Need Advise on splitting of matrimonial house proceeds

W

wishforabetterlife

New Member
Hi all,

Need some advise here.

Im currently going divorce proceedings now. Already stated my terms on the custody, splitting of house sale proceeds, maintenance,etc. Now my husband received the documents and felt that he is getting too little and disagree it. Wants me to give him more and at first i refused as i thought that is what i should take back. Its all calculated by my lawyer that this percentage is what i shld be getting. Then he now threatened to get a lawyer and fight for custody for one of my kid, and whatever he disagrees on since i insists on this.

Now is im not sure if i should give in to him on the amount he wants or should i let him go ahead with finding his lawyer. I dont want to drag on and on and most impt is i dont want and cannot lose the kid. And i need the money too.
 


For the house sale proceeds, he will only get 25%. Me will be 75%. Is it really i request too much? My contribution for the house is already 69%. Balance 6% is for the amount i help him loan from bank, and kids maintenance i think. That's what my lawyer calculated for me.

He is working as property agent now. No fixed income. And this 6 months since i moved out, he didnt give any money to me or kids.
 
JJ,

He has no fixed income... He wants more when you have contributed like so much.

Use your brain... Of course you let him find a lawyer. If he is not stupid, he should know how much the lawyer will cost him.

I am making an assumption that since you offer 69% of the contribution for the house, then after he hires a lawyer, minus the expenses... you can openly declare he doesn't have more means (than you) or the financial prudence to handle your kids. LOL~

See?

Of course, if you are contributing 69% only because he has been super stingy, ie. making $6000 and giving you coins like in a Little B's case... Then you should try to settle out of court before your divorce.

Strange. Why do you marry in the first place... ...?

If he is not having fixed income, it's normal you have to handle the family expenses. If he strikes it rich... most agents I know of have mistresses. LOL~ The irony of life... ...

But if you wish for a better life... with two kids hanging around, you better divorce with a lesson learned. Don't just grab any man you feel happy with again. ^.^

Still, why divorce? Your story is more important before the judge. I wish you'd find the One.
 
JJ,

do you realise that you are being blackmailed? you yield to his blackmail once, this leads him to serial blackmail you.

if he is financially unstable, moreover displays questionable character in fighting custody for child if you wont give him money, how high is his chance in gaining successful custody. his bluff will not work, yet you naively believe him.

i agree with scope that you are not exercising your brains enough. your ex-husband probably had many opportunities to bully you because you are not shrewd enough. now that you are a single mum, pls learn to be smarter so that you can defend your family better.
 
Y do i marry him? Not too sure at that time. Guess im still young and love him i guess. Married at 23. As time goes by, i became more matured,learnt that love is not forever and a man must work and able to help support the family. All these while, i have been putting alot alot into this family. He work as an agent for few years but not successful as in did not close alot cases. So income not fixed or none. I know i have to handle the expenses and i dont mind actually as long as he got put in effort to help share the burden too. We went through a long way with debts, clearing them and now he chalked up again.

Yes i thinking he using this getting a lawyer to fight for custody of my child as blackmailing me too. I knew too that on his current state, he is unlikely to succeed. But just that if he really get his lawyer and do this, our case will drag very long and alot costs coming up. And what if he really has a chance in getting the kid? Not too sure about. Im not trying to end the divorce asap. This divorce thing.. really made me stress out, tired, draining out my energy. I know i did not handle it too well, him, my family,money etc... ALot things going on. Dont really know how to start in sharing with all of you here.

I have actually shared my problem in this forum sometime back like last year. Dont know if anyone here remembers.
 
for that little bit of money from the flat proceeds, he wants to fight with you. this is evidence how desperately broke he is. so do you think he has the financial firepower to engage a lawyer for more custody battle.

if he gets custody of child, it creates more direct burden for him. fathering the child alone as an active property agent can only make his life more difficult. do you think he is truly serious when he says he wants to get the child's custody. even if he is truly serious, do you think the family court will take such a man seriously?

you are still worried about that tiny possibility that he can succeed in getting custody if he tries? i think you need to see a brain doctor, you worries are more emotion driven than fact-driven. i suspect you could be suffering from mild depression also.

that's why i say, use your brains, JJ. use your brains to fight with him not your fear cause this is war.
 
JJ,

Sorry. I only recently landed in here.

Theoretically speaking, my income is also not so stable one. LOL~ Basically I am taking over from my Dad, and... for me, I know the rich-men club, billionaires bankrupted overnight, factories of one were sold because of gambling debts... he got 3 factories you know.

What stability in life? LOL~

I am quite glad because I suffered financially since young, I become a frugal and financially more or less whacky person. LOL~ To be frank, I don't really find your attitude towards a relationship healthy. Obviously, your husband is not the one.

And you married him.

I can tell you this, there is real love of which feeling will never change. But you have to find that man of yours. You shouldn't be lazy. LOL~

So what he is successful? It's just a blessing in disguise for you. Agents are like this... suddenly you are rich, next moment competition of other pack of wolves goes up, and you're out. The only one who will make more confirmed income is the property agency boss.

