Would you go ahead with ROM/marriage if his parents doesn't want u??

R

raquel99

New Member
My fiance & I love each other deeply. He is from Lebanon & we have been together for almost 3 years now, having 1-3month long holidays 3-4x a year.
We want to take the next step & we plan to ROM in dec 2011/jan 2012. His parents seemed supportive when they 1st learnt about me.
But now that he told them he wnts to marry me, all of his family told him that they dislike the idea of him marrying a foreigner, especially an asian, cz of cultural & language barriers.
We r both devout catholics & bcz of their objection, we r thinking of hving the ROM 1st & the church wedding later on. Do u think this is advisable??
Should we go ahead with this or should we try persuading his parents 1st. One of e reasons we both rili wna get married fast is cz this will mke our love official & esp for me, being the girl, there'll be less tongues wagging whenever i fly over to be wif him.
What do i do?? Pls help!!
 


Hi Raquel

Unless it is for legal purposes such as purchase of a house, getting long-term stay passes, etc, then the ROM will not help you very much in terms of 'status'. As Catholics... The Church only considers the sacrament a valid one when you celebrate it in church. In the eyes of the church, if it's only ROM, you are not married.

So if your intention is to make it legal, yes it is legal for purposes of paperwork. But if you and your families put the sacrament in higher priority, then there is no point.

Not sure if you know what I mean.
 
Hi Raquel,

Matka's right about the in the eye of church, you are not considered married if you just go through ROM without solemnize in church.

I felt that getting the blessing from the parents or any elderly in the family will make your marriage be a blessed one. So its better to get his parents' blessing before you guys go ahead with the ROM or solemnized in Church.

Leave the tongues wagging aside, that's other people's mouth which we cannot stop them from saying anything. If you wana tie the knot, blessing from both parents and elderly is more important especially getting the blessing from the Church, from your priest or pastor. I believe his parents will accept it and give their blessing to you. If you guys just go ahead with it, I'm afraid that he might even have trouble in communicating with his family in the future. I'm sure you do not want him to be sandwiched between you and his family. I've been through that part and been sandwiched between my husband and sister is really a huge headache but lucky everything managed to change with the help of God. Though you will feel the love in this new marriage but you'll feel sad in the same time (hope you understand what i mean).

I'll pray for your fiance's parents to accept you and give blessing to your marriage. So don't give up hope. Ignore those tongue wagging around you. Don't get too bother with them. You still have your family to support you. Smile
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Thnk u both for yr 2 cents worth. Both of u r right & I totally agree with all e points u hv made.
He will always be sad w/o the blessing of his parents. & I will always be sad too, watching him.
If we do go ahead & rom, it will be just for paperwork. (Kinda like an engagement perhaps while he goes on to try to convince his side i guess. U knw what? They don't even knw me!!!Gosh!!)
& Cz, even if its unspoken, w/o receiving the sacrament together as husband & wife, it is indeed an empty one.
Ty Kokoro for yr kind words & especially for saying u'll pray for me & for us. What i need most now is indeed prayer! We certainly wld never hv come so far w/o God on our side. Each time we were @ a crossroads, & I thought it ws rili it, I would pray, & I'm sure he prayed hard too.. & we would ask for God to let us get thru' it if we were rili meant to be. I mean, he had brought us so far u knw. e 1st thing we recognized in each other ws actually our love for God! & each time, God wld give us a sign.
How do i forge on, I rili do not knw. Finally finding someone u believe to be the one, & loving each other as much as we do, & then not being able to be together.. It's crzy unthinkable. & yet... :-(
 
they dun know u? have u met them or likewise? if u have not met, then dun u think that step should be established first? how abt having them visit spore and, u know, go thru the usual rite of passage first?

i see no purpose for marriage here yet, except hidden agendas to deal with insecurity and perhaps a quiet sense of pride.
 
raquel, i married a foreigner .. like you, there are also cultural and language barriers but thankfully everything has gone quite smoothly for us.

the first time his mother heard of me was when he came back home from his trip and told her that he had proposed to me - she didn't even know he was dating anyone.

a few months later, it was my turn to visit him. i was worried as to what they will make of this asian girl but they really welcomed me into their family. his mother invited me for a day out, on our own and i was really nervous but she was so nice and took really good care of me - we had a great time despite her limited knowledge of English and my almost non-understanding of theirs.

i was worried that they would oppose when my husband decided to convert a few months later but no one said anything because they respected the fact that my husband was old enough to make his own decision.

have you met his parents before? if you haven't, perhaps it would be time for you to do so and perhaps forge a bond with them.
 
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