I still weep for him Everyday after 5 years!!!

M

miko2006

New Member
It was a 15 years relationship (include 7 years of marriage ) he choose to leave me saying he is NOT happy in our marriage anymore.

We did not have children after 5 years of difficult , painful and bitter try....doctor checked and both of us hv NO fertility problem, we did manymanymany operation, in and out hospital....had 3 IVF all failed, perhAps all this failure has demigod our marriage BUT my hopes carry on TILL one day he said he want to leave, NOT because we had no children because he is. NOT happy!!!

I ask NOT happy of what, he. Said in this marriage, he can't find enjoy SEX with me....he has never enjoy marking love with me....that is why heaven don't give us OUR baby

What a CRUEL statement when knowing I have try my best to give him a child, undergoing all those painful treatment!!!!

he left he....and after 3 years after our separation THEN I knew he has remarry 6 months after we separated, he has got himself a NEW wife and father a child....up to 5 years now....has 2 daughters

I hope I hv know all the truth earlier to make myself MOVE ON faster then....made perhaps heaven has their plan ON when I should know the truth

Because I did not fullfill my duty well as a wife to give him good sex and children, he has to divorce me BUT

Yet in mu heart I still LOVE, MISS and WEEP for him EVERYday....perhaps it is really my fault that he has to leave!!!

Lot of friends WHO read my story here 5 years ago , scolded and wanted to wake me up.....telling me to MOVE on, telling me TIME will heal and I will forget....

YES.....I agreed, after 5 years, my heart has healed a little...I didn't weep 24 hours, now , I didn't miss him 24 hours now,

I only weep once Every day....till I think maybe if this goes on, I will become blind 1 day.....

We cannot kill the love we had in our heart, even when he did me wrong, or maybe again it is my own fate!!!!!

I finally know, a marriage failure can demaged a person life, can kill a living soul, can kill a human being

I survive on my parents love for me, if I die I know he won't come back to me BUT I will made my parents sad, if I commit sucide, I am marking my parent sad and it is A. Ireesponsible act, it is a CRIME to commit sucide and made our elderly parent sad....like the OLD saying .....it is the saddness thing. If we die before our parent , as they will weep and miss us then I am marking my parent to suffer

It's ok...I can still tolerate to take on this suffering, my OWN failed marriage , by myself

To others, a divorce might be ok to accept, to me, I have to accept, telling myself because I can't fulfill my duty as a wife to give him children, that's why he left and our marriage failed

This is my OWN I'll fate, I can only blame myself to accept it
 


Hi power....thanks for still being here to give good direction pointers to others

I think many of you here will still remember me.....miko

Many give me good listening eyes here 5 years ago, I thank u you all

I only can say YES, TIME will heal a broken heart but we can never be happy like what we use to be...

No matter, how long , my heart still hurt and miss him

We are not in contact....but ONCE a while heard news about he doting on his children now, from common friends!!!

I am happy for him as he finally can become a father....

I am preying EVERY day I can become a mummy and have my own baby too Very soon

This hope also. Keep me. Alive....Please give me my blessing.
 
miko,

ur marriage to him is long GONE.

no more "our marriage"

it's History...

it's just U in perpetual sadness...

and i hope u can get out of it b4 ppl run out of sympathy for u.

<font color="aa00aa">Happy</font> <font color="ff0000">New</font> <font color="119911">Year</font>... i mean it.
 
Miko!
I can emphatise with how you feel but if you have been feeling this for 5 years, maybe you have not done the things that are required to help you move on.

