What shall I do?

C

crying_baby

New Member
I'm lost... One year ago, during my 2nd pregancy, I found that my hubby was very secretive whenever he got calls or SMS. So One day I checked his phone and found that there was some mushy sms like "I will be there with you forever", "We are two in one already" and "I miss you" etc... That moment, I was totally lost. There was no name and my hubby just put "
happy.gif
". She sms him more than twenty times a day. I confronted him and he said that that woman was just joking. I recorded down the hp number and accidentally I found out that that was his ex's number. I confronted him again and then he admitted that it was his ex but he said he had nothing to do with her. He was just helping her as her husband was having an affair with other woman and she just sms whatever that woman sms to her husband to my hubby. He said that he is her only friend in Singapore and he pity her because her two childrens are very small. I know all along that they are good friends but I really feel hurt that he lied to me when I saw the Sms. However, he said that he hide the truth to me because he did not want me to worry as his ex always call, sms and seeing him to pour her sorrows to him. He also asked his ex to explain to me. Although I believed that there was nothing between them, I still felt miserable as she is his ex. I told my hubby my feeling and he promised that he will try not to see and contact her anymore to prevent any misunderstanding.

From that onwards, I will check my hubby's phone once a while. There was one time, my hubby promised to bring me and my son out but after he got a call, he said he was going to look for his partner for some urgent matters. That night, I checked his phone and found out that it was his ex. I confronted him again why he lied to me and he then said that his ex contacted sexual disease from her husband. Although I knew that he was helping her but I was miserable.

I don't know is it that I am too sensitive, my hubby don't want to have sex with me, don't talk to me that often anymore and come home late every night. He said he got a lot of works to do (His own business) and was very tired after home, therefore he don;t have the mood to talk to me and he said that he was impotent. I told him to see doctor but he said he don't want. I don't know why we quarel more often and our relationship getting worse and worse.

Some times ago, he said he need to go Malaysia and accidentally I saw email from a hotel to confirm his reservation and stated that his partner was his ex's name. I confronted him again, he said that the hotel emailed wrongly. how can I believed it and confronted him again and again and finally he told me that he was helping his ex to book as she was going with her new boyfriend.

After all the incidents, I became more sensitive. I don't know how to believe him as he lied to me so many times because of her.

Few months ago, I saw his hp got other mushy sms like "Hubby, I want to sleep with you", Hubby, I will treasure our love" and "Lao Po, I reached home already" etc from another hp no. and this hp no was under his name. ( I checked from his telephone bills but this bills addressed to his company). However, I only confronted him after a few months later as I thought that maybe is just another misunderstanding and I tried not to see his things again.

However, he forgot my birthday and when I told him that that day was my birthday and he said he was very busy to celebrate with me and I did not even received any gift or birthday greeting from him. He asked me why I always look into his things and said that they are just joking. I asked him why he addressed her as Lao Po and he said it is just a nickname and they were just joking. I asked him to ask that girl to explain to me but he said she missing already. He said that I am thinking too much and asked me to concentrate in taking care of our two kids and said that he did not have any affairs with other woman.

I really treasure our relationship but I don't know how to trust him. Now, I am trying to stop looking into his things again, try to show more concern to him and control my temper. But he still like no mood to talk to me or having sex with me. I really lost....
 


Do you guys think that he will joke about that his ex's husband having affairs and contacted sexual disease from her husband? Do you think that he is having affairs with his ex or another girl that sms him as hubby?

When his ex called me and explained to me that she got nothing to do with my hubby, she cried and told me about her husband was having an affair with another girl. I don''t think she was lying.

My hubby lent an extra sim card to his ex which was previously his worker's who was already resigned. He told me that he lent her because she did not want to let her husband knew that she was pouring her sorrow to him. After I knew that his ex always sms him, he told me that she would returned the sim card to him and cancelled the line.

The other mushy sms that addressed him as hubby that I had found was from another handphone in his bag which he would used whenever he was at Malaysia.

My hubby is actually a good guy who likes to help his friends whenever they are in trouble and he is not the one who will easily reject other people's request. There was one time he helped one of his boyfriend to sms mushy words back to his friend inorder for his friend to sms to his girlfriend in Vietnam as his friend not good in english.

Whenever I saw those mushy sms, he will explain to me that everything he done is because of friends. Therefore, I don't know whether my hubby lent the sim card to his ex or is for another girl? If it is for another girl, why under his name? I really don't know whether is it another misunderstanding?

