Maintenance Issues for Wife & Children?????


miloice

Well-Known Member
SM, fully agree with your statement :
"As you may have a right to screw around. But you did hurt your family - your wife and your children. You cannot deny this. You can't expect them to welcome you with open arms."

Its really common sense if TS bother to think in the shoes of his own children for a moment instead of his own reasons all of the time.
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
doll, this is merely to clarify my meaning. Its quite insulting to his family that he expects them to think like an animal.
 

simpleman

Active Member
At times we have to spend a little time to be a little careful with words.. That being said, a slip or two - unintended is acceptable..

Like we use words like stupid, dumbass or other people .. or moronic, idiotic .. it would be better to describe and condemn the behaviour rather than the person. Unless that person is recalcitrant and incorrigible.

Well not a big issue but when insults are being hurled - we see it in other threads .. it takes the attention away from the arguments..
 

simpleman

Active Member
milo,

don't be so sensitive lah.. No just talking in general.

Although personally I do find that you tend to use words a little on the strong side and "sweeping" (it may not be intended).. It could be your "style"

Just thought in general we should be a little more balance and focus on the issues rather than on the person.

Just my thoughts although I am guilty of that at times.
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
sm, its not about being sensitive. I do understand your point here.

And i do agree that I could be carried away at times. But again, I don't think I'm defensive over them. If what I said was overboard and quite rightly pointed out, I have always acknowledged it. Yes, its a balance we need and the right level of feedback is always needed to maintain this balance actually.

In contrast, we do have many use-cases in this forums of people reacting very strongly over opposing views or disagreements. And tend to taking it personally. Not to mention some specific individuals that never fail to add their excessive sarcasm in almost every message they wrote. I wonder if it their style or inability to write straight simple points without the need to be cynical and rude. Occasionally, some of these posts do make sense but the arrogance and hostile manner it is always written takes away most of its credit.
 

simpleman

Active Member
Yes, we should not take things personally..

Views we cannot never impose.. But arguments we can put forth.

Ya, we have had many arguments before. Nothing personal. People who take views here too personally may not be so suitable to post and respond here.
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
sm, quite frankly, I enjoy reading and exchanging thoughts with you thr this forum. One of the more consistent, logical and wise mature senior around.
 

sgbabydoll

Active Member
Milo, a dog's love for its owner is unconditional. So, surely it doesn't think like us human but we don't love like it does
happy.gif
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
haha.... good point doll! But not all dogs are that loyal. Many dogs are willing to do all kinds of stuffs just for treats for any strangers even.
 

sgbabydoll

Active Member
I always think we don't measure up to a dog's big-heartedness
happy.gif


When a dog performs a trick it is not expressing its love lah. It just wants the treat in your hand or your attention.
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
Well... I tend to believe much of it is really due to ignorance and failure to understand and interpret things as we do. i.e. its not big-heartedness but ignorance.

More on human and dogs comparison....
Dogs can be trained to resist its love & instincts for food. But some humans excuse themselves with instincts.
 

sgbabydoll

Active Member
Aiyah, don't be so harsh on a dog leh. It's simply not human, therefore, it can NEVER think or feel like us. Nothing to do with ignorance or failure.
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
nothing really harsh to the dog. It is just being a dog and thinking as an animal.

If they are capable to think like us, I would be skeptical about the big heartedness.
 

sgbabydoll

Active Member
Yeah, if they are human like they won't be easily trained to perform tasks and tricks for us. Anyhow, dogs make good companions.
 

mcp220

New Member
I agree with some of the postings here that we cannot compare ourselves to animals or dogs......But somehow our human brains are so well screwed that it came out with stuffs like "Woman's Charter".

Clearly it's not fair justice to ppl with dicks here. Better to impose a jail sentence for adultery or public canings like what our Muslim neighbours are doing....Then I'm sure that the justice system will prevail & be effective in rooting out all infidelities in marriages!
 

mcp220

New Member
Hi Milo,

I dun dispute that I'm an asshole, but clearly I'm born at the wrong time & wrong place.

Not too long ago, our fore-fathers can have few wifes or even mistresses, and society didn't even bat an eyelid. Why did the law change such that what our fore-fathers rightfully did in the past, has become immoral now?

