Is hubby cheating?

You should cry. Crying makes a woman feel alot better. Pardon me that I can't lend you my shoulder... I'd normally offline.

I can understand. Many women share the same issues. If this is your man, his feeling for you will not change all these years with or without other... entertainment.

After you cried, you should know you should be prepared for the fight. You are not angry, you are just unsure and more unsure as you are now tempted to believe the pain will end with another option: divorce.

It'd not. You want him, you want this family. Hence you cried. Be prepared to fight, and if you don't know how to, consult with his family, not here...

These people will only mislead you further. You know what you truly want. I wish you all the best. Of cos...

If he is not your man... Just say that you fought, and find out that he is not the one, and it has been a mistake. Then you get over him... divorce, and seek the one and only God has been hiding from you.

Remember, however, marriage is nothing compare to love. You are now fighting for your love, your happiness. Be confident.
 


junkie, thanks...

I have a headache now. He'll be back tomorrow night (if he didn't change his schedule) and I can't think at all.

I will bear in mind your advice - I just need to sit on it and consider really carefully...
 
æ–­ç« å–义，果真爱得真切。呵呵呵~
孤芳且有自èµï¼Œè¯·ã€‚
 
Scope, his family is infuriated with him, but they don't know what to do with him. I have full support of my in-laws in whatever decision I am going to make.

Thanks, guys, I'm going offline now to think. I will weigh my options. Wish me luck...
 
å¯æ‚²å•Šï¼Œä¸´æ°´è‡ªç…§çš„水仙花终有枯èŽçš„时候
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mono, stay strong!
 
天下万物难有ä¸æœ½ä¹‹ç†ï¼Œä¾¿æ˜¯å¤©åœ°æ˜Ÿè¾°ä¹Ÿæœ‰è¾‰å°½ä¹‹æ—¶ã€‚
曾ç»å¤ºç›®ç’€ç’¨çš„ç¹æ˜Ÿï¼Œå¥½è¿‡ä»Žæœªè€€çœ¼è¿‡çš„ç°å°˜ã€‚
就好åƒäººçš„一生……有些人自甘盲目平凡，有些人å´è¿½å¯»ç¾Žä¸½çš„爱情故事。
如何能相æ而并论？
无事å¯å¥ï¼Œè¯¥é€€æœå°±å¯äº†ã€‚
晚安ï¼
 
您还拼命å¥æŠ¥ï¼Œå¯¡äººå¦‚何退æœï¼Ÿèµ°äº†ä½ å²‚ä¸æ˜¯å¾ˆæ²¡æœ‰é¢å­ï¼Ÿ
å¬è¿‡ä¸‰ç¬‘姻缘么？
å°å¿ƒè¿™æ ·ä¹±ä¹±ç¬‘，ä¸å°å¿ƒå°±çˆ±ä¸Šäº†å¯¡äººã€‚呵呵呵~
到时候，最寂寞的肯定是爱妾你。（狂笑-ing）
 
对啦，你的确是孤家寡人。。。 还闷骚的很
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Sometimes, loving a person doesn't mean that you've to possess him/her. Because you love your spouse, you know him/her well in a way.....you'll know it's actually better for him/her to learn in life/progress by choosing divorce. It's not a punishment. It's letting go and letting him/her go through the phases in life, smell the flowers, taste the honey, hit the rocks, heal the mind....

I don't know whether this makes sense, but some people just don't like to be told what they should do when they've made the wrong choices...they prefer blindness. I don't know if Monokuro's spouse belongs to this type, only Monokuro knows him best. And she'll need to decide for herself, how she wants to love her hb...to continue to be by his side and wooing him (that's the most obvious LOVE to most people if they want to see) or to endure the pain in her heart by divorcing him, because she loves him very much.
 
no la mono, thanks for your reply.

it's also quite entertaining the sub-thread here but unfortunately my Chinese is not good enough to appreciate. Scope and Junkie are very cultured and intelligent in how they banter in Chinese.

anyway, Mono, don't blame yourself. Things keep changing and life keeps moving on. Look forward and think how you can save this marriage, if you want to. Whether or not he is really having an affair maybe cannot prove decisively but certainly what he is doing is causing you sleepless nights.

If the marriage is to continue I think you have to seriously consider stopping the allowance. A man really has to stand on his own 2 feet. If he wants to change career that is ok. To wish for a better future for oneself and one's family is normal, but allowance should be kept to a minimum. Most of your cash flow should go towards common items in the marriage, ie household, child, maybe joint savings for a rainy day. And don't forget your own savings. I don't say this because I want to teach your husband a lesson and everything but because he is not earning much, you have to also think of your own future and this is not a selfish thing because your own future also includes your child's. Even if he doesn't leave you, fate may take him away from you eg death, etc and you need to fend for yourself and your child going forward.