Because we all have emotions and when things go wrong, and if you let emotions take over, they whreck your life and shatter the hearts of those who love you into pieces.. not just you. (i did that before, but probably for 6 months)
Logic reasonings like time will heal all wounds, cherish those who love you etc only works momentarily when you are not overtaken by emotions unfortunately.. though it does help, but the logic will however be better used when you Decide to get out of this emotional mess for good, open your heart to pursue that interest you've always wanted, or simply spend more time with friends and family.

i'm not sure if this link might help you..
here goes
http://narcissism-support.blogspot.com/2009/01/soul-with-no-footprints.html
i am not saying your ex is a psychopath but in that site, it contains some help how to get over a bad emotional distress period.

time and efforts can heal a broken heart. and whether you will be happier or sadder, depends how you handle it. To the ones who manage to tide over with appropriate support from people and resources, they will one day look back and regard the past as valuable experience as past emotions no longer prevail, but important lessons remain. who knows, they might be even glad that it was the past episode they have to go through to find the right one, or SEE the right one even though sometimes, the right one might just be around but the heart is closed to be able to see or grow the r.s. and of course, it's not just about lovey dovey r.s, sometimes such experiences help us to assess people better and not take everything by face value. words and actions have to tally, from my past experience, i am not moved by words alone now as few will fulfil their words or be serious about it in the first place.

it was totally irresponsible for him to say that sex was not enjoyable etc. was it just sex and a child bearing woman he wants or was it love? if it was the former, he probably had a different direction with you all along. and sometimes love can blur our vision and even though you can be with someone like forever, but know very little about his personality deep inside.

Love does NOT fail when sex is not at desired. To desire sex as it is, is LUST. or at least, seeking lust. people who need that on a constant basis, finds it hard to stick to fidelity and are constantly challenged. be glad that you see this 5 years ago then having kids then some men will seek to infidelity (secretly) to ensure that their wife still take cares of his kids and needs at home, while he has other women to take care of his OTHER needs. so viewing in this perspective, isn't that a blessing that you saw this coming before something more drastic happens?

i'm sorry you have to experience so much physical and emotional pain to learn.
Life is but, a learning process for further enlightenment.
and it does come with pains. and you will only be enlightened if you overcome that pain to find the rainbow after the rain.

take care dear!
 
hi Miko,

of cos rem u... i guess u're still holding on to some things that has long left... might be a good idea to find something ne to re-focus on. u're fixated on this one thing which is no longer available to u... not much point there.
 
Miko,

Don't believe what your ex husband said about not enjoying making love to you. When a man has a change of heart and wants to leave, he will make up any stupid story just to hurt your feelings and break off ties with you.

Since the doctor has physically checked you and proven that you're fertile, you can go on to have your own child and your own family. As long as you do not give up on yourself, and you let go of the past and open your heart to a new love.

Have a good year ahead!
 
miko,

It has been 5 long years.. you know where you could have been... but you chose to still go visit the past.

Nothing is more important than what you have now and in the future.

You have wasted enough time.. It is really time to move on.

There is really nothing to blame. Just let go and move on.
 
Hi miko,

Why are you suffering when he is happily enjoying his new life and family? 5 years is a long time to mourn and you shld "wake" up from this depression soon. The sooner you "wake" up, the earlier you get to enjoy your new life without him.

It may not be easy but remember "little steps"...
As long as you have the determination, you will get out of it eventually.

Good luck and good day!
 
I have recently read a news report on an interview with a counsellor who said that many people do not like to see their spouse happy, especially when they feel unhappy themselves.

For example, I don't drink or smoke, my spouse is also not allowed to drink or smoke. I don't go out with friends, so I don't like it when my spouse meets his/her friends. Ain't talking about vices or bad habits here but things or activities that people enjoy.

Think this is so true.

Miko, do you expect your ex-hb to feel as sad as you do? Will you be happier if he is also unhappy?
 
oh i realised that too... it's just one of those things... but good thing is that if i'm unhappy and wife is happy - i'll be happy too... i think tat's the better way for dynamics... cos as long as 1 is happy, both will be equally happy.
 
one thing i learnt is that some pple actually feel good when u're Not feeling good. it's like the syndrome we have back in school n groupies whereby some pple hang out with 'losers' to feel good abt themselves, or to stand out... these are the observations we gather in life... good or bad, i think it boils down to how good we feel abt ourselves without external factors to build that up.

tat's where personal achievements and personal goals are impt to keep us well aware of our identity.
 
