Need good advice re MIL

M

mink0202

New Member
Hi all, hope to get some good advice from you all.

I got married a few mths back to an only son. When we were dating for the past 7 years, my then bf used to be based overseas studying. my MIL and i used to be very close, i guess this is also due to the fact that she only has 1 son, is retired with no financial worries, so she is pretty lonely. she is like a friend to me and just like a second mom to me. she likes to take care of things for me and in a way, i gradually found it too controlling. she like things done her way and we've been on gd terms for the past 7-8 yrs. she wld push me to do things like learn ball-dancing, join toast masters club etc and keeps being assertive with me. she even likes to meddle with my family, like suggesting to bring my young brothers for tuition lessons when they didnt do well in sch.

i guess she didnt change, but i just gradually felt the stress coming to me from her. i started to feel very controlled by her every movement. i am grateful for her gestures but it's all coming too much for me. i can't seemed to get away from her. she wld also sms me a few times everyday and it is just too much for me to handle.

now that we are married, we made the decision not to live with hubby's parents because we really cannot stand her constant nagging and meddling with our affairs. and i also gradually over the months, stopped hanging out with her alone as i often felt pressured into little things and everything that she wants me to do. i also started to be impatient with her constant nagging and in order not to be rude, i reduced communication with her so that she wouldnt have a chance to talk to me and i wldnt have a chance to be rude to her. we only meet on our weekly or fortnight family dinners.

i am so fearful of her that i sometimes have to avoid taking her calls even. and realised that i won't reply to non-impt smses. i had hoped that this wld keep her at bay.

recently, because i have tried to avoid her in recent months, because of an incident, she called my mom and accused my mom of bad-mouthing her in front of me! she said we are not close now because she must have said sth that caused me to be angry with her. and the worst thing is, i was just beside my own mom when my MIL called to scold her. i was SO mad i wanted to grab the phone to scold her for doing all this! of course my mom, being the peace maker, stopped me. my mil also told my mom:

1. it's as gd as im not married into the family, because i don't behave like i've married into the family.
2. i shouldnt be going back to visit my mom so often, because i'm married.

my mom was furious. a few min later, my MIL called ME, (while my mom is also beside me). i had to pretend i didnt know anything, and my mil sounded so sweet to me, and she asked, why did ur mom say we are not close? and that she and my mom had a misunderstanding.

until today (a few days later), my MIL still does not know that i was actually jsut beside my mom and know about everything that she did.

i also cannot scold her because im afraid she will call my mom up again and accuse her of badmouthing to me. my mil is really a monster, please help!
 


mink: is ur HB aware of all these? perhaps u shld let him in of all the sage, at least he knows how "fickle-minded" his own mum is and also, how old is your MIL? Has she hit a menopause age?
 
there are also a few serious incidents that i encounter with her:

1. there was once she meddled with our home renovations without informing at all. she has the key to our new home. when i went to the new home one day, found tt she drilled some metal box to a wall where we had plans to put washing machine at. i came home, told hubby about where to put the washing machine now. (NOTE: my intention was not to get her in trouble, as hubby wld have known sooner or later when he sees it) my hubby, being impulsive, went to scold her upside down abt it. it was a big hoo-ha while i stayed in the room. MIL then came in and told me "next time tell me personally!"

She stormed out of the house n went to the new house to remove the drillings. she then called my mom to tell her that she didnt want "long feng zhu" (some long wedding candles) anymore. my mom got confused and told me about it.

i just cant stand it that she is always so meddling with other ppl's affairs. and worst, she ALWAYS uses my mother as a punching bag! this is the worst thing to happen!

please tell me how i can stop her without causing more problems.
 
littlewoman, yes my hubby is aware of this. i am also disappointeed with him because all he said was, aiya my mom is like dat one la.

my intention to tell him is not for him to have a bad impression of his own mom, neither do i want to see him scold his mom. i only want him to know so that he can understand when i behave hostile to his mom in future, and not think that i am being rude. i just want him to know what damage his mom has done all along.

my mil is 64 or 65 this yr. retired and has all the time in the world.
 
dont think so. i am not very close to my fil and i dont want to get him involved also. even though he clearly knows his wife's character, better than anyone else.

as of now, we are still on talking terms, not like we dont talk etc. but after i know what she has done to my mom, i am just bearing a grudge and dislike her even more. but she's still my hubby's mom so there's nothing i can do at the moment.
 
Well one consolation point us tt u r not staying with ur in laws n tt alone is the greatest gift! Trust me . Otherwise it's lots n tons of compromises
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Back
Top