Is he the one?

A

agag

New Member
Hi, I have just joined this forum. Was wondering if any ladies face the same pondering before marriage/ROM on whether your other half is the one that you want?

We have yet to ROM but did talk about it and maybe soon (depending on when he propose :p). I was rather excited at first but as time goes along, I seem to be a little afraid and was thinking if he's the guy - although I'm very certain that he's the one but as I'm closer to reality (he'll be proposing and we are really getting married soon), I somehow seem to a little scare of it. On one hand, looking forward to the proposal but on the other, hoping that the day don't come too soon...

Is this common? We are already staying together for a few years...
 


if you have already been living together, then getting married is just getting a piece of paper - that's it. everything else will remain the same so what is it that you're really worried about?
 
You seem to be unsure now...could be suffering from pre-marriage jitters. Common IMHO.

For me once I had made up my mind, I looked forward to my ROM date everyday.
 
I think it's the wedding planning that scares me... cos like what cuclainne says, we're already living together and very happy too...

My cousin faces the same problem previously but didn't reveal much details but are happily married now with 2 kids.

I used to look forward to planning my own wedding but has recently attended a friend's, seeing them walk down the aisle seems so lovely and touching.. but just imagine myself walking down seems scary...
 
is it that serious to even consult a marriage counsellor?

I thought this might be common thoughts that run through the head and wanting to see if there's any tips in overcoming it...

I know I might be thinking too much...
 
i don't think your situation warrants a marriage counsellor since it isn't your relationship that is on the rocks ..

if the planning for a wedding scares you, then you can just have a civil ceremony done and that's it .. simple and easy.

the thought might scare you now but once you get the momentum of things, you might even find yourself turning into a regular Bridezilla ..
happy.gif
 
Its pretty common to think of all this b4 the REAL signing paper session is coming. Im like u too b4 i ROM. I start to worry alot of things becuz its like once u sign the marriage cert, it seems to tell u that its fixed! No regrets anymore gal!

But i felt this way maybe becuz i think too many negative stuffs. Its like my hubby's flaw all come to me one whole shot that i forget abt the gd points he had. When i start to think on a more positive way with friends encouraging, i felt so much better.

So gal, dun let the negative thinkings get u down. U should enjoy the phase of preparing for ur big day rather than worrying.. If not, u gonna miss it.. okie? all the best! =)
 
just a note on marriage counsellors, your marriage/relationship don't have to be on the rocks before you approach one. I think what you need is probably a marriange preparation class, get some advise and insight on what marriage life is....see whether you are prepared for the responsibilities and commitment that comes...
 
joanne - what happen? why would you so that?

gracie - thanks and you said exactly what I feel. hehe.. without the wedding thing, everything seems perfect, just the thought of a 'permanent' move does scares me a little. Afterall, it's a major lifetime decision... :p

poweder - i think i might have... that's one of the thing that i was thinking... what to do when i'm stage so i'm telling myself to NOT think of anything. If there's anything to say, throw all to him. haha
happy.gif


habe - thanks

happy.gif
happy.gif
 
Btw not to scare u but seriously after marriage, even simple things like whose turn to mop the floor, wash the dishes, vacumning the floor also can create unnecessary arguements between the couple. haha..

Wash clean anot, mop clean anot, vacumn clean anot also can quarrel never ending.. onced stay together, all the small reality things start to arise. And it will take some time for both to settle down and slowly all this problems become part and parcel that u wont waste ur effort to go quarrel abt it already.. hehe..
 
I think we should be alright on this since I'm already staying together with his parent now, for a few years actually. Even after marriage, it will stay like this and his dad pretty much take care of all the chores. All of us are all quite easy so I think there's no issue - I hope! Fingers-crossed! Hehe..
 
There is the possibility that the dad is still taking care of the chores as now you are not married over yet. Thereafter, expectations will be there and it likely never really be the same.
 
But his dad quite picky about cleanliness and would prefer to do it by himself. He said we're working so hard outside and he'll take care of the 'inside' (the house chores).

Don't see a problem on this so far... probably in the future when he don't feel like doing it, we have kids or living in a bigger space, then will get maid in to help up.
happy.gif
 
Hi Anticipate,

it's good that you've spent some amount of time under the same roof with him and his parents, as things will likely to remain as it is now. Cuc's right... the difference will be just the ROM cert that says you two are legally married, that's all.

for wedding preps.... depending on expectations, it can easily be Straight-forward or crazily Strenuous. But, no need to be scared of it...keke.... learn to enjoy the process like how you've been managing your r/s... k?
 
ya.. that's what his dad said. I'm already like their daughter so anything also can tell them. It's only the signing of the paper. It's true but I would still prefer to have that paper signed lar... hehe... Hopefully soon! :p

I'm just thinking if I'm getting excited about the wedding prep too early cos nothing is being finalise and he hasn't propose too. So it's useless to get too stress up or being excited now.
 
it's normal to get drifted into the future, being dreamy and anticipating that scenario with excitement - with Wedding and Prep stuffs like that, i think it's common.

just don't get too carried away because these only play a bit part in the whole marriage - the important portion is the same couple with their mutual plans/goals.

be relax and enjoy the different processes....
 
I feel the pre-marriage jitters too.. haixx
dun haf the 'feel' to get married..
Happened to come across Ms Shenton women's talk article about modern women's reasons to get married on mypaper 16th feb.
Her words strike a cord in me..
why marry?? I ask the same to myself..
 
staris - i have sort off try not to think about it and without thinking about it, everything is fine. So you too, don't worry and think about how and why, just go with your current happy feeling when both of you are together.
happy.gif
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Back
Top