I said I am happy for him to be able to have his own children and enjoying family time now

I am v sad because why that don't happen to us when we are together...why is it so difficult for me to just have a baby of my own, why such cruel treatment have to happen to me!!!

I have never do harm or kill anyone

Why do I hv to Self pity And cry to myself?
 
i dun think that if u had children... things would have been different. in fact it might be worse and u will now be a single mother... so dun assume that it's becos of the kids... really.

things happen for a reason, and whether the reason will be meaningful - is entirely up to u. it is really up to u to find happiness... which in this case - might mean a Better life after the 1st marriage.

but u choose to hang on to the past... thus what happiness can come in? it is air-tight for happiness to come into your life... u made it impossible to be happy.
 
Accept that you will never get answers. And it will not make u any happier. Let go. Why this why that why till the cow comes home. You still feel terrible. How long more you want this go on?
 
Life hasn't been rosy for me either. Many set backs in life I cannot undo. I will still need to live with it.
 
Miko,

Sometimes bad things happen to good people. This is the reality of life. But it doesn't mean that bad things will always happen to you. You have good things in your life too. You being live while others are dead or dying is a good thing for you.

Try to look at the big picture, instead of focusing on your own suffering.
 
Miko,

Can you go and find us one person whose life is always smooth-sailing and who has never met with setbacks?
 
just curious, why weep only once everyday? if you can stop at one, you have some level of control over this weeping business. my question then becomes, has it become your addiction? escapism from your current reality perhaps? at the very least, it's a bad habit. and as with all bad habits, you should aim to break it. but first you have to acknowledge that you have a problem. set goals, start by telling yourself you will not cry for your past tomorrow. keep yourself busy, be gainfully distracted, hang out with people... whatever works for you, you know the drill. we have all tried to reform ourselves.
 
I can swear to GOD, there is NEVER 1 second though out this 5 years, I ever want him to be unhappy....I strongly believe if u truly LOVE someone....u wish and want him to be happy.....that was what I said to him on my last sentence

I sign on the paper because you said you are not happy with me anymore....u no longer want this marriage and you want to leave....in the end, I let go, I choose not to beg for anymore reconciliation if a separation can made you a happy men again....I will do whatever you want me to do....I will go sign the divorce paper....I won't try to beg anymore....I will just keep all our sweet memories in my heart and I will let go

Doll said some one discover if u love someone when you feel happy, you will want him to feel unhappy.....this is the most cruel statement I ever heard

Would you ever want our most BELOVED parent to be unhappy....I am sure everyone here want our love ones around us to be happy, to enjoy everything they have and can......

Powder, if you siad " without a baby in our 15 years of relationship is not the reason on our failed marriage....then perhaps is like what he said.....he never ever enjoy sex with me thought the time we are together!!!!!!

He has to leave to find better sex elsewhere or he will just have to flirt around....that was exactly what he said to me when I ask for the reason he has to leave after 15 years

I fully understand you guys are trying to help me, but frankly on one is me!!!!!!!u can just say and type ur words....you all can never experience HOW I feel....of course I would love to move on and find happiness too

But fond memories can never ever be forgortten....I know I will never be happy like what I use to be u less I can have a baby of my own....to prove that my fate with him and also prove my fate is with someone else.....I know it is stupid to put HAVING a baby with someone mean they are fated to be together....

But in my own LOVE story....I have to say If ONE day I can finally have a baby of my own with someone....I will refocus my direction all ore to him and the baby....I will spend all my time, give all my attention to this baby and when this baby is happy...I will be happy....when this baby is sad, I will cry with him...I pray to GOD, please just give me my 1 and only hope to be able to have my own , a healthy baby one fine day to carry on my hand.....Till then , I promise I will do my best in everything for him or for her....I just hope I can be like others to be able to enjoy motherhood....even if it is bitter, I will not complain....I will try my best to give him or her my best and he or she shall be my whole focus in life from the day I have him or her

Please grant me this wish in 2011
 
i am no expert and i don't mean to be cruel... imo you are borderline psychopathic. in your current mental state, having a child is extremely inadvisable.
 