Money comes and money goes. Agents are great jobs for housewives who have alot of free time to make extra money when they have a supportive husband each at home. Since when the market for you dries up, you can go back and shake legs...

But for guys, even a job nowadays is nothing stable. Which is precisely why I prefer to just take over from Dad and be my own boss, screaming at my employees will be better than people screaming at me. LOL~

Finance... is all about luck. Let me be frank with you. If your marriage's lesson makes you believe that finance is important... you're missing the joke from God already. I have seen many ya ya civil servants taking stable good pay, but... some 'pawned' their savings, properties and so on when they need to face the super high medical costs which WILL likely come for all of us, and in Singapore, you don't have pensions for new servants in general.

The iron rice bowl sounds nice, but is actually a trap. So many smarter lots tried to join private companies and later start their own businesses for a life-time guaranteed income. Still risks... because many did fail in the end.

Let me tell you something, as a woman... you should be very serious in seeking out the right man. You are luckier than those who got the tests from God at 40yo... or later.

A couple must love each other forever, and building a better life for both needs two hands to clap. I can say you are not a bad wife, and you did help in the expenses which is commendable. When my Dad started out, my Mom helped him alot... which is why I am now waiting to take over.

I am just sharing the experience in life with you to let you understand what real maturity is all about. Because even if you marry a rich man, it's just that people celebrate success and many many many cases of rich men's fall ain't heard doesn't mean anything.

The problem with your man is not that he doesn't close many cases, the problem with him is that he's not the One for you. So what he closed many cases, bought a bungalow... ... He's likely to fvck around, and he may even divorce you with then a TEAM of lawyers. And that doesn't mean later he'd be closing more cases... LOL~

JJ, you must use your brain more before it gets too rusty. Let me share with you one of my personal philosophies in life, nothing is ever predictable in life.

In love, you must base your choice in the believe of you deserve the One. If you just grab... if you don't divorce him, he'd likely to kick you away later as well. LOL~

I wish you all the best.
 
Yes I agree i may be worrying abit too much or a ton too much. And i know that at this time, i need to use my brains and be strong now.

Just want to split as amicable as possible for my kids sake. My kids are innocent. Already let them down without having a proper family. So i just want our divorce to end amicably and let him continue see the kids. Kids still need to know they have a father and see them around. If things get abit difficult and ugly, will somehow affect the kids too.
 
Hi JJ,

Don't worry. Your hubby is those kind, talk but no action. He can't afford a lawyer.

Lawyers in Singapore are very expensive. If he couldn't keep up with the lawyer's service payment, they will drop his case.

Lawyers don't work for free unless you are genuinely poor and apply for legal aid, even then the queue for free legal aid is very long. Your hubby has near to ZERO chance.

So please listen to your own lawyer and don't give him a cent anymore. I hate Man who threatens a woman and her child.

Shame on him.
 
in that case i reckon you could reason with him about the contribution ratio, the cost of him hiring a lawyer and his inability to care for a child. if he is adamant, then let him go ahead...already the practice here is usually the mother will get custody...so worry not....
 
"Lawyers don't work for free unless you are genuinely poor and apply for legal aid, even then the queue for free legal aid is very long. Your hubby has near to ZERO chance."

This is not true. If the legal aid decides to take up his case and represent him, you will have to wait for both sets of lawyer to be free. They can apply for postponements on many things, including court dates. But of course IF he could get legal aid to help him.
 
He may be threatening you but don't bet on it. Unless you are prepared for lengthy and money-wasting and time-wasting court hearing, it is best to compromise..

Of course he may be just talking big and won't engage a lawyer.. but you have to take the risk..

For some guys it could be a matter of principle.
 
Yes. I knew to all, he may be threatening/blackmailing me. He told me if i really dont compromise or change the terms. He will just get his own lawyer too to fight for whatever he can fight for. He even knew he might not stand a chance in getting the kid, he will just keep delaying the case, etc.. But to me, he may just do it if i push him to the edge, regardless of if he got money or not.
Like sm said, it could be a matter of principle for him. I knew him, that's why i think he most prob will do it if i dont agree to compromise to what he propose. And i also dont wish for a long long on-going case and the lots of money spend on this. I also want a amicable split, dont want us to be in bad relationship for the sake of my kids.
 
Since he hasn't engaged his own lawyer yet, how about tell him that the profit from the flat sales is to be split according to the CPF contribution ratio? Which means you get 69% and him, 31%.
 
Think the court already sent him the documents that stated he will get 25% and im 75%. This is what my lawyer proposed and file it to the court. That's why he got a huge reaction to this. Initially we thought it will be 50/50 split for the assets.

I told him i will take 75% first and will give him back some later. But he said he cannot trust me anymore as i told him before that we will split half each. But that was because most people told us normally the profits will be divided equally and that was also before he loan money from me. Now i add in that sum of money he owe me recently into my share, so the percentage is much higher.
 
What your lawyer has filed with the court is just a proposed plan, which your husband is being copied for. That isn't a court approval.
 
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