Lost and distress. Any advise ?

S

sad_hb

New Member
My wife move out the house recently with my son back her mum place. She says I am inconsiderate and she had always adapted my style. She is tired and had no feels or cannot depend emotionally depend on me now. I did not quarrel with her but just show her my unhappiness when she was celebrating my son birthday with his nephew/niece without my knowledge, as I thought it will be celebrate over the weekend. In the end I did not participate my son birthday. She say she had told me, but it was too vague and I did not get the message across. When I started to show my unhappiness , she packed and leave house. Later I received a letter from her showing our miserable she was with me for the past with years, saying I did not care her and blur blur..It was really sad for me say it was a 2 pages expressing I am how inconsiderate ,,, blur blur blur for the past years. Later did I realized that she took all these things into heart.

I tried to talk to her to come back but no avail. She say she needs time to think over our relationship.. I also must admit that I did not meet her expectation of showering her enough love and concern when she is feeling down. How can I make her change her heart to come home with the kids? She also says that actually she feels better staying in her mum place now
 


Probably you would have to reflect on your actions on how you have been treating them. If it was just a birthday celebration, why should you be giving her a hard time, give a black face and did not join in? And if you happened to be working and could not free up your time, you can always arrange for a second celebration with them over the weekend.

Are you someone who expect total authority over the decision of how things should be in the house?

You would need to put in effort to show your sincerity of changing your style if corrections are needed in order make it a more condusive environment for your wife and son too.
 
I think i can understand hw ur wife feels as I feel the same at times. My hubby is not so sensitive like you and I feel that he doesnt care.
I think you can sms her to show that you care for her and son. Simple sms like how is her day or whether she has taken her lunch/dinner? what is she doing? Tell her you miss her etc. Maybe you can also buy her small gifts or bring her to nice dinner etc, make her feel important and treasured. I believe she will be moved by your sincerity but you must be able to keep up with this...
 
Agree with Alcifertoh, eventhough it was too late to say, but you shouldnt gave her black face for bday celebration, not join in some more.. its your own son! Sorry if sounds harsh, but i found it childish if we cant compromised to our partner..

You doesnt have to be super romantic guy to be a good husband.. being nice doesnt mean you have to buy flowers or gift all the time..
My husband def not romantic type, but i thik he is a great partner. He'll call me at least once a day eventhough only to ask whether i taken my lunch or not, or hows our doter doing. He'll check whether i reach my destination safe if i need to go somewhere. Or he'll kiss me first thing in the morning and after he reach home. He'll put effort to bring me out every weekend with or without our doter. And always communicate with me. So, eventhough he's not the kind of guy who get down on his knee and say i cant live without you type, i know and i can feel that he really care about me and i'm happy.

Prob you should tell her that you cherish her, you feel so comfortable in this relationship until accidentally take it for granted.. and since you're still in learning process, you need her to be there and take part of it.
Just my thought
 
dude, wat line of work are u in? isit something that takes up alot of your time n attention? i get where u're coming from, just tat i also hope u get where your family is coming from, and find a balance... the effort Has to come from u as well... ok your wife didn't tell u, but did u ask wifey abt the upcoming bday celebrations for your kid? these things are 2-way... u gotta show an interest too.

if u have forgotten and just trying to find an excuse, then u'll know it in yourself... so start by taking more interest and Communicate.

ps: i recently celebrated my little girl's bday in school with her n her classmates on a busy weekday, weekends we celebrated in our small way too but the weekday one was tough cos of my job nature, but i simply told my clients that it's my daughter's bday and requested for some time extensions... honestly most pple will understand, even the toughest boss Should. worse case just leave the job and find a place with a more pro-family environment... i work 12hrs a day, today it was 16hrs n i'm just back home... it's how we juggle as fathers...
 
Eh..

"I did not quarrel with her but just show her my unhappiness when she was celebrating my son birthday with his nephew/niece without my knowledge, as I thought it will be celebrate over the weekend. In the end I did not participate my son birthday. She say she had told me, but it was too vague and I did not get the message across."

I think Lost never turn up for his son birthday because he nvr know they are celebrating cos he never listen to what his wife say to him..so he missed it..

Sometimes woman just want the few minutes or seconds from their partner to listen to them But guys would rather spend tat few minutes arguing with you to leave them alone for some peace..My hb also the same..Dun bother to listen and rather tell me dun disturb him watching movies..

Try to talk to her..Or do the same la..write a letter back to her telling her you are sorry??
 
hhmmm... or r u the sort of person where when ur wife is talking to you (perhaps telling u abt ur son's bday thingy) but u will always choose to ignore her or find her lor soh thus u did not get her msg across??

I think there must be a reason for her to let go of her frustrations being bottled up from u for soo long..

I guess ur r/s wif ur son is not that good too then? like what Powder & HBH said, everyone of us do work but u must strike a balance .. and for this line of balancing only u can do it urself..
 
She starting to ignore me for past few months and cold to me
And I did not attend my son birthday coz I wasn’t aware. My wife always wanted to do things by herself she said she cannot emotionally and physically depend on me. I really dun know what she thinking. I might I am also a little insensitive but I really care her. I waited for her downstair when she come home late. She doesn’t like to really have full communication as she say if she going to spell a lot of thing is very tiring for her.
I try email for the past 3 weeks to but no avail. Tough she still come back home over the weekend with my son to play with nephew and me , she will go back in the night to her mum’s place. She said our communication is of diffenernt level and I sometime interpreted things wrong.

I angry and try to pick on her on the birthday issue coz she started ignoring me, doing thing on her own, and going out often which she don’t do that previously. I still love her and my live is very miserable now
 
hmm, based on your posting I gathered maybe you are the dense type of guys (who don't catch the hints that your wife have been giving you)? thats why she say you are blur blur. She saying that she cannot depend on you emotionally/physically - did you forget to do something important that she told you to do? Or, like the birthday case - she told you but you didnt pay attention to her words?

She might have felt that you took her for granted...if you want her back, you need to show her that she is really important to you, and you will not make the same mistakes of being blur and not paying attention to her.

I think you can start by reading books on gender differences, like those mars venus books so that you can better understand where your wife is coming from... lastly may I know how old are you (just a range will do, no need exact age) and how long have you been married?
 
stop pin-pointing her faults in a subtle way, because it's abt time to reflect deeper on the areas that you might have screwed up...

To ponder over, it doesn't matter if you know that you love her or care for her -

based on your current/past actions, she just can't feel it.
 
You sounds still young lei.. most of "mature" guy i know wont be so defensive..
Have you sit and think back your wife statement abt "She said our communication is of diffenernt level and I sometime interpreted things wrong"?

And when you frustated or get angry, being defensive would make thing worst..
Plus "pick up on her and keep bring up the pass" is a big NO NO..
Act i'm quite surprise guy can do this.. i thought this is girls attitude? *no offence hor*
 
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