cookie0511
New Member
Hi all, I am new to this forum. 
Actually my bf and I had plans to get married next year but his parents have been giving us trouble for a long time. I am Chinese, my bf is Eurasian, and we are both Catholics. His parents are Catholics too.
However, ever since we got together in 2009 (we met in 2008), his parents have not been happy with me. The first time I went to his place, it was his mother's birthday. My bf has this bad habit of scattering his food all over his table whenever he ate, because he's the only child and took for granted that his mum would clean up for him.
That day was his mum's birthday, and when we were having dinner in the living room (his parents' other guests were in the kitchen on the dining table), his food scattered around the floor. I didn't feel good making his mum come and clean, so I went to clean up for him and advised him to eat properly. Apparently, his parents heard and didn't like it. Likewise when he took the food for me because it was the first time I was at his place, his parents didn't like it as they said I should be the one serving him and not the other way round.
When dinner ended, I helped to wash the dishes. My bf washed the dishes very carelessly, there were still traces of detergent on the plates. I am not a clean freak, but people do eat from the plates, so I took the plates and rinsed them properly again. His parents saw that and was not happy. When I left, they complained to my bf that how come I'm telling him what to do, that I'm controlling him? And they kicked up a fuss about him seeing me home by train (I live in Kembangan and he lives in Bedok). They said why must I make him see me home? He said it was late at night and he didn't want me to go home on my own.
The first Christmas I spent at his place, he had a female Chinese friend (whom I know slightly) who came to visit. His parents were so nice to her, and behaved so warmly towards her, whereas whenever I went over, they either ignored me or just hid in their room. They never bothered cooking for me or buying food for me, even though when I go over, I always make it a point to bring something.
This female friend also just started chatting with his parents, totally ignoring me. My bf's mother even said she has cooked for her her favourite dish, and even offered to ask her to bring back the dish! She had never even extended that kind of hospitality to me! And then the female friend said she wanted to take a photo with his parents, so the mother asked me to take a family portrait for them (my bf, the female friend and the parents), and once that was over, they didn't even bother asking me to take photos with them! Furthermore, I gave his dad a bottle of Chilean red wine and his mum a LV handbag for Christmas, but they toss it aside without even looking at them, whereas the small Christmas decos the female friend gave them, they were raving and showing it off to everyone.
I had never felt so insulted in my life before! After that I just went to my bf's room and stayed there the rest of the day. When I left that day, sure enough, the parents just ignored me and didn't offer me any food to bring home whatsoever. Just for information that this female friend had no relationship or crush on my bf whatsoever, she herself had a bf then and was about to get married. She only know his family from church and invited he and his parents to her wedding (without me), so I don't think she was actually going after my bf, yet I don't understand why his parents treated her the way they did.
Early this year, we decided to get married. His parents kicked up a very big fuss. We actually booked the church for 101112 (10 November 2012), which I thought its such a beautiful date! Even my parents (who have always been very nice and kind to my bf) thought its such a perfect date.
Then my bf's parents used emotional blackmail, say if we get married, they will not be involved, don't tell them, don't invite any of his side, they don't want to acknowledge or recognise the marriage. So my bf postponed the date to 2013, and got my mum so pissed. I am 33 this year and my bf is 37, so to my parents, they feel I should not drag on if I want to get married. If I am to get married in 2012, I will already be 34, let alone in 2013 where I will be 35, and then when can we have kids? We thought of having at least 2 - 3 kids.
But now his parents said even if we have kids they will not want to acknowledge. So be it, then all the more better for me so my parents can take care. But now the housing issue is another problem. Seems that because my bf is the only child, and his current flat is 8 years old, he actually bought the flat together with his parents, which means he is already an owner of a hdb flat.