wah, still wailing ah?

well, at least u care to defend urself...

but, that's bad u know?

the idea of hving a baby to fill the gap...

that's bad... VERY BAD...

this must be ur theme song:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jx6WYaCJPrM&amp;feature=related

Only the lonely
Know the way I feel tonight
Only the lonely
Know this feeling ain't right

There goes my baby, there goes my heart
They're gone forever, so far apart
But only the lonely know why I cry
Only the lonely

Only the lonely
Know the heartaches I've been through
Only the lonely
Know I cry, cry for you

Maybe tomorrow, a new romance
No more sorrow but that's the chance
You've got to take, if your lonely heart breaks
Only the lonely

why not make this ur personal anthem?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-0iVkBVZNjI&amp;feature=related
 
Dear Miko,

We're not asking you to forget the fond memories. You wouldn't be able to. No one can. Everyone here has some memories from their previous marriages and relationships.

Letting go is not the same as forgetting. Letting go means you accept that your marriage has ended and move on with your life. When you let go, you will be more open to new relationships, which may lead to a second marriage and your ultimate goal, to have a child.

Right now, you have to change yourself. We all know you're happy for your ex. Now, can you be happy for yourself? What makes you think you can take care of a baby, if you can't even take care of your own mental and emotional health?

Are you really fit to be a mother? A mother not only has to shower love on her child, she must also be able to teach her child how to make the right decisions in life. If your child has a problem in her love life in future, what would you tell her? Weep every day for a 负心汉, just like you are doing now?

Based on your inability to move on and unwillingness to let go of the past, I don't think you're ready to have a baby yet. Please seek help to get yourself out of this depressive state first before you go into another relationship and marriage.
 
You also said when your baby is sad, you will cry with her? That's the worst I've heard. Won't you make your baby even more distressed and confused when you cry when your baby is sad? For your information, a mother is supposed to calm her child down when he is sad and crying, not cry together. :o
 
Hi Miko,

Just one question...

"Who are you going to have the baby with?"

I understand your "desperation" to have a kid and I believe You will have a child when you find the right person to father your kid. It will happen to you but right now, u need to focus on helping yourself get out of this depressive state of yours.

It's true we may not understand what you have gone thro or is going thro but it has been already 5 years and it's time you move on and leave ur baggage behind.
 
"I have recently read a news report on an interview with a counsellor who said that many people do not like to see their spouse happy, especially when they feel unhappy themselves. "

This is just typical selfish and self-fulfilling.

No I never will see it this way. For me, I would want my spouse to be happy - one way or another - with or without me. Happiness for me is in me, I can always find it even it is not given to me.
 
Miko,

don't be foolish. A baby will not solve anything. It is in you. If you really want a baby, it is not difficult to get a man to give you the baby. But will it solve any problem?

On hindsight, you should be happy that you don't have any baby. You are just short-sighted and selfish. A baby for your own fulfillment? When you can't even take care of yourself. What values are you going to teach your baby?
 
No one is asking you to forget the fond memories. We cannot even erase the bad memories..

But we can take charge.. Not to dwell too much on the bad memories - they will fade slowly..

If you have taken steps 5 years ago, the bad memories would be very faint now. NO. You kept reinforcing them.. feeling victimize.. no baby.. someone dump you..

We are not you but some of us are much much worse than you. We have been through so much more but we took steps to walk out of it. For you, you just dwell on the same even after 5 years.

And another 5 years, it is still the same.
 
If you want a baby, why don't you go to sperm bank and impregnate yourself?

You don't need to do it with any man.

Or what have you done to increase your chance of having a baby.. by crying?
 
Miko, being truly happy for your ex-hb, does it matter how and with whom he found his happiness from? Why even lament that it wasn't you.

Isn't that a desire to control over an outcome you have no control over, when you wish so hard that it should be you to give him the happiness?

I am sure he chose to leave not because there wasn't a baby with you but because he could no longer take how you reacted to the situation, like the world was gonna end. It's very negative emotion and it makes the people around you depressed.
 
