wife cannot get along with mother in law

A

alesacore

New Member
Hi there, I would need some advice.
My wife cannot get along with my mother.(cannot forgive my mother for some reasons)
due to this, my wife does not allow our daughter and herself to see my mum.(is been a year+ since they saw each other)
while i keep asking my wife to forgive my mum and forget the past, she is very frustrated and wants me to agree with her for not letting them see my mum.
she said either i let my daughter see my mum and she wants me to file for divorce next year. or simply allow her not to see my mum at all. i am in a tough situation here. is been 3 times since previously i agreed and promise her but on this 4th time, i couldnt control anymore. hence i break her promise. i knew i should have been honest with her previously but i didnt want to lose the marriage. my mum is understanding and do not want us to lose the marriage, she said she is fine with it if my wife still does not allow our daughter to see her.
how should i do now. please advice. thanks.
 


Why do you need to be threaten by her? What good is a marriage that is based on threat? Talk things out.
 
i tried to convince my wife several occasion to forgive my mum, but was unsuccessful. i do not want to lose the marriage. and i just understand from my wife yesterday that she is not considering in saving our marriage. what should do i now.
 
how is your communication with your wife, are you guys comfortable to share your emotions and thoughts. On what is bothering the both of you. Communication is key in resolving any differences. Seems your wife is already cramped up once the topic about your mother is touched. Work on assuring and validating her feelings. Don't judge her thoughts, seek to understand. Hopefully she opens up.
 
What happened exactly that made her not want to "forgive" your mum? If you don't even understand what it is, how do you convince her to change her mind? Have you 2 sat down and have proper talk over this?
 
don't approach the topic with the intent to change her mind. Rather, simply to understand and empathize.
 
miloice said:
don't approach the topic with the intent to change her mind. Rather, simply to understand and empathize.
Click to expand...
Agree with this. You don't seem to know what the issue with your mum was in the first place. How do you empathise with your wife on this? If this happened very early on, this could have started as a mere misunderstanding and snowballed into resentment because there wasn't an effort made on your part to try to understand the situation and just hoped that either she tells you on her own time or the problem goes away on its own.

When I feel off about things, at the beginning I might feel that it's inconsequential, but I will force myself to bring it up to my husband so he's aware while it's still an inconsequential issue so that we can have closure and move on.
 
Previously I was in your wife shoe... I hate my MIL a lot... Don't even wish to see her at all, my kids got no chance to see her, every time my hubby brought up the matter of visiting his mum, I would make a big fuss.. The reason of me hating his mum is because of all the nonsense she talk behind my back to her family...

As time passed, I have to accept the facts that she is his mum... Without her, I will not have my hubby as well as my kids.

Till now I still have yet to forgive her but I make sure there is a line between us... Not too close...

Because she is a MIL that none of a DILl will liked!! She will talk to your kids on nasty things about me as well as keep scolding my hubby says he is useless... Keeping a tiger at home and support my hubby to divorce...

There is once I can't stand it and voice out by shouting at her!! She suddenly kept quiet and from that day she will not step on my tail again..

Till now, I did make the initiative to bring her out for meals, celebrate mother's day with her.

My advise for you is to stand by your wife side, she is the one that you are going to hold on your hands till the end of life... Talk to her and find out what's the problem that really makes her pissed off.. Give her time to forgive but I believe she will not forget... It took me nearly 4years before I can really forgive my MIL...

Time will heal everything. You are just a hamburger position now. Do your part as a son... As well as a hubby, is not easy but you can do it...
 
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