I think most ppl here have good intentions and will listen to your story if there are any developments. Hearing several opinions is good and letting it out also helps. We may not solve your problems per se but I think I can say for everyone that we can support you in some way or another.

happy.gif
 
Junkie,
闷骚的寡人æ‰åˆ°å®¶å°±çœ‹åˆ°å°å¦¹å¦¹æ¬ å¥ã€‚呵呵呵~
你昨晚ä¸æ˜¯ä¸ºäº†å¯¡äººé‚£ä¸€ç¯‡å›žå¤çš„心æ„而浪费了一整夜的é’春å§ï¼Ÿ
å­æ›°æ˜¥å®µä¸€åˆ»å€¼åƒé‡‘。孤王å†é—·å†éªšï¼Œä¹Ÿæ‡‚那怜香惜玉之情。
你的等待是值得的，因为现在给您回å¤äº†ã€‚
如此姿æ€æ‚¨è¿˜æ»¡æ„å§ï¼Ÿå‘µå‘µå‘µ~
 
hi monokuro,

Just to share with you how I see your case...of coz you are likely to know better if it is true or not, so use your disgression in taking in what I write.

Because you are so capable, supporting the family and etc, I wonder if your husband feels emasculated by it. When he was younger, this did not seem like an issue, but now that he is older, and has compared himself with his peers/colleagues, he feels ashamed and angry that his wife wears the pants at home. So he starts to get ambitious, to earn more money, to become the true breadwinner of the family. But this is rather stressful because you seem to be doing better, and without much effort too. To regain his power and manhood, he tries to associate with people who make him feel powerful, e.g. a thai woman who is likely submissive, softspoken, gentle and earns less money than him. When the association starts, he finds it more and more stressful to associate with you(the competitor) and spends more and more time with her (who makes him feel like a winner).

I see 2 possible 'solutions' if you want to continue your relationship. One, you decrease his threat level by becoming less powerful. Become demure, gentle, dependent on him, earn less money, etc. But however much you change, he is likely to be biase and perceive you as a threat to his manhood, unlike the thai woman, who is always weaker than him. The other solution I see is to 'appear to be on his side'. Through your husband, you become the thai woman's best friend, so much so that you outcompete your husband for her favours. When that happens, the thai woman will not be a 3rd party anymore (incidentally your husband becomes the 3rd party become the two women). Your husband will become even more emasculated (wife can even snatch his woman and win), and may resent you more. If this competition and resentment continues, he will find another woman to feel powerful. Nevertheless, this window when he is 'alone' may be the chance for you to change your relationship with him, because there is no one for comparison. When he is feeling dejected, weak and vulnerable, you must make him feel powerful and strong, while appear to be weak and dependent.

Hope this is useful!
 
hweebs,

Interesting.. but I think you tend to analyze too much into human behaviour.

There are a million and one reasons for one to stray. Or there could not be a single reason. Human are complex creatures..

The only think I can say is for TS to look at herself first. Look inside..

To TS:
She should count herself fortunate that she is capable. If I am her, I will separate from HB.. let him fend for himself.. He may wake-up and decides to come back.. or he will spin further into the ground. But she owes him nothing.

Being a single parent is not a terrible proposition. In fact it can be the most rewarding. Being happy with oneself is the most important.
 
if u love him, n he can leave her, then get a marriage counsellor n work things out.
if u wanna leave him, then engage a PI n get all the facts, ie pictures.
 
haha sorry side track abit... but i really find it very interesting to read the posts in chinese... both of ur chinese level very gd and seldom can find such kind of conversations here anymore :p
 
@臭å±çŽ‹

本æ¥å°±é—¹èƒƒç—›
现在看了回å¤è¿žå¤©çµç›–都痛了
å†æŠ˜è…¾ä¸‹åŽ»æ€•æ˜¯å¤´å£³ä¼šå去的说。。。

总之就是狂妄的姿æ€å•¦
你干脆学始皇å¸é‚£æ ·æ‹¿å‡ æœ¬ä¹¦æ¥çƒ§å¥½äº† :P

有看过「国境之å—ã€å¤ªé˜³ä¹‹è¥¿ã€å—？
你有点åƒä¹¦ä¸­çš„主人公耶
ä¸è¿‡ä»–姿æ€ç»å¯¹æ¯”你低
没那么顾人怨
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别å†å›žå¤äº†ï¼ŒæŠŠç©ºé—´è¿˜ç»™TSå§
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Junkie,

东西å¯ä»¥ä¹±åƒï¼Œä½†è¯ä¹±è®²è‡ªç„¶å¤©çµç›–会疼，å†ç¬‘两下，您那玻璃心就è¦ç¢Žäº†ã€‚放心，ä¾ç…§åŒ»ç†ï¼Œæ‚¨çš„胃病åªä¼šè®©æ‚¨å¿ƒç¥žä¸å®šï¼Œå¤šæ„善感，情绪激动，爱得åŠæ­»ä¸æ´»â€¦â€¦

å­æ›°èƒƒè¿žå¿ƒâ€¦â€¦å¿ƒç—…还需心è¯åŒ»ã€‚

秦始皇最错的就是焚书å‘儒，我为什么学他？他åˆä¸ä¼šä¸Šç½‘。我崇拜文人雅士，è¦çƒ§ä¹Ÿæ˜¯çƒ§é¸¡çƒ§ç«è…¿çƒ§ç¾Šè‚‰ä¸²â€¦â€¦æˆ‘无论如何狂妄，都ä¸æ¯”我胃å£ç‹‚。

