Should I be concern about this?

A

ariel84

New Member
I know that my BF watches porn occasionally, and I also just found out that he plays certain games with sexual connotations (for example, he plays a game call Sex Games in Facebook). I don't know how often he plays these games.

Should I be concern? I am ok with him watching the occasional porn, but from what I understand, the other games like Sex games, he gets to interact with other people.

Should I be concern that he still does these things despite us having a good sex life? Is it because I'm not enough for him?
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Frankly, why do you need to link his sexual urges with you not being good enough? Is it your own insecurity or self-esteem or that you have no idea on men's sexuality at all?

By nature, our instinctive sexual urges are never intended for a single mate only. So, its silly to fault him for his urges. Monogramy is something invented by society, it doesn't change our instincts. So, we need to learn how to cope with our sexuality without being unfaithful. Managing it doesn't mean getting rid of it. We will always look at things that interests us. This is generically true regardless of gender.

Don't be a control freak. You cannot even control your own thoughts from going wild from something this trivial and you expect to control his thoughts and actions? Where is the respect and trust? Give him some space. He is a man not a boy. And you are his partner not master.

Yes, I think you should be concerned, but not for his behavior. If you are this easily affected and insecure, the marriage is going to be damn tough for the both of you.
 
Milo, you are right in saying I have no idea on men's sexuality. This is the first boyfriend I have and I am discovering many things, and not sure what are the things that are "normal" and I should not be so overly concern about.

What is defined as control freak??? I don't want to be one...
 
in my definition, someone that has the irrational need to control every single minor thing irregardless if its important to the relationship or not. i.e. someone that cannot see open and easily affected by things and events around.

Do read up more books and materials on relationship. It help to understand how normal your relationship and how common the issues and emotions you are going through are. The realization that many of the issues are basic differences that one would expect will help you remove alot of personal grudges and resentments. Because, you understand and accept that you guys are uniquely different.

This way, your energy will be building the relationship to mutually respecting and adapting to each other. When he doesn't do things how you expect, you would be able to understand from his pov and reasons. This is important to help you stay objective to determine if he is really an ass or just another guy. Work on the communication and learn when and how to influence your guy without fighting him.
 
Hmmm... This is rather interesting as our local girls claim to be modern but many still cling to an outdated ideal.

I have friends whose wives and GFs buy porn and watch it with them. I am not suggesting that this is for everyone but to each his / her own.

I have a question, would you be more concerned if you did know or did nor know? i.e. He hides it?

As Milo mentioned, why the need to link his sexual urges with your insecurity / self-esteem or perhaps you don't have an idea what he likes?

Much of what Milo mentioned on instinct, urges and control is something that you need to learn to manage.
 
"I have a question, would you be more concerned if you did know or did nor know? i.e. He hides it?"

This is interesting and very valid point. Many people are just not comfortable revealing about their sexuality. Alot of conception and guilt are misplaced thr society judgements and general opinions and parent's upbringing. Most of us started exploring sexually since puberty in the private of our own. So, its natural to find it difficult to share.

But, personally, I strongly believe its very good healthy that couples share without fear about their sexuality. Anything under the sun, be it, fantasies, preferences and cravings. No matter how fetish. It doesn't mean we need to submissively act out every demand. It is not a demand but a sharing to help understand each other needs better. The more you guys talk about the sex, the more its going to help improve it.
 
I'm actually okay with him watching porn. He knows I know he watches too.

It's the other games that may need him to interact with other women that troubles me more. Although I believe he's not going to have an actual physical affair with them, by playing the sexual games is like having online sex with them. You have to see the games to know what I mean.
 
oh my god...another one asking the same question again...

no need to get so uptight lah...watching porn is no big deal, its not like he is committing murder or a heinous crime...u need to relax honestly otherwise u will have a mental breakdown soon...

if u are that 'open' to have sex with ur first bf, then I dun see any reason why u can't 'see open' over his sexual innuendos.
 
i dun see anything wrong with hving online sex... it's just another pastime ok? plus to think u're getting hot and sweaty with some sexy hot babe on the other end when in fact, it could be some stinky old fish hiding behind the screen :P
 
Err, like I said I'm not talking about watching porn. I'm talking about the games.

And yes I'm trying not to be uptight hence that's why I post this thread. Need to understand more about what goes on in a male's mind.
 
Do you realize that being in relationship with you doesn't mean he must avoid all interaction with other women?

If you do, then you have your answer already.
 
Thomas, but those girls in the games are real. They are not porn actresses. Like if let's say you play the game, you are interacting with another girl who is playing the game too.

Milo, Yes I know it doesn't mean he stops interacting with other women. But sexual interactions? Is this a common thing among guys? (No offense, I don't mean to generalize)
 
ok ariel, u should consider going out with another guy cos the current guy dun seem to meet ur standards... u can't force him to change and u dun hv to lower ur standards... compatibility is what matters
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Junkie, I'm not saying he doesn't meet my standards or what. I just want to know if these are common. If it's a normal guy thing then I guess I don't have to be so worried about it. I don't have much experience with guys (I don't have brothers, only two sisters and my father died since I was a baby) so all these discoveries are new to me.

And again, I'm not talking about watching porn.
 
Its not really sexual interactions but VIRTUAL. Its a game.

Unless he is following to date them individually to engage in real sexual interactions.

In fact, some of the 'online gals' could jolly well be men!
 
i oso not talking abt porn leh...
ok lah no big deal...
let's just say it's not just a guy thing...
it's an ADULT thing.
 
everyone will have their own sexual fantasies...u need to understand this point. like what milo said, for all u know they cld be men disguising themselves as women to hook up with others for these games...u nvr know.

as long as he doesn't go out to really have a gangbang party, u shld really focus on other more important aspects in ur life.
 
Hi Ariel,

Personally I think it's okie with bf watching porn but I will not be happy with him playing online sex game with other ladies.

Don't use his sexual desire to measure your worth
 
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