Is this one-sided?

S

sl_eur

New Member
Hi, I'm new in this forum
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appreciate if I can get some advise here. I'm puzzled by what's going on between me and this guy.

We meet online almost 2 mths ago. Met up twice for a drink & once for a dinner date. All initiated by him and ended with him sending me home.

He's going thru' many things at the moment:
* shifting his biz location (by mid this month)
* shifting to stay with his sister
* starting a new job (while retaining his own biz)

All these while he just recovered fm a persistent headache & learning how to take public transport (cos his office is in the CBD area).

When we first 'started", he will sms me to ask how my day was, and to show concern when I was sick. Before he starts on his new job, he will sms to update me on his job interview and later job offer. Unlike me, he will sms to tell me how he misses me and will wish for me to be there for him when he is feeling lonely. Gradually, I become the one to sms first whenever I think of him.

I realised I'm starting to get emotionally attached to him and will think of him whenever I'm alone. However, due to his hectic lifestyle, we have not meet for almost 3 weeks. I even have to spend my 1st long wkend alone without him.

He hasn't been texting me or go online for the past week. I want to know how long he can go on without 'missing' me, so I've been controlling myself (very hard) not to sms him this week.

I want to know if I'm being one-sided in this relationship? As much as I'm trying to be understanding, I'm starting to lose my patience. I do understand he's busy trying to source for a new office space / shifting hse & settling down in a new job. But I'm upset by the fact that there is no call or text msg from him.

Am I asking / reading too much? Should I continue to wait for him to contact me when he's less busy or should I call him instead? Is it normal for guys, in general, to behave in this manner when they're busy?

My apology for this lengthy message
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Cheers!
 


just 1 feedback : u guys are not even really in a relationship and you start of with EXPECTATIONs.
 
Guess u're right.... We've not been official. But what does he mean when he says he "does not wish to burden the relationship with his persistence headache??" Just an ordinary remark?
 
huh?
not official yet ah.. eh.. liddat then u cannot expect anything leh.. take it as a compliment lor.. if not how?

why dun u ask him what does he means by persistence headache? it would be better rather than u guessing ur way thru rite?
 
Ya, he hasn't asked me to be his steady yet though we've hugged and hold hands.

He has this dull headache which has been haunting him for weeks. I've tried persuaded him to see a western doc and even offered to accompany him for a thorough check but he's only comfortable with TCM which takes time to see results. We just hope it'll 'go away' as maybe he is undergoing a lot of stress lately.
 
i suggest to you .. not to put too much time, effort or feelings into it.

its too fragile to even term it as a friendship..

reasons..

met online 2 months ago .
met out 3 times, 2 times was with intoxication.

and yet u let him hug and hold hands with you ?

seems to me he looking for fling which can entertain him only during his free time.
 
true that guys can only focus one thing at a time, but maybe you should focus on your things rather than get affected by a passerby in your life.. if he is true . action speak louder than words.
 
edinWM,
I second qwenty's advice.

I don't think that he's very interested in you romantically. Sending a short sms takes just 1 min. He can send you sms while eating lunch or what...

Go out and date with other guys! Why 'reserve' yourself for him when he hasn't even open his mouth ask you to?
 
if he is really interested, he would be doing alot more lah.

So, don't place hopes on this. Shop around.
 
Agreed. If a guy is interested in you, he would definitely be doing more. Seems that you are more into him than he is into you. Learn to let go of that emotional attachment, before you sink deeper into this.
 
edin

I met an online gal too and we went out a few time le....we are happy wif each other..hoping that thing will work out well for both n hoping it will BLooM by its own to open flower n fruits ..but due to some obstacles....sigh.......anyway no body is at fault ....jus tat the obstacles is too diffcult to cross..

Anyway try to enlarge the cicrle of ur frds ..
 
Milo!
Shop around.. what a word! whahahaha.. but I like it! whahahahahahaha...

Ya, try not to pin too much hope on this guy for u never know what he is thinking of.. least is if u expect too much then u will be more disappointed in the end.
 
A relationship between 2 persons shouldn't be hard work. If you have to 'control' yourself from messaging/calling him, you may like to rethink. And also, if he's really interested, he will contact you. Period.
 
haha, maybe I'm being childish cos I just curious to know how far apart he will sms me fm the last one we had :p
 
Updates...