I think many here have misunderstand my weeping for him over 5 years statement!!!!! I m just weeping for someone I most love BUT he has left me.....it is just like weeping for someone who had die, and we miss them much

My mental state is still prefect and I am still the TOP performances in my work and biz... In work, I hv no problem, all I can handle and overcome, I don't bring my emotional mood at work....BUT soon when I m off work, feelings tangle back.....

What I can describe myself right now on this failed marriage is I have NOT yet RECOVERED. NOT fully heeled yet....this should be the right word to describe what I am now

It is not that I hv not move on, i hv just yet to get well
I am afraid this failure will leave a forever mark of regrets in my heart....because I can't fulfilled my dream to build a complete family with my ex.

It just regret and it just my and his fate!!!!!!

But I will carry on this dream with someone else I am sure ....I will sure to have my own baby in a new family, together we bring our child up

I am just in wrong emotional state, I have no problem with my state of mind....someone here just speak without caring for others feeling....what they said can be dangerous and hurtful

I, once known a old gang, she weep and miss her hubby for 20 over years....after he passes away, she still cling on and miss and cry for him for over 20 years....this is just to show her LOVE for him, I know her personally, she is in prefer health and mind!!!

Perhaps many here did nor experience what is like when someone you truly and most love die...or leave before you

The kind of emotional, torture and lost feelings, actually only the person herself know...how painful and would actually continue to last for years,.....to cry for years and might not even recovered. It's a forever scar in the heart....some people never heel forever

For me, they are just missing feelings, not psycho problem llike someone mentioned, so bad

What's keeping me going now is I am sure. I will have a baby of my own in a NEW family.....I need to tell myself this to keep myself alive in this world
 
Miko,

If you keep missing and weeping for him, how do you move on? How do you find a new person to start a family with? Isn't your new guy gonna freak out that everyday his woman is crying for another man? Personally, I do not think this is healthy.

Since you have decided to start looking for a NEW family to keep yourself alice in this world, pls take "little steps" to get out of it and recover slowly. Perhaps, u can try to weep less everyday? With time, u may realise you need not weep for him anymore though you still hv fond memories of u tog as a couple.
 
Miko,

You may think our comments are cold-hearted, but we're just stating the facts. You have mourned long enough for your ex-husband. It's time to stop crying for him and to focus on improving your own life. Anyway, he's not dead. HE DUMPED YOU.

Give yourself time for one final big cry and for the new year, strengthen your resolve and keep yourself busy so that you won't think about him.

You want to have a baby. Is your new boyfriend or baby going to drop down from the sky and fall into your house? Tell us, what have you been doing to reach your goal? Have you been going out to meet men?
 
learn to bury that emotion and not revisit it daily. Don't we all miss our loved ones. Do we cry everyday for the rest of our lives?
 
miko,

It is normal to miss our loved ones - especially those that has left us forever (through death).

But we are talking about you being dumped (if that is the word to use).

It is NOT NORMAL to weep everyday for 5 years for someone who has left us. Emotionally you are not healthy because you think it is OK and perfectly alright to feel sad and weep for someone who no longer love us. By thinking it is OK and perfectly alright - you simply delay the healing the process. Why you can't heal because you refused to let the the healing take place. You refused to accept (although you think you have accepted). Your actions betrayed you. You are still lamenting..

So, go get a life and don't whine here.. it is really pointless to whine and to weep. It will not bring you happiness nor a baby... And I can tell you a baby will not bring you happiness in your current state of mind..
 
"I, once known a old gang, she weep and miss her hubby for 20 over years....after he passes away, she still cling on and miss and cry for him for over 20 years....this is just to show her LOVE for him, I know her personally, she is in prefer health and mind!!!"

Miko, since you insist that you are mentally healthy, can we just take it that you are just showing your love for your ex-hb by telling us that you weep for him daily for the past five years?

"The truth is that other people, intent on pursuing their own lives, have a limited interest in us. The few who love us care deeply, but to imagine that large numbers of others are noticing, much less judging, what we do is an unrealistic burden." -- Gordon Livingston, M.D.