My husband already fed up that I always see his things and he said he don't want to explain anymore. Whenever I asked him whether he still love me, if he has any affairs with other girl or if he still cares for this family, he would just said that he already told me so many times and now he don't want to answer anymore and said there was nothing happen! I really want to know the truth but don't know how?
 
Woah!!!! seriously i got a feeling that ur husband is lying and having affair outside...i don understand why he continues to contact his ex, when he know that you are already feeling uncertain and paranoid at this moment. Who will help a friend at the expense of a marriage?
 
Two times considered coincidence...
So many fishy incidences (lies, lame excuses blah blah...)... You go figure!

If the ex got a new bf... why should she still cry when she called you?

Ya husband flew to the ex when she contracted her so called 'sex disease' but yet he did nothing for you on ya birthday?

Ya husband need to go Malaysia and so coincidentally the ex also going with her new bf... So ya husband made a reservationon on her behalf. Why can't her new bf make the reservation instead?

Who addressed him as Lao Gong? The ex or another gal? And who went missing. If ex went missing why still can call you to explain??

Clearly lacking honesty, lacking communication, lacking sex, lacking understanding to 101 fishy businesses ongoing.

If your husband keeps denying and you half-heartedly believing his lame excuses... then there is really nothing you can do.

Why lend SIM card when it's so easy to buy SIM cards these days?? Singtel's sim card doesn't require one to register...
 
To Kessie: My hubby said that he pity her and he is her only friend in Singapore. He said that he can't simply ask his ex not to contact him when she was in trouble....

To 33: She cried and called me before she had a new boyfriend. The time when he went to Malaysia because it was "Qingming" and he said that his ex was going to Malaysia with her new bf because "Qinggming" is a good excuse for her to tell her husband that she going back Malaysia to pray but actually she went with her new bf. My hubby said that he helped her to book because his ex also afraid that her husband knew about it and wanted a divoice as she don't want divoice because of her 2 kids. I really don't know what he telling is truth or not.
 
despite you feeling that you can no longer trust this man (from your actions like checking his phone, etc), so far your replies here have been in defense of his actions .. my husband said this, my husband did that .. i think you need to decide for yourself what you really want - to end it, or to stick by him.
 
have you thought of hiring a PI to follow him for a couple of days? perhaps that will help you find out the truth. and any photographic evidences will help if one day (worst case scenario) have to trash it out in court.

anyway, what is your gut feel?? people say a woman's gut feel is always right... my colleague went through this exact same thing 2 yrs back. her then-hubby denied all the mushy smses, say it's just for fun, nickname, helping her to do this and that, sent wrong sms, tired and don't want sex etc. etc. in the end, she believed for half a year then decided they were deluding everyone. she confronted him, said he was having an affair and just packed and left. of course he admitted right after that...
 
Cry baby, there is only 2 things you can do.. Move on or to accept him as he is...

