Is it my fault

B

butterfly78

New Member
I just had a big fight with my brother who is 3 years younger than me.

He got a job offer recently, he couldn’t decide if he should take the offer.
So he called my mum to go down to si ma lu temple & qiu qian for him. Okay it is not wrong to qiu qian but why got to ask my mum to go down, he should have go down personally, more sincere right.

Thou my mum do it for him willingly, but I think he is old enough to make decision himself or rather go down himself. Reason for not going down personally is he dun have time.
Just now I tell him off as I think he shouldn’t ask my mum to go down, it is raining heavily today, & my poor mum is stuck in the rain.
Okay the quarrel begins, he say he dun find himself wrong in asking the god for a peace of mind & he is not asking my mum to do something tedious. He find I am not in the position to say him since my mum din make any noise. And he started to bring out things that he is unhappy with me…

a) He claimed that my mum is doing all the house chores which he feels I am taking my mum for granted & I should be the one who is doing it. I do not deny that my mum is doing all the house chores, I did offer my help, but becos I have hurt my back twice before & it took a long time to recover. So my mum dun really want me to do the house chores.

b) I am sharing the same bedroom with him. I am a light sleeper, so little noise can wake me up. He is a late sleeper, so he tends to snore quite frequently. Once he starts to snore, I couldn’t sleep at all, in order to fall asleep, I got to wake him up from his sleep to stop snoring. When I wake him up, I got scoldings from him, saying I shouldn’t wake him up. Just now he said since I cannot sleep its my problem, I should go living room or store room to sleep. I feel so sad when he said such hurtful words.
My dad actually sided him saying I am in the wrong to wake him up, I know snoring is uncontrollable, but I got to do something to make him stop snoring, waking him up is one of the solution. If not I can stared at the ceiling for the whole nite.
My dad snores everynite, my mum also cannot tolerate but becos he is super MCP, he will scold my mum if she wakes him up and even ask her to go out & sleep. He feels that he is working & he is the king liao.

Since I am sharing the same bedroom with him, I feel we should be considerate lor. He can switch on the lights to prepare himself in front of the dressing table when I am still sleeping in the morning. If I am the one who switched on the lights, I will kena scold by him.

As I said he is a late sleeper, he can iron his clothes in the room during midnite. Dunno y he need so much strength to iron clothes lor, he can make noise to wake me up, which is very irradiating.
Tell him off will kena scolding again.

c) I just return from overseas with my bf. My bro has been asking me to bring my parents for trip, but I gave him reasons that I cant take leave, actually I do not want to go becos my dad is very MCP, he can scold my mum in the public even with us around, he always think he is right never in the wrong.I do not like the way he treat my mum, I feel for her, I want us to go out happily, but this is not the 1st time he scold her in the public. I want to have a happy & pleasant trip and not a trip where he keep saying my mum & thinks he is right.
I feel very happy when going overseas with my bf. But to my bro, he thinks I have my bf is enough, & I do not need to bother with my family..Sometimes I think its better to do each other
things, whenever I spent time at home, there sure to have unhappy stuffs happen.

Just now after quarrelling with him, my tears keep flowing, I just feel unfair that why my parents so side him. Now the whole thing become my fault.

I believe the above incidents is very common in a family. But am I really in a wrong? things that my bro do is always right? & I am always in the wrong? As his sister, I do not have the rights to tell him off?
 


What you are experiencing are not uncommon in a typical household. As long as there are more than one person living in it, there will be differences and thus quarrels.

If you see your bf as your future hubby then perhaps you can consider settling down and finding your own place.

Meanwhile, to reduce the tension between you and your brother, both of you have to give and take. If talking to your brother doesn't help, then simply "retreat". Sleep in the living room if you cannot tahan his snoring. Of course, you would not want to "lose out" all the time but if he doesn't budge, then simply eat the humble pie rather than lose precious sleep. Someone just have to give in. As he is your younger brother, just treat it as he is still immature. No matter what, both of you are siblings with the same blood running through your veins. Do not take things too seriously. Putting up with him is just a temp. measure. Sooner or later, both of you will get married and move out.

When married, you will still have to adjust to living with your hubby who is raised under an entirely different family with different habits, thinking, etc. So give and take is very impt.

All the best!
 
Have asked him to go ahead with the trip without me,but he insist on going as a family.

Actually I know its all about give & take when dealing with human beings. Maybe all the while I have been giving in & have been tolerating him. Lastnite finally explode!

As for now, I will just leave him alone. I dun want to make my life so miserable becos of him.
 
Hi Butterfly,

I don't see why you want to get angry because your bro asked your mom to pray for him. If your mom is willing to it for her son then what's the problem here?
your mom should bring a brollie with her since it's rainy season. If he wants to go as a family then at least he is still seeing you as a sister/dau.
By keeping things to yourself and not letting your parents know that you are upsetting isn't right too.
 
Hi there,

You are right, since my mum is willing to do so...I shouldnt say anything. I am not angry, I just want him to know that such things can be done by himself.

Letting my parents to know about my feelings is useless, I have tried before... So its better to keep it to myself...

Its not about who is at fault now. I just need a place to let out.

Thanks for your reply.
 
Hi butterfly,

I will ask my mom to qiu qian for me too cause I don't know how to and my mom will know the procedures better than me.
I don't think it's better to keep it to yourself cause if it's good then why are you upset about it?
 
I think you cant stop ur mum from going qiu qian. But if its me, I will ask my mum to go another day/ later when the rain stops.

As for snoring hor, actually I think you shldnt wake him up. Its pointless, unless they dun sleep!! they will continue to snore.

I will either move out, rent a room with friend, stay with bf. If not possible to move out then I think either you or him got to sleep in living room.
 
My bro ask her to go on that day...Since the incident is over, I wouldnt want to talk much about it...

At least he can stop snoring for the time being, I can sleep for a while...

My parents are quite conservative, unless married if not cant move out.

If only I do not have to share room with him, I will be more than happy..
 
Butterfly, do you only have 2 rooms in your house? Maybe you can suggest a change of room, and choose to sleep with family members who don't snore. Ie, putting your dad and your brother to sleep together. Alternatively, you might want to retire earlier so that when he start snoring, you might be already in deep sleep. what about putting on ear plug then?
 
Hi butterfly,

I also feel that you shouldn't wake him up. How would you feel if you're in your brother's shoe. Given an option, I don't think anyone want to snore in their sleep.

Think the keyword here is compromise. Is he your only little brother on earth?
 
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