. Otherwise, talk things out between the two of you and see if a compromise can be met.
But truly, who Mr Right is differs from one person to the next. There are only guidelines, and not magic formulas. You don’t always need to tick off a list to see if your man is Mr Right; most of the time, it’s a gut feeling. Don’t force yourself to analyse your feelings for your man if you’re having doubts. For all you know, it could be your nerves talking. Like Nazima says, “Time will tell.”
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