99 Tell Tale Signs your partner is having an affair: (Found this from some website, you might want to take a look.)

1. He sleeps with his hand phone by his side.
2. He brings his hand phone into the bathroom.
3. He is having more than one SIM card.
4. He is having more than one hand phone.
5. Your calls to his hand phone are unanswered.
6. His hand phone is switched off whenever you call him.
7. He tells you that you can call him at another hand phone number.
8. His hand phone is equipped with multi-card/duo SIM card.
9. He deletes the SMS/MMS messages from his hand phone.
10. Intimate SMS/MMS messages in his hand phone that were not sent by you.
11. He clears the call list from his hand phone.
12. His hand phone bill hitched.
13. He sneaks out of the house for no apparent reason.
14. He goes to the coffee shop for a drink but comes back 3 hours later.
15. Change of behaviour.
16. Change of attitude towards you.
17. Your instinct tells you something is not right.
18. Whispering or speaking softly on the phone.
19. Hangs up the phone whenever you are near him.
20. You answer his hand phone in his absence and the caller hung up.
21. You answer his hand phone in his absence and the caller asked for a different person.
22. Lost of interest in family activities.
23. Not wanting to air his view in plans related to the family.
24. Suddenly becomes particular of his look.
25. Change of the way he used to dress.
26. Small intimate gift in his possession not given by you.
27. Extra credit cards that you are unaware of.
28. Purchases of items in credit card statements that were not meant for you.
29. Credit card statements sent to another address.
30. Receipts of items not purchased for you found on him.
31. Extra money that were not accounted for.
32. His clothing smell of unfamiliar perfume.
33. The seat belt of his car smells of unfamiliar perfume.
34. Strands of hairs not belonging to you found on his clothing.
35. Strands of hairs not belonging to you found in his car.
36. Pubic hairs found on his car seat.
37. Lipstick marks on his clothing.
38. Unexplained marks on his neck/body.
39. Goes overseas more frequently than before.
40. Not letting you know his flight details when travelling.
41. Not letting you know the hotel he stays when overseas.
42. Coming back from overseas with gifts such as perfume claiming that it is purchased on behalf of his friend.
43. He spends more time on the computer especially in your absence.
44. He deletes details from his computer including emptying the recycle bin.
45. He shows sudden interest in music.
46. He joins a gym out of a sudden.
47. He walks the dog for extended time.
48. Suddenly interested in jogging.
49. He finds reason to stop wearing his wedding ring.
50. He buys himself sexy underwear.
51. He washes his underwear whilst having his shower.
52. He comes home with a pair of fresh underwear.
53. He leaves home fresh in the morning and comes home fresh in the evening.
54. He makes decisions without discussing with you.
55. He criticizes your appearance.
56. He criticizes your dressing.
57. He becomes impatient with you.
58. He becomes impatient with the children.
59. His friends/colleagues appeared uncomfortable in your presence.
60. He appeared uncomfortable in the presence of your friends/colleagues.
61. Prevents attending functions when your friends whom he knows are also attending.
62. He picks fights out of trivial matters.
63. He works late too frequently.
64. He entertains too frequently.
65. He criticizes your cooking.
66. He finds reasons not to have dinner with you.
67. He takes leave without your knowledge.
68. He stops telling you of his activities as he used to be.
69. Keeps condoms in his car/wallet when he does not use them with you.
70. Wants to try new techniques/positions when having sex with you.
71. Lessens the frequency of having sex with you.
72. Stops having sex with you.
73. Tries to go to bed after you have fallen asleep (to avoid having sex).
74. Giving prior notice that he is tired before going to bed.
75. Removes child seat/toys from his car.
76. Asks you questions pertaining to likings of women.
77. Asks you questions like "is it possible to love more than one person"
78. Hinted that it is all right to have a mistress.
79. Shows extreme concern about where are you when he is out.
80. Suddenly becomes calculative in the family’s expenditure.
81. Accounts with banks unknown to you.
82. Daydreaming when he is with you.
83. Tends to be forgetful even on important issues.
84. Prevents fetching you in his car.
85. Disappearance during family outings/gatherings claiming to be going back to work.
86. Hotel receipts in his possession.
87. Hotel name cards in his possession.
88. Petrol station receipts that were not the usual stations he visits.
89. Treating you extremely nice that you feel he has done something wrong.
90. Telling you he is with a particular person to cover the time of his disappearance unaccounted for.
91. Does not hold our hand in the public as he used to be.
92. Coming home wearing another shirt.
93. Shows interest in items meant for females whilst shopping with you.
94. Goes to toilet too frequently when he is out with you.
95. His secretary addressed you wrongly too frequently when you call him.
96. Unpaid parking fines sent to your house at somewhere he has no reason to be (especially after office hours).
97. Going for National Service too frequently.
98. Background of telephone calls does not sound where he claimed to be.
99. He feels uncomfortable when being introduced to a friend who is a “P.I.”, “investigator” or “Private Eye”.
 
Any idea what is thc charges for hiring PI?

If now asking what is my six sense telling me, I also in doubt already. Due to so many incidences, I already becoming very sensitive and paraniod. Small small things I also get suspicious, like I saw some bruises on his neck, sometime on his arm or at the back, I confronted him and he said he don't know how he got it and said that maybe he got it during working as he is in construction line.

I admitted that my behaviour and temper is not good after his ex's case. I always throw temper to him, or ask him many questions through sms. Initially he will try to reply me but he eventually don't want to reply me due to continous sms for a few months, repeating the same questions.

Now, I try to stop looking into his things, control my temper, talk to him nicely and show concern to him these 2 weeks. However, he sometimes still treat me coldly. Maybe I will give him some time to adjust as I keep telling me that maybe he treats me coldly because of my bad behaviour.

Hiring a PI will be the last resort...
 
i think should not propagate this 99 tell-tale signs thing... it's quite bad and will create unnecessary suspicions

these are the only usable ones...

