M i gd?

help_me

New Member
I have married for 5 yrs, with 2 kids...
Just to check am i a gd wife?
after work, brings 2 kids hme, carrying few bags to take the bus/train...kids expenses all are paid by me.. i do not even receive any single cents from husband. he only pay for his car, and the housebill.
sometimes i even got to carry the heavy bulks of items all the way home n holding the 2 kids hands. my husband will only fetch us when his mood is gd.
when reach home, im the one who do all the housework take care of the 2 kids. husband happy will come back hme early to help.. if he is not happy, he can come back home at 1-2am..

and recently,due to some issue. my husband is super attidude to me. he give me all sort of faces. when i talk, he will sort of give me those kind of irrating face, as all my words are bullshit to him. and have scold me a lot of negative stuffs. saying he have been suffering with me. he have not contibute anythings to the house n kids.. wat is he suffering? shouldn't me is the one who is suffering??

all my salary have gone to e kids... i even got to save my lunch, pocket $$ jus to let the kids eat...

I have actually voice out a divorce to him. he do not want to.

he is giving a lot of attidude problems. which im afraid i cant take it anymore. never do the housework, nevermind. but trying to make messy the whole house.

and always come back home with a black face, as if im the one who is asking him to go work.
even through he been bad nvr bring home the $$, but i can say that he sometimes really love the kids a lot...

now what should i do?

1) should i leave him? it will be sad, cause kids need the daddy.
2) just leave it as it is.. let him cont his attidude?
3) or is there any way that i can scare him? that i wan to leave him.. and hope he will be gd to us?
 


60secs

Member
There you were, deeply involved in a relationship. It may have been stormy or you may have thought everything was running smoothly. Then it happened: Your significant other no longer wanted to be your significant other. This scenario happens almost every moment of every day, but when it happens to you, your whole world can focus on this. Many people that do not want the relationship to end will go into a panic to keep the relationship alive. Most of these attempts are in vain. When a relationship ends, it can be a heartbreaking, emotionally crippling time, and there are strategies you can implement to learn to let it go.

It is important to understand that as much as you may wish, you simply cannot control another person's thoughts or feelings. Even if you feel they are unjustly ending the relationship or you do not see any logic in their choice, they possess the freewill to do with their life as they wish. It is sometimes enormously painful to accept this fact, especially if you feel you have given so much of yourself to this other person. When they choose to walk away from you, you may feel a very strong craving to stop the progress of their actions. When feeling that you deserve something from this person, it can cause you to behave in very improper way. This behavior is detrimental to your emotional wellbeing.

There is no debate regarding the poignant pain that is involved in a breakup or divorce. There is not a magic way to completely stop the misery you will feel from the loss of this person. However, there is a way to control these feelings. No amount of pleading, begging or bribery can change how a person feels about you. Once you accept this fact, you can then move on to take actions to behave dignified and accept the end of the relationship with your esteem intact.

If the following sounds familiar, you have not learned the art of letting go. When faced with the end of a relationship, have you called that person endlessly will pleas to be reunited? Have you contacted the other person and promised to change your behavior to better accommodate their needs? Have you attempted repeatedly to question them as to why they are choosing to leave you? All of these are clear-cut signs that you have a difficult time letting a dead relationship go. All of these signs only make the situation worse for you.

When pleading with another person to "begin loving you again", you are setting yourself up for disaster. You cannot talk someone into loving you. You may be a wonderful, caring, kind and compassionate person, however if someone who was in your life does not feel they want continue the relationship, you cannot force them. You already must deal with the loss of the relationship. Love is a choice of freewill. To beg, plead or otherwise, will only lead to feeling defeated once again.

It is exceedingly difficult indeed, to control the desire to reach out to the person who left you. When you are so used to conversations with them or seeing this person everyday, it will throw your world upside-down when you must deal with a sudden end of communication and a physical connection. Realizing that calling the person, trying to "accidentally run into them" or other means of contact is futile, you must learn to distance yourself. This must be done in the name of self-respect.

If you can be emotionally strong enough to know that nothing you do can bring this person back to you, you can leave with dignity. If you harass this person, in an attempt to reunite, added suffering is imminent. It can be so frustrating to plead, beg and try to persuade someone and have him or her repeatedly reject you. The best road to take is one of complete and utter non-communication. Once knowing you do not possess the power to control their feelings and actions, control your behavior. You will have moments of weakness and there are steps you can take to overcome these.

Resist the urge to "show up accidentally" in places that you know you will run into them. You may think it is a great idea to spend hours making yourself look fantastic and then going to a restaurant, bar or otherwise that the person frequents. Your plan will be to show them how wonderful you look and they will regret their mistake of leaving you. Your plan will actually make the other person fully aware of your plan, and they will think your plan is pitiable. Whatever reason they had for leaving the relationship, whether unfounded or not, will remain intact. Flaunting yourself in front of them is akin to screaming out, "Look at me! Why do you not want me?". Do you really want to seem that deprived?

