Stay with in laws or no?!!

T

teocynthia

New Member
Hi All, need advice. Our new house will be ready in 2013. We wanted to hold our ROM and wedding next October. Problem is we have no place to stay. HTB wants me to move in to stay with his family, but i do not want. He is always travelling. Likewise, he do not want to move in to my parents house. Please help!!
 


Dear Bibi,

you do not have an ideal place to stay after your ROM and 2013. solution (1) you rent a place if finances permit, but if you do not have the budget (2) live apart and but continue to date.

since it is only natural that we do not want to live with in-laws, no point compromising and making each other miserable in the process. since you need to buy direct from HDB, your combined pay is likely to be <$8K, which makes renting a bit taxing on your budget. no $ no talk. the solution by default is that you continue to live apart even while married but date like a couple, which can be very sweet, actually
 
funtasty, we did think of this solution. But I am afraid that my PIL will not like it even though they agree. My r/s with PIL is so-so, never really mingle with them alot.Ppl keep telling me that conflicts bound to happen when staying together and have seen real life examples..

May, thanks for your suggestions. Some ppl were saying after customary, we should live together as couple, and we do feel the need to thou.. it is unlikde after ROM.. so headache for us now..
 
bibi, no hard and fast rules, life is how you decide it to be. you are stuck now because you are concerned about what PILs think if you go home when your HTB goes overseas, you also influenced by the saying out there that couples should live together after customary.

so you require a solution, but the solution will likely (1) hurt PILs' feelings (2) hurt your own or your HTB's feelings (3) hurt your pockets ($ outlay for rental)

so now it boils down you got to decide among (1), (2) and (3) the possibility of which one hurt least loh ...
 
hey, wait a minute. i forgot to list a possible solution (4) change your ROM/ Customary date.

it is all just a matter of juggling logistics and $ lah.
 
"Ppl keep telling me that conflicts bound to happen when staying together and have seen real life examples.."

how do u know u will end up like them without even trying? there are many other cases of them staying happily together, have u seen those?

perhaps u shld start working on ur relationship with ur ILs since u say its so so only. some ILs I've seen take even better care of their DILs/SILs than their own parents.
 
hi bibi
hmm or u wanna postpone the wedding date to
end year 2012 or 2013 so that u need not stay with them for too long..
hmm not all inlaws are bad lor..for me, after wedding, i stayed with my inlaws for 2-3 mths..
initially nt used to it lo..but my inlaws noe that im nt used to it so they just let me do wad i wan..some inlaws, they knew that we will be shy or pai seh, they wont expect much from us de.. not all inlaws are bad..hehe..u need to try to stay with them awhile b4 marriage, then see whether can u adapt to their life ornot lor..

husband work late due to his work scope..so most of the time after work, i go back my parents place first.. then once he off work i took cab to inlaws place..
but sometimes, i just go straight to inlaws hse lo..then faster go inside bedroom..hehe..i tink most of my frens (stay with inlaws) also do wad i did..hehe
 
Hi Bibi,
Maybe you can stay with your hubby and PIL when he is around and move back to your house when your hubby is oversea.
Take this opportunity to give you and your PIL a chance to understand each other better. Sometimes, it is really not that bad. Guess those hearsay really has some impact on you but you wont know it if you dun try!
Enjoy your marriage and dun let this drain you!
 
Bibi,

U can perhaps stay at your Parents place when your husband is outstation, PIL place when your husband is back.

I will choose to stay with my In Law cause we will still have to take care of them /stay with them when they grow old and sick. like what thomas said: you should work on your relationship with your in law.
 
Thanks people.. will try my best to resolve this using your suggestions... update you guys when i come to a solutions..
happy.gif
 
bibi,

"but i do not want. He is always travelling. Likewise, he do not want to move in to my parents house. Please help!!"

- it's gonna be a pretty tall order to help in anything since the whole 'problem' comes from emotions and unexplored options. u dun want, he dun want, and here u are getting married.

if u WANT something, u have to make sure u are financially able to achieve it. if u are not, u do not have the bargaining power to WANT... but of cos, i noticed most pple are very keen on Wanting, yet their preparation work, anticipation and action says they dun want.

the issues with ILs have been there for a long time and it's always gonna have tricky situations... but being human, what makes u think u can avoid them for the next 2-3 decades? Harlow... they are your parents-in-law... and u have not even tried...

since u decide to let fear rule u... then what u need is not help, it's courage.
 
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