Even Muslims now can have 4 wifes that are sanctioned by the Syrian Court of Law, and no 1 dare say Muslim men with more than 1 wife are assholes too?

So this thread is not about what's morally right or wrong ....it's about arguing what is the appropriate maintenance to pay for the 2 kids to have their essential needs taken care of, NOT LUXURIES!
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
Sean, well... that's what u call yourself. I'm not here to judge or condemn u.

Rather, pointing something very obvious but seems clueless to you. i.e. the reasons why your family is treating you this way. They are not brain wash by their mums. They have their minds of their own.

If you cherish your family ties and your children, then u need to work hard to rebuild it. Its definitely difficult but possible. Worth it or not, its rather subjective and up to you.

As for the negotiation on how much to pay, its between you and your wife through your lawyers. But, personally, I lost all respect for my own dad through the legal battle over maintenance matters. All the half truths used in court in attempt to gain some advantage.
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
interesting point you wrote : "Not too long ago, our fore-fathers can have few wifes or even mistresses, and society didn't even bat an eyelid. Why did the law change such that what our fore-fathers rightfully did in the past, has become immoral no?"

well sean, u r a modern man brought up in a modern environment. So, it is only logical to look at your relevant context. Why don't you live in caves? Or smoke opium, take heroin as painkillers or cough medication? Not too long ago, they do.

Not too long ago, for every successful man having several wives, there are many more envious eyes around. It is a luxury for the rich and successful. If you are indeed born few hundred yrs back in China, your parents could have bribed their way in for you to be an eunuch in hope of a better life for you and the entire family. And you can pretty much forget about your manhood. Or you could be one of the many opium addicts wasting your life away to the addiction. Not too long ago, you would be drowned in pigs' cages for having affairs with others' wives. These were the harsh realities of the not too long ago era you spoke of. Why not compare yourself with the emperor then?

It is so easy to look at greener pastures and assume somehow we will always benefit the 'wonders'. Get real. Your logic is highly flawed and wrapped. A weird reasoning to justify your own values.
 

sgbabydoll

Active Member
You very lame leh, one wife with two children and you are already complaining so much. STOP talking about being a Muslim and having up to four wives lah.
 

cuclainne

New Member
what's with the being Muslim and having four wives bit? it's not so easy leh .. i would explain to you but i can see that you're only hellbent on having things your way.
 

mcp220

New Member
Well.....1 word to best describe my character & values (as I also intentionally chose for my own nickname) ----> MALE CHAUVINISTIC PIG!!!!! ....hahahahaha ;DD
 

mcp220

New Member
Well said, Milo!! ....I cant agree with you more that my arguments are really flawed if u compare with modern times.

But life got to go on, with or w/o my family.

I've learnt to cope very well staying away from my family(as I am quite a survivor since before marriage) and also with faced so much bitterness from my wife & own children, I guess only a miracle from GOD will make us reconcile and love each other again as a family unit.

But by going to Court & claiming unreasonable maintenance from me, and using the Woman's Charter to whack me, I guess that is the final straw that'll break the Camel's back!.....I wouldn't dare to venture anywhere near marriage life anymore!

I will get a lawyer to defend myself, even if I have to use half-truths to win the case, as good lawyers are paid to do such things for their clients anyway! ........I will still support my kids if they still treat me as their father and talk to me with their problems.
 

onegoal

New Member
I feel sorry for you.
Ur wife just wants to suck u dry.
She is no different from those gold diggers in PRC.

Maybe you should read up on sammyboyforum.com and get more information about divorce from there.

When divorce, the law always protect the woman in Sinkapore.

Take care. I hope u can sort of ur problem soon.
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
hi Liew, yah, not advisable for you remarry. Your values is difficult to sustain a marriage. You are more suited for relationships without string attachments.

You need your kids to 1st treat you as their father after you just be a total ass to them and their mother. Fat hope loh. Its as good as losing them, if it even matters to you.
happy.gif
 

mcp220

New Member
"Probably for him, it's good on the sex part only..."

Hi Susanna,

Without sex, there wouldn't be any marriage or even adultery to talk about in this world liao!

And that's something that I cant give up & this is the ultimate sense of freedom & control which men are bestowed with from our creators!

