Should i be concern ?

Outcast,

as i am typing under the bright office light with colleagues surrounding me, i am tearing from my butt getting poked (see "@powder"), and my fingers ache from typing... against a headache for sleeping only 2.5hrs since the day before...

u see! u see! 1 bloody paragraph of drama and haven't even made a point yet...

if u didn't know my sex, u'd think i'm some sexy chick.
 


Hi Milo ..

I think u are mistaken .. I know that the incident is just an accident .. Its bcos powder mention something bout abuse that's why I wanna clarify with him ?

After all the advise I do realise that it's just a small matter afterall but just at that point of time I was shock .. In fact is there anyway I can remove my first post as I do not wan my so or family members to see this ..
 
milo bro,

put a knife in the hands of the bfren... put a baseball bat... put a heavy lampstand...

and life can end in one abrupt moment.

i love life too much even if the percentage is 5%... i'd prefer to keep it 1% and leave the man. if i find a man who can never lift his hands to a woman (like powder - who is married by the way), then it's 0%.
 
Walking away is rude.. ok.. but seriously when you are angry, do you care about being rude? I mean using rude as a reason?

For me of course, I NEVER walk away from anything - however big, or however angry I am. But sometimes people like to be left alone for awhile.. can't we give them space and time.. Not as if our partner walks away, we are in mortal danger... or our partner in mortal danger.
 
Outcast, I'm quite immune to such treatment. My mum will chase me away whenever she is emotional and with me not agreeing with her. She just did that yesterday during lunch.

All I could do is just SMS her my thoughts and ending off assuring her I still love her the same. The finding it unacceptable part has more to do with exposure. With a partner, our expectations are also somewhat different. But, as rude a behavior it is. Its not something so unthinkable frankly.
 
confuse,

it's in my character... i dun throw caution to the wind... i cover all the angles... see my post to milo above.

one more thing to add... if i know i happen to be the personality that has a bad mix with my partner... ie somehow i always irritate and cause her to be angry, lose temper, and possibly abusive... i would just pack and leave... it's not her nor me, it's US... it's lethal.

if things happen, one of us dies/paralysed, ther other goes to jail... or kills herself etc... i will not live life with any such percentages.

this excludes parents/siblings whom we cannot choose.
 
Funny how much focus is spent to quantify how rude one is when in anger. Are you very nice when you are angry yourself??

Cut each other some slack.
 
Haha .. Sorry if I hurt ur butt .. I can't think or type properly too as I only manage to slept at 5am .. So sorry if I offend any of u or m using too much short form ..

Milo I do admit I m clueless on how to approach him that's why I'm writing in this forum
happy.gif
 
Identifying anger management issues is one thing, but to discredit the person completely is another. No matter how bad tempered I have been. I have never ever laid my hands on a woman. Not even once. Even when some woman went crazy and scratched me all over.
 
confuse, read powder's point :

"one more thing to add... if i know i happen to be the personality that has a bad mix with my partner... ie somehow i always irritate and cause her to be angry, lose temper, and possibly abusive... i would just pack and leave... it's not her nor me, it's US... it's lethal."
 
it's ok, i'm not offended... feels kinda nice and kinky to have my butt poked... this could be the turning point in my life...

Powderess is born!

as u can see, Humour can negate alot of things... try to add that if u wanna stay with him... replace anger with humour aptly, and u'll be laughing instead of fighting.

but sex comes after both, provided both are still alive.
 
outcast,
Sm
Yes, I think walking away in public leaving your partner alone when you know she is calling out to you is pretty rude, cannot tolerate such behaviour and don't want to live under such uncertainty where I don't know when he will just throw me somewhere and disappear....

Come on, you are not a 10 years old kid.. I mean not dumping you in some foreign unknown ulu place.. It is not so serious right?

Of course if it happens on a regular basis without dialogue it could be a problem. But some people need space and time alone. We have to expect that right. Some things will turn out right after cooling down and have a good talk.

So you set a rule with you bf/hb. If you dare walk away, it will be the end of the relationship? Isn't that a veiled threat as well (even as a rule)
 
Hi powder

I think I m the one irritating him and making him snap at me as he is very impatient with me nowadays ?

