no flat no marry? do you agree?
- Thread starter ahkiong84
- Start date
jkwedding308
Active Member
One of the outflow of a marriage is to set up a new household for a new family. This can imply including a new home (flat or otherwise) but not necessarily so, as a new household can still be established in a home that is occupied by other households i.e. in-laws, although there will be challenges for these as compared to living in one's own place. That said, everyone's situation is different and the answer is never clear cut to anyone except the parties involved themselves. Did your SO mention why she is not willing to marry you if you don't get a flat? Is a flat a benchmark for her to gauge that you are both financially ready to sustain a marriage and the responsibilities that ensue? Or does she see it in a different light? Is there a reason why you aren't getting a flat? Have you talked to her about your reasons? Some couples marry without having their own flat but do get one later on while others just stay put at their parents' or in-laws' for life.. You and your SO need to discuss your priorities in life as well as your objectives in marriage to decide if a flat really is necessary or not before you both tie the knot - only you two will know the answer best...
naiyoucreamy
Active Member
My bf used to say that as long we dun have a flat, we will not get married. Maybe concern over where to stay too? Although this year i am getting married, i dun hv a flat too! But we are ok to stay separately though.. u might wan to find out the reason... and talk abt it!
buddhabar
Active Member
In my opinion, if I want marry someone , things like these are secondary. If I have doubts, even your pet goldfish is an issue.
Got flat than got marriage? If unforeseen circumstances forces you out of your flat one day, I guess you will end up divorce. oh... let me make a wild guess no MPV no kids?
Got flat than got marriage? If unforeseen circumstances forces you out of your flat one day, I guess you will end up divorce. oh... let me make a wild guess no MPV no kids?
rochelletan
Member
Why not get flat? many out there working to pay for the flat. Im sure you guys can afford it.
verysadguy
Member
You have to be careful. It appears that the girl is only eyeing the flat that you have if this is really what she says. If you are to split up after getting the flat, you would need to pay half of the amount to the girl after selling the flat.
Initially I told that to my SO too. But after a few mths of "psycho-ing", i gave in. And now, he's staying at my place. Have been 2mths.
No matter how well they can get along before marriage, staying with in-law will somehow have issues. Now, we are trying to move out and rent before we get our BTO 2 years later.
No matter how well they can get along before marriage, staying with in-law will somehow have issues. Now, we are trying to move out and rent before we get our BTO 2 years later.
I wanted to get a flat which is nearer to my mum. I don't mind my SO's mum to stay with us (my gf is only child) in future provided I need to stay near my mum so we can have a 照应 (I am only son in my family with 3 sisters), but my SO and her mum don't like the idea just because near my mum.
Due to this, I quarrelled with her mum becoz of this
I already cancelled my banquet (coz my SO said she is not ready -.-) and lost part of my deposit and I don't dare to commit in buying a flat now.
Due to this, I quarrelled with her mum becoz of this
I already cancelled my banquet (coz my SO said she is not ready -.-) and lost part of my deposit and I don't dare to commit in buying a flat now.
miloice
Well-Known Member
Then, what if your mother in law stays near your mum's place? What is the line of reasoning of disagreeing simply because it is near your mum's place?
Hi Miloce
No use de.. her mum wont move out from her current house.. her character very 孤僻.
The reason of disagreeing is because my SO is only child, she feel I am trying to take away her precious daughter from her.
They stay eunos and my mum stay tampines, also not very far.. I did compromised to buy Bedok area as it is in between both sides.
guess I need to wait for right time to bring out this topic again
jkwedding308
Active Member
This story sounds very familiar.. Have you previously posted about this in another thread under the same username or a different username? If not, I think your SO may have posted about it somewhere in this forum..
jkwedding308
Active Member
yea i posted before..i requested for moderator to remove my previous thread.. i scared my SO see that thread
I see.. So how come you're writing this up here then? You're ok with your SO seeing this thread now?
I think sg not that big. And moreover all at east side. Are u getting a resale? For BTO, u cant really decide, only can try whichever is available, which for your case, any east side upcoming BTO. No need to quarrel since decided by HDB. Even if got upcoming eunos BTO, you might not get a good queue no. either. If getting resale, there are much more to look into. Get the list of selection, and see which area has the best valued unit, eg. cost, condition of unit, convenience, etc. Plus, whether are u able to get the 40k near parent grant.
for my case I cant really buy BTO. Sengkang punggol they no like coz they said very far from her mum.
Upcoming May got BTO at tampines, I don't even think of applying if not sure quarrel with them again.
Most likely will look for resale market or try SOBF at chai chee area..
Upcoming May got BTO at tampines, I don't even think of applying if not sure quarrel with them again.
Most likely will look for resale market or try SOBF at chai chee area..
miloice
Well-Known Member
Then, it is not about how near or far. She doesn't want to move and wants to continue living with her daughter.
What you said "don't like the idea just because near my mum." is not quite correct. Attempt to understand the reasons than making conclusions. That's the best way to arrive at the best solution that is acceptable by both parties.
miloice
Well-Known Member
Could it be that she feel insecure that u guys will be living near ur parents?
Ur case reminds me when my hb wants to treat his mum for a long holiday. And I told him I would want the same for my parents as well.
Well... the insecurity shouldn't be imposed on ahkiong.
Why does it matter if your partner wants to treat his parents for a trip. You can do that with or without him doing so. Every family will have their own culture and expectations.
Bedok is nearer to Eunos than Tampines. It isn't even the case where he proposes to move all the way to a different part of Singapore. Her mum is just resistant to changes and hoping that somehow things would be the same even after marriage. She might be so used to the community and friends in the neighborhood etc.
There is a need to calmly work things out together. Help the mother in law rationalize her concerns and fears. Can't force an agreement. When she realize how the son in law and daughter are being understanding and helping her address her concerns, the trust could improve and eventually agreeable?