So we can't apply for a flat together. I can't apply for a flat on my own due to my age, and I can't apply with my parents as well as they already own a property. Besides, even if I can somehow own a flat with my parents, my bf can't be an occupier as HDB rules is that he can't be an owner of one flat and occupier of another. If only we can have a private apartment, but both of us are not high-fliers and don't earn as much as some people. Maybe in another few years it is possible to own a private property but not at this point in time.
My parents asked me to rent, but what's the use of renting if I can't own it? Besides if we can afford to pay for rental, may as well save up the money so we can quickly settle his existing flat and get our own flat fast.
So the only alternative is to move in with him and his parents after marriage. Up to now, his parents still totally ignore me and refuse to have anything to do with me. They even call my bf when we were out late once, saying they will go to my place and wait there to pick him up if he was still not back, and my bf had to spend 10 minutes convincing them that he was not at my place.
And now they say, if I move in, they will sell the place and move out, don't care about us. They don't want me to move in and control their lives. I am moving in without a "status" as in I don't own the property nor anything in the house. Yet for my bf's sake, I am still willing to do this. I am the one losing out more and more worried about them controlling me, yet they can say things like that?
And now they said if can postpone the wedding 1 year, why not another 1 - 2 more years? My bf said he can't keep dragging me on as well, to which his parents said if I'm so desperate to get married and can't wait, then may as well I go find someone else who can marry me immediately!
My bf has been sheltered by his parents all his life. For someone of this age, he does not have any insurance whatsoever, and his passport and chequebook is kept by his parents. So it is difficult to even write a cheque or go overseas because he has to go through his parents first. And they help themselves to his ATM card anytime they like so sometimes they withdraw everything out from his account.
I encouraged him to set aside some as savings and insurance, and even recommended him my good friend who is an insurance agent. My bf bought his first policy, but when his parents found out, they hit the roof. They made an appointment with my friend the agent and told him that he is cancelling the policy. My bf had already paid a year's premium for this, and there was a big hassle to get the refund because his parents were so adamant. We tried convincing his parents that the policy is good in the long run, but they refused to listen, and even said that they and their son had made a pact (when he was 16) that they will decide all financial matters together. It was rather embarrassing for all of us, for my friend and I.
Hence they say if I am really a good girl, why do I care about my career and want to progress in life, instead of being a homebody and serve the husband and in-laws? Why do I have an opinion instead of listening to what my bf says? Why do I make him spend unnecessary money? But they are not with us all the time, how do they know I don't listen to him? Besides all the things we do is because we happen to have the same interests and he wants to do, so I am not the one who "coerce" him into doing anything! They even said I am buying for time, and once I found someone better, will sure dump him! If I am really buying for time, then what for I start anything? I am no longer at the age where I can just "play" and waste people's time and my own time like that.
I have a law degree but gave up practice, and now working in-house. I am studying part-time for my Masters in Arts. I live in a landed property and know how to play the piano, organ, recorder and learnt how to play the violin, flute and cello. I write short stories in my free time and I sing. I can cook and bake. I grow up on fine dining and travelling around the world.
My bf failed his A levels and he had recently gotten his part-time bachelor's degree from SIM. He is working in a govt stat board and has been there for 10 years. He has never been promoted and been drawing the same salary for the past 10 years. He can't drive, can't afford much fine dining and the only places he has been to are various cities in Malaysia. We have never gone travelling together. From his income, half goes to his parents, so we are a bit tighter than many other couples.
I am not trying to show off, but just to have a background of where both of us come from. I feel despite everything, I am still willing to be with him, yet his parents are doing this to me. If I have a son who finds a girl who is "better" than him, I will rejoice and treat the girl so well cos I will be so grateful she even wants to be with my son in the first place!
So now I really don't know what to do. I seem to be stuck everywhere. If I get married, then I foresee a very miserable life in the future because my bf is one who likes to please everyone and avoids conflicts as much as possible. But if I don't get married or wait, then what is the use of dragging on?
I am really really confused now on what to do! Hopefully some of you BTB or married people can give their insights to this. Sorry for raving on and thank you so much for "listening".
