May i ask people when you divorce already what would you give up..?

D

downout

New Member
Hi All,

As previously i had started a thread about a divorce that happens being very badly..

in the end of all the emotional and tiring stress got from the woman and her parents i assume. neither of seeing them all even though the divorce was not based on i did any wrong or what but juz we cant stand each other and live together anymore. i decided to give up the house whichi suppose to be 50% share on each, giving her monthly allowance of 600 due to she had moved out and my mum actually moved in. .

so could anyone guys or ladies ever experience in asking more than all this juz perhaps saying like i keep wanna protect myself like this by taking away all ur the other half rights.. becoming more like a revenge due to the divorce bah.. ?? coz till now even speaking i dun feel any part on her that she is regret or anything coz i did heard from lawyer that im giving her more than she deserve perhaps coz this divorce no1 commit adultery juz due to unreasonable behavior on both..which makes us both unable to live with each other.
 


we will not behave like your wife who max out yr card, ask for unreasonable demands and see another man before divorce.

U got yourself the worst type of wife.
immature, inconsiderate, demanding, self centered and you? damn weak!

U are already 31, learn how to protect your own rights

Don't end up with nothing bcuz of a woman
 
To CocoCHerry,

I do admit when you are in love 1st have u ever wonder urself would you mind spending and spending then found that your savings is somehw gone and depend on credit to sustain it hoping the gal wil someday appreciate and know the difficulties..
sometimes tel me what you all gals want or really think.. ? will u all speak to ur man if divorce and says that " hey since u decided to give up ur flat for me why am i keep harping on my mouth.. " yes she has a guy and i have a gf too. then i dun wanna things in e end get out of hand coz i did consult lawyer if i wanna fight it out the lawyer will fight out all coz i wun lose everything at e least. but what my mindset is thinking am i really right by giving her eveerything and letting her attitude with me.. coz my main point of thinking now is just to get this over once and for all sign on the D.O.S, withn this 2 years before divorce she cant disturb me or ask anything more in future.. ! i have seen really what a woman can do coz can say my mentally is really very drained le.. toking with her less than few mins can lead to a quarrel her attitude so does my temper..

thats why im asking if you all ppl were in the shoes i am.. will you all really contest this or juz give up restart life again. .she doesnt know that i saw her with her guy at town on a weekend as she didnt saw me.. which i didnt plan to highlight coz im also having a gf myself. .
at times now really im at aa loss.. but what i really wanted perhaps is to really end all this and i move on.. not having any links or drag with her again le.

Thomas;
This i saying is not a wimp. coz perhaps everyone has a limit on the amount of mental torture it can lead or caused to another person. .sometime ppl know this woman is like this let go bah.. ' what else can i say.. she did single handledly go up my parents plc tel them how victim she is lar everything bla blah.. in e end even my parents, my sis oso no1 stand on me.. juz feeling is i m in the wrong.. i shld compensate her everything.
coz i know partly i have run dried on cash le. .and never i wan see this woman again. .giving her the flat, she cant demand anymore alimony from me.. we will each live each other life..
 
can i say one of the reason perhaps is that when we were dating i did told her i was married before but i didnt told her i had a kid in my previous marriage.. coz the last time we quarrel then i actually blurted it out due to part of my fail marriage in e past.. but the custody was not with me le..
do u all feel this can caused such a wrath in woman that once keep saying she love u despite anything but then becomes she felt such a wrath that keep saying i cheated her of my past i keep from her all this.. is this really impt for u all ladies to mind the guys past if they ever come clean anything that happen to them before u enter the picture..
 
.................. !!! ----------------

so you actually have a kid and not tell her?

what a revelation.

i can understand why she is angry.

even us, reading this, feel a bit shocked cause you did not reveal this in your previous thread
 
Wow, after all that she's done to you, she's still going to walk away with $600 a month to spend with her new boyfriend.

"sometimes tel me what you all gals want or really think.. ?"

Every girl thinks differently. please don't lump us together with that ex of yours.

"but what my mindset is thinking am i really right by giving her eveerything and letting her attitude with me"

Of course not. You will be really stupid to give her everything.
 
"can i say one of the reason perhaps is that when we were dating i did told her i was married before but i didnt told her i had a kid in my previous marriage.. coz the last time we quarrel then i actually blurted it out due to part of my fail marriage in e past.. but the custody was not with me le..
do u all feel this can caused such a wrath in woman that once keep saying she love u despite anything but then becomes she felt such a wrath that keep saying i cheated her of my past i keep from her all this.. is this really impt for u all ladies to mind the guys past if they ever come clean anything that happen to them before u enter the picture.."

Errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, yes? No wonder she is angry.
 
To May,

Yes i had a kid before but like i say its been 10 yrs ago issue le from my 1st marriage that was when im younger .. but then the custody full everything is with my ex wife.. though i dun get to see him but at least my ex wife once a long while does keep me update with his doings..
so tel me then May this is something i dun undderstand what has it that incur such a wrath in woman that all out to make this guy lose everything.. isnt that becoz of what happen 10 yrs ago. and i am only with her plus marriage oni 2 yeaars. .but juz with such a reason " oh u cheated me when with her for 2 years , when she got everything she wanted.. until leaving me back in debts and nothing of all this i spend she felt i did spend alot on her instead i spend on myself .. with her during this 2 years i rarely pamper myself like buying what i wanted as and when i like more of is buying for her when she wanted something.. with all this case and compare to juz a reason that i keep from her coz i got a kid so u shld be saying stuff like this i shld deserve it by losing all..