Thanks to Ene's "If you have to 'control' yourself from messaging/calling him, you may like to rethink.". I finally plucked up the courage to text him last nite and asked him what he feels about us and if he thinks there's a possiblity of us progessing further. I told him I just want an honest answer cos I dislike uncertainty thus want to know the truth, if any. Piang, it was so 'un-jin(1) chi(2)' of me to ask such question hahahah.....

He wish to take it further, but provided I do not mind his current health condition. And he apologised for not having more time to catch up with me as there're too many things happenings at the same time. His headache is back to 'haunt' him again (just as I expected).

We have a good 'talk' online today (nt convenient to talk at work). He went on to explain his current situation blah blah blah. We both agreed we first have to know each other better in order to take it to the next step.

I also stressed the importance of communication, if he has the intention to make this work out, I feel there is a need for him to share his ups and downs. He said he doesn't want people ard him to be worried cos of his health condition etc tt's why he has not been contacting me lately.

He wanted to meet up today or this wkend to talk / explain further. But I told him not to bother to make time for me now as I want him to concentrate on settling his things first.
 
edin,

if u wanna be understanding and ask him to concentrate on settling his things first, pls be very certain that u're good for your words... cos to be honest, i would think that u ARE one of the issues he should be settling, and a meetup over the weekend would have been opportune at this stage for both of u.

u;ve just put yourself in a corner... cos if he takes longer than u expect to drop u the next sms, u might feel anguished. BUT he's just taking your advice... and the things he need to settle Other than u... might take more than 3-6mths... particularly on the fact tat he's starting on a new job, shifting his biz... and with x;mas coming, new year, then CNY. u might not Understandably get to see him til february... can u deal with that? cos u just gave him the go-ahead for that.

Not forgetting his gonna meet new female colleagues, attend some x'mas gatherings in Magical environments, or meet a girl during the New Year countdown... goes into a relationship, by CNY he might bring her to visit family and by feb 09 - u're out of the picture.

so now u hope he might perhaps consider giving u some time during x'mas... seriously i dun know what u're thinking... it's another 12days to x'mas which is like - the excuse of excuses, the reason of reasons, the most magical of magical moments - to fall in love. followed by New Year a week later to strengthen the bonds, then follow by CNY 3weeks later to put u in a nice place u'd like to be...

why u tell him "not to bother to make time for me now as I want him to concentrate on settling his things first." when u just told him u "feel there is a need for him to share his ups and downs" whilst stressing the "importance of communication"?

i'll be honest. instead of seizing the opportunity, u just pushed it away...
 
i beg to differ.

no talk online is a good talk. alphaberts doesnt carry any feelings or emotions. i maybe sticking out my tongue while typing this. Do you know it?

i feel you have done the right thing and has a positive attitude into your stand and his stand. It is that you stress the importance of communication to him telling him that if he wants you, he must communicate with you.

he giving his medical conditions as an excuse, i feel its a totally irresposible way to push his laziness on. so all cancer patient has no right in having a relationship?

if he is busy, he has to be busy. cannot possibly be u talk to him today and he is free today or this weekend to meet up. sorry to say, but it really sound like blood flowing down to his hips. since he got the chance to have body contact with you. so i absolutely agree that you reject his intention in meeting up.

its 12 days to christmas.. true .. if he has the heart or intention to spend this chirstmas with you . he will have do something or plan something .. since he has HE HAS THE INTENTION in going forward with you but moving back due to his sickness.
 
No matter how busy a guy is, if he is really interested in a girl, he will definitely find time for her, be it in the smallest possible way. The gal will hear from him.

Seems to me he is either playing mind games with you or just trying to cover up for his lack of sincerity.
 
Hmmm....now I'm confused, I thot I'm doing the rite thing by getting him settle his home office cos he has to clean & hand it back to the landlord by this wk.

Powder, you're rite. On one hand, I do want to meet up but on the other, I thot having the home office cleaned & handed back is a more sensible/ urgent issue to settle. Afterall, the headache thingy is back. It's quite torturing for him cos I've witnessed it before. Guess also due to the fact tt guy's threshold for pain is lower than gals.
 
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