Midlife crisis - does it exist

S

sun2

New Member
Does midlife crisis exist.

My H dropped a bomb on me last yr stating that I'm the cause of his stressed. Worst, I found out the OW, which is 10 yrs younger. He claims that she is his stress reliever. Can you believe that.

we r nw separated. He still doenst know if we shd call for a D but thinks that we shd just go through it first and see if fate will bring us back together again (crap rite)

Since I cant file for a D nw, I'm nw healing n strengthenin my emotion.

Advise n opinion pls
 


H is a gd n loving husband until recently. we were trying v hard for a child, had numerous failed IVF cycle. it was a disappointment for both of us. Work sucks for him but financially we have been okay. Its only his job satisfaction that sucks big time at this current stage.

He said to gv him time but he took full advantage of the space I gv him. sometimes he didnt come back, weekend, he was out with the OW. and I had to swallow until i found intimate msges on his HP. I felt so stupid 4 trusting him and kicked him out.

most of his fren were also puzzled on his sudden behaviour cos he's a responsible man n H. Nobody cld explain the sudden change in him and they think that he might b suffering frm midlife crisis.
 
sun2,

there could be mid-life crisis for some but don't begin to find excuses for him.

Men in mid-life crisis don't necessary go around fxxking.
 
tom - of couse as a couple u quarrel. yes, i must admit, the IVF was really stressful 4 the both of us. But it was me who went thru it; took the jabs myself, the waiting 2 C the doc. He on the other hand went back hm as soon as possible to pack dinner 4 me. when it fails, obviously i cried my heart out. isnt it normal?

He said I cry too much. hello???? some ppl grieve by crying.

SM - I totally agree with u. It doesnt gv him the excuse to do that. Till nw he still claim innocents? How can u claim innocents when all evidence is against u.

I'm close to his parents; my inlaws. I love them to pieces and I treated them like my own parents. like wise with them. They were so sad... and cannot understand his erratic behaviour. they still do not know the whole picture. if they know that the OW exists, it will really break their heart.

Worst, recently, he just open a new business (in entertainment) with the OW. it really broke my heart into pieces. He's starting to talk & behave like a immature 'boy'. it really disppoint me a lot.

but that doesnt change my love for him.

I do not look to reconcile with him just yet. If he wants to, he has to want to work on it.
But I want to help him b4 he destroy himself.

I know there's nothing I can do but take the back seat n watch frm far. but my heart aches like sh*t.
 
he holds quite a high position. Income was high but as u know the recent credit crunch. He got hit... and I believe, so does his ego and pride.

He's a v principled man, someone where ppl will go to when they need advice and help.

nw he's the opposite.

What we face is a normal couple problem which needs to be resolved through some communication. but it took a really bad turn, when the OW was the catalyst.
 
hi cuclainne, what else did ur FIL do other than purchasing a sports car? Hope that's all he did.

Mayb u can loan the sports car to drive too
 
nothing .. he just bought a sports car, that's it.

my point is, it doesn't always have to be about finding other women ..
 
Cuclainne - I know. I'm just posting here to channel my energy.

i guess the OW was there by chance and its not him purposely finding trouble. the OW is not to b blamed actually. she just took the opportunity.

I'm very much stable. Sometimes I do hv flashbacks and will be overwhelmed but at least can keep it undercontrol.

As a wife who loves the husband, i'll definately harbour hope to reconcile. But there's condition. He must want to work on the issues that separated us and nt just continue like nothing happen.

I cannot force him to come back if I know he's not gonna b happy. I rather go thru this 'short' pain so that both of us can b happy for the rest of the journey.
 
Personally I feel that he seeing someone else is wrong but one thing I had learned from love is that not always love flows in the direction we wish it did.

Sometimes in a relationship .. true love may be loving someone .. even if it is from a distance. It happened to me once before but because I love her so much, I want everything for her to be happy even if it means letting go.

It is sad that he is not happy when he is with you but it is even more sad when he is happy with someone else. No point forcing when a person is not holding on or making an effort because you will tend to get hurt even more at the end of the day.
 
So the decision is whether to divorce or not to divorce? I have learnt from my experience that when something happenes, it is not just one party at fault.If you dun want a divorce, it is time to change the daily routine as a couple and use all possible method to salvage the marriage. If you want a divorce just bcos you cant tolerate his behaviour, there is no need to ask other for what you want to do.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

N
Y is it so hard to please everyone?
Replies
47
Views
3K
xbobo
X

Back
Top