Do everything possible to stop yourself from calling them on the telephone. Delete their number from your cell phone. Another good option is to leave their number, but to change their contact name to something along the lines of, "No! He/she treated me horribly". This is a good strategy to prevent you from calling them, in the moments that you are feeling weak. You can also tape a note to your home phones. One suggestion is to write something such as, "Do not call him/her, they broke your heart and you will look like a fool if you keep calling!". These may sound rather silly now, but when in a state of a broken heart, it is common to act irrationally and these tips can stop your foolish behavior.

If you are used to instant messaging with this other person, and you wish to leave your messenger intact on your computer for messaging with others, there are several options. Firstly, you should opt to create a new user name and inform only your friends, family and others that you do wish to communicate with of your new name. If you choose to keep your user name, obviously, you should delete your ex's name off your list. If you are not emotionally strong enough to do so yet, you should at least opt to change their contact name, so that their name will show as "Ex- do not IM him/her!" or anything that will prompt you to not contact them.

You may feel a very strong urge to leave phone messages, or offline instant messages to the other person who left the relationship. You may feel you have an endless array of things to say to this person. Alternatively, you may feel you must get the last word in, but it never ends there. If you allow yourself to leave these messages, you will always find something new to add. The other person is most probably ignoring or deleting your messages, it will not bring them back to you, and all of your efforts will be in vain. Once you have implemented the means to prevent yourself from contacting them, do realize this: As absurd as it sounds at the moment, as much as your heart is aching, as much as you feel you were unfairly treated, as much as you feel you know you were the "best thing to ever happen" to them, time will change your feelings.

It is one of the most frequently used clichés when a relationship ends; however, time does heal all wounds. When using the term "heal" this does not mean that you forget this person forever. It does not mean that you will live the rest of your life without this person's name or image appearing in your mind. It does mean that given a certain amount of time, the image and memories of this person will fade.

If you follow these guidelines to end the relationship quickly and not drag the breakup into a long process, there will be a day, not too far in the future, that you realize this person was not the right one for you. You desire a good person, someone who cares for you unconditionally, someone to support your decisions, and someone to walk through life with. If this person leaves you, heartbroken and alone, they are proving they possess none of the qualities that you were looking for in a mate. You may feel misled, lied to, or tricked. The reality remains that they ultimately did not measure up to having the qualities needed in a relationship with you.

At one time or another we have all wished we had the power to make someone loves us. We have prayed for their return. We have deprived ourselves from sleep while pondering what we could have done to stop them from leaving. We have spent endless hours wondering how they could leave us. In the end, all of that time spent is needlessly, we will never obtain the answers. Only one fact remains: Everyone has freewill to do as they wish. When a person leaves you, learn to let it go.
 

scopefun

New Member
The issue is not whether you are good or not... The issue is you don't marry the One, or the One is never your concern nor do you seem to believe in the One.

Which is, you don't know men.

Despite your need to elaborate your case before advice is available (lest you want gossips and substandard trash), what you said already show that your psychological inclination is that you are a 'small woman', probably low educated and little exposed to the world. Am I not right?

In order to be a 'good woman'... Ahem... keeping the quality of man out of the argument, you will have to be a woman with 'depth'. By this, I don't mean the vagina... LOL~

Kidding.

Elaborate your case, and please tell me why did you choose to marry your husband. Thank you (for entertaining me).
 

pink_sapphire

New Member
Dear TS your issue here is about finances, money
Dont let it sour your relationship try recalling the good old happy times when both of u r in court ship , perhaps when both your kids grow up and independent financially your grudges against your husband will disappear

argghhhh..MOney is the root of all evils.. again
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
Communication seems ZERO. You guys are fighting of stuffs that can be outsourced to weekend cleaners and domestic help. Despite the issues, you are still wanting to validate and find proof its all his fault. Even if everyone else (strangers reading off your side of story here) thinks you did great, it doesn't help a bit in your situation, it is about your relationship with your spouse. It is a 2 way bond.

