NEED ADVISE URGENTLY

G

gardenia

New Member
I & my husband is already divorce.

He is supposed to let me know 24hrs in advance if he wants to see the child. My child just refused to follow him and keep crying each time and in the end he did not bring her out @ all. FYI my child doesn't recognize him as a father coz he leave us for 3 years and only suddenly came back wanting to see the child.

Yesterday he went to the child school and hide outside. When the teacher are about to do the transit for all the children to go into another classroom, he suddenly come out and snatch my child away. My child got panic and start shouting & crying and all the other children also got panic and start shouting too. You can imagine the mess.

The teacher quickly snatches my child back and rushes all the children into the classroom and asks for help from the other teachers. In the end, my ex left after the fail attempt.

Can I make a police report about this matter? Is there anything I can do to stop him from doing all these things to my child? Everything she see him I have a hard time trying to calm her down and she keep having nightmare. Just for information, my child did go to see a psychologist before because of this matter.
 


I think he is just too anxious... what he did was wrong to snatch..

But perhaps, you can help him?

Trying arrange outing with yourself and him to bring your child .. let them bond and interact. In time to come, you child may not fear your ex husband..
 
He doesn't want me to be around. He just wants to bring the child out himself.

Every time he comes over to fetch the child, he uses the snatching method which makes the child cry. My child is now on the extreme hate him till she even throws the things he bought into the rubbish bin after he left.
 
You have to explain to him.

Until and unless the child is comfortable with him, it is quite pointless for him to have the child.

If his intention is to spend time with the child - at least for the 1st few times you have to be around. Once the child is comfortable, you don't have to be there.

You being there for the 1st few times is to help him.. not to hinder him..
 
sm,

To him I’m there to hinder him. He keeps saying my child just hide behind my back and hugs my leg refuse to let go because I teach her to do it.

I don’t understand how to talk to this kind of unreasonable person.

He went missing for so many years then suddenly come thinking the child will remember who he is.
 
puzzle,

Talk to him nicely lah.. if you are sincere... and if he still refuse to see your point.. then nothing you can do..
 
Hi Puzzled,

DO you think your ex-hubby intends to harm or hurt your gal, or just wants her to know him?

How old is your child?

I can't help but worry for her- for her mental health and physical safety...

My thoughts based on what you write so far...
 
puzzled, does ur ex-hubby have joint custody of ur child? if he walked out of ur lives 3yrs ago, there appears to be no legal reason for him to have legal rights to visit ur child.

if he does have joint custody of her, u can appeal to the judge to limit his visiting rights with certain terms n conditions to be enforced. if he does not have joint custody of her, then u shd keep her away from him. dun terrify a child cos its v emotionally damaged for her. u can lodge a police case against him if he (as a stranger with no legal rights to her) tries to snatch her away.
 
fairyprincess, my gal know him as a uncle. She is 5 years old. Actually i'm not too sure what he wants by doing that too.

evon poon, my ex have joint custody but he went missing and just suddenly appear recently into our life again.

For the appeal, do i just go and find a lawyer to do it? Actually i already make an police report coz yesterday the same thing happen again. The teacher have no choice but call the police and i have already given my statment.
 
it is perhaps frustration on his end that led him to do such an act ..

how come your child only knows him as an uncle? if your ex left 3 years ago, your girl would have been around 1+ or 2 .. old enough to establish a relationship with both parents. could it be because of this that she felt 'anxious' about having to spend time with him?
 
cuclainne,

the reason y my child only knows him an uncle is coz he's never @ home. Most of the time he will go drinking till morning change then go work. Weekend he will spend his time outside dance his time away and not staying @ home accompany his own child.

So most of the time it's me or my family member with her. So to her she never know of this person that exist in her life.
 
my BIL has not seen my nephew for about 4 years already and when my nephew was younger, my BIL was only around for maybe one week in an entire year but my nephew still knows that that is the father, not an uncle and not a stranger. I think it's important that a child knows who the parents are.

Like now, your child is probably terrified at why this 'uncle' wants to take her away from you .. i'm not justifying what your ex is doing is right but he is probably just consumed with the desire to set things right with his child.

Perhaps you can help ..
 
i think all kids are different. my gal don't remember the person after few months of not seeing that person.

she's already been terrified by him alot of times till now she totally hate him.

Even the 1st meeting after so many years is also he suddenly shown up @ my door step trying to pull her out of the house.

So i guess all those fear is been build up inside her.
 
It is not too healthy on your child's mentality to be "snatched" away in this manner/method. Arrange a meetup with him and let him noe about it, if he carries on like this, he might lose the custody totally and you may seek a PO for your child. Moreover, observe if there is any unwanted "beating" marks on your child after each "outing"... hard not to imagine on his violent behaviour..
 
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