垃圾之书åŠæ‚¨åˆ«æ‹›æƒ¹ã€‚那是秦始皇特地ä¸çƒ§è€Œç•™ä¸‹æ¥è¼æ¯’无知妇孺，把她们弄æˆåƒå¤å‚»å­çš„阴谋……å¯æƒœï¼Œæ‚¨ä¼¼ä¹Žå·²ç»ç€äº†ä»–è€äººå®¶çš„é“。

天下怨我，ä¸é—»ç—´ç”·æ€¨å¥³ï¼Ÿå‘µå‘µå‘µ~你想当怨女，æ•åœ¨ä¸‹æ²¡æ‰“算当您的痴男。姿æ€æ”¾é«˜äº›ï¼Œä¹Ÿåªæ˜¯å¸Œæœ›æ‚¨åˆ«ä¸ºäº†æˆ‘‘多情总是空é—æ¨ï¼Œæ­¤æ¨ç»µç»µæ— ç»æœŸâ€™â€¦â€¦

LOL~你也别回å¤äº†ã€‚女人的é’春是很é‡è¦çš„。让您望穿秋水地盼我的回å¤ï¼Œå®žåœ¨è¿‡æ„ä¸åŽ»ã€‚

寡人有事儿，您跪安å§â€¦â€¦

Two Piece,

Good things are not meant to last... LOL~
 
ya two-piece. very cultured right?

too bad my Chinese not so good to appreciate but can still guess certain parts. Used to have Chinese background from being in a Chinese school secondary school time. Now never practise anymore.

Very entertaining, very 有墨水
 
haha ya loh... really 有墨水
last time i used to think that my chinese was gd (during sch days), but after reading the posts, i really feel ashamed of my chinese... å°å¦¹ç”˜æ‹œä¸‹é£Ž :P
 
sm: it's my job to analyze human behaviour mah...u can call it occupational hazard bah. Actually in a relationship there are usually 3 forces affecting it, 1) the 2 individuals, 2) the relationship, and 3) the environment/system/ other people. Mono may look inside herself, but in the end find nothing to be wrong...then the factors may lie outside: he is the one who had changed. So though I agree that self reflection works, it doesn't work all the time, especially when the problem lies in the relationship or in the environment, and not in the person.
 
hweebs,

It is ok to analyze.. I like to as well. But we must be cautious at over analysis. Human relationships are far more complex for us to easily analyze and break it down.

The reason why I asked her to look inside is because she can only decide for herself.. and not the relationship or other people.. or the environment. She is not even sure if she should leave her hb if he denied it.
 
yah, i agree that no analysis can completely cover all aspects influencing the situation. Its always a complex combination of so many issues, factors and opportunity as well. No 2 person will always react the same manner regardless. Its totally dynamic.

However, the analysis is useful in the thought process and coming to terms and answers within. If we don't think, its as good as not living.
 
hmmm...my analysis is really just my opinion, coloured by my perception, history, values, intuition, experience and who I am. Then again, this is my job: to substantiate my opinions, then 'sell' the idea in hopes that my client will buy it. If he/she doesn't, time to look for other possible hypotheses
 
hweebs, imho, your analysis is definitely useful to a certain extend. Like all other things, there is always more than one side. Over analysis happens when the person tries too hard to rationalize everything beyond what is required.
 
Thank you, Hweebs, Shanna and simpleman

I've spoken with my husband and he still insisted that he only shared a platonic friendship with the Thai woman, while in the same breath push for divorce as he said that I deserve someone better. He refused to discuss alternative solution to our problem (other than divorce).

We went through a few days of talking, with him mostly saying he minded that I earned more than him, but do not wish for me to lower myself into a lower paying job (something I told him I do not mind doing), so Hweebs, you are right there. He also said that whatever our son grows up into (being from a single parent family) is our son's fate and that he won't be responsible for it. This sentence alone woke me up to his heartlessness.

I have decided to accept his decision as I think once a man's heart has changed, there is no way I can make him look back. Whether he will regret in the future or not, it will no longer be my problem.

Thank you all for your support and advice - I have definitely learn a thing or two from this forum. For now, I guess my son will be my focus point.
 
Jiayou monokuro! " ) And if in the future you meet anyone suitable, please bear in mind that he will need to have sufficient self confidence and esteem to take on an intelligent and capable woman like you. An equal will be good, a boy looking for mommy is definitely a nono.

Good luck to you and your boy! " )
 
Hi Monokuro,

Sad for you. A good woman marrying a wrong man.

At least you know he's not the One. But strange... why did you confront him? LOL~ The best way to fight is never about direct confrontation.

I sense that you have a lingering thought about moving on... when you said "there is no way I can make him look back...". Usually people who said this is because they want really a way.

If he regrets in that future of which you are thinking... will it really not be your problem, Monokuro?

After all, he is the heartless father of your son. Of course, I think you half-believe that those were excuses he threw at you, and he probably doesn't want a bad position during the divorce proceeding.

Love... ...

Hopefully, you'd learn the lesson and anyone suitable will be the One. Nobody believes in real love anymore... until they need it. Funny.
 
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