This is not about pointing fingers. Marriage doesn't work out simply when you become a self sufficient maid and nanny. This is not to insult, you are probably not focused on the right issues. Have a heart to heart talk with him. There are always 2 sides of the story. Find out what's wrong and things that can be off loaded, it isn't important. The housework and finances is worth more than your marriage? If so, why marry?
 

yesno333

Member
You should just walk out if u dun see it working..life is short...no point stressing urself over a marriage which dun meet ur criterias...
 

hubbylubby998

New Member
**Huat
<font color="aa00aa">i truly salute to women like you...i have a feew gfs also like that...

all her $$ goes to the bills, groceries, house, kids....nothing for herself...

hubby really BO LAW EH like that but i think u may wanan re-look into this marriage what makes u wanan marry this guy? there bound to be sth u fancy abt him...regarding these $ issues may need to bring it up to the table as the kids he impregnant u to have these kids de.. he should play a part to assist in financing during the kids' growth..</font>
 

tomasulu

Member
It's debatable whether one can republish an entire article with acknowledgement. And only a loser does it without to pretend like he wrote it.
 

denise80

Active Member
I was still experiencing dissonance abt this 60secs between his rubbish posts in another thread and this rather meaningful post in this thread only to realise that he didn't write it. He could have at least acknowledged the source. Oh well, but the fact that he actually had read that article before at least shows he's thinking.
 

matka

Member
Kent &amp; lois lane, I was simply using common sense. Something that is typically generic and looks like it wasn't written for a forum-type post isn't hard to spot. It is also not difficult to use the ctrl-c and ctrl-v functions and go to google.com.

You do know the definition of stalker, don't you?
 

clark

New Member
to answer your question:

i do know the definition.....refer to MILO.

fat, ugly, like to stalk pple, retarded MILO.

Glad to know that he is the only stalker in this forum.

Thanks.
 

joyfulgirl

New Member
Hi dear,

1) should i leave him? it will be sad, cause kids need the daddy.
<font color="0000ff">I came to a phase exactly like you, my hb does not contributed as he had to spend his earnings to only on car and other misc, nothing for the household and kids, but if we can accept this before marriage that he is not earning much in the first place when we married, then what do we have to complain...i even come to an extend that kids and me can live happily without his presence at least we do not need to bother about unsettled bills, but I asked again, is this marriage really the end? If there is still feeling and chance to salvage, why not give each other a chance? So now, though things are not getting fantastic, but at least it does improve for me.</font>
2) just leave it as it is.. let him cont his attidude?
<font color="0000ff">Definitely things will get better unless there are other unreveal reasons, not husband and wife will be in loggerhead forever. Perhaps you might want to find out the root cause?"</font>
3) or is there any way that i can scare him? that i wan to leave him.. and hope he will be gd to us?
<font color="0000ff">I doubt it will works as man are stubborn creature, you can use once or twice, but after that it will not works anymore, they might even misunderstood our intention. Maybe times will helps.."</font>
 

tomasulu

Member
From the unhappy tone of your post, it's safe to say you haven't been a joy to live with. Just saying, this could be why your husband has been displaying the so called super attitude towards you. Two wrongs don't make a right - anger feeds off each another and will worsen a bad situation. When you are angry you are not thinking of solving problems. You are thinking of how to feel less angry. and quite often the quickest way to do so is to strike out at the person or object of your anger. Hence the vicious cycle.

For the situation to improve one party has to put aside its own grievances and reach out with an olive branch. Doing so sincerely and with love, wanting the best for the partner, the marriage and the family.
 

help_me

New Member
Thanks for all the replies.

The black face is facing me everyday... Not sure how long can i last to survive.
Everyday rush to fetch 2kids, n take care all by myself.

Definitely things will get better unless there are other unreveal reasons, not husband and wife will be in loggerhead forever. Perhaps you might want to find out the root cause?"

The root of the problems will always come again. it not the 1st time. we can even quarrel for a few wks when buying a study cabinet.
 

denise80

Active Member
Hi Huat,

you seem to think that as long as you're a good wife, you deserve a good husband. Actually eversince you started paying for all the bills and taking care of the kids all by yourself, you're indirectly not involving him and thus it's not about whether you're a gd wife or not. I'll say this is not a healthy relationship. The more you do, the more begrudging you felt and the more you expressed your unhappiness and nagged at him. The more you nagged at him, the more he felt fed up, lost his respect for you and the more he didn't want to do anything for the family. It becomes a vicious cycle.

Looking back at your relationship before marriage, was it like this? Did you two go dutch for every meal or he expects you to pay for all? Did you two quarrel over small things like buying cabinets back then too? If the answer is yes, I'll wonder why you married this man and you obviously cannot devolve yourself from all these problems you are experiencing. If the answer is no, then you have to ask yourself, since when did this man 'change'? How were you like before and after marriage too? Have the two of you taken many things for granted after marriage? How had the relationship between the two of you soured over time? What could be the causes? Only you could explore and tell us all these. Many couples do not realise that marriage is not the final destination..it's only the beginning of the journey to get to know and live with one another longer and better. As such, they do not continue to 'grow' together in the relationship. They grow separately and the invisible distance gradually drives them apart.
 

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