Hi SM / Milo

*edited*
 
Hi SM .. Sorry if I did not express myself properly initially as I m trying not to reveal too much in case him or my frens and family come across this thread .. I m pretty much a happy go lucky person and do not wish of others to "pity" me ..
 
walking away from an argument repeatedly (in public places) tells me alot abt a guy...

even more so, if the gf/wife has to call him and pacify him.

same goes for ladies.

freaking babies.
 
not if u're bruce banner... u would prefer him to leave the house actually... if u have alot of branded furniture.
 
well confused, he could be facing stress elsewhere... but that's a Prelude to the future... think wisely.
 
well Confuse,

i do think that he has been wanting to kick you for the longest time, so that was an ideal opportunity. ermm sorry, just second guessing.

anyway seriously, you ought to tell him that the next time the same thing happens, you gonna leave him for good and you really mean it. it's not abt his family background, but the irrational way he responded (with a karate kick) that seemed like a tit-for-tat kinda thing.
 
Hi vios

His reason for walking away Is because he does not want to shout at me in public .. And if I really have to choose .. I would rather he walk away ? Haha .. I hate ppl to shout at me plus i find it rather humiliating to be shouted at in public .. Dun think my pride can take it :P

Hi powder

Probably his new job I guess .. But I do believe that every job has a certain amount of stress but it's matter of how u cope with it ..

I guess my main flaw will be that I'm too frank ? That's why I always upset him ? Frm the conversation we had last night it seems that it's my fault cos I m the one who always say the wrong things at the wrong time thus lead to all his actions ? Even when I am concern bout him he will think that I am probing too much into his matters ?
 
Why do you think its an issue being frank?

True enough, one needs to have some tact. But from the description, this guy behaves more like a kid. And he is blaming you for making him angry. Its like a gambler that blames his wife for bringing him bad luck causing him to lose.

No one is prefect, we have our flaws. But, we need to learn to overcome or adapt to it. Not blame others for it.

Its more than just anger management. This man have a big pride that is not inline with reality. What happens after he calms down, he refuses to even acknowledge his flaws. How to improve and progress like this? Think carefully about this.

If approaching him with any feedback about him is this difficult.... its very clear that he isn't receptive at all. There is no better or appropriate timing if he cannot even talk about it when in a calm & relax mood. But if you are approaching it when he is all fed up, then I would agree u lack common sense. So, which is it? Figure that out.
 
aiyah, if u don't like him to walk away, then tell him firmly. don't have to find excuses for his action, even though u might have some part to play.

if he really buay tahan ur true self, then u walk away from him instead lor....
 
if he is particularly sensitive and touchy, and u are particularly frank and direct... it's kinda lethal.
 
Hi vios .. Will u walk away if someone was just joking with u and u get offended but still give a fake smile and play along with it ? Suddenly out of the blue u turn and walk away ?

One of point he mention to me last night was why can't I tell when he is faking a smile ? Ha ..

Hi Milo ..

I see it as an issue as by being too frank he gets offend at my words ..

Hi powder ..

I m not too sure why this issue surface now ? I m pretty frank to everyone even my boss .. But I m not tactless ..
 
as long as it is not intentionally directed at family and love ones, it's fine for me.. i'd just play along lor.

why didn't u tell him that he looked real good with a fake smile? then again, high chance he would turn around and catwalk away.
 
confuse,

"I m pretty frank to everyone even my boss .. But I m not tactless .."

It is natural to think we are not tactless.. you have to hear it from the people around you - especially the one who is so close and mean a lot to you. Your own perception of your own "tact" is not important even if it is correct.
 
Hi vios

Not directed at family and loves one .. Problem is I dun even know that he was upset ?

Hi SM

Yup .. That's why I think that's my flaw ..
 
confuse,

I am not implying a "flaw".. you just have to learn to be more sensitive to others.

Even when we are right, how we put across is very important. Some times people want "silence" or they just want people to "listen" rather than "lecture" - there are many scenarios that we will need to be sensitive to.

This is especially so if your partner is very sensitive..
 
ya, and he seems to be the kind of guy who needs lotsa attention and sayang-ing from you.... while you being yourself, come across to him as blunt or insensitive towards his feelings.

more like you are the one in pants, frankly.
 
Hmmm .. I have Nv thought of him as sensitive before .. And being me I dun really "sayang" him .. Haha ..

Hi SM .. What u say makes sense .. He doesnt like me to mention about his behavior ..
 
my ex told me the same... that she didn't know I was this sensitive. The irony was I was always enduring and watching over everything I said because she would shoot me for anything and read deeply into them.

Sometimes, it isn't that the guy is sensitive. But, the woman is too opinionated and self centered. i.e. they demand sensitivity towards only their own emotions but never realized how much they take others for granted. My ex always took pride in being considerate and seeing from others shoes. The truth is pretty far off... She only saw petty auntie stuffs but not clear obvious overbearing insensitivity to people that wants to protect and care for her.