9. He deletes the SMS/MMS messages from his hand phone.
10. Intimate SMS/MMS messages in his hand phone that were not sent by you.
11. He clears the call list from his hand phone.
13. He sneaks out of the house for no apparent reason.
16. Change of attitude towards you.
22. Lost of interest in family activities.
36. Pubic hairs found on his car seat.
37. Lipstick marks on his clothing.
38. Unexplained marks on his neck/body.
41. Not letting you know the hotel he stays when overseas.
51. He washes his underwear whilst having his shower.
69. Keeps condoms in his car/wallet when he does not use them with you.
87. Hotel name cards in his possession.
95. His secretary addressed you wrongly too frequently when you call him.

the rest are crap. and honestly these statements cause more harm than good.
 
"have you thought of hiring a PI to follow him for a couple of days? perhaps that will help you find out the truth. and any photographic evidences will help if one day (worst case scenario) have to trash it out in court."

Don't hire PI just to confirm suspicion only, unless of course you don't mind throwing a few thousand dollars away. What's more, the PI may not even gather any useful info if your spouse decides to be "good" for those few days he is tracked.

If want to hire PI, make sure that you are bent on a divorce on infidelity, and are determined to use the evidence in court. Any evidence not used within six months cannot be submitted as evidence to court.

Use your money wisely.
 
Some look crappy thou, this is the list i filter and feel that the following can be the tell tale signs i personally experienced when i overcome with this kinda situation...

2. He brings his hand phone into the bathroom.
4. He is having more than one hand phone.
5. Your calls to his hand phone are unanswered.
6. His hand phone is switched off whenever you call him.
10. Intimate SMS/MMS messages in his hand phone that were not sent by you.
11. He clears the call list from his hand phone.
15. Change of behaviour.
16. Change of attitude towards you.
17. Your instinct tells you something is not right.
18. Whispering or speaking softly on the phone.
19. Hangs up the phone whenever you are near him.
20. You answer his hand phone in his absence and the caller hung up.
36. Pubic hairs found on his car seat.
37. Lipstick marks on his clothing.
38. Unexplained marks on his neck/body.
40. Not letting you know his flight details when travelling.
41. Not letting you know the hotel he stays when overseas.
57. He becomes impatient with you.
58. He becomes impatient with the children.
63. He works late too frequently.
64. He entertains too frequently.
68. He stops telling you of his activities as he used to be.
69. Keeps condoms in his car/wallet when he does not use them with you.
72. Stops having sex with you.
85. Disappearance during family outings/gatherings claiming to be going back to work.
87. Hotel name cards in his possession.
91. Does not hold our hand in the public as he used to be.
 
I find the 1st 9 sign crap leh. I am single/separated and not having affair but I do 1 to 9 all the time

1. He sleeps with his hand phone by his side.
2. He brings his hand phone into the bathroom.
3. He is having more than one SIM card.
4. He is having more than one hand phone.
5. Your calls to his hand phone are unanswered.
6. His hand phone is switched off whenever you call him.
7. He tells you that you can call him at another hand phone number.
8. His hand phone is equipped with multi-card/duo SIM card.
9. He deletes the SMS/MMS messages from his hand phone.


so who am i having affair with???

As for the rest.. comment later
 
A little highjacking of the post here.

What really does "17. Your instinct tells you something is not right." feels like?? Sorry to have to ask this, but I am not sure how to separate being feeling insecure (which most people are guilty of) and having the right instinct.

I feel that some of the times, I usually think that it's paranoid rather than anything. That sometimes some woman worry over nothing, and it's not attractive to have a male to keep assuring us of their feelings just because we are paranoid. So they kept quiet and dislike having to report their every action (including why they have to visit the loo so many times). I agree that some times a hitch in feelings can't be discounted, but we must be absolutely sure that it's not due to us being paranoid over nothing.

ps: I'm asking because there are so many people asking/saying about instinct/gut feeling.
 
For hand phone, it is a very personal thing.

my daughters also don't let me touch their handphone and they sleep and take their handphone with them all the time.

Mean anything? It is sometimes just a privacy thing.
 
Crying Baby,

i feel it's a mixture of both your insecurities and suspicious nature... and his horribly poor ability to handle situations...if he is having an affair, u'll make him wanna continue. if he is not having an affair, u'll drive him to another woman's arms...

learn to control your emotions and insecurities first... i'm not saying u're wrong. in fact there's a good chance he is up to something, but u're contributing to it indirectly as well... if u want him to be 'back', u gotta be more calm...
 
kessie,

i think the handphone thing is rather dependent on the person's designation. i have my mobile with me ALL the time... bathing, eating, swimming, etc. every call is worth Thousands of dollars, some Millions. u have to be in such jobs to understand. also, 2 handphones quite common nowadays, particularly if u hold a blackberry and a handphone... or u're a person who needs to talk on 2 phones concurrently.

pple looking for handphone signs might shoot themselves in the foot.
 
