Wants to Divorce.....

B

black_sheep

New Member
Hi ,

My HB has already moved out of my place ( we staying at my parents place coz they helping to take care of our kid).

Now he comes and bring her back to his parents place twice a week.
But my kid jus doesn't want to go sometimes and have to keep coaxing her , " bluffing" her to go with him.
It really hurts me to see that .

Can anyone tell me how to handle this part ?

I know i really can't carry on with my HB ( marriage coming 4 yrs), but to see my kid getting 'torn ' btw us is very very heartbreaking.
My kid sticks to me alot.

And when my parents see this , she jus say , " sigh coz of the kid, jus try and compromise more lor, why make the kid like that .." It sounds to me like she thinks i dun care and it doesn't bother me that my kid has to go thru this..
I really hope this part btw my kid, me n him can b arrange nicely... but how ? can anyone help ?
 


I see... Hmm... does his family knows of this issue? Frankly, I think you have a right to follow ur child whenever he brings her back to his family.. If that is too hard, perhaps you may want to speak to your girl... How old is she btw?
 
yes his family noes coz he moved back to their place already.
i dun wan to go to his place liao, its v awkward.
my girl is coming 3 in a few months.

i dun noe how to minimise the pain for my girl when he wants to bring her back and she dun wan .... very pain
 
Hmm... never to force a little child, it will just push her away and further. Hmm.. who was the good and bad person in the family in her eyes? If the father is always holding the rods, perhaps he might have to change another method when communicating with her. Kids are usually closer to mothers... Alternatively, he can pop by more often to play with the girl, to build up the relationship slowly...
 
i also dun wan to force her to go , just that he wants access of her.
he everytime say its me who wants to break the family.

Our problems really surface when he got a bit unhappy i started talking to some girl from the net. he suspect she is gay.
And he started checking on me, install softwares to check on me, then argue alot, tormenting me , dun let me sleep, dun let me go out, check my hp, Snatch my hp to check, alot of things, a few times wanna hit me ( but did not) , verbal abuse ( english and hokkien words). blah blah ...
I dun think i am not at fault totally, when a marriage fails, its 2 person..

But i think the incident jus is an explosion, the real porblems r all the while no communicaion, we do our own things though we have our daughter, mainly also i take care , and drifted liao.

i really dun wish to try anymore, so tiring.

I jus wan my daughter to feel happy and minimise all her pain.
 
Want and doing it are different... you may want it but what exactly did u do to help her? Have you try explaining to your HB etc?
 
Your child is still young and I think it is natural that she prefers to stick to you, especially at this age.

It really depends..like for some kids..when they go to childcare/nursery, they will make a big fuss and refuse to go but once they are at the school - away from their family, their demeanor will change. Your daughter may be behaving the same way too.

Do you have any idea what she does when she is at your husband's parents place and whether she is miserable there..? How is her relationship with her father? Is he there to play/be with her or does he just leaves her with his parents? Maybe there are things that they could do to make her feel more comfortable/belonged there?
 
ya i want to help her, but does anyone here gone thru this b4 can gif me advice on how they talked or how they go thru it better with the kid ?
 
According to him, he says she is ok when is there( at his parents).

I know my daughter plays with his nephews there and last time he normally leaves it to his parents, and he play a while with her only , recently i dun noe coz i nv go over already.

Showering everything i know is confirm his mum do one.

Her relationship with him, she will play with him but when both of us r there , she only wants me and she sleeps with me.
 
If it is for the good of your daughter, I would suggest to ask your hb to bring your daughter out to play (during weekends) for a few hours.. before bringing her to his house.

It is important that he spends quality time alone with the daughter. It will help build the bond.

Your daughter is still young and I don't think she will reject her father - unless the father is abusive..
 
ask yourself if you still love your husband.

actually, my take is that both of you still love each other but it's the lack of communication between both of you that's causing all these problems.

it's good that he's taking a break by moving out....but if you want to still have him as your husband, don't wait longer.

I'll like to suggest that both of you see an expert, like a marriage counsellor, who is there professionally to hear both sides of the story and not judge at all. Somehow, having a professional person listen helps to kick start the communication process.

Or if you're a christian, there are marriage retreats (stay-in ones) that you can consider.

personally, i've been to 1 retreat and it's amazing how both of us emerge remembering how we first fell in love with each other.

PM me if you're keen to find out more about retreats.

all the best!
 
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