I would be lying to myself & everyone if I said I'm repentent & my wife would forgive me completely.....her trust for me would have been shattered beyond salvation and I would not be able to control my temptations if I still have a desire for SEX.

If I could be an "angelic" husband, then I'll probably have an ED problem with my wife too....get it??? hahaha
 

mcp220

New Member
Hi Hunky,

I hope my lawyer, who is experienced in such divorce cases can help me tilt the balance more to my side......even if my wife can manage to squeeze a hefty sum of alimony for herself & the kids, my lawyer would be able to advise me on the legal loop-holes, that I can slip through such barbaric "Women's Charter" acts and maintain my own sanity.
 

mcp220

New Member
I will meet my lawyer this Thurs morning to discuss my battle strategy . This is something that matters to me more than the money liao!

It's the principle that I'm fighting for, and it's for my dignity & survival and also to prove that my wife and all her advisors(her parents, aunties & uncles on her side, church friends, etc) are also guilty of being BLOOD-SUCKERS, and I can laugh at them & see their disappointed faces when the judge gives hie/her judgement.
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
I dun agree that there won't be marriage without sex. It differs for everyone and situations.
 

mark78

Active Member
"Without sex, there wouldn't be any marriage or even adultery to talk about in this world liao! "

Without sex will u marry yr wife?
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
"I guess only a miracle from GOD will make us reconcile and love each other again as a family unit."

No, what you need is sincerity and effort and not more excuses. Throughout, all you have been doing is giving reasons and excuses for everything you do. You are what you are by choice largely. Your family isn't going to suck up to you. But, it has nothing to do with God or faith. This is not what I would call a survivor. Rather, a loner and loser that relies on stupid reasons to continue feeling good about yourself and situation.
 

mcp220

New Member
Dear Milo,

I agree with what u said and it all seems so familiar to what my wife thinks of me, as if u were in her shoes.

I think I've got to change, but I dun think I'll ever want a wife that goes to court & sues my pants off, w/o even considering a private settlement with a reasonable offer.

I may not want to walk back into this marriage again & hang a noose around my own neck! ....I will fight for my eternal freedom and rights as a human and my dignity as a real man!

Else I might as well become insane & mad, and probably quit my job & live on the streets.....At least I appeal to the court that I cant afford to pay any more maintenace liao!

Want to die all die together lah!!....hahahaha ;DD
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
Dunno what you are talking about. Losing your job in order not to pay maintenance, that's really pointless.

Unless you have a biz plan to avoid declaring income. Actually, my dad did that. He was made bankrupt, didn't contest the maintenance but no money. In the end, the children (us) bought over his share of the property to stop the bank from repossessing and valuating it at low price.

He paid the price of a really hard and lonely life out there but its what he wanted.
 

totallylost

New Member
Sean Liew,
you should be called Sean Lewd instead.
I applaud your wife for doing what she's doing now, that is to milk u dry! Because you totally deserve it. You want freedom and to continue womanising, that's your payment lor...what else do you expect? U think your $ is very big arh...can support ur children..big fark...they need more than financial support, that is if your pea brain can even think of that...

The moment you start womanising and betraying your family, you've renounced whatever rights you have so don't go round telling people about your legal rights and that your wife and family don't need so much of your $ as maintenance one.

Also, remember what goes around comes around. Someday, some women will milk u dry and abscond your $ with some gigolo before u could cry mama. Period.
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
to add...
"Rather, a loner and loser that relies on stupid reasons to continue feeling good about yourself and situation."

you are still continuing to do just that.
 

mark78

Active Member
"Dunno what you are talking about. Losing your job in order not to pay maintenance, that's really pointless. "

Why not earn more $$$ so u can provide your children and give yourself a better life.
 

mcp220

New Member
Hi Mark,

Earning more means she can re-apply to court to ask for more maintenance for herself & the kids...instead of $7K, she may very well ask for $10K, cos you can see how much she can spend, esp. with many more other luxuries for herself(grooming & SPA) & expensive holidays for the kids.

Why should I be paying for all these when I'm not considered part of the deal??

If 80-90% of what my salary is going towards their maintenance, and my wife is no longer contributing anything now, then there is certainly no motivation to work my ass all out liao!