2. He brings his hand phone into the bathroom.

i do this if i'm expecting a call

4. He is having more than one hand phone.

i have 3

5. Your calls to his hand phone are unanswered.

maybe busy so cannot answer immediately

6. His hand phone is switched off whenever you call him.

sometimes it's just bad reception

11. He clears the call list from his hand phone.

i do this too

15. Change of behaviour.

i admit that i do this too, especially when i'm upset or angry

16. Change of attitude towards you.

see 15.

17. Your instinct tells you something is not right.

sometimes this is just indigestion ..

18. Whispering or speaking softly on the phone.

i do this if i want to plan a surprise for the husband, or if the kids are sleeping

19. Hangs up the phone whenever you are near him.

maybe finish conversation already so hang up la

20. You answer his hand phone in his absence and the caller hung up.

maybe end of call already so caller also fed up and hung up - can call back what

38. Unexplained marks on his neck/body.

maybe vampire bite??? i get knocks and bruises all the time (i'm quite accident-prone)

57. He becomes impatient with you.

i'm also occasionally impatient with my husband

58. He becomes impatient with the children.

and the children, if they've been misbehaving

63. He works late too frequently.

got work, have to finish up la. i think perhaps only workaholics can understand this

87. Hotel name cards in his possession.

from all the work trips?

91. Does not hold our hand in the public as he used to be.

hahahaha .. this one ah .. he don't hold your hand, you hold his la .. take initiative, can?
 
Poweder, u alrdy mentioned that it is dependent on designation right... yes i agree with this point. If the person is an oil trader, stock broker, lawyer, or holding some making million bucks job, i guess it is fine..

But i guess i applies those points to some designation that don earn millions an hours, but job that probably earn much lesser per hour...ie, fastfood cashier, civil servant, waiter???
 
yup kessie, righton...

i just sorta wanted to add a disclaimer cos some pple have been known to take these 'tell-tale' signs too easily, thus better to put a 'counter'measure' on that basis... unfortunately, i dun consider this forum to have a 100% mature audience... there are naive pple around.

if one marries a guy of those 'wpoer-jobs' u mentioned above, u can imagine how this person will freakout, and start a line of questioning that may eventually cause the marriage to breakdown...

anyway those jobs dun make millions an hour lah, tat's bill gates perhaps. chances of hubbies here being cashier n waiter is abit low. i guess it's better to just put a disclaimer tat it's not all encompassing and varies with jobs.

i just find tat some of these tell-tale signs sought to act as a guide when it can be written by an over-zealous, over-insecure, over-possessive control-freak of a woman whose marriage broke down becos of her nature, rather than cheating in the first place. if i was scrutinised for the above 99 tell-tale signs, i'd pick divorce cos the marriage definitely isn't healthy.
 
Kessie .. sorry but did you just google search and paste it without reading it?

If you wan to understand why i say this.
Below which points will you relate that an affair was been carried out if you look at it individually.

27. Extra credit cards that you are unaware of.
31. Extra money that were not accounted for
75. Removes child seat/toys from his car.
84. Prevents fetching you in his car.

Most thread starters who relate their problems are actually in a confused or lost state of mind. It is a very easy task to air your personal view or provide solutions for it.But please do remember any misdirection course of actions is going to change someone's life.

Hiring a PI is an easy task .. but what about facing the consequences, reactions and future plans? What if its not really true and one day the guy find out about it? Then you all will just reply . divorce lor .. but can you all see the thread starter doesnt wish to lose him ..even he is so **** up.

someone say by using gut feeling and saying people always say woman gut feel is right. if like this we need engineers and scientist for what? We dun even need judge .. or custom should use woman to screen travellers.

To all readers who need help, please kindly note that all post here doesnt provide a warranty that it will give you a better life.
 
Anyone can help?

1) Can a husband impotent to his wife but can
have sex with other woman?
2) Can someone help others to make reservation a
hotel room through internet using his own
credit card and another one check in without
credit card that make the reservation and
paid by cash?
3) Will a guy lie to his wife about his ex's
husband having affairs and contacted sex
disease from her husband? These are serious
things that can be joked about?
4) Is there any hp that come with pin code to
access or the pin code is generate by
ourselve?
5) What is the circumstances when you call other
hp and it said that "The singtel mobile
customer is not getting any response, please
try again later"? is it meant no line, no
battery, the hp being switch off, or all?
6) Will a guy really flare up with his wife when
his wife always look into his things, ask
repeat questions whether he still love her,
care for her, having affairs with other woman
and don't want to answer anymore? He initally
will answer you but no later?
7) Will a husband still care his wife's
parents, talk to them nicely if he has an
affair with other woman?