To Ariel.
YEs the 600 she wanted monthly coz she told us that she step out of the house coz she say stuff like she somehw feel pity me coz i cant turn to my dad or mum side coz she single handled destroy the whole relation i had with them.. so i no choice living at the flat and giving her 600 until the divorce finalised. then once the divorce up i will be giving up my share of the flat to her once unrelated to her. she lilve her life and i will go apply another flat on my own with my family members most prob my mum bah..

i met other gals along the way perhaps even while dating dey also really very independant wont expect everything the guy pay 1st.. but then i really make a wrong decision in her.. now what i can do i really duno le. .perhaps in e 1st plc if my relation with my parents are not strained maybe they can represent me to contest the divorce but now seeing her makes me feel like hatred and pain.. yet she can treat as everything she got her way.. yes i do relent now perhaps. .and im hearing have anyone of u all ever seen such case be it in ur frenz grp or what and in e end what they resort to settle it. .going court fight it out..? surrender or what.. ? there is a part of me telling i shld juz go court fight at least i wun lose anything.. if not. .juz faster agree with the terms and lose all this and start anew again.. sighhz...
 
downout,

if i were her, i would be very shocked. but if i love you and i see your sincerity, i will stay nevertheless.

furthermore, even though i am shocked, i will still ultimately respect your decision to keep your secret, because i choose to trust you. because as an individual, i am entitled to my own secrets too.

your problem is that she does not love you enough. the revelation is a trigger for her to cave in to her distraction. the man you saw her holding hands with could have been in the backdrop for some time, and the revelation drove her quickly to sidetrack to him.

why do you keep harping on how much money you spend on her? apparently, subconsciously you believe your sacrifice and your money can buy love. is it because of your low self-esteem that you do not think you are deserving of love and hence you need to pay for it?

behaviour borne out of low self-esteem begets ill-treatment.

im afraid that you need the truth to be dished out to you harshly. but better a once-off pain than a lifetime of delusions.
 
and better that an internet stranger tells you this. imagine how much more hurtful it would be for someone to tell you this face-to-face
 
"I do admit when you are in love 1st have u ever wonder urself would you mind spending and spending then found that your savings is somehw gone and depend on credit to sustain it hoping the gal wil someday appreciate and know the difficulties.. "

No, I will not spend on my spouse for materials til savings gone and rely on credit. Neither will I expect my spouse to spend his entire savings on me on materials stuffs.

Downout,
If my husband were to tell me now that he have a child in his previous marriage and that he lied to me. I will be angry initially but ultimately I will forgive him and accept the fact that he have a kid.

Man, u are repeating history.
 
May..
1stly i aprpeciate what ya say true maybe this secret in e 1st plc when im planning for4 marriage even my family memebers have inform me never to ever leak it out.. but then due to a moment of quarrel and rash moment it got blurt out.. and that is the final straw.. shortly after i went overseas for a getaway from all this when she initial wanted to hang on but when i came back i got to know that she ran to my parents plc to speak things abt me but when i hear from my parents i didnt heard anything she say abt herself. which result in my family relation are strain internally.

im not harping on whatever i spend on her im juz trying to tel her " look this is what i have gave up for you juz take it.. then sign the D.O.S and then by the time divorce up lets sign the papers le.. i dun wanna keep going thru have to discuss as i know her character well if drag on before finalised in e end she will come to think of what to demand or anything in e end i cant provide le..
i never felt love had to be bought though.. but i believe that if u love someone as a man. .perhaps u really willing go to an extend to provide and help to get what she wan.. if she is worth it.. at least they will appreciate not thinking like a walking atm.. or juz someone like my ex maybe thinking what she wanna get from my side with juz less than a year of marriage/ and less than 2 yrs of dating including marriage..

u getting what i mean.. really gals can be really scary when they are outright to make u.. yes indeed is the mistake that i keep from her.. but during the period i didnt commit any unfaithful.. yet she can go all out to make herself seem she so victim and successful making my family memebers turn against me this time..
this is really mental torturing bah..
 
choco,

yes you have some mindset is good.. at least you care for and u mind ur the other half more than juz wanting material basics.. u know when we only ROM havent gone thru the customary.. the things we got is the house le. follow by all those package she wanted despite knowing im down on savings le.. then now when i highlight back to her.. she didnt had savings from the house at the start. the furnitures. everything wanna do up nicely is all fully paid by me.. she didnt fork out at all.. and now she move out her share juz becoz she contribute CPF she feel her share is giving up for the time being and she demanded a 600 when my mum wanted to move in live..

what history u mean by im repeating itself.. ? the 1st was a failure of myself coz i stray.. this part was due to our differences in life and letting me somehow see le.. how selfish she is.. with all the demands now.. maybe this whole marriage is juz a monetary wants.. not a one that is really on love..
 
downout,

maybe the way i phrase it - "buying love" - is so blunt and crude that it sounds inapplicable to you.

so, perhaps i phrase it in another way.

when you love someone to the extent that you end up feeling abused, then you are loving her in the wrong way.

your behavior is inviting the person to abuse you.

im not saying that she is pure and innocent. in fact, i think she is greedy, malicious, selfish, heartless and childish. but none of her flaws can exonerate you from the part you played in your relationship's downfall.

you are wrong, she is wrong, the relationship is wrong.

so pls just start afresh from scratch somewhere else, and protect your self-interest along the way.

dont make the same mistake twice
 
also - enough about the secret. i believe all of us are entitled to secrets in a marriage, as long as it does not involve adultery or infertility or STD.

what led to the breakup is simply that she does not loved you enough, that is all there is to it, actually
 
in other words, your relationship with her failed the test of the secret.

anyway, the weakness in your relationship is so obvious to anyone reading that it is not worth pointing it out one by one. if the secret has not been unravelled, your marriage will be doomed by something else. it is just a matter of time
 
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