If I am going to provide for everything outright in my marrige in the 1ts place, then I might as well marry a homemaker instead of a professional, and maybe choose a prettier & sexier PRC to stay at home & be my maid and sex slave!
 

mcp220

New Member
"Rather, a loner and loser that relies on stupid reasons to continue feeling good about yourself and situation."

Hi Milo,

Now I understand more of where you are coming from ....your mom must have been very hard on your dad for him to choose this option of going bankrupt rather than paying maintenance, and ending up with the family's kids w/o fatherly love when you grow up.

If the Women Charter is not so barbaric, no sane men would want to choose this option.

But being lonely?? .....Nah!! ....Not at the moment, as my family side is still very supportive emotionally and esp. when my GF still loves me so much & I cant find a good excuse to break her heart.

I would be heartless & a coward to do that, and crawl back to my wife with my tail betw my legs to her unreasonable demands & terms & conditions.
 

mcp220

New Member
"you should be called Sean Lewd instead.
I applaud your wife for doing what she's doing now, that is to milk u dry! Because you totally deserve it. You want freedom and to continue womanising, that's your payment lor...what else do you expect? U think your $ is very big arh...can support ur children..big fark...they need more than financial support, that is if your pea brain can even think of that...

The moment you start womanising and betraying your family, you've renounced whatever rights you have so don't go round telling people about your legal rights and that your wife and family don't need so much of your $ as maintenance one.

Also, remember what goes around comes around. Someday, some women will milk u dry and abscond your $ with some gigolo before u could cry mama. "

Hi totallylost,

Lets not degrade yourself to call or change ppl's namesake here.......I think perhaps you should start an awareness group or action as "Women Against Cheating Husbands"(WACH), something like the AWARE organisation.

I dun think you can just change a character of a person, and it would be as difficult or impossible to change the spots of a leopard!

I may be able to give up my gf and return to my family to repent my sins, but how to reprogram your mind that u would not be aroused sexually when u encounter say, a slim, young & pretty gal who offers to spread her legs for you? (Oops!! ....Sorry if you are not a guy to understand this!..hehehe).

I would have to be "superhuman", or insane (like become a gay or totally lost any interests in sex), to resists such temptations.

Lets not judge ppl's moral here be stand on the high pedestral. Even "holy" ppl like some Catholic priests in some countries accused of having sex with minors and underaged boys, are even more deplorable than what I'm doing!
 

powder

Active Member
sean,

i think this whole thing is abit due to your presentation of affairs... i understand where u're coming from on the Charter n the occasional abuse, and i know wat u're saying with regards to your wife... and i can agree objectively on the maintenance she wants etc...

BUT seriously, if u include the ego-talk n machismo stance, then u're not likely to get much approval or support. No doubt, u might not need any, but your attitude will surely Jeopardise your position, and put the world against u... as it is, some objectivity has been lost and emotions will be hurled at u... That makes u a not-so-wise person.

that's actually why i say the plot is lost... 1 is becos others have been emotionally-charged to wack u, 2 is becos u're putting on a whole lot of macho-attitude when u can hardly afford it... end of the day, the one to suffer will be yourself, your gfren n your family...

why do that?
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
whack him? not really. Just bursting his inflated ego that seeing thr his very lame excuses.
 

powder

Active Member
no leh, i say emotionally-charged to wack him... it's the mental before the action, not the action itself i referring to...
 


miloice

Well-Known Member
"Now I understand more of where you are coming from ....your mom must have been very hard on your dad for him to choose this option of going bankrupt rather than paying maintenance, and ending up with the family's kids w/o fatherly love when you grow up."

No, u don't understand where I'm coming from. The main reason I wrote to you because you were completely clueless why your own children are treating you so and believing that its the mother's brainwashing effect. As long as you continue to come up with excuses, expect your own children to continue to be disgusted with you.

My own dad spent a lot of effort and sincerity to undo the damage to the family relationship and Between son and father. I love and respect my dad very much today unlike when he left the marriage and presented all the half-truths in a bitter legal battle.

If you cherish your children, then cut the bullshit. you know what you need to do. And if it doesn't matter. Then, don't lament your family treating you like an enemy. You are their enemy. You betrayed their trust & love for you and hurt them over your own reasons and needs.
 

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