Pardon me for so many silly questions!
 
question 1
you cannot classify impotent to wife and have sex outside. its only about the degree of sexual attraction one has on another.

question 2
Yes. i can make reservation for a friend by inputing my friend name as the guest but under credit card details as mine.

question 3
i dun see the point of lying

question 4
phone lock password is generated by the user.

question 5
it can be all.

question 6
Yes. it shows trust is not there anmore

question 7
.....i do not know how to comment on this question....
 
Pin access isn't a handphone feature. Refer to GSM 11.11 for details in CHV pins. This is a SIM card standard.

Most Telco sell their SIMs with CHV1 disabled by default but user can activate it.
 
Hi all!

Are you looking for X'mas gifts for your loved ones? Look no more! Cos we have the lovliest cutie pies for them!

Visit our blog for more details.

Quote 'sgbrides' in your email for special promotions!

www.blingblingnight.blogspot.com

Wedding accessories (Swarovski Crystal) also available!
 
Qwerty, Different people have different perception and different behaviours. Of course, i don expect Cry Baby to use all these 99 tell tales signs to judge her husband. Some points applies, some don't. Of cos diff signs applies to diff group of people with diff situation.

To Answer to ur queries, lets look at it under a different light, and don't put Cry baby case into our senarios.

"Below which points will you relate that an affair was been carried out if you look at it individually.

27. Extra credit cards that you are unaware of.
(Husband can get extra credit card to purchase gifts, buy dinners, pay for hotel stay for/with mistress??? So that wife is not aware of such spendings?)

31. Extra money that were not accounted for
(In some situation, husband can two time so that he can borrow/cheat extra $$ from 3rd party???)

75. Removes child seat/toys from his car.
(Husband wanna two time, but 3rd party not aware that the husband is married and have kids??)

84. Prevents fetching you in his car.
(To avoid being seen by the 3rd party, if 3rd party is not aware of that husband is attached or married??)
 
27. Extra credit cards that you are unaware of.
- i wasn't aware tat we keep track of each other's credit cards... most times i sign up for lucky draws for porsches n audis...

31. Extra money that were not accounted for
- i wasn't aware tat we keep track of each other's incomes... i get dividends amidst the occasioanl soccer bets n mahjong winnings...

75. Removes child seat/toys from his car.
- i do this few times a week either to fetch clients or colleagues.

84. Prevents fetching you in his car.
- i wasn't aware marriage makes me a chauffeur... if it's unreasonable and the time is ill-matched..

like i said... all these tell-tale signs made into "99 tell-tale signs" sorta turns into a poorly-conceived guideline that could very much destroy marriages by encouraging over-scrutiny. and given the maturity that i'm experiencing on this forum alone, i dun think that it's gonna be well-read and understood.

the vocabulary used isn't very good to begin with, thus i am dismissing this as an overzealous effort by a control freak of a wide to catch partners when one should simply cease the relationship.

dun mean no harm, but i think the tell-tale signs are Harmful more than anything else... u would need to come up with cases just to justify it... regardless of the probability. thing is... i just gave u examples of my daily life that would make me a candidate for suspicion.... and if my wife reads it and uses it, and if she's that type of overly-suspicious woman... then u would have effectively made life difficult for me.

ps: my daily, life examples has more probability than yours.
 
Sometimes, I don't even keep track of the credit cards I'm having too. Banks like to throw in alot more cards when u r really only interested in signing for one. e.g. HSBC will give u a Master and another Visa one. Also, a Choice card.

What I needed was only a Visa. So, I just cut & dispose of the rest. Some banks will need u to fax in the termination application. I normally didn't bother until they start charging me membership.

Anyway, if one is relying on such generic list to determine if the spouse is cheating, it reflects how much they really (dun) know and understand each other. doesn't it?
 
Crying baby, sorry to hear that *hugs*
In my personal opinion (read:personal), yr hubby's action is very very fishy. To answer some of yr qn..
2) Yes. I had done it on behalf of my fren, with my own card but allow them to check in instead.
6) Yes, like my ex.He got very fed up and loses his temper with my questioning. Can even swear that he is clean, or else he will die of a horrible death.. Extreme yea..? till now, he is still alive lor..???!! ha..
7) Yes (if he have a sense of guilt) & No ( if he is no longer in love with his wife)
 
give me choose . i rather not fetch my mistress using my own car rather than my wife..

reason .. i need to answer more if anyone spotted my number plate at somewhere where i am not suppose to be.
 