I hope your self-focus is not turning off those few who still love and care for you.
 
After all these while, u haven't moved on. Stop seeing your marriage as failure. Its just another closed chapter. Move on. It doesn't mean you forget anything. No one does. Its about looking ahead and not backwards.
 
Showing love for someone we love deeply is not about weeping.. and pining..

Yes, we will always remember it in our hearts - all the fond memories.

But we don't have to show the world by weeping all the time..

We show it by living happily - this is the best thing you can show the ones that you deeply love.
 
it's sad, but it happens to almost everyone of us... in fact i think it's to a majority than not.

and that is that we seem to live life thinking that somehow we're being watched by an audience, and sorta like on the tv where pple judge us... and we want pple to see us in good light, thus we act or do things in a way that isn't really us... but who we fashion our life after... it can be the heroine from that romance serial, or the hero from another.

it is not hard to look around us, and see pple play-acting more than they Are - simply themselves... at work we see some pple only put on their best in front of boss, but behond they are really lazy asses. at home we see siblings acting to get more favour from dad or mom, and when it comes to relationships... some either try to make their a magical endearing for-all-to-see romance... or weep publicly for-all-to-see sorrow... all this while very aware of being seen.

we can't possibly be in the same role for too long, cos u'll lose your audience.
 
as for Miko,

i'll just say it's time to move on... few years ago. u have past that time and given up even more time unnecessarily.

i think what cheeses me off is that u think your pain is so much more tremendous than most have experienced, and that u have it the worst. Sad thing is... u dun allow yourself to open up to anything at all... thus u dun even know abt the sufferings of others. u think somehow by default, that when u walk into any place - u are automatically the worst off???

if that thought stays, then it will be your undoing and the thought will continue to manifest itself continuously since u're feeding it.

u fell into a hole, u're standing in the hole, u're shouting to pple tat u're in the hole, pple come to rescue u but u choose to stay in the hole and lament on being in it. u tell pple they dun understand cos they've not been in your hole. u shout again abt being in a hole and how u wish u never fell in this hole. u talk abt yearning to not fall into holes...

i'm standing nearby looking at u, wondering what the hell u're talking abt? u dun even wanna get out of that One n Only hole u fell into!!!

i have perhaps fallen into 20 holes eversince, but u Still Think u're in the deepest toughest hole which nobody can match.

good luck, good nite, good bye.

enjoy the hole u're in... will come a time when i wonder why u came out since u enjoy the hole more when u're in it, to even contemplate getting out of it.
 
Hi Miko,

You know, I'm quite a dreamer girl. so let's dream a bit.

If he got himself a new wife and kids, you can also get a New hubby and kids too.

How about doing better than your ex-hubby?
Rich, charming new hubby, nice house and car, all the 5Cs Singapore Dream and lovely clever kids going to the best schools, lovely overseas vacations and lots of friviolous shopping.

Imagine, one day you bump into your ex-hubby new family and he ask you, " How are you?" You replied humbly," Things have never been so good before, heaven thinks I really do deserve the best. Same to you too! Bye!"

You should feel very good then.
Sorry if you feel I'm mean but I really like to see your ex-hubby expression if he sees you so good after he left you.
 
Albee, a very positive approach even though the motive to spite isn't exactly a good thing.
happy.gif
 
Hi,

I do hope Miko will be inspire by my post about making dreams come true.

Recently, I was dreaming about my retirement. My dream is to retire in a chic place where everyday I don't have to work, after exercise and breakfast, just stroll to the library and borrow and read my favourite books.

Lunch will be at some nearby foodcourt and later do some shopping or marketing. Then dinner, stroll in the park or swimming or TV time. Easy access to MRT to visit my future grandchildren. This is the life.

Guess what? The Tennery came up and it fits my retirement dream.

So Miko try to dream a bit. Lots of nice things will happen to you if you dream a bit.

Hope nobody is laughing at me about being a Dreamer.
 


If this is yr dream, you must be living a damn shitty life now.

I dun need to laugh at you. I just pity you.
 
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