Should I stay, or move on?

M

mara

New Member
My ex-bf and I broke up a few days after our 2nd year anniversary. His parents' objections and insults to my family and I led to the break up. I seemed to get on well with it, because I always think that I'll find someone better. About a month after the break up, I met a great guy,J, and we got together quite hastily. My ex-bf pleaded me to come back. And one day when I was out with J, we bumped into my ex-bf, and he went on both knees, crying for me to come back. I ignored him, and continued with my relationship with J. I kept telling myself that I'll be happy with J and that I can forget my ex.
Recently, he contacted J and found out that I'd been sleeping with J. And since then, he hasn't called or texted me. And suddenly, I feel lost and I feel like something's missing. I've been feeling really down, and will cry everytime I see something that reminds me of my ex.
Few days back, I decided to call him, and he told me that actually, he really misses me and that he really needs me back. And he also said he needed to tell me a few things before we continued. Turns out that he had fooled around with 2 other girls during our 2 year relationship. And recently slept with a girl his friend set him up with (apparently a bid to help him forget me), he doesn't even know her name!
I feel cheated, because I kept myself for him only for two whole years. But he said that we should call it even since I slept with J. I don't think it's fair.
I need help! Should I continue building the relationship, or should we both just move on?
One thing for sure, I am willing to forgive him and I still feel strongly for him. But my ex-bf is the kind who will hold grudges. I'm afraid things may get messy if I continue to be in a relationship with him. And I know I'll hurt J if I get back with my ex. J is a very nice guy, but I still think that I'm in the process of getting to know him better. I need lots of advice on this, please. Thanks.
 


I thought so too, but I can't bear the thought of losing my ex-bf for good. Can't even imagine him being with another girl cause we shared so much within the two years.
 
why not? you are not his priority.. sex has become a tool for you all to use againest each other. What happiness can 2 of you all bring.. when everyday you cant even trust each other again ...

you slept with J on a rebound.. and he stop calling you ... he have sex wth 2 gers and recenlty slept with a ger even blaming his firned for setting him up ....

is he so vulnerable that he can be set up so easily .. how can you rely on him ?

you 2 feel for each other cos you all just wan to zheng yi kou qi ... whats love .. i dun see any ..
 
Hi mara,

i find your ex-bf pretty weird - using the sex partners as a reconciliation tool. But, I think you are not justified to 'feel cheated' as the relationship is long gone liao. Another thing, rem the reason to the breakup? You sure, you can tahan another season of insults to your unliking?

BTW i'm just curious, your ex-bf & J are actually friends?

Anyway, I think you shld leave J for now, as it is obvious that you are really not in love with him. As for ex-bf, do think it over carefully.. cos' i honestly see that the chance of a second breakup is similarly high as the first....
 
I don't know how to break it to J. And no, my ex-bf and J aren't friends. Just that my ex somehow got J's number and contacted him, a way to get rid of him so that we can get back together. We broke up because of parents, but now it seems like there's more to it. =(
 
Love and marriage isn't built on how much u give, nor how much u get, nor your past, nor your faults, nor your weaknesses, nor anything other than wanting to be sharing your lives from this day forward, and building a future together.

if u're in this 'he did this' 'i did that' mode, u're still very much self-indulged and should remain unmarried.

if u feel cheated and likely to continue to feel cheated, then good to let go of this one. he cannot undo wat he's done, so if u're gonna be harping on being cheated in the past (which u cannot change and neither can he), then it's gonna be painful...

honestly - alot of pple harp on past events that cannot change. and alot of unhappiness is created becos of this... just look around u at pple who complain... it's often things which they can no longer change, yet they keep living in it.
 
it's just a lover's tiff where there's a clash of egoes n poor J got dragged into it, but honestly i dun think highly of J either, since he let the ex know that they've slept together liao...

it's also spiked with drama with the begging on knees which was entertained by rather romantic thoughts... until she found out he slept with 2 other girls, thereby crushing any sweet romantic thoughts... and now the emotion has turned to a sort of anger...

well...
 
Mar A,
You better do something to forget your exbf and get on with your life. This guy cannot be trusted anymore. Gonecase. He deceived you so much during your past relationship & even slept with another gal so easily after that. Of course now he regretted because he misses you which is quite normal. Perhaps your breakup with him is not too long ago right? This should explain why you still have not get over with him.

Be Strong gal, delete his no & throw away anything which will remind you of him etc to forget about him & move on with your life without such a jerk. Make him regret for the rest of his life.
 