This weekend I was miserable...

Despite so many concern shown to him, he still treat me so coldly... Therefore I decided to call one of the malaysia telephone number which was a outgoing call stated in the telephone bill under that handphone number. I tried my luck and asked for his ex's and the other party said that she was in Singapore. That's meant that the handphone number is for his ex. My heart was shattered....

That evening, I called my hubby and his handphone could not go through. Later he said that the handphone no line as he was working in a clean room.

That night, I found two movie tickets (RA) and a receipt having dinner at a resturant. My heart shattered again. I asked him and he told me that he brought his friend's brother in-law there as he did not watch RA movie in Singapore before as he is a Malaysian. Actually I know that they are coming to Singapore for a holiday but he never told me that he brought them to shopping and watch movie and he lied to me that he was working. I asked him why he lied to me and he said that if I knew that he took a few hours brought them to shopping, I would be angry as he already no time for me. He said they came so far here and not eveytime came, so he took a few hours spent with them.

I asked him I already knew that the hp no is his ex's one and he asked me what made me confirmed. I told him I called that Malaysia number and asked for his ex. He said that he did not know what am I talking about and he said that I made him very confused as I always asked him this, asked him that, and he just anyhow said that that few mushy smses were just joking as he did not even remember when and why it happened and he said he was a forgetful person. That sms happened a few months ago, and now I asked him he cannot remember.

Yes I admitted that he was a forgetful person as his work load is very heavy as it is his own business. But I really don't know what he is telling me is true or not. Is he just helping his ex or not? Maybe he lent his hp to his ex's new boyfriend and they sms each other. When they returned the hp to my hubby, the sms remain there.... I made a lot of excuses for him.

I really now in the lost. I don't know which words are true and which words are lies... I don't know am I too much and he angry that I did not trust him... But he should not tell me so many lies, right? Now, my heart is in pain and I am really tired...
 
Why is my marriage become like that?

There is no more trust, more quarrels...

There is no sex, no hugging as he said he is impotent.

There is no having dinner together, no ommunication (everynight he just look into his computer and does his paper works), no time for us and he said that he was busy in his business for these few years.

He sleeps on the floor and he said that he let my son sleeps with me and the bed mattress is too soft...

He did not celebrate my birthday as he said he forgot and also very busy... Last year, he bought me a very expensive necklace and this year nothing... Last valentine, he bought me a very expensive watch but this year nothing... Is not the gifts that I concern about, is the heart..

When our sons sick, I asked him why he always so busy that even no time to bring them to see doctor. He said that why can't I go?

During my 2nd pregancy, I always went for my check-up alone as he said he was very busy and said why I cannot go alone and he wanted me to be independant...

During my due date, just a few days before my ceserian, my stomach was in pain. But he still went to attend his friend's wedding in Malaysia. He said he had already passed the hongbao to his friend but one of his friend insisted him to go. He said he could not reject.

After my ceserian, I needed to remove the stitches and I was the one who went alone despite of my pain. I did not informed him and he said he forgot and was sorry.

I asked him whether to celebrate our wedding aniversary, he said see first as don't know free or not... He said that if he promises me and later if he cannot make it, I will be angry.

Why he do not concern about my feeling? He just said that nothing happened, he has no affairs with other woman and said that he treat me like that because he is very busy and partly because I always find things and quarrels with him.

How can I not feeling hurt and did all sort of silly things like looking into his things and called other people's number just to confirm who is she?
 
A few months ago, he tried but cannot and I asked him to see doctor but he said he was embarrassed to see doctor and he was inferior. Will he joke such a matter?

If he really impotent, will he still can having any affairs with other woman?

Am I wrong and I really misunderstand him?

Is it that my sensitive behaviour and bad attitude towards him made him flare-up and treat me coldly?

Is it that his impotent make him inferior and d not want to sleep with me on the same bed? As sometime I want and he rejected me and I feel hurt and angry with him? I know I was wrong but I cannot control my feelings.

Is it that he always lie to me as I will get angry if I know the truth?

I really want to salvage our marriage but I really don't know what to do. I tried all my means to concern him but he still treat me like that...
 
Dear Crying Baby,

In some of your posts, you have been asking since your hubby is impotent, why can he still have affairs. On the other hand, you ask whether he is really having an affair. You seem to contradict yourself. Actually, deep in your heart, you already believe he is up to something, though you hope that there is some chance, no matter small, that he is really not having an affair and all those which happened are just coincidences.