Actually my bf and I had plans to get married next year but his parents have been giving us trouble for a long time. I am Chinese, my bf is Eurasian, and we are both Catholics. His parents are Catholics too.
However, ever since we got together in 2009 (we met in 2008), his parents have not been happy with me. The first time I went to his place, it was his mother's birthday. My bf has this bad habit of scattering his food all over his table whenever he ate, because he's the only child and took for granted that his mum would clean up for him.
That day was his mum's birthday, and when we were having dinner in the living room (his parents' other guests were in the kitchen on the dining table), his food scattered around the floor. I didn't feel good making his mum come and clean, so I went to clean up for him and advised him to eat properly. Apparently, his parents heard and didn't like it. Likewise when he took the food for me because it was the first time I was at his place, his parents didn't like it as they said I should be the one serving him and not the other way round.
When dinner ended, I helped to wash the dishes. My bf washed the dishes very carelessly, there were still traces of detergent on the plates. I am not a clean freak, but people do eat from the plates, so I took the plates and rinsed them properly again. His parents saw that and was not happy. When I left, they complained to my bf that how come I'm telling him what to do, that I'm controlling him? And they kicked up a fuss about him seeing me home by train (I live in Kembangan and he lives in Bedok). They said why must I make him see me home? He said it was late at night and he didn't want me to go home on my own.
The first Christmas I spent at his place, he had a female Chinese friend (whom I know slightly) who came to visit. His parents were so nice to her, and behaved so warmly towards her, whereas whenever I went over, they either ignored me or just hid in their room. They never bothered cooking for me or buying food for me, even though when I go over, I always make it a point to bring something.
This female friend also just started chatting with his parents, totally ignoring me. My bf's mother even said she has cooked for her her favourite dish, and even offered to ask her to bring back the dish! She had never even extended that kind of hospitality to me! And then the female friend said she wanted to take a photo with his parents, so the mother asked me to take a family portrait for them (my bf, the female friend and the parents), and once that was over, they didn't even bother asking me to take photos with them! Furthermore, I gave his dad a bottle of Chilean red wine and his mum a LV handbag for Christmas, but they toss it aside without even looking at them, whereas the small Christmas decos the female friend gave them, they were raving and showing it off to everyone.
I had never felt so insulted in my life before! After that I just went to my bf's room and stayed there the rest of the day. When I left that day, sure enough, the parents just ignored me and didn't offer me any food to bring home whatsoever. Just for information that this female friend had no relationship or crush on my bf whatsoever, she herself had a bf then and was about to get married. She only know his family from church and invited he and his parents to her wedding (without me), so I don't think she was actually going after my bf, yet I don't understand why his parents treated her the way they did.
Early this year, we decided to get married. His parents kicked up a very big fuss. We actually booked the church for 101112 (10 November 2012), which I thought its such a beautiful date! Even my parents (who have always been very nice and kind to my bf) thought its such a perfect date.
Then my bf's parents used emotional blackmail, say if we get married, they will not be involved, don't tell them, don't invite any of his side, they don't want to acknowledge or recognise the marriage. So my bf postponed the date to 2013, and got my mum so pissed. I am 33 this year and my bf is 37, so to my parents, they feel I should not drag on if I want to get married. If I am to get married in 2012, I will already be 34, let alone in 2013 where I will be 35, and then when can we have kids? We thought of having at least 2 - 3 kids.
But now his parents said even if we have kids they will not want to acknowledge. So be it, then all the more better for me so my parents can take care. But now the housing issue is another problem. Seems that because my bf is the only child, and his current flat is 8 years old, he actually bought the flat together with his parents, which means he is already an owner of a hdb flat.
So we can't apply for a flat together. I can't apply for a flat on my own due to my age, and I can't apply with my parents as well as they already own a property. Besides, even if I can somehow own a flat with my parents, my bf can't be an occupier as HDB rules is that he can't be an owner of one flat and occupier of another. If only we can have a private apartment, but both of us are not high-fliers and don't earn as much as some people. Maybe in another few years it is possible to own a private property but not at this point in time.
