Troublesome parents

[Princessillness]

12 months before - I got proposed. Family just "okay. even after they saw my ring" They asked when married, I said 2015, as soon as possible as our houses coming soon..

6 months before -I told parents htb and me will hold a small banquet within our limit to share our joy.

3 months before - I told them I wanted to book a banquet soon. I asked my parents for a draft guest list for 4 tables fully paid by me and told them VIP is for direct family only.

2 weeks before - I told them I will probably sign this hotel during my visit 'cox of the perks. And tell them about the perks. They said "Ok"

3 months later (now) - I booked the banquet and happily told them. To my horror, my parents were mad that I got married (signed a package) so sudden and asked "why did you sign a package" , "how much your htb going to give as pinjin?", "How many tables they are going to give me"?
I told them they they won't get any tables as it is fully paid by both of us but pinjin we still can give. Parents then requested $8888 cash. I asked for nego which they agreeds.
They don't seem very happy but say "All we want is you to be happy, the best for you. Ask your htb to give tables and pinjin. If he can't offer, ask his guardian." Instead of showing concern(whether we can manage the banquet), it seems they are more concern on how much they can receive from HTB who is an orphan. They are very "concern" and "upset" that I am married off so CHEAPLY =.= .

They commented "since htb got a guardian, ask her pay for the banquet , give pinjin lo? How can you just hold a banquet without us and his guardian acknowledgement?. Since she never give tables, why hold a banquet ?

My parents are being so ridiculous. Now I feel insecure about my banquet. I told them a year back and roughly when we are getting married already. Now, they asked me to cancel my wedding because I was being RUDE for not informing them and ANYHOW get married. This is maddening ! Both of us are adult we no need consent or people to pay for our wedding.

1) How can I tell them how I feel when they never listen? Now they want to me cancel banquet which is impossible as it cannot be transferred or refunded.

2) About the VIP table, parents going to place outsider. there. How to reject ?

Hais "..wishes the best for my happiness..." but they never show a slight happiness when I'm getting married..

 

[eiko]

1) Maybe you can share with them the costs of cancelling the banquet. Tell them how much money you are going to lose etc and any inconveniences.

2) Well, I think if that is their wish, and if it makes them happier, I think it is hard to reject.

Really hope everything turns better for you. When is your expected marriage date?

 

[Princessillness]

Hi thank you for your reply. its in Dec.
I just wish my parents could listen to me by heart. If not it is very tiring for me and my htb...

 

[Jehvy]

You are the only one with these problems; I hope your problems resolved soon too. I was really mad at my parents over the wedding banquet cost for a period of time too though I know they are concerned about us and how we are going to fork the bill for the banquet. However, because of the customs and traditional mindset, they still do expect that my SO pay for our tables. They were really annoyed with me when I told them I was going to help pay for the banquet and that I would like the angbaos from their tables back because I didn’t want to burden my htb. My parents were agreeable in the end though I know they are not really happy inside.

In the end, my htb decided to pay for my parent’s tables and let they keep the angbaos so they we can maintain harmony with my parents.

1. I think it is important to express your concerns and worries to your parents openly. opefully they understand your perceptive and you get to understand theirs too.

2. I was really mad at my father that wants to invite his friends that I never knew to my wedding banquet but in the end I gave in. An outsider to us might be a great friend or relative to your parents, if the VIP table is for your parents then let them invite who they want. It will save you from a lot of frustrations. It is easily said then done though, I was frustrated with my parents for a rather long time because of our differences in mindset about a wedding.

Perhaps your parents just didn’t know how to express their love and concerns for you in the way you feel loved but I’m sure they do want you to be happy and obtain happiness with your SO.

 

[Princessillness]

You are the only one with these problems; I hope your problems resolved soon too. I was really mad at my parents over the wedding banquet cost for a period of time too though I know they are concerned about us and how we are going to fork the bill for the banquet. However, because of the customs and traditional mindset, they still do expect that my SO pay for our tables. They were really annoyed with me when I told them I was going to help pay for the banquet and that I would like the angbaos from their tables back because I didn’t want to burden my htb. My parents were agreeable in the end though I know they are not really happy inside.

In the end, my htb decided to pay for my parent’s tables and let they keep the angbaos so they we can maintain harmony with my parents.

1. I think it is important to express your concerns and worries to your parents openly. opefully they understand your perceptive and you get to understand theirs too.

2. I was really mad at my father that wants to invite his friends that I never knew to my wedding banquet but in the end I gave in. An outsider to us might be a great friend or relative to your parents, if the VIP table is for your parents then let them invite who they want. It will save you from a lot of frustrations. It is easily said then done though, I was frustrated with my parents for a rather long time because of our differences in mindset about a wedding.

Perhaps your parents just didn’t know how to express their love and concerns for you in the way you feel loved but I’m sure they do want you to be happy and obtain happiness with your SO.

(1) As you can read, I have already told them countless time upfront about my wedding but it can't get into their mind. And it is really not about old age. It is just their personalities...Guess they are too into themselves, they can't take note of other things around them. Selfish.
(2) Well said. But I am very insist on bridal table, cox I wanted to take photo with my own family. Furthermore this is my only request. Everything else I am very flexible.My parents always fail to make me feel loved, their actions always show otherwise.

Good news, dad is moving that uninvited guest to normal table.
Hope no more hiccups.

 

[sjunzz]

Is it because they got peer pressure frm relatives thats y the sudden change in attidue? Maybe thats y initally ok but the busybody ppl go scold them n tell them to do tis n demand more so that u all not lose face n stuffs....

Talk to them n pick ur battles lo. Firstly cannot cancel wedding... manage the pinjin to reasonable level as u wun wan to bankrupt ur htb. Good luck!! Dun secon guess urself n b happy!!!

 

[diminiblue]

Good luck and see-more-open.. My future MIL is giving us hell too, she's not happy we never let her choose dates, never let her choose place, basically never let her plan our wedding and house.. Asked her for rough number of people she wants to invite before we booked our banquet.. Then months after we book, she suddenly say she want to reduce around 4 tables.. =___= Luckily my HTB is firm, so she can't get her way in every single thing.. And I just try to ignore her, listen too much make myself unhappy only..