You have been trying to change yourself to be less inquisitive, more gentle and so on but he still "treat you like that". The fact is he will not change just because you have "improved yourself". His relationship with the other woman is still at the honeymoon stage. No matter what you do and how nicely you treat him now, he will not appreciate it as he is too busy being in love. Only when he gets tired of the relationship may he start to come back to the family.

Right now, you have to be strong. Stop checking his stuff and do not interrogate him. So what if you ask him? You already knew the answers. Knowing more will just give you more heartaches.

If you do not want the marriage to break down, do not push him further away by quarelling with him. Just treat him as normally as you can. Take good care of the kids. Run the household well. You may not see the desired results immediately, not even in the near future. But when the day comes when his affair ends, chances are he will realize that his wife is still the best. Do remember that all affairs are likely to end and very few people end up marrying the person he/she has affair with.

If you feel that you cannot live with a spouse who have strayed before, then you should really hire a PI, gather evidence and proceed to divorce.
 
Crying_baby, I can understand your feelings cos I'm same as you too. My husband keeps denying and said that he was just helping her. He even said that I'm selfish for not supporting him. Asked him how long he need to help her he can't even give me an answer. He even went to China to meet up with her but told me he was on business trip and refused to tell me which country he went. I only found out he went to China when I saw his phone bills. He still can tell me that next year he will have more trips. Have been struggling these few days to ask God to give me a direction. They have known each other for 5 years and I only known it this year.
 
Saddy Mummy, I am puzzle why man did not want to admit and keep on telling lies, keep on denying that he is having affairs.

If he really has affair with other woman, that's meant he is not loving his wife anymore or what? Is he going to have two women at the same time or he don't want to hurt the children. But if he cares about the children and want to give them a complete family, why did he do it?

I really don't understand and feel hurt whenever I think about it. I really don't know how long I can stand it and sometimes I nearly want a divorce but I really can't bear. I cry almost every night. I really love him and why he treat me like that...
 
In my opinion, although turning a blind eye to affairs might not be the best solution and might not be feasible for all cases. But kicking up a big fuss or throwing tantrums will help nothing and only pushes the guy further away from you into the arms of another or whatever that he takes comfort in. Most guys hates dramas, or drama queen.

And I have a friend who loves his wife very much, yet still have affairs. Although it might not apply to all, but there is alot of reasons for a guy to seek attention else where. I think you have to find his.
 
Dear crying baby,

why not give yourself a one month break, in this one month, channel all your energy on your kids, just go and do the things you like, go out with your friends, do not go and look into his personal things, neither his letters or handphone or whatsoever. Just give yourself a break from all this shattered discovering...

Take a break for your mind and soul to find peace. You cannot tell yourself "not to think of what he had done" or "why he want to do this or that to me". You will still think about it, INSTEAD focus all your energy on other things; bring your kids to visit your parents or your siblings. Go shopping, buy something for yourself, your kids or even your friends. You will relook into your situation after this one month.

im not telling you to be in a denial state, but give yourself some time, some time to let all the thoughts in you to reside, they had been clouding in your mind for too long, so long that you cannot see and judge clearly anymore. i want you to find back yourself. This is what you can do for yourself : )

For him, just give him the benefit of doubts. Let him do Whatever he want. Treat it as giving
him a break for all the questioning.



This is one of the best suggestion i can think of for now...
 
Hi, smileyclara,

Thanks for your advice.

My hubby and I have a good talk on the night before. He said that not everything that I saw will be his things. He told me that those matters are not concerning me and him, those are not his or mine business and are other people's business. He did not want to tell me anymore as even if he tell me, I also cannot do anything to help the other. He said that everything is my one sided thinking and everytime when I saw something, I will assume is his and thinking that he is the one who has affair.

He said his change of attitude towards me is because despite several explaination previously, I kept on looking his things and whenever I saw fishy things will assume is his, don't trust him, confronted him and end up quarreling. Everytime, while he was busy working outside and meeting, I kept on sms him, asking him so many questions and he ended up too tired to reply me anymore...

He said that it was because I was too free and therefore, look into his things and ended up thinking of negative things. He said that I always look things in one way and don't know how to think in another way.

He assured me that he got nothing to do with those matters and are not concerning both of us. Asked me to do something that I am interested in, concentrate taking care of children, go out with friends and I will have no time to think so much and our relationship will slowly improve.

Maybe I should...
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Back
Top