And I do see that in quite a lot of young confident self opinionated women.
 

But, the woman is too opinionated and self centered

And I do see that in quite a lot of young confident self opinionated women.

Exactly what I was trying to say. But, not only women. Men as well.

It is pretty easy to think that we are nice, considerate and sensitive. And when we give opinions it is well-balanced and well-thought-of when the truth could be otherwise.

What other perceived about us is very important. Some times we don't even know we are self-centred - we thought we are considerate and well-balanced.
 
Hi, SM

I still cannot agree to my bf/hb leaving me alone in some places even in singapore and disappear...I don't think is the right way for adult to manage their anger or disagreement...he can jolly well keep quiet or stop the conversation but not just walk away...cannot accept...

No, I didn't lay down any rule or threat for my bf...he is quite a patient and good nature person so the most he will keep quiet and not response to me when he is angry...it will be frustrating for someone to suddenly walkout out of the blue...1 or 2 times ok but every now and then, then its probably time to walkout on him for good...

One thing, I guess the problem here is over sensitive not just sensitive because I thought its good for a guy to be sensitive to the environment and their loved one and not like a log of wood? For one, I would like my bf to be more sensitive towards me and not blur blur...no?
 
I agree .. We can Nv tell if we are self centered .. I dun deny that I can be at times .. In the sense that if I strongly believe in something .. It would be pretty difficult to change my view .. Perhaps that why he might find it difficult to communicate with me as well ?
 
i'm a very nice, considerate and sensitive guy. And when i give opinions it is well-balanced and well-thought-of.
 
I used to have a gf whom would walk really fast, making me calling and chase her while she ignore me and show me attitude in shopping malls.
I know how it feels. Really embaressing.
The 3rd time she did it (we communicate about this before), I walk to the car park, drove away and when she message and ask me where I was, I told her I'm gg home. I dumped her that day.
Yeah, I know how it feels to have a partner that does that.
 
steady stanzza, i would do the same too... only i take mrt back, leave the car key with the recept of whichever shopping centre...

i'm such a gentleman.
 
Lol .. Powder how nice of u .. But I dun think U'll get ur car back in one piece if u dump her on the same day like stanza ...
 
confuse, that's where if i want her back... i'll say "it's just a car... if it can make u feel better then i'd gladly buy another"... of cos i have better lines but i'm not sharing... haha

idea is to make her guilty enough to pay for damges, after settled - u can decide to dump her Again.
 
SM, walking away leaving you behind during an argument when he is very angry once or twice - perhaps I can understand. People sometimes do things out of character. But why is he angry? Is he habitually angry over even trivial matters? Does he walk away every time there is an argument?

When he does the walking away stunt so often and for reasons unknown even to you, then expect you to welcome him back with open arms when he simmers but refuses to give you an inkling what had caused him to flare up - are just too much.
 
the icing on the cake is if he goes "humph" prior to walking away... makes u feel like a man...

but an old auntie advice - dun buy shoes for your bfren/husband... apparently they will run away...

haha, i dun know who the hell came up with these 'facts'.
 
"doll how do u not walk away and still manage to not have an arguement ? U just keep quiet and ignore ur partner?"

Confuse, I can't claim credit for myself as he plays a part too. Like I have said we have this understanding between us that if I don't insist on talking it out immediately and let both of us cool down first, I know he will come back in his own timing to talk it out with me. Likewise, he knows that if he shows a little more patience I will let go of the matter and wait for him to be ready.

Anyway, both of us don't like to exchange nasty words, so we hardly argue. Possibly twice in the past 18 months.
 
Powder, I heard that it's not good to give watches or perfumes as gifts to your partners as watches mean it will end up in breakups.. Not sure about perfumes though. Does anyone know or have such experiences?
 
yes...

watches - breakup
perfume - he start to smell other women
shoes - he run away
clock - obvious
wallet - he spend money like water
tie - he feel suffocated
belt - he will abuse u
socks - he will not run away, but will call chicken
pen - he will divorce u
hat - You will run away
underwear - he will eat outside
glasses - he will look at other girls
sunglasses - he will oogle other girls
bag - he will hide things from u


so basically, dun give anything to him... and he dun give anything to u... dun celebrate with gifts... better to just have sex.
 
Looks like there's no better gift than cash then!

I've been told about the no-shoes-as-gifts superstition, and that if it is given, the recipient should give the giver a token amount like even 10 cents as a form of "purchase" that kind of thing. Shoe-perstitions...
 


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