I told him to move on today. i told him there's no way we could come back together. but i feel shitty. =( at the same time, my friends are telling me to stay with J. it seems to them that he's really sincere with me. and he told them he wants to help me forget my ex. he even threw me a surprise party for my birthday 2 nights ago even though he knew abt my ex and I. it seems so complicated and confusing to me. what do you guys think?
 
Thanks flowerygal. actually, the replies i got here helped me make my decision. i'm really thankful for the replies, constructive or not. =)
 
mara, glad you made your decision. i thought it was a no-brainer...

exbf: family doesn't accept you.
J: new guy, wonderful guy.

Should you have chosen exbf, you're still back to square one... family doesn't accept you. Which caused the breakup.
 
Missing your ex is inevitable and its very normal for people to jump into another relationship to try and forget the previous one. Forget the ex. Since he cannot keep his pants zip when he is with you previously, its very likely that it will happen again if you guys get back together. And the worst thing is that he bears grudges and he will most prob use your relationship with J to comment if you guys quarrel in the future.

One advice.. FORGET HIM..

as for J. .. it's really weird that one will tell the ex that he is sleeping with you.. but another thing is he may just wanna keep you with him and who knows what is the conversation between the 2 of them. It's important to have an open relationship and not to hide anything so nothing can be used against you later. Try to learn more abt J before taking any further steps and see if they are still in contact.

Take Care
 
Leave ur ex-bf for good, if he's the type who bears grudges, chances are that he will use this incident to his advantage next time shld u guys end up together again. Dun degrade urself by letting him or his family insult u again. Have some pride gal.

As for J, observe him for a while more before committing into another relationship. He may seem 'nice' and 'wonderful' now, but u have just known him only and I feel it's too early to comment. Hope things work out well for u.
 
Hey guys. My ex haven't contacted me since then, and I'm moving on quite well. I've decided to really throw away all my leftover feelings for him. I really think that it isn't worth it. My mom's unhappy about it, and she objects J, even when I tell her that we're just going out casually. She was really hoping that my ex and I would work things out, but I left him for good in the end.

I'm in a really tough position right now, with my mom bugging me almost all the time when I'm home. And to make things worst, she calls my ex and invites him over to my place for dinner a few times. Thank God he didn't. In fact, she called him yesterday and asked him to pick me up at work. And then, she nagged at me for not meeting him.

She calls me all the time just to make sure I'm not out with J. She called J to ask him to stay away, and she's trying to brainwash me that J isn't a good guy. Haha. Problems after problems. I'm turning a deaf ear to all these, and just listen to my heart.

Now J and I have been together for almost 2 months, and his ex fiancee is backkk!! Not looking for him, but looking for me. She's trying to break my relationship with him. She tells me lots of things, but without proof, and she expects me to believe her. Haha. She'll go like "J texted me last night, and I went to his place. We had sex, like duh!" So I said, "Okay, show me the messages then."
Guess what? She said she deleted them! Lol. It's a weird situation. I don't know how I should react to her, because she's slightly mental. Certified.
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The mentally unstable ex fiancee called me again like 10 minutes ago. She said she had sex with J last Friday, and now she's pregnant! And I have to say that I was with J the whole day and night. =)
Crazy much?
 
why are you smiling .. ? i dun understand ...

do u know u are been laugh at more than you laugh at ppl ?

smirky that you think his ex fiancee is a stupid while u r the clever one ?

let me tell u ...
your chracter that make u fail in your ex relationship is carrying over to this J relationship ...

there is no love at all .. what makes u go on and on is how smirky u can be.. by bring other people down .. but u never think that you are the victim haha . been victimise by everyone including yourself..

haiz ... unless u reflect upon your own attitude, chracter and self .. you are going to have another failed relationship...
 
Oh hey, you know what? I didn't say she was stupid, I said she's mentally unstable, and that too, is certified. And my relationship failed firstly because of the insults that were thrown to me by his family. Secondly, it totally didn't work out because yea, he had been unfaithful within the two years.

Well, my ex agreed that he had lost a great girl, and J thinks I'm doing great as his gf, so I don't think I have any character or attitude problem.
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Oh anyway, I am just sharing my experiences here. Thanks for commenting, though I only need constructive comments and advices.
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Mar I support your move to move on and forget about your ex, if parents relationship not good, after marriage still have to face rude inlaws some more ex not on your side when sandwich. Its a no no no to me.
As for J, just maintain see if he is the one, too fast to tell if it's good.
 
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