What am I suppose to think/do?

[vonneylove]

Just had a short heated 'discussion' with my mum about the "Wedding Angbaos" topic.

So she said she wants to keep her share (planning to give her 5 tables). She was not very happy at me for even asking her if she wants to keep the angbaos money. Her conclusion is that she is not getting anything from marrying me off if she can't take the angbaos money.

And I'm like - Huh?

The thing is, the whole wedding is sponsored by my HTB and FIL. My side is not forking out a single cent(excpet wedding ring, decors, etc). So my intention is to collect all the angbaos from the wedding dinner and return the money to my FIL. I've asked to have 5 tables from my side.

What am I suppose to think of my mum wanting the 5 tables angbaos money when she didn't even pay a single cent for my wedding. Some friends told me I have to consider that my parents have raised me up blah blah. But I'm not going anywhere, I'm still their daughter and always will be. I'll still support them financially after getting married.

I don't understand and know how to comprehend such situation. Does she just wants to 'earn' something through this whole wedding thing or it's just part of tradition and respect?

 

[verysadguy]

That is not very fair to your hubby side. Maybe just ask your hubby to give a token sum to your mum?

 

[sjunzz]

Hi, is the 5 tables for the bride pin jin? If ur mum nv take the any pin jin, 5 tables of ang bao money is ok leh.

The bride pin jin is a tradition, and your mum has every right to take it as she is marrying off you. You cannot just think like oh the whole wedding is paid by groom side, so very pai seh. Thats just the traditional way of doing weddings.

Bride pin jin can range frm small to big lah, but if you marry without it, people will say like ur mum just "gifted" a daughter over.. And your groom very stringy.

Think the pt of view from your mum, once u marry off, u are someone else wife n daughter im law, no matter how close u with ur mum, support or what, ur first priority is ur husband n ur own family that u will built, den their family, not your mum anymore.

The bride pin jin just think of it like a way to tell your mum that her daughter is precious and she spent many yrs of raising her so hence the pin jim is to thank her for all the love n effort of raising her daughter.


Dont argue with your mum for only 5 tables of ang bao. She has raised you up for so many yrs, its very hurtful if u think of her like that.

 

[Bnt]

Hi, is the 5 tables for the bride pin jin? If ur mum nv take the any pin jin, 5 tables of ang bao money is ok leh.

The bride pin jin is a tradition, and your mum has every right to take it as she is marrying off you. You cannot just think like oh the whole wedding is paid by groom side, so very pai seh. Thats just the traditional way of doing weddings.

Bride pin jin can range frm small to big lah, but if you marry without it, people will say like ur mum just "gifted" a daughter over.. And your groom very stringy.

Think the pt of view from your mum, once u marry off, u are someone else wife n daughter im law, no matter how close u with ur mum, support or what, ur first priority is ur husband n ur own family that u will built, den their family, not your mum anymore.

The bride pin jin just think of it like a way to tell your mum that her daughter is precious and she spent many yrs of raising her so hence the pin jim is to thank her for all the love n effort of raising her daughter.


Dont argue with your mum for only 5 tables of ang bao. She has raised you up for so many yrs, its very hurtful if u think of her like that.

I agree, if your mum is not taking any pinjin then she might take the ang bao for the 5 table acts as the pinjin. If so, I think still quite reasonable. We are paying for our own wedding, splitting the costs half-half between my SO and myself. Pinyin is 3K in addition to 8 tables for my parents to keep.

Pinjin and given tables are just part of the tradition

 

[life_is]

Discuss with HTB if he is alright with what your mum wants. Marriage is about compromise, and acting in interests of spouse. Work together as a team, and stick to what that team wants. Money not so important. Know of people who insisted on not giving in to parents during their wedding, and their parents were fine with it too.

 

[miloice]

there is no RIGHT or WRONG. Work it out like sensible adults.

 

[biri.kecill]

I agree, if your mum is not taking any pinjin then she might take the ang bao for the 5 table acts as the pinjin. If so, I think still quite reasonable. We are paying for our own wedding, splitting the costs half-half between my SO and myself. Pinyin is 3K in addition to 8 tables for my parents to keep.

Pinjin and given tables are just part of the tradition

Just want to share my planning as well. My arrangement is similar to yours...but pinjin is 3888 (50% will be returned) and will be giving 10 tables to her mom (not taking any ang baos from her). Will be fully paid by me alone. GF doesn't want to pay for it but she is going to pay more for reno expenses.