My parents asked me to rent, but what's the use of renting if I can't own it? Besides if we can afford to pay for rental, may as well save up the money so we can quickly settle his existing flat and get our own flat fast.
So the only alternative is to move in with him and his parents after marriage. Up to now, his parents still totally ignore me and refuse to have anything to do with me. They even call my bf when we were out late once, saying they will go to my place and wait there to pick him up if he was still not back, and my bf had to spend 10 minutes convincing them that he was not at my place.
And now they say, if I move in, they will sell the place and move out, don't care about us. They don't want me to move in and control their lives. I am moving in without a "status" as in I don't own the property nor anything in the house. Yet for my bf's sake, I am still willing to do this. I am the one losing out more and more worried about them controlling me, yet they can say things like that?
And now they said if can postpone the wedding 1 year, why not another 1 - 2 more years? My bf said he can't keep dragging me on as well, to which his parents said if I'm so desperate to get married and can't wait, then may as well I go find someone else who can marry me immediately!
My bf has been sheltered by his parents all his life. For someone of this age, he does not have any insurance whatsoever, and his passport and chequebook is kept by his parents. So it is difficult to even write a cheque or go overseas because he has to go through his parents first. And they help themselves to his ATM card anytime they like so sometimes they withdraw everything out from his account.
I encouraged him to set aside some as savings and insurance, and even recommended him my good friend who is an insurance agent. My bf bought his first policy, but when his parents found out, they hit the roof. They made an appointment with my friend the agent and told him that he is cancelling the policy. My bf had already paid a year's premium for this, and there was a big hassle to get the refund because his parents were so adamant. We tried convincing his parents that the policy is good in the long run, but they refused to listen, and even said that they and their son had made a pact (when he was 16) that they will decide all financial matters together. It was rather embarrassing for all of us, for my friend and I.
Hence they say if I am really a good girl, why do I care about my career and want to progress in life, instead of being a homebody and serve the husband and in-laws? Why do I have an opinion instead of listening to what my bf says? Why do I make him spend unnecessary money? But they are not with us all the time, how do they know I don't listen to him? Besides all the things we do is because we happen to have the same interests and he wants to do, so I am not the one who "coerce" him into doing anything! They even said I am buying for time, and once I found someone better, will sure dump him! If I am really buying for time, then what for I start anything? I am no longer at the age where I can just "play" and waste people's time and my own time like that.
I have a law degree but gave up practice, and now working in-house. I am studying part-time for my Masters in Arts. I live in a landed property and know how to play the piano, organ, recorder and learnt how to play the violin, flute and cello. I write short stories in my free time and I sing. I can cook and bake. I grow up on fine dining and travelling around the world.
My bf failed his A levels and he had recently gotten his part-time bachelor's degree from SIM. He is working in a govt stat board and has been there for 10 years. He has never been promoted and been drawing the same salary for the past 10 years. He can't drive, can't afford much fine dining and the only places he has been to are various cities in Malaysia. We have never gone travelling together. From his income, half goes to his parents, so we are a bit tighter than many other couples.
I am not trying to show off, but just to have a background of where both of us come from. I feel despite everything, I am still willing to be with him, yet his parents are doing this to me. If I have a son who finds a girl who is "better" than him, I will rejoice and treat the girl so well cos I will be so grateful she even wants to be with my son in the first place!
So now I really don't know what to do. I seem to be stuck everywhere. If I get married, then I foresee a very miserable life in the future because my bf is one who likes to please everyone and avoids conflicts as much as possible. But if I don't get married or wait, then what is the use of dragging on?
I am really really confused now on what to do! Hopefully some of you BTB or married people can give their insights to this. Sorry